>>Four days.

Time goes by way too quickly. The hour to depart comes ever closer and I feel like I'm being robbed of something. What in its own fashion stings even more than the separation from my friends is the fact that very few of them will visit. It will always have to be me coming down here to meet them. Not that I don't understand; I'm going to be coming back regularly anyway, and it's obscenely expensive to travel all the way to Oulu and back, but still. It distresses me.

I'm so, so tired.

Meme time.

Have you ever showered with someone?
Yes.

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
I'm not sure who that is, actually. So you get a 'maybe'.

Last movie you saw in theaters, with who?
The Dark Knight, with Laura.

What time is it?
13:41

Where are you right now?
At home, in my room.

What are you doing right now?
Answering this meme and listening to the song linked in previous diary. Being broody.

Where do you think your best friend is right now?
Her home, probably.

Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
I don't know.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yes.

Who else is in the room with you?
All by my lonesome. Unless you count my computers and plushies.

Last 2 text messages you got?
From Allison.

In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Jackets, thank you. Hoodies generally aren't warm enough.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Do I ever.

How long can you go without your mobile phone?
I never tried after getting one, but a while, I suppose.

Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
No.

Where did you last sleep other than your house?
At my grandpa's?

Where were you last night?
Home.

If your ex said they hate you, you say?
I'd ask them why.

Do you like drama?
Depends. Real life drama, for example, while entertaining at times, often pretty much sucks.

What was the last item you bought?
Zombie Fluxx, I think.

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
Nope.

What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
Depends on where she would be moving.

Are you taken?
*sigh*

At what age do you want to be married?
No preference. Marriage isn't all that important.

What should you be doing?
Preparing for the move, probably. Or eating something.

Have you drifted from someone close lately?
Not really.

When was the last time you held someone's hand?
Tuesday night.

Who can you tell everything to?
Allison comes closest to that.

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a G?
No. That would be a rather exotic name here...

What is the next concert you are going to?
I don't know yet. We'll see.

Can you play Guitar Hero?
Never tried.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Hmm.

What are you listening to right now?
Reamonn's song Supergirl. I'm also hearing outside noises from my window.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
I probably won't have them.

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
Either goes, actually. But only if the football is European.

Who is your number 5 on your friends list?
This sounds like a MySpace question. No clue, I almost never go there.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Who determines who's allowed to be on one's mind?

Do you speak another language other than English?
Finnish, naturally. A few words of Dutch, German, Japanese and Swedish.

>>Five days.

I'm listening to Reamonn's Supergirl, over and over again. http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=Wyco2Uva7hI
Going to meet that childhood friend for a cuppa in a couple of hours, invite her to the leaving party. Then go to Laura's and indulge in a breakdown. Come back home and bake the cake. Prepare to stay strong tomorrow.

My concentration is in shambles. So is my appetite, and my ability to sleep. This is why I hate hormones.

>>Six days.

He's not coming.
I don't know if he made up the reason or not, but whatever. It's probably better this way, for the both of us, even if I do also want to see him one last time. But... whatever. Laura informed me she'd told him I have a crush on him, to which he'd apparently replied with "yeah, I know." So. Yeah. This way is easier. I suppose.
I just... hurt right now. And it's somehow fucking ironic I took my first tattoo after the first time I tasted disappointment from that direction. The kanji for love. To remind myself I was still standing.
Well I'd very much like to fall apart now, thank you, but I'm not even allowing myself to really cry. What the heck. I can't afford to fall apart by myself because if I do I'll do something stupid.

I'll live. I'll suffer for a while, but I'll live. I always do.

>>Seven days.

The problem with me is that when I fancy someone, I'm bloody transparent about it. I just can't hide it. So even if I say nothing... he probably already knows anyway. *sigh*
He might be coming to my leaving party on Saturday. Laura conveyed my invitation, and apparently told him to ask me about the particulars. He hasn't yet, but oh well. There's still time. Meanwhile, I'll just prepare myself to get burned yet again. Pessimistic much?

On the bright side, it's my last day on this shitty job. Yay. Not that it comforts me much, what with my current anxious/nervous state of mind and the miserable weather outside. It looks like it could rain any moment. Bleagh.

>>Eight days.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. I'm so stupid.
That is all.

