What to do when you know you need to go through with something, but would not quite have the heart to?

I think, in addition to the University of Helsinki and University of Oulu, I'll be applying to the University of Art and Design Helsinki - just for the heck of it. Photography is something I might like to study just as much as English, so I figured, why not give it a try?
Let's hope I'll actually get somewhere this year, wherever that may be.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23173016/ :O

I love the Finnish channel for NaNoers <3
Our current topic (translated):

Cthulhu ate the topic. | *chomp* Om nom nom. | Be nice and Cthulhu will eat you next. | Cthulhu will make tortillas out of us.

No comments. Seriously. <_<;;;

Deep are the rivers that run
through a forest so dense
governed by trees deadened and hollow
they cross the lands
like unhealed scars on someone's skin
If their waters are cold
I care not - there is no feeling left
in my soul so darkened
and beg only this:
let a wretched creature go to rest

Hello angst! xD
For the purposes of the piece it is essential to know that the narrator is also a woman.

Our shadows cast on the pavement at our feet, created by the dim light of the lamps above our heads. Everything was blurry, even the lines where I ended and she began. Looking at our dark reflection I saw we were conjoined, wound together from waist down. I tightened the hold I had on her petite hands, cold from the chill of late autumn. Footsteps that were not ours, whispers that neither of us wanted to hear, echoed around us. Someone threw a cigarette stump out of the window a car speeding by. It landed next to her shoe, and I followed the tail lights with my gaze, overtaken by a sudden, irrational hatred. Because of this twisted world, we would never have our perfect fairytale - only fragments of happiness that would drown in the dark too easily. I turned to her, inhaling her lovely scent, and didn't even feel when the first stone hit the back of my head.

My Elftown birthday is this Sunday! :O
Five years, babeh, and not going anywhere for a long time to come.

Yeah. Also the poem for the Valentine Poetry Competition, because it didn't win but I can't be bothered enough to post it on my profile. Deserves a bit of screen time, maybe :P




Eve of the Winter Ball

My soul alight with possibility
tonight our paths may meet, perhaps even join
yet I shan't have class - nor receive pity
so humbly, as decided with toss of coin

As winds whisper sweet nothings in my ears
this timid resolve grows inside my heart
to find solace with love's blind guidance; fears
so small beside memories of being apart
that the world matters not for this one night

Did anyone ever see your brilliant smile?
I willed it to return with all my might
yet you avoided this gaze every while

Call irony, or whatever you wish
I'm your chosen valentine - and you are mine

Trailer for The Forbidden Kingdom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGXwVjd-x9E

"We can kill each other when this is over." <3<3

I think I just might be horribly territorial.

lami-otaku - yeah, I had to do it too.
Besides, I'd already started keeping a list on my computer ages ago.

Ofmg it's a drawing. For the first time in like... forever. *insert whining of how crappy it is here*

On the crowded, lonely alleyways
a winding cobblestone hell
underneath a glaring sun
we walk, forward, for nothing

Sell your soul for a copper penny!--
a street vendor cries
beckons with yellowed, rottening smile
that holds no promise

So the children are content to stare
eyes wide in fear or awe-
the rocks are heavy in your grasp
and someone turns to lead you away

In another place
you would lie down, sigh
let the snow angels bless you
with their cold lifeless embrace

Here, hours crawl by
they circle around as a cage-
who told you to come?
One no longer remembers.

Thinking of submitting to the Elftown Museum Permanent Exposition - a photo/poem/story, depending on what seems best.
Suggestions?
(Proper stalkers will know where to look!)

Not that I really expect anyone to react, but just in case. :P


Edit: Submitted the photograph currently in my drawing slot. There's just something very speshul about it. :3

My cousin must have the worst luck ever.
I'm sure I've told some of you how hard she has it with her children, and now, to add insult to injury, they suspect the youngest - a three-year-old - might have leukaemia.
Shit, I say.

Stolered from [Vou].

1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Certainly. <3

2. How many girlfriends/boyfriends have told you they loved you?
One. Maybe. I can't remember anymore.

3. Longest relationship?
Fourteen months, approximately.

4. Do you hate your last boyfriend/girlfriend?
Yes, sometimes - just as much as I love him.

5. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt?
Oh, have I ever...

6. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend mad?
Uh, yeah. A few times.

7. Are you happier single or to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I like both more or less equally. Before this relationship, I was quite happy to be single, but I'm not complaining now either!

8. Ever dated some one with a STD?
Not that I know of.

9. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Probably...

10. Think any of your ex's feel the same about you?
Contact between Mart and I became very scarce soon after I broke up. With Lea I'm still friends, though we didn't spend much time together for about a year after we separated. Jukka also seems to care for me.

11. Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
I'm certainly not the perfect girlfriend, but I like to think I've improved since my previous relationship.

12. Have you dated people who were not good to you?
No.

13. Have you dated someone older than you?
Aye. Both Lea and Jukka are older, the former currently... uhm... 25? I'm not sure. The latter is turning 23 in May.

14. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Depends on what they did.

15. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Infatuation at first sight, yes - love at first sight? Not really.

16. Do you want to get married?
I haven't quite decided on that yet. The symbolism does appeal to me, but I don't feel the pressing need that many seem to have.

17. Does heart break really feel as bad as it’s said to be?
Possibly worse.

18. Would you believe your ex if she/he said they love you?
Neither of the ones I'm still friends with would say it lightly. Especially not Jukka. So I would have to. Would break my heart, though.

19. Would you date your best female/male friend?
Were she not taken, possibly. I'm not sure who my best male friend is.

20. Have any of your ex's called you by a nickname after the break up?
Not that I recall. Of course, Jukka has always called me by my IRC nick.

21. Do you regret any of your relationships?
No. I regret that they had to end the way they did, but for a moment I have not regretted being with those people.

22. Are you in a relationship right now?
Mm-hm. ;3

23. Do you like anyone?
I'll leave that for you to figure out.

24. Wanna date anyone?
These questions are beginning to get redundant.

25. Who posted this?
I took the questionnaire from the diary of [Vou], who got it from [Erubeus], who in turn found it somewhere else.

26. Think anyone else will post it?
If they're bored enough.

It always gets to me the most - the thought that I'm a disappointment to my family. To my dad, who is sometimes quite vocal about it. (As much as he is vocal about anything when angry - he just rants/yells for a moment and then sometimes takes off.) Probably because it is true. I am a disappointment, to myself at the very least. Have always been. I'm trying to change that, I really am, but... it takes time.
I don't think any one of them realises how worthless they can make me feel with just a few little words, and it never fails to make me want to do something very stupid. I know that compared to oh so many others, I don't have it bad at all. I guess I'm just weak. I'm so pathetic it's not even funny anymore.

I saw a dream about someone entering a poem of over 35 lines for the Valentine Poetry Competition. It was a really good one, I think was a sestina or somesuch, and made me want to extend the line limit. Alas, I do not recall it so I could write it down. :/

Ah, shit. Apathy struck and is quickly turning to gloom. These few remaining bad nights suck.

Exchanging hats! Please ignore my stupid face and the questionable filenames... that really wasn't my intention. :P