And now I feel like I'm coming up with something. ._.
I'm... hyperactive. I need to be doing something all the time, and I can't stay still. It might be the tea. But it's not entirely that, it can't be. Because I started sleeping less than usual a few days ago, and I only started drinking tea by the mugfuls yesterday.
I don't know if I should really suspect having a slight case of bipolar disorder, or if this is just a weird day. I think I've had those before. Gah. I don't know.
What's silly is that I'm also really tired, and I could really use a nap. I think I'll take one after dinner. Maybe I'll even calm down a bit.
Rahrahrahrahra
I shall know my fate at the end of this week. Yayness.
What bothers me right now is the fact that I can't sleep properly. I'm tired as hell, but I keep tossing and turning and waking up many times a night, and then I get up earlier than I would like to because I just can't go to sleep anymore. Geh. This results in needing to take naps.
I seem to be getting that job interview for tomorrow evening. *hopeful* Wish me luck?
Well, I didn't get that interview. Not for this weekend, anyway. The employer hasn't answered to my e-mail and I don't know when she will, so...
Oh well. I'll be satisfied if I even get the damn interview at all. Though it would be just my luck that they wouldn't contact me anymore, or that even if I did get the interview, they'd decide I wasn't good enough for the job. Bleh.
In other news, I have a new, shiny black keyboard. ^___^
I wonder how long it'll take me to save up the money to buy new components. And a mouse. And a screen. I do have that 500 euro loan from my brother to pay off, first...
Eeeehehehee. I can't believe this. :D
I'm getting a job interview for a place that has a pay of about 400 euros a month. xD And it's kidsitting! :D
Tired. Just walked back home from downtown (that's something like 9 or 10 kilometres, apparently), where I'd been all weekend. Two days of Animecon/Finnc
Shall catch up tomorrow.
Pelle Miljoona's concert very mmkay. Tomorrow, Damn Seagulls. And I have a new haircut. ^.^ Pictures when I get them.
I have my own paper cutter now. <3<3<3 And a better pen for calligraphy. *purrrr*
Also, I randomly came upon this thought: I don't need to be perfect. Being myself is enough.
Anyone remember me griping about that guy who probably has a crush on me? Well... he just confessed. Ack!
Cutting hair shall commence in the near future, and currently I'm trying to find a nice style. Any votes? :P
overruled
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
So, I asked him about it. He says to move on. He also says that he will have time for me, girlfriend or no.
While I probably will pine after him for some time still, I'm no longer uncertain of where we stand. Which is good. I don't know how long it'll take for me to get over him, but at least I can try and start to let go. He's so very dear to me, but I need to go on and accept that he will not be anything more than a friend to me. And while I don't seek, I won't straight out reject new love.
Elämä on.
He makes me cry, and he probably doesn't even know it. Excerpt from his LJ post concerning RopeCon (emphasis added):
"Oh, and did I mention I wore a kilt? This resulted in a total of nine people asking me if I was wearing any underpants, though eight of them used some variation of the theme "are you wearing it properly?" Four of nine were females, many of whom seemed to think the whole get-up was cute. I am on to something here."
Just the thought of him hooking up with someone else hurts so much, the thought of him even thinking about finding someone else. I know it's selfish and all other shit, but I don't want to lose him. I'm afraid that if he starts dating someone, he won't behave the same way towards me anymore. I admit straight out that I'll be crazy jealous if that ever happens...
But I can't bind him to myself, now can I? One day, I will have to admit defeat and let go...
It just hurts so much. And even if I might be getting worked up over a half-joke here, it's... I don't know. I'm just selfish, I guess.
Damnit. I want him back. I keep thinking that I'm getting over him, but clearly, I'm not. I actually feel like I'm cheating on him if I feel the slightest bit of attraction towards someone else. Gah.
My own hope, my love for him, is killing me. I just want an end to it, but I don't know if I can ask him whether I have even a small chance.
Fuckfuckfuck.
I was at RopeCon this weekend. As the name implies, it's a roleplaying convention, but there's plenty more than just roleplaying. I think there's something for everyone that considers themselves a geek of some sort, be it an RPGr, fantasy lover, fencer, anime otaku or whatever...
No, this is not a commercial. Even though I cannot stress enough that, as [NiTessine] said, it's kind of 'the geek social event of the year'. We have all kinds of interesting visitors. One of the guests of honour this year was Kenneth Hite and, even though I admit I hadn't heard of the guy before, his lecture on conspiracy theories was fun. :P And we have Guy Windsor there every year.
Okay, enough with that. Anyways... That second picture of me, with the black and white facepaint? That was my outfit for the 'con. It was an attempt at a Crow cosplay. Remind me to never do that again. It was fun, kind of, but I didn't dare to actually move around very much while looking like that, and because I had to be without my glasses, I didn't see anything. <_<
Harhar. Had fun nevertheless. Conventions are fuuuun, and next weekend there's AnimeCon/FinnC
In other news, I think I'm going to cut my hair.
Why, why why why why is it the same very few people in the DP feature queue?! *headasplode* One of which is myself... Gahhh.
Mini-rant over. As you were.
Finally! The Edinburgh trip account is now done at last.
http://calann.
The last episode of the second season of House, MD. is a proper mindfuck. And I have to wait for who knows how long for the next season. (Will probably be aired sometime in the autumn - in the US, that is. They're only starting to show it here in Finland some time this month or the next. Jukka downloaded them. <3) They left it at a cliffhanger, the bastards.
But seriously, House, portrayed by Hugh Laurie, is one of my idols. Even though he's a mean, manipulative bastard. You just gotta love him.
Watch that series, people!
The Pirate Guild
Council Member Humping
<_< >_> >_<
xDDDDDD
Well, shit.
I didn't get in. No study place for me. I'm number 72 on the spare place list, but even so, my chances of getting in are minimal.
I'm just not good enough.
http://s32.pho
Here are the pictures, 70 out of 297. They're not in very good order, but I might put at least some of them up on Elftown later. :P
- update: Putting all of the 70 up in ET. Beautiful Auld Reekie
So, I'm back. I took nearly three hundred photos, ate a deep-fried Mars bar, climbed to Arthur's Seat, bought twelve books and some DVDs, and all around generally had a marvellous time. Account of the trip incoming shortly - that is, when I can be bothered to work on the draft that's currently a private entry in my LJ.
Anyways. I'll put the pictures up somewhere once I've decided which ones are good enough to show and then provide a link.
Meanwhile, I'd appreciate some feedback on this possibly very crappy thing here:
I did not mean to cry
but it's raining from my eyes
the brooding sky
reflected on my face
with a million twisting smiles
frozen in motion around me
in these abandoned halls echoing still life
such dark harmonies played
in a loop that goes round and round
igniting the dormant lightning
of my restless soul
and while you dance, I take your hand
and weep