Once there was an urge
a calling buried and forgotten
yet while watching life pass
through this lens
I've awakened to realise

There is a fascination
for skewed perspectives
as if it would help me regain
the clarity of vision
lost for so long
but

Something fragile
like hope, fluttering
on transparent wings
enters the soul
shimmering faintly inside
gently soothing

As I sit still
for a fleeting moment
here, in this space
with your reflection and mine
finding a fraction of
certainty.

Nicked off [Teufelsweib].

1) Hello.
Halloes :o

2) How are you on this fine day?
Okay. I could have tried to accomplish things instead of sleeping in and watching TV and sitting on the computer, but maybe next week...

3) Where are you?
At home, in my room.

4) Can you see the sky right now? (if even through a window)
Aye. It's half-cloudy, and it looks like it might rain.

5) What's the most random thing you can see right now?
I don't really get this question... how do you define random? But I'll humour you. Umm... a Kinder egg surprise box. Y'know, the yellow thingy inside the egg that contains the surprise.

6) If you were in Star Wars, would you be on the Light side of the Force or the Dark side?
Probably the Light side, because Marc Hamilton (Luke) and Carrie Fisher (Leia) are/were hawt.
For a more serious answer... I'm not sure. Depends on the circumstances, but I'd try to tread the Light path.

7) What colour would your lightsabre be?
Hmm. Green.

8) Would you rather be a hobbit, an istari, an orc, an elf or a dwarf?
I can't even remember what the Istari are! Hobbit or elf... elf, I think. Yeah, I'm shallow enough for that answer. Realistically, though, I'd probably be a hobbit.

9) Why?
Because elves are pretty and talented. Could do without vanity, though.

10) If you have met someone online and have never seen their face, never spoken to them, but have messaged them for years and declared your undying love for each other, is it real love?
You might think it is. It might feel like it. But it really isn't. Let's face it, you might be all head over heels until you meet, and then you could even hate the person on first sight. Online personality is just a fraction of a person.

11) Yeah, but they could be anyone…
Erm. Yeah.

12) Doesn’t that worry you?
I don't do online romances. Unless it's roleplay. So on a personal level, it doesn't really. But on a general level, yeah. You could seriously get hurt there.

13) Does it really piss you off when you see how shallow Elftown’s been getting lately? (not with its own consent)
Not really. Of course the illiterate and the people with nothing but pasted content in their houses annoy me, but there are many really awesome, interesting personalities to make up for it! You just have to find them.

14) Do you like the Elftown guards?
Sure I do.

15) Do you prefer spring, summer, autumn or winter?
Like them all. Can't choose. Were I forced to choose, though, I'd probably pick spring. Warming weather, but no allergies yet.

16) Why?
Look above.

17) Where do you feel most free?
Outside, in nature. Or at a gig.

18) Which animals can you relate to most?
Relate to... I don't actually know. Cats, I guess.

19) If you could pick one person to be executed for crimes against humanity, who would it be?
Nobody. I would pick nobody. I don't believe in execution. However there are people who would deserve a life sentence... tenfold.

20) Would you rather be in a baking dry desert or a freezing cold snowy mountain peak?
Mountain. Then I'd either burrow under the snow to keep warm, or hope to find a cave somewhere.

21) If you were in the Matrix, what would your name be? (i.e. your hacker name)
Lamia

22) Is Elftown better than Elfwood?
Aye!

23) Does it annoy you when people don’t put any description at all?
It depends. An empty description annoys me less than one filled with pasted things and questionnaires and other such rubbish.

24) Should all the shallow invaders be thrown out by the Guards?
Only if they give them a reason to.

25) If you could start your own religious cult, what would it be called and what would it involve?
Erm. I'll get back to you on that.

26) If you could be left hurling into nothingness for all eternity with one thing to keep you sane (be it real, imaginary, metaphorical, visible or invisible), what would it be?
Pen and paper, or books, or a friend.

27) You’ve got this one chance to ask God/the Goddess/ WHOEVER one thing (however cliché) and one thing only. What is it?
Why the heck did you screw up so very badly?
Or no, wait. Scratch that. Why didn't you take me when I asked you to? <_<
Scratch that too. If I had to pick a deity, it would be the earth itself. So, Gaia... how the fuck do you stand us?!

28) What's the one phrase you’d love to be known to future civilisations for saying (even if you didn’t ACTUALLY say it)?
"So long, and thanks for all the fish!"

29) What's the one song/line you wish you’d written?
Don't make me choose. :P
Oh well, I gueass I'll just try to be happy with the things I have written. They're not half bad after all.

30) What would it say on your gravestone?
"Quirky, but sweet."
Or a quote from one of my favourite songs.

31) Will you even have a gravestone?
That shall remain to be seen. A person's desires can change greatly during their life, and I hopefully have much of mine left to live.

32) What would you like to happen when you die? (i.e. what song will they play at your funeral, etc)
I wish to be cremated, my ashes either spread in the wind or in some beautiful garden or park while they play something from Damn Seagulls, Queen, or Uematsu Nobuo.

33) You can bring one person back from the dead, or to you from afar to be your guide through this life. Who is it?
Can I give this to a sister?

34) What's the one thing you want to shout from a mountain top?
I'll tell you when I know...

35) Did these questions suck?
No.

36) Will you post this on your page?
No way, I don't put questionnaires on my description. It's ugly.

37) Will you tell many people so that THEY in turn put it on their pages?
They'll do it if they want to.

38) Thanks ^_^
Very welcome.

