Okay, big decision here, and while I'm not looking for definitive answers, I could do with some opinions.
Should I apply to be an au pair in either England, Ireland or Spain? I wouldn't hesitate so much were I not socially inept and terribly attached to my close ones.
But it is so very tempting...
I just phoned about a job. For the record, I hate making phone calls. At least to people I don't know.
And it went reeeeally well; I stuttered. Go me.
People are scary. *curls up in a corner*
Could you all do me a favour and go vote at Slogan contest voting so I could finally get that darn contest closed? Thank you in advance.
And I haven't heard anything from that employer, so I can only presume I didn't get the job - they were supposed to contact me at the end of this week.
Well, this week ended about twenty-five minutes ago. No e-mail, no phone call... That's bound to be a bad sign.
So, back to job-hunting.
If I only were not so very tired...
It may very well be too early to worry about this, but I just might be developing an attraction to the cousin of that guy who has a crush one me. Yes, that very same cousin I once dated for a while. Well, not developing. It's already there, kind of, it would just be stirring.
Problem here is, I've no idea what eir feelings towards me at the moment are. Would ey be willing to try again with me? I also am not sure if these feelings would be real this time, either. My heart still belongs to Jukka, at least partially.
And ey is apparently a transsexual and a lesbian, so I have no idea what eir stand on relationships is right now. Ey must be confused.
But gods, I love playing with eir hair. It's long and soft and curly. <3
As a completely different matter, I am being angsty about my writing. Grah. I hate it when that happens. I can be confident about it most of the time now, but sometimes I lapse and think it's all crap. Meh.
Okay, I'm finished. <_<
How to make a lami
Ingredients:
1 part anger
3 parts brilliance
1 part empathy
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little lovability if desired!
http://www.go-
Luxurious
Altruistic
Mischievous
Intelligent
http://www.go-
w00t.
<URL:stuff/
d00d. Do I really want to put this up the next time I change my bio? :P
And now I feel like I'm coming up with something. ._.
I'm... hyperactive. I need to be doing something all the time, and I can't stay still. It might be the tea. But it's not entirely that, it can't be. Because I started sleeping less than usual a few days ago, and I only started drinking tea by the mugfuls yesterday.
I don't know if I should really suspect having a slight case of bipolar disorder, or if this is just a weird day. I think I've had those before. Gah. I don't know.
What's silly is that I'm also really tired, and I could really use a nap. I think I'll take one after dinner. Maybe I'll even calm down a bit.
Rahrahrahrahra
I shall know my fate at the end of this week. Yayness.
What bothers me right now is the fact that I can't sleep properly. I'm tired as hell, but I keep tossing and turning and waking up many times a night, and then I get up earlier than I would like to because I just can't go to sleep anymore. Geh. This results in needing to take naps.
I seem to be getting that job interview for tomorrow evening. *hopeful* Wish me luck?
Well, I didn't get that interview. Not for this weekend, anyway. The employer hasn't answered to my e-mail and I don't know when she will, so...
Oh well. I'll be satisfied if I even get the damn interview at all. Though it would be just my luck that they wouldn't contact me anymore, or that even if I did get the interview, they'd decide I wasn't good enough for the job. Bleh.
In other news, I have a new, shiny black keyboard. ^___^
I wonder how long it'll take me to save up the money to buy new components. And a mouse. And a screen. I do have that 500 euro loan from my brother to pay off, first...
Eeeehehehee. I can't believe this. :D
I'm getting a job interview for a place that has a pay of about 400 euros a month. xD And it's kidsitting! :D
Tired. Just walked back home from downtown (that's something like 9 or 10 kilometres, apparently), where I'd been all weekend. Two days of Animecon/Finnc
Shall catch up tomorrow.
Pelle Miljoona's concert very mmkay. Tomorrow, Damn Seagulls. And I have a new haircut. ^.^ Pictures when I get them.
I have my own paper cutter now. <3<3<3 And a better pen for calligraphy. *purrrr*
Also, I randomly came upon this thought: I don't need to be perfect. Being myself is enough.
Anyone remember me griping about that guy who probably has a crush on me? Well... he just confessed. Ack!
Cutting hair shall commence in the near future, and currently I'm trying to find a nice style. Any votes? :P
overruled
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.sho
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
http://www.hai
So, I asked him about it. He says to move on. He also says that he will have time for me, girlfriend or no.
While I probably will pine after him for some time still, I'm no longer uncertain of where we stand. Which is good. I don't know how long it'll take for me to get over him, but at least I can try and start to let go. He's so very dear to me, but I need to go on and accept that he will not be anything more than a friend to me. And while I don't seek, I won't straight out reject new love.
Elämä on.
He makes me cry, and he probably doesn't even know it. Excerpt from his LJ post concerning RopeCon (emphasis added):
"Oh, and did I mention I wore a kilt? This resulted in a total of nine people asking me if I was wearing any underpants, though eight of them used some variation of the theme "are you wearing it properly?" Four of nine were females, many of whom seemed to think the whole get-up was cute. I am on to something here."
Just the thought of him hooking up with someone else hurts so much, the thought of him even thinking about finding someone else. I know it's selfish and all other shit, but I don't want to lose him. I'm afraid that if he starts dating someone, he won't behave the same way towards me anymore. I admit straight out that I'll be crazy jealous if that ever happens...
But I can't bind him to myself, now can I? One day, I will have to admit defeat and let go...
It just hurts so much. And even if I might be getting worked up over a half-joke here, it's... I don't know. I'm just selfish, I guess.
Damnit. I want him back. I keep thinking that I'm getting over him, but clearly, I'm not. I actually feel like I'm cheating on him if I feel the slightest bit of attraction towards someone else. Gah.
My own hope, my love for him, is killing me. I just want an end to it, but I don't know if I can ask him whether I have even a small chance.
Fuckfuckfuck.