>>Ten days.

Ohshitohshitohshit ten days and I still have so many things to do! Agh!
One of which is going for cuppa with a couple of people. Among these is that old crush mentioned in the previous entry, if only I could gather the courage to ask him. Shouldn't be that bloody hard, should it? We're friends, for chrissakes! I should be able to ask a friend out, attraction or no. So pathetiiiiic.
Oh well. I'll poke him on MSN the next time he's online.
Another one I'll have to send an e-mail to, just hope he's not in Japan right now and thus unable to meet up. Lalala. Then there's my childhood friend, already sent her an SMS about her plans for next week.

I cannot believe it's only ten days.

Also, I am stuck between platonic and romantic love for Jukka. It's some sort of weird hybrid species born somewhere in the middle; I know that, in the end, we're not compatible as partners, but on some days I seriously think he might have been the love of my life. You just don't get over a man who restores your faith in the matters of the heart. Not that I've ever fully got over anyone I had feelings for. But this... even if I were not abstaining for other reasons, this would make me hesitant to act on any other attraction. Incidentally, I find myself yet again rather drawn to an old crush, and since I never was any good at reading people when it comes to these things, I've not the faintest idea whether the interest is returned. Sigh.
Bloody hormones.

</whine>

>>Eleven days.

Fucking panic attacks.

>>Twelve days.

You know what really hurts? Putting lotion on the broken skin of your eyelids. Stiiiiings.
This weekend I am spending as a geisha. I won't have the correct hairdo, but I do have a very pretty kimono and make-up supplies. Today was the first day. Too bad the face paints are water soluble; I messed it up by crying. <_< Must try to practise greater self-control tomorrow.
It's a good thing I get to see so many familiar faces this weekend, though it makes the reality of missing them even more poignant. Ah. I'll simply have to meet people when I visit home.

Most recent meme making the rounds.

