We had a little bit of a thunder in the distance, very little, very distant, but the dog picked up on it anyway and went batty. At nap-time (my mom looks after kids at our house, so while the kids are here, the dog is upstairs or outside with me (or not with me when I'm not in the country)). So he was having a freak-out, so I tried to have patience and let him have it in an under-control kind-of way. When he freaks out he needs to pace back and forth, so I was giving him all the space upstairs to pace, left all the doors open and just sat at the entrance of the stairs preventing him from going downstairs. But he really wanted to go downstairs and kept trying to sneak past me and I kept pushing him back. So this went on for a while til we had a close call, he almost managed to sneak past so I had to claw at him to get him back (he wasn't wearing a collar so there was nothing but hair for me to grip - and this thing is very hairy so... yeah). So he got upset at that and snapped at me a number of time - and I don't mean that he called me rude names, it was a proper bite. He didn't get me, but I heard his jaw snap shut with great force, so I got really upset at that and snapped back at him (with the, you know, name calling and stuff) and we came to blows sort of, I punched him etc... very physical. So I stuffed his head in the collar and dragged him to my room away from the stairs, locked the door and thought 'fine, you can't play nice, then I'll just... lessen your pace-space'. But then he kept clawing at the door (again, noisy - naptime) so I blew a fuse (not literally, it's a figure of speech... so far, but my becoming-mechanic plans are going great by the way :D) and trapped us in the balcony (which is adjacent to my room). So that's as limited pace-space as possible, but also very easy to contain a freak-out. So he freaked out for a bit longer while I was getting bored on the sofa (there was no more thunder noise by the way. It rumbled twice or thrice during the initial freak out and then went, but the freak-out didn't went). Eventually he relaxed-ish to lie down in the corner and pant heavily, so I was hoping he'd freak himself to sleep. So I went back to my room to watch DVDs again, but when I opened the door he continued to freak out. So I thought 'fine, I'll watch and you can freak out in and out of the balcony and my room'. But that didn't work because he went back to clawing the door. So I locked him on the balcony again. Then at some later point I opened the door again because I felt sorry for the stupid thing, and let him in the room again, and he went to claw the door again so I booted him back out to the balcony. Third time when I was about to do this, my mom came upstairs to let us know that the last kid had left and that the dog was allowed downstairs again.

Result: nothing got broken even though he did knock a couple things over, nobody got hurt (except maybe Ressu, but he's a big boy so he can just deal with it) and there is a chance of him learning that clawing at doors gets you booted to the balcony.

I also need a t-shirt that reads 'babette ate oatmeal'.

* * *

It's Friday now, right? So only Saturday and Sunday to go (and we're going out of town for my sister's do) and then Monday daytime and in the evening, away we go, wheee! Back to England, the mountains green, the pleasant pastures, the clouded hills, the satanic mills! <3

Watching too much Gilmore Girls can only be good for you. Or me. It's an interesting combo, Gilmore Girls and Marx Brothers. One makes you chatty and snack a lot, the other makes you... well, I don't know what. But they both make a person laugh, but more importantly, they both also cause that nice inner giddy feeling of 'this is so much win that even though I'm not laughing, I'm enjoying it even more than mere laughing would express - in fact I'm enjoying it so much that I forget to laugh'¹ -- well, except the Jess-Dean-Rory thing in GG, that is not making me giddy, that's just annoying. But I'll let myself forget that when I focus on the banter. Ah, the banter. If I was called Groucho or Lorelai, I could say something really funny about the concept of banter. But I won't, since I've always been more of a Harpo. So I'll just eat your pen and drink your ink and chase after that blonde instead *honk honk*



^{1 (Sorry Silvie, but it had to be done) I hate it when this happens in company though. When other people laugh and I forget to - it's not because I didn't get the joke, it's not because I don't think it's funny, it's because I'm enjoying it so much. Well, sometimes it is just because the thing wasn't funny, like in the case of that politics farce with Tony Soprano as a general: a grown Scot jumping on screen and swearing solid for the first five minutes of the film is not funny, not even if you are twelve (and there's no way that film was a 12A)}

Gaia summer camp event helps me remember why I don't go to the forums in Gaia. How do you keep a conversation in there? Pointless. Ah well, hopefully the event itself will start soon and will have some actual something to do, which to hype over.

Ah well, at least it has this:


Well I've watched two Harrison Ford movies in a very brief period of time, and can hardly keep my pants on. I'm also having a Marx Bros. marathon, which is win. I'm even watching all the vintage shorts on the DVDs, there were a couple really awesome Robert Benchley shorts (those of you who have read Harpo Speaks! will vaguely know who that is) in there and everything. I haven't sussed yet to watch the shorts first (like they used to in cinemas back then), but maybe I'll remember, I'll still have loads to go. Today's Marxist feature was Go West, and tonight Big Country (the movie with the officially best music) is on, so it's a western day today, yay!

I'm also sucking at pokemon today, I've tried the third gym-fight twice already, and have now given up, will level my Kadabra to something ridiculous like lv35 and psybeam the hell out of that whatever the hell fighting-weasel-thing she has. But a nice surprise was when I was training, an odd creature Hippopotas showed up in the ruin maniac's cave. That was funny.

I'm also revisiting (read: forcing my sister to watch) the Guild, and... yeah. Lotta time on my hands. I think I'll go for walkies soon, I want to shower after the walk but before CSI Miami is on at 9. There is so much CSI on TV that it's weird (and yes, I count NCIS to be CSI too, it's the same damn show, just with a gay navy appeal, right?) But I love it all. Though Miami is the best :P I love the cheese :3

I'm sorry, I'm probably high on something.

