Further proof of my utter madness: I'm going to participate in the Idols try-outs with my sister. Oh, gods... <_<
I'll sing Toni Braxton's 'Un-break my heart' if I can learn it in time. If not, I'll just pick something from the notes that I've left from senior secondary. Now there's a variety of options...

Was playing badminton with Juhis (the friend guy who likes me). ^_^ 'Twas fun, even though I'm in a really bad shape and still feeling a bit shaky, and we decided to make it a regular hobby. So hopefully, we'll now be playing about once a week. I'll have to get a support thingy for my knee, but other than that, it should be fine, and I'll finally be able to develop my lungs, my motorics, and my body's co-ordination. Better late than never, eh?

Humm. Good mood. ^_^

Funny thing, this nanoing. I'm obsessed with wordcounts, and I think I'll continue to be for at least the rest of this month. It's like I have to express everything in as many words as possible, even though I know it won't count towards my Nano wordcount... o_O

Aw shit. Constant cold -> need to blow my nose a lot + winter -> dry skin => easy nosebleeds.

Bleh.

Is it a bad thing that I still get jealous when someone says something appreciative about Jukka? And especially if someone tries to touch his hair? :P I get all bristly, even if I don't show it entirely. Immediate reaction somewhere in my brain: "Mine!"

I wonder if it's a remnant of my feelings for him as his girlfriend, or if it can be attributed to the feelings of a close female friend.

Ack. I can't read, or generally see the stuff on the screen, very well, which means I can't write my nano. Gahgahgah. The opthalmologist put drops in my eyes which dilated my pupils and agh. ._.

I just hope their effect wears out soon, I'd like to get at least some writing done, and I sure would like to go to the anime evening.

*stab stab stabbity stab*

I just sold this dress.
Along with an underskirt and shoes, I'll get 100 euros for it. It's a little less than I should have asked for it, but no matter. It's monies! :D
The exchange will happen later today. I'll be rich. xD

Brilliant. I managed to piss off my dad and, as is typical of him, he first shouted some and then went somewhere. For a walk or something. I don't know.
And I feel like crap, because while mom said I shouldn't feel guilty for him leaving, I kind of do. I feel like a lousy person, a lousy daughter, and just generally feel like crap.

I hate this shit.

Haha. Now this is amusing. I'm possibly getting a job that would only be for a couple of hours on Fridays - I've been exhanging e-mails with the employer, and hopefully would hear the final judgement today. That's all well and good.
But I just now also received a call about another job I'd applied to, and in case I got it, they would want me to work all week. So, I've got a dilemma.
I almost hope I wouldn't get the first job so I could go to an interview for the second with a clear conscience.

Girlytalk incoming.

I hate using a bra. I abhor those things. I admit, they're handy in preventing a very annoying bounce-bounce-bounce, since I do happen to have a fairly respectable bust - which I alternatively hate and tolerate and sometimes even like - but they make me feel uncomfortable. Like I'm trapped, or something. That, and I can't breathe properly. Bah.

Oh, also: Since yesterday, I am the happy owner of the first season DVD box of House, MD. Though the translations sometimes suck.

Romance can wait.
I want to - need to - get better and at least somewhat stable first. Heck, I'll always be very deeply emotional and slightly neurotic, but it would be good to get some of it toned down. I want to develop a self-esteem before starting another relationship, or participating in any sort of courting rituals - assuming I can keep out of love long enough. Knowing myself, that probably is impossible.

There was a butterfly on my wall. o_O
Came in during the night, I suppose. The thing is, it didn't want to go back out. I caught it and tried to blow it off my finger and jump the aforementioned digit a little, and I tried this from the window in my room, the terrace, and the front door. Nothing.
(While I was at it, I took a picture. I mean, how often do you have in your hand a butterfly that's not trying to get away?) I finally got it out of the balcony door, but it didn't fly very far: It's currently sitting on the balcony floor and, apparently, not intending to go anywhere.

And here's the question: Should I have handled this differently? (I'm also afraid I might have damaged its wings while I was trying to catch it/make it leave, and that's the reason it's not flying. Harming a little creature while trying to help it - how ironic is that? Happens a lot in this world, though.)

*flash of insight* Maybe it was resting on my wall preparing to die, and I interrupted it, and now it's doing the same thing there? Butterflies are very short-lived, after all... :3



Hmm. Now it's gone. Ach, I don't know. <_<

I almost lost Maria (mm world domination tour). o_O
*nearly had a heart attack*

Once again, while taking a stroll down the memory line, I'm beginning to doubt myself. Did I reject them first? At some point, I came along with some of them. And then, I wasn't friends with them anymore. What happened? Was it my fault after all?

I am actually looking forward to my birthday this year, about a month from now. Shocking. It's not like I haven't looked forward to it before, it just... surprises me every time. The whole thing is silly anyway. It's like any other day, I merely happen to become juridically older. Big deal. o_O
Which makes me arranging a birthday party feel even more stupid. Ah well.

[Linderel] (*wibble*)
[pixish] (*wobble*)
[ally] (*wabble*) ((I know it was there for a while, I saw it! :P))

Too much fun or something?


Yes, this was pointless. Sue me.

Good news: I don't have anemia or a malfunctioning thyroid gland.
Possibly bad news: I have some other levels a bit too high, perhaps because of the cold, but they want to check it after a month or so.
Bad news: The good news took away my explanations for why I'm so frigging tired all the time.

Portfolio Contest

This here is my baby. :3 I got on a contest-creating mood yesterday, setting up Kitten Caboodle and this one, along with a couple of others. I hope people will be interested, I'm kind of excited about this contest. What do you think?

Feeling. Like. Crap.
Can't. Stop. Crying.

And why am I making an entry about it? Stupid me.