Alrighty. Which one? I'm sort of leaning towards the black&white version, but the coloured one does have its appeal as well...

Thinking about how often I should change the featured art and poem in my house... Onions? :p

I LOVE you!
From: !jessicahammilton
Date: Aug 30, 2007, 9:52:38 AM


OMG! you're a GENIUS! Why don't you join the poetry contest from [link] ? Free to enter, 100k prizes. You MUST win it!

-----

That is actually SO depressing. I visited their profile and what do you know, banned member. I'd be willing to bet they sent similar messages to every poet they came across. Yea, make them feel good about their writing and lure them in. Grh. -_- Well, I wouldn't have fallen for that anyways, and only clicked then tinyurl link out of curiosity - but still!
No one's ever called me genius before, and then when someone did, it was fake. Bleh. :P
</whine>

What I sometimes wish for, crave for most... is to belong somewhere. When I'm being held by a beloved, I feel like I belong. But in a group, oh, no, I've never been part of one. Not truly. It is an ache that surfaces at odd intervals and lingers even after it should have been washed away. It is a demon. Loneliness.

If my heart burns
I do not know if it is
with loneliness
or something more violent
yet gentle - like love
All I know
is a soul-deep yearning.



And that's enough existential angst for this night.

Chocolate on bread + milk. Mmmmmm.
I just baked cookies. The result is slightly suspicious, as it was the first time I tried the particular recipe, but they seem to be edible. xP

Okay, yeah, sorry for being such a fucking useless loser. Bet you'd be glad if I just slit my wrists.
</emo>

Please ignore. Just got snapped at by dad for no real reason.

If you ever want to make me cry, just play Evanescence's song Hello. Works every time. Even if I'm not sad about anything, tears will simply start pouring. And no, it has nothing to do with how good or bad you think the song is. It's just... I can't explain it. Hits a chord somewhere deep inside.

OW. There are dry patches above and below my eyes and putting lotion on BURNS.
That was all. As you were.

Woe is me ;_;
At the end of next year, when D&D 4E starts taking over, the Living Greyhawk campaign will be put down and replaced with Living Forgotten Realms. I could have swallowed my LG characters being retired and made new ones according to 4E, but this? This sucks monkey balls.

I want blood.

I have 9078 unread postings in Junk.
When I started reading this morning, there were 10500 and then some. No, I have not skipped any. I've been doing some speed-reading, but not once did I click the skip button. How did it get to this? By lagging behind since before mid-June due to real life stuff. xP
This will take me a couple of days <_<

On another note, we'll be at grandpa's tomorrow, so no ET (or other netness) for me until the evening. Wah.

Ode to apathy

Sit still
in this dusty room
listening as the old clock
goes...
tick, tick, tick
and watching yet
another hour pass

Outside, the sky
darkens by the minute
Shapes become indistinct.
The nightly concert of
a thousand little birds
is playing to deaf ears
inside the head there is
only static, a white noise
so very... silent.

Tired eyes close
for just a second
before the dawn breaks
and the cruel light explodes
with a shrill sound
Another day has begun.

Falling back
and hiding from the sun
hold everything at bay and...
sleep some more.

I had a date yesterday.

Laura set me up with another friend of hers, since she had promised him to find him a blind date, and since I am now single, she decided I'd be the girl. And it is very hard for me to say no to her, so... on a date we went. xD
It was pretty nice. We're both quite shy, so there were a couple of long silences, and the evening didn't end with a kiss or even a hug (though he is kinda huggable), but that's not so important anyway. We went to see Die Hard 4.0, hit the Chinese restaurant near the theatre, and then just walked around in downtown, chatting about this and that. So at least I enjoy his company, and he did say he had a nice time as well.
I wouldn't mind going again, though I won't be particularly disappointed if we don't - it's up to him, really. If he likes me well enough to ask me out again, cool. But I'm out for fun. I could do with a little break, since for years now I've been either in a relationship or hopelessly infatuated. I'd like to enjoy my freedom for a while. ;3
But we'll see.


In other news, I have a new contest. Please take a look! → Tree Contest

I met this really cute guy while gaming today.
I don't know anything about him, I didn't ask for his contact information afterwards though I kind of wanted to, and my only hope of ever seeing him again is in another game. I even managed to forget his last name because it was so unusual. His first name is Eetu, though.
Uhumm. Yeah. I realise this was completely pointless, and that he might have a girlfriend, even that he might in fact be jailbait - but he was cute! xP

This night marks an ending of a love story.
I am now single. Only this time, I left him, after a long, rambling conversation. We're now friends, and will be nothing more from hereon. I expect I shall miss the kissing and cuddling, but the truth is, as I couldn't stand a great part of his personality and he wasn't willing to change, this is for the better.
Anyone who doubted this second try is free to say 'I told you so'. I won't be offended. :P

And when I'm over the initial melancholy that surely will drop by, I shall enjoy my singledom.

I... am in love. With this piece. Admire it. With a passion. Utterly, completely in love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aESWaQ-9k6M&mode=related&search=

Take a look at this. Pretty darn awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7NqQ30KfAo

Onions, plz?

Look down at
fragile shaking hands
a stream of tears
on the muted tones of earth
Here, silence reigns
with an iron will
and a court made of glass
shatters -- yet persists
as the night screams
for dawn

Just watched The Sixth Sense. It's been long enough since I last saw it that the end came totally by surprise. Now I am bothered. xD As someone on the IMDB forums asked: Did Cole know? I would view the thread, but can't remember have I actually registered and if so, with what ID and password... and I can't be arsed to re-register. :P