Since the last diary was so rubbish, here is something win:

Talking about 12 Monkeys and HP6. I'm trying to avoid spoilers here, so it should be safe.

Last night I watched 12 Monkeys. I'd seen it before (at least I had a vague recollection... I remembered a kidnapping and the associated Stockholm syndrome), but it was good. I did not know that it was a Terry Gilliam film, and I did not know that it was based on La Jetee. Which was kind of meh since I've seen La Jetee twice, so when the dream sequence was starting - and you know it's supposed to be that awesome build up and a great revelation at the end? - I knew from the first frame what was going on. But nevertheless, it has much win, I was really immersed in the film, and the story is brilliant. And hey, I love time-travel stuff. All the complications. It's awesome when it's well done. That's why HP3 is my favourite. And speaking of, I went to see the new Harry Potter film, Half-Blood Prince. And I had heard so many bad things about it but... I can't remember the book. At all. I've read 6 and 7 once (as compared to the other books which I've read at least 8 times), so I just couldn't remember what was in the book, what wasn't, what was left out etc... So none of that bothered me at all. The film moved just fine for me, and let's face it, the HP films are fantasy-coming-to-reality for the fans. I know the plot, I know what I felt like when I was reading the books- with the films all I want is to see Hogwarts, see wizards, see magic. And those have always been the disappointments for me in the films, when they've done it badly. But in the cinema watching the new one, I was immersed in the world of magic, exactly what I want to do with these films. So it worked for me.

Also oddly enough, the scene with the 'unfortunate event' (to borrow Kermode's expression) - I actually got something out of it I hadn't before. If you recall my ramblings after book 6 came out in Finnish and how unimpressed I was with this event... in the movie the scene is better. o.O I realise they've changed it, and I can understand how it can be really frustrating. But I think it worked. Harry isn't under a spell and invisible, he is obeying his orders. Which suggests that he has matured a lot and respects his teacher and friend. Or he is scared stiff (I would be), OR he is curious about what is being said (he has a history of being an eavesdropper). And because he does that (stays hidden), a number of things is allowed to happen. Another thing is Draco. I finally got what happened there: both teachers were protecting Draco. Think back what Slughorn says about the soul, how it can be torn apart. A teacher would not want that to happen to a student's soul. But the crazy bitch (she annoys me so much) would have wanted that to happen to Draco. But his soul was saved. And I love the little bits and references we have of his family. And that's what they are, a family. It's easy be annoyed how slimy and horrible Draco is, but his parents love him, and he loves them. Ok, his dad isn't necessarily the best ever example for him, but no one is. Ah well. Fear not, I'm not going to start writing Harry-Draco slash anytime soon. :P

__________________________________________________

To help those who couldn't care less about my ramblings, you can skip to this bit that [Skydancer] made:

1. Optimist or Pessimist, is the glass nearly empty or half full of a nice wine or mead?
Glass is half full, but nothing alcoholic in it, thanks.  

2. Grass or concrete, do you prefer the natural world or the urban one?
I think I'mma hafta go with concrete. In terms of living the city is where I've kind of made my life and feel independent; in terms of aesthetics... well, it's the machine aesthetic for me.

3. Fashion madness or skin cult? Do you spend money like crazy on the latest fashions and clothes or are you more comfortable in your own skin and clothes are just something you wear when you need to?
I do care about the clothing I wear, although my fashion sense, I suspect, is kind of lame :P But yes, my appearance is important, and therefore I will pay attention to what I wear. As for the skin-thing... no. I'm not comfortable just hanging out nude.

4. Fantasy or common reality? Are you more immersed in your own, or others fantasy worlds to the point that they colour your life choices and actions, or are you caught up in the shared illusion of the "real world" with all its mania of jobs, family, wars and the media?
I think I'm pretty hopeless with the real world. I do live in my own world, I wouldn't call it fantasy as such... It's a perception of the real, I think I see it better than it is, and I don't notice a lot of things about reality. It's kind of a selective experience of the world.

5. Spiritual, Religious, Agnostic, Alternative, None of the above.
Religious, I suppose.

6. Creative madness or fan girl/boy? That is to say, artist/performer or fan/follower?
I think it does tend to lean more to the artist-side now. I used to be more fangirly but I've sort of lost the time and effort.

7. Spicy or homestyle? You like your life and foods hot and spicy or prefer the comfort of homemade meals and sincere cuddles.
Homestyle.

8. Hopeless romantic or pragmatic partner?
I think the romatic was killed somewhere along the way, I'd say it's all pragmatic now. But who's to say that won't change in the next relationship.

9. Animal companions or beer and sports casts?
Animals. The highlight of every holiday I have at home in Finland is being able to sit down with my dog and tend his fur. No better way to bond.

10. A hike in the forest or a night out at the club?
Forest. Clubs are too dark, too noisy, too stinky, too alcoholy and druggy for my liking.

11. Polygamy, Monogamy, Open, Exclusive, Shared, Alternative, Traditional?
...must... resist... stereotypage... :P Traditional Exclusive Monogamy plz.

12. Silk Sheets or Comfy Quilts?
Quilts. o.O Silk sheets are really ick.

13. Wood and Candles or Metals and Glass?
:3 Metal and glass and soot and machines and concrete and and...

14. The touch of sun through the clouds or the drama of the storm?
Err... windy.

15. Sweets or Sours?
I honestly can't say.

16. A chance to meet a friend you know from online or a chance to meet a celebrity?
Which celebrity...? :P

17. Lord of the Rings or the Last Unicorn, The Labyrinth or The Dark Crystal?
Haven't seen Last Unicorn, haven't seen Dark Crystal.

18. Muppets or Anime?
Muppets

19. Paint, Ink, Pencils or Photoshop, tablet and Painