I think I feel - and perhaps look - more alive at a gig than I do anywhere else, in any other circumstances, in this world. Afterwards I reek of cigarettes, my head hurts, my hearing is fuzzy, but I simply can't stop smiling.
I love love love music, and I love Damn Seagulls.

Oooh baby yeah. xD
My pay for the job in December and January is a bit over 800 euros. zOMGwtfbbq, I have monies! :D Not for long, though, but that's beside the point. :P

I shall soon make a fast-forward in the progression of my insanity, pull a Van-Gogh and cut off my ear. :P

Great. So he has a girlfriend. ... I think the world may be mocking me and chuckling not-so-secretly - in fact, I'd say it's almost quite conspicuous - behind my back. Fine, then. Let it have its fun. :P

In a way, this is a relief. Serious crushes are seriously distracting, and I'm glad to know now before it started to develop into something that actually mattered.

I really need to do something about this. It's beginning to be somewhat disturbing.

SW Poll <- go vote!

I think I must kill the part of my brain that makes me attracted to people. The friend I met today... I had a crush on him once. It was one of those big, my-heart-got-broken ones. And because I'm now feeling easily attracted to people, the old emotions are stirring.

Why oh why. *headwall*

So I'm at the Itäkeskus shopping mall, having been around that part of town (on some business I'll maybe make an update about later) and decided to take advantage of it, since it's so early in the afternoon and I have no hurry to be anywhere. I know that a friend of mine from senior secondary works at the SubWay there, and I'd kind of promised to stop by and say hello at some point, but I still take my sweet time getting there, visiting the Suomalainen Kirjakauppa (bookstore) first. Then I slowly stroll over to the part of the mall where the fastfood joint is, and even after spotting someone who I was very sure to be him, I go on to the Free Record Shop. (Well, I have the fruit of that trip right here. Damn Seagulls' new album. <3) Only then do I go toward the SubWay, but for some reason, I keep hesitating. I have no idea why I feel so suddenly shy; I'm certainly not very convinced by my excuse of 'well, I'm not that hungry'. When I finally do gather up the resolve to just go there, it's very normal. He seems happy enough to see me, we chat while he works on my order, and I go to the table and eat.
This must sound so boring.
Anyway, I munch on my food, keep glancing at the counter in hopes of seeing him, kind of wishing he'd come to the table to continue chatting but also understanding that he probably can't do that while he's at work, even though there are very few customers at that time of day. I think about asking him when he gets off, but when I'm out of reasons to sit on the table any longer and he has a customer to serve, I just get up, take my trash to the can, wave bye, and go.
And I really, really would have wanted to spend some time with him. *headdesk* Pathetic. :P

I just watched episode 62 of Bleach. A bit of OMGWTFBBQ mindfuck... and Kuchiki Byakuya suddenly turned into a very nice man. He's still a bastard for the stuff he did earlier, but his actions in that episode are just awwwww. Make up for a lot.
Of course, being a pretty boy doesn't hurt, either. <3
Then again, I could squee over many of the characters in that series, both men and women. SQUEAL!


Ahum... <_< I'll just be off to read some Ishi/Ichi fanfiction now.

</fangirl-mode>

I had an interesting dream about two characters and the muse of one of them. Problem is, I don't know or remember who they are, what they're like, or where or when they live. This is most vexing. Oh well, I'll either recall it eventually, or forget it altogether... maybe this was just a fledgling idea that needs time to brew still. If it's so, it will present itself to me when it's ready.
But man, the guy character sure is dense. "Oh gee golly, I'm in love with my muse, I only just now noticed, waaah don't go." I don't know how the girlfriend reacted to that. If she even was his girlfriend. Well, the character he previously had the hots for, anyways.
Interestingly enough, the muse is a redhead. Hmmmm.

Ah well. Back to bed.

Dad's shouting. I can't hear the words, but the fact that he's shouting is bad enough. I don't want to hear. It makes me feel sick. Somebody get me out of here.

Bugger. I have this clone house, [Belethia], created ages ago... But I can't remember its password, OR the e-mail address I put in the details. It bothers me, it bothers me greatly. xP
There's nothing there, as you can see, but I still would like to be able to access it. Ah well, I guess I'll just have to live with it. :P

I won the January round of the Five Words contest over at Writersco! :D So did not see that coming... currently in the mood to bounce and dance around the room. Overjoyed! Wheeee!

http://www.writersco.com/135.Contest%20entries.FiveWordsJan

*flail*

I woke up at three in the afternoon. *sigh* Great rhythm I have. When I get that job, it'll take a miracle to wrench me back into a half decent sleeping pattern.

*snicker*

To whom it may concern, and they know who they are.

Time for me to forget. Friendship is more important, and nothing should change that. I forbid you to feel bad for me, and I promise not to be angsty about it anymore. :P I love you. *hugs*

Umm. Random angsty poetry? :P
---

You're beautiful
and it hurts that I can't tell
Oh please let me be free
of this excruciating agony
My hollow heart
beats to your name on my lips
and inside my head I cry and scream
because this love is just an empty dream

I'm crying over the damn job.
I'm probably tired, which doesn't help, but I'm... fuck.
Right at this moment, I want to quit.

I made another friend join Elftown. Muahaha. Go say hi -> [Sleepy doll]

“I’ve got to go. A black cat crossed my path on the way over, and I have to bathe in garlic or the vampires will gnaw off my tongue in my sleep.”

*rolls on the floor laughing* Best... line... ever! xD