Pelle Miljoona's concert very mmkay. Tomorrow, Damn Seagulls. And I have a new haircut. ^.^ Pictures when I get them.

I have my own paper cutter now. <3<3<3 And a better pen for calligraphy. *purrrr*

Also, I randomly came upon this thought: I don't need to be perfect. Being myself is enough.

Anyone remember me griping about that guy who probably has a crush on me? Well... he just confessed. Ack!

Cutting hair shall commence in the near future, and currently I'm trying to find a nice style. Any votes? :P

overruled

http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s7.htm
http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s26.jpg
http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s34.jpg
http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s39.jpg
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http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s5.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s11.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s24.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s31.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s48.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s66.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s82.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/short/large/s83.jpg
http://www.hair-styles.net/young/large/y14.jpg

So, I asked him about it. He says to move on. He also says that he will have time for me, girlfriend or no.

While I probably will pine after him for some time still, I'm no longer uncertain of where we stand. Which is good. I don't know how long it'll take for me to get over him, but at least I can try and start to let go. He's so very dear to me, but I need to go on and accept that he will not be anything more than a friend to me. And while I don't seek, I won't straight out reject new love.

Elämä on.

He makes me cry, and he probably doesn't even know it. Excerpt from his LJ post concerning RopeCon (emphasis added):

"Oh, and did I mention I wore a kilt? This resulted in a total of nine people asking me if I was wearing any underpants, though eight of them used some variation of the theme "are you wearing it properly?" Four of nine were females, many of whom seemed to think the whole get-up was cute. I am on to something here."

Just the thought of him hooking up with someone else hurts so much, the thought of him even thinking about finding someone else. I know it's selfish and all other shit, but I don't want to lose him. I'm afraid that if he starts dating someone, he won't behave the same way towards me anymore. I admit straight out that I'll be crazy jealous if that ever happens...

But I can't bind him to myself, now can I? One day, I will have to admit defeat and let go...

It just hurts so much. And even if I might be getting worked up over a half-joke here, it's... I don't know. I'm just selfish, I guess.

Damnit. I want him back. I keep thinking that I'm getting over him, but clearly, I'm not. I actually feel like I'm cheating on him if I feel the slightest bit of attraction towards someone else. Gah.

My own hope, my love for him, is killing me. I just want an end to it, but I don't know if I can ask him whether I have even a small chance.

Fuckfuckfuck.

I was at RopeCon this weekend. As the name implies, it's a roleplaying convention, but there's plenty more than just roleplaying. I think there's something for everyone that considers themselves a geek of some sort, be it an RPGr, fantasy lover, fencer, anime otaku or whatever...

No, this is not a commercial. Even though I cannot stress enough that, as [NiTessine] said, it's kind of 'the geek social event of the year'. We have all kinds of interesting visitors. One of the guests of honour this year was Kenneth Hite and, even though I admit I hadn't heard of the guy before, his lecture on conspiracy theories was fun. :P And we have Guy Windsor there every year.

Okay, enough with that. Anyways... That second picture of me, with the black and white facepaint? That was my outfit for the 'con. It was an attempt at a Crow cosplay. Remind me to never do that again. It was fun, kind of, but I didn't dare to actually move around very much while looking like that, and because I had to be without my glasses, I didn't see anything. <_<

Harhar. Had fun nevertheless. Conventions are fuuuun, and next weekend there's AnimeCon/FinnCon. Yay!


In other news, I think I'm going to cut my hair.

Why, why why why why is it the same very few people in the DP feature queue?! *headasplode* One of which is myself... Gahhh.

Mini-rant over. As you were.

Finally! The Edinburgh trip account is now done at last.
http://calann.livejournal.com/48414.html

The last episode of the second season of House, MD. is a proper mindfuck. And I have to wait for who knows how long for the next season. (Will probably be aired sometime in the autumn - in the US, that is. They're only starting to show it here in Finland some time this month or the next. Jukka downloaded them. <3) They left it at a cliffhanger, the bastards.
But seriously, House, portrayed by Hugh Laurie, is one of my idols. Even though he's a mean, manipulative bastard. You just gotta love him.
Watch that series, people!