[ ]Given a hickey
[¤]Danced around in your underwear
[ ]Gotten a hickey
[¤]Gone to summer camp
[ ]Sang into your hairbrush
[ ]Refused to obey a teacher
[¤]Cried in public
[ ]Made a perverted snowman
[?]Done the splits
[ ]Picked flowers from other people's lawns
[¤] Walked around in your underwear
[?]Been grounded
[¤]Tripped on your feet
[ ]Checked under your bed before going to sleep
[ ]Played on a sports team
[¤]Spent all day on the computer
[ ]Worn black nail polish
[ ]Forgotten a birthday of someone important
[¤]Had a conversation with yourself
[¤]Fallen asleep at school
[ ]Lied to a doctor
[?]Been to a slumber party
[¤]Had a pillow fight
[¤]Lied about your age
[ ]Made fun of someone to fit in
[ ]Stood up for someone who was being bullied
[¤]Heard people talking badly about you
[ ]Been called fat
[ ]Been called anorexic
[¤]Fainted
[ ]Went outside in underwear
[ ]Worn an article of clothing without realizing the tag was still on
[ ]Kicked someone 5 years younger than you
[ ]Cursed at a teacher
[¤]Cried in front of a teacher
[ ]Cursed at a parent
[ ]Done drugs
[¤]Licked somebody
[ ]Called the police
[ ]Made a prank call
[ ]Stolen something from a store
[ ]Said a racist comment and meant it
[ ]Made yourself throw up
[¤]Thought you were going crazy
[¤]Doubted your sexuality
[¤]Lied to a teacher
[¤]Wished you were dead
[ ]Tried to kill yourself
[ ]Given the finger to a complete stranger
[¤]Been to a concert
[ ]Went to school in pajamas
[ ]Hurt an animal on purpose
[ ]Broken something that was special to someone else because you were mad
[ ]Cheated on a test
[ ]Copied off of someone else's homework
[ ]Sworn at a little kid
[ ]Driven while you were drunk
[ ]Been in a car accident
[ ]Spit in someone's food
[ ]Ran away from home
[¤]Skinny-dipped
[ ]Held a real gun
[ ]Wished someone would die
[ ]Been beaten up
[ ]Beat someone else up
[ ]Wished someone would be raped
[¤]Wondered what the world has come to
[ ]Had a crush on a teacher
[ ]Ate so much you got sick
[¤]Hurt yourself on purpose
[ ]Thrown a glass object so that it broke
[ ]Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend
[ ]Kissed someone you hardly knew
[ ]Smoked a cigarette
[ ]Broken a bone
[¤]Bitten someone
[ ]Worn a mini skirt
[ ]Made out with someone of the same sex
[ ]Eaten dog/cat food
[ ]Stuck gum under a table
[¤]Written on a desk at school
[¤]Chewed a pencil
[ ]Spit on someone
[ ]Been spit on
[ ]Driven over your lawn
[¤]Told your crush you liked them
[¤]Skipped class
[ ]Written on a cubicle in a public bathroom
[¤]Stayed up all night
[ ]Eaten a bag of cookies in a day
[ ]Been kicked out of a store
[ ]Put dog/cat food in someone's food
[ ]Refused to pay someone back after you promised you would
[?]Read someone else's diary
[¤]Sworn at an animal
[¤]Tripped in public
[?]Walked into a pole
[ ]Walked into a parked car
[¤]Found someone older than you very attractive
[ ]Stapled your finger
[ ]Laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
[ ]Found a bug in your cereal
[ ]Been so lazy you wouldn't get up to go to the bathroom
[?]Fell off the bed
[ ]Peed your pants at school
[¤]Watched porn
[ ]Almost drowned
[ ]Had a black eye
[ ]Went roller blading and crashed into a bush
[ ]Made fun of someone because they were fat
[ ]Snuck out of the house
[¤]Dyed your hair
[¤]Cut your own hair
[ ]Been stung by a bee/wasp
[ ]Climbed on a roof
[¤]Worn gothic make-up
[ ]Had a contact break in your eye
[ ]Had food poisoning
[ ]Had heat-stroke
[?]Bought an article of clothing and never wore it
[¤]Cut yourself on a blade
[ ]Fallen on glass
[ ]Worn an article of clothing that was lime green
[ ]Eaten a bug
[¤]Eaten something that fell on the ground
[¤]Had surgery
[¤]Needed braces
[¤]Worn a bikini
[¤]Failed a test
[¤]Failed a class
[ ]Been teacher's pet
[ ]Been teacher's least favorite student
[ ]Slow danced
[ ]Been afraid of the dark
[¤]Seriously thought of hurting someone else
[?]Had a cavity
[¤]Been in love

>>Thirteen days.

Packed some more of my clothes, most of the remaining ones, into a large suitcase. Have been thinking about which books to take and which to leave. There won't be much time over the weekend because of RopeCon (http://www.ropecon.fi/2008/I18N/118N), but I'll probably start stacking the books on Sunday evening.

>>Beginning countdown. Fourteen days.

In two weeks (two fucking weeks!) I'll pile my stuff in the family car and initiate the moving process. We're leaving on Wednesday, to spend the night at the summer house and then to continue on our way to Oulu on Thursday morning. Parental units will stay for a day or two to help me settle down. Then I'll be on my own.
Feeling anxious on decidedly shortening intervals. Breathe, man, breathe...

Tonight, I'll be packing some of my clothes - as much as I can fit into one bag.

28 degrees Celsius in the shadow. Working in the heat is almost as bad as working in the rain... *melts into a puddle*

I hate hate hate hate hate writer's block that pops up when you least need it.
Trin, you may kick me. Repeatedly. I'll send what I have of the fic in a message, which fortunately is most of it, but I'm afraid the rest will have to wait some more. I'm sorry. ;____; You may give me a penalty. Or something.

I'm being dragged off to grandpa's until Friday. So no Lami on zeh interwebs again for a couple of days. After that, however, I should mostly stay put.

Will be away again tomorrow; first taking care of some shopping and delivering my appliance papers for student support to KELA, then off to Hyvinkää to see Laura who is visiting her mother there. Back some time Tuesday.
Trin: I've almost completely outlined the plot for the soirée now, all I've got to do is write it out. I'll have it posted on Tuesday evening. This be a promise. Srsly. Lagged enough already. Also, I swear I'll have Harry's birthday fic actually on time. I've had an idea for it for a while now. :P

Update at Coal black wings, should anyone be interested. :P

Anyone able to identify this one?