Look what I found at the uni xD

I am now officially a resident of Oulu.
How... peculiar.

Flatmate's here. o_o
The one I hadn't met yet, that is. Sini, I think.
Eeeep.

New poem, in the works since the beginning of the month. Written for the next Herald's 'Zodiac' theme, though it might be stretching it a bit.

Scorpio

Does this heart have
whatever valour it takes?
to follow the scorpion's tail
in another end of the universe
chasing some unknown fate

Minds like yours, rife with
such ancient wisdom could
read our fortunes in the stars
in indecipherable shapes--
but their only true offer is
fleeting illusions of clarity

So did those stars ever
reveal our destinies?
with all this misfortune
and endless strife
staining our hands red and black
perhaps we are better to stay lost

This is disturbing. I accidentally signed a piece as 'Calann' instead of 'Linderel' here... and it's been three years since the name change. The heck?
Having three prominent Internet identities is so confusing. :P

Shadow participation?

Found this among the things I downloaded from Hotaru. Fairly old, but as internal dialogue goes, that's always pretty much been the shape of it.

"Raise your head, child, and look at the world."
"No! It's too dark in there. I'll drown."
"What are you afraid of, little one?"
"Myself. And of living. I'm afraid of...being unwanted."

I'm starting to miss people now. :/
These past couple of days I've had things to do, but now most of the unpacking is done and I'm tired and my room is cold and I really, really feel the need for some tangible human contact with my friends.

Such a powerful card.

Sorry 'bout all the changes. There will be plenty more in the next few days before I'm done, I'm afraid. xD

Oh yes. I met one of my flatmates. She came a couple of hours ago with a friend, apparently they're just popping in for the night. No idea when she's actually moving. She seems nice enough. Studies chemistry. Henni is the name.

So.

I'm here at the apartment now. The parents just left to the hotel they're staying at, and won't come back in the morning. We arrived around noon yesterday, and have been driving around town for these two days getting me furniture and other assorted, more or less necessary items. Neither of my flatmates is present yet, though I was told both of them have fetched their keys. I suppose they'll be arriving some time next week at the latest - though if someone with a vacuum cleaner doesn't show up this weekend, I'll have to go borrow one from a neighbour. I can only imagine that conversation.

"Hi, I just moved in, my room got terribly dirty but I don't have any cleaning supplies... I don't suppose you could let me use yours for a while?"

Strangely enough, I can actually see myself doing that, sociophobic or not. When needs must... And I do have to learn eventually. Might as well start now. Somehow, though, I have the sneaking suspicion that this apparent nonchalance is merely a coping mechanism of some sort. I've been so wound up it can't not erupt in some spectacular fashion one of these days. Or then I'll just curl up in my bed and cry my eyes out, either goes.

Ah, well. For now I'm alive, and still have loads to do before I can claim to be settled down...

>>End countdown. Preparing for takeoff...

In just a couple of hours, we'll pack the car and be off. My next update will probably be tomorrow evening or sometime on Friday.
I just hope everything I've gathered fits into our trunk. o_o

>>One day.

Stressed out, kthxbye. I still have a fair amount of things to do, but what will take most time is cleaning up my room. Aside from that... let's see here: wrapping up dishes; prioritising and re-packing books; copying recipes. Could be something else that I'm forgetting at the moment, but those will be small issues. Food now. The only thing I've eaten all day is some bread...

>>Four days.

Time goes by way too quickly. The hour to depart comes ever closer and I feel like I'm being robbed of something. What in its own fashion stings even more than the separation from my friends is the fact that very few of them will visit. It will always have to be me coming down here to meet them. Not that I don't understand; I'm going to be coming back regularly anyway, and it's obscenely expensive to travel all the way to Oulu and back, but still. It distresses me.

I'm so, so tired.

Meme time.

Have you ever showered with someone?
Yes.

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
I'm not sure who that is, actually. So you get a 'maybe'.

Last movie you saw in theaters, with who?
The Dark Knight, with Laura.

What time is it?
13:41

Where are you right now?
At home, in my room.

What are you doing right now?
Answering this meme and listening to the song linked in previous diary. Being broody.

Where do you think your best friend is right now?
Her home, probably.

Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
I don't know.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yes.

Who else is in the room with you?
All by my lonesome. Unless you count my computers and plushies.

Last 2 text messages you got?
From Allison.

In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Jackets, thank you. Hoodies generally aren't warm enough.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Do I ever.

How long can you go without your mobile phone?
I never tried after getting one, but a while, I suppose.

Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
No.

Where did you last sleep other than your house?
At my grandpa's?

Where were you last night?
Home.

If your ex said they hate you, you say?
I'd ask them why.

Do you like drama?
Depends. Real life drama, for example, while entertaining at times, often pretty much sucks.

What was the last item you bought?
Zombie Fluxx, I think.

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
Nope.

What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
Depends on where she would be moving.

Are you taken?
*sigh*

At what age do you want to be married?
No preference. Marriage isn't all that important.

What should you be doing?
Preparing for the move, probably. Or eating something.

Have you drifted from someone close lately?
Not really.

When was the last time you held someone's hand?
Tuesday night.

Who can you tell everything to?
Allison comes closest to that.

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a G?
No. That would be a rather exotic name here...

What is the next concert you are going to?
I don't know yet. We'll see.

Can you play Guitar Hero?
Never tried.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Hmm.

What are you listening to right now?
Reamonn's song Supergirl. I'm also hearing outside noises from my window.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
I probably won't have them.

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
Either goes, actually. But only if the football is European.

Who is your number 5 on your friends list?
This sounds like a MySpace question. No clue, I almost never go there.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Who determines who's allowed to be on one's mind?

Do you speak another language other than English?
Finnish, naturally. A few words of Dutch, German, Japanese and Swedish.

>>Five days.

I'm listening to Reamonn's Supergirl, over and over again. http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=Wyco2Uva7hI
Going to meet that childhood friend for a cuppa in a couple of hours, invite her to the leaving party. Then go to Laura's and indulge in a breakdown. Come back home and bake the cake. Prepare to stay strong tomorrow.

My concentration is in shambles. So is my appetite, and my ability to sleep. This is why I hate hormones.

>>Six days.

He's not coming.
I don't know if he made up the reason or not, but whatever. It's probably better this way, for the both of us, even if I do also want to see him one last time. But... whatever. Laura informed me she'd told him I have a crush on him, to which he'd apparently replied with "yeah, I know." So. Yeah. This way is easier. I suppose.
I just... hurt right now. And it's somehow fucking ironic I took my first tattoo after the first time I tasted disappointment from that direction. The kanji for love. To remind myself I was still standing.
Well I'd very much like to fall apart now, thank you, but I'm not even allowing myself to really cry. What the heck. I can't afford to fall apart by myself because if I do I'll do something stupid.

I'll live. I'll suffer for a while, but I'll live. I always do.

>>Seven days.

The problem with me is that when I fancy someone, I'm bloody transparent about it. I just can't hide it. So even if I say nothing... he probably already knows anyway. *sigh*
He might be coming to my leaving party on Saturday. Laura conveyed my invitation, and apparently told him to ask me about the particulars. He hasn't yet, but oh well. There's still time. Meanwhile, I'll just prepare myself to get burned yet again. Pessimistic much?

On the bright side, it's my last day on this shitty job. Yay. Not that it comforts me much, what with my current anxious/nervous state of mind and the miserable weather outside. It looks like it could rain any moment. Bleagh.

>>Eight days.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. I'm so stupid.
That is all.

>>Ten days.

Ohshitohshitohshit ten days and I still have so many things to do! Agh!
One of which is going for cuppa with a couple of people. Among these is that old crush mentioned in the previous entry, if only I could gather the courage to ask him. Shouldn't be that bloody hard, should it? We're friends, for chrissakes! I should be able to ask a friend out, attraction or no. So pathetiiiiic.
Oh well. I'll poke him on MSN the next time he's online.
Another one I'll have to send an e-mail to, just hope he's not in Japan right now and thus unable to meet up. Lalala. Then there's my childhood friend, already sent her an SMS about her plans for next week.

I cannot believe it's only ten days.