The Pirate Guild

Council Member Humping

<_< >_> >_<

xDDDDDD

Well, shit.
I didn't get in. No study place for me. I'm number 72 on the spare place list, but even so, my chances of getting in are minimal.

I'm just not good enough.

http://s32.photobucket.com/albums/d6/linderel/Edinburgh/
Here are the pictures, 70 out of 297. They're not in very good order, but I might put at least some of them up on Elftown later. :P

- update: Putting all of the 70 up in ET. Beautiful Auld Reekie

So, I'm back. I took nearly three hundred photos, ate a deep-fried Mars bar, climbed to Arthur's Seat, bought twelve books and some DVDs, and all around generally had a marvellous time. Account of the trip incoming shortly - that is, when I can be bothered to work on the draft that's currently a private entry in my LJ.

Anyways. I'll put the pictures up somewhere once I've decided which ones are good enough to show and then provide a link.

Meanwhile, I'd appreciate some feedback on this possibly very crappy thing here:



I did not mean to cry
but it's raining from my eyes
the brooding sky
reflected on my face
with a million twisting smiles
frozen in motion around me

in these abandoned halls echoing still life
such dark harmonies played
in a loop that goes round and round
igniting the dormant lightning
of my restless soul

and while you dance, I take your hand
and weep

Okay, peoples, here's the drill: On July 5th, the day after tomorrow, I'll be leaving to Scotland for a week. Because I'm going to spend the night before that at Jukka's house, I won't be here much tomorrow, either. I assume I'll be back some time on the 12th. You will quite probably see lots of pictures and lots of hyping on my part when I return. Just letting you know this so you won't wonder if perchance the Earth itself swallowed me - that would be just my luck, actually...

Anyway. Stay alive, have fun - I'm sure you'll cope perfectly well without me, you won't even notice I'm gone! :P And True, remember the DP.

Such weird dreams. Now, Jukka has been in my dreams a lot lately, but this just takes the cake.

Apparently, I was getting married, and searched mostly second hand stores to assemble my wedding dress. This is the part I remember most vividly, the rest is a blur. But I'm quite sure that in the dream, we had got back together and decided to marry... o.O

Reflects my own past hopes, really. I wanted him to be my lifemate. Ah well.

There's a situation that's driving me insane.

My sister's ex-fiancé, with whom and his cousin (whom I dated for a while once upon a time) I've developed a sort of a friendship that involves fooling around (get your mind out of the gutter, in my vocabulary that phrase is equal to 'being silly') and watching movies, is quite probably having a crush on me.

Now, it's all well and good to know that I can be wanted, but I'd prefer staying 'one of the guys' to these two (even though I'm not sure how the cousin feels about me nowadays, gahh... Complications...).

I can feel and see it getting worse.

The most frustrating thing about this is that my body kind of responds to the affection I can sense radiating off him. You know, butterflies.

Could we please not completely ignore the fact that I am still not over Jukka, that I am not interested in this boy that way, that I am still not over Jukka, that I could deal with a little break here, oh and did I remember to mention... I'm still bloody in love with Jukka, and I love him, and I want him back, and I am SO not over him yet?

I don't need the confusion right now. Sigh...


Okay, sorry 'bout the rant. Carry on.

It's time to change diets.

I've been thinking about this for some time now, and I finally decided I should introduce meat into my diet again. This is for health reasons, not because my take on ethics suddenly changed. I still don't like how the animals are often treated. However, I have a nagging feeling that the lack of meat has a great effect on my anemia. I've been feeling continuously tired for so long I can't remember when I was last truly chipper, and I want change to that. I won't be giving up vegetarian dishes, though. I want my diet to be as diverse as possible.

Now, the thing I'm most worried about is how my body will react to suddenly having to handle meat after almost two years of handling none. So, because of this, I'm trying to do the transition slowly and carefully. Any suggestions on that front will be gratefully received.

http://www.deviantart.com/view/4543779/
Reminds me of something... *wistful sigh*

I just want somebody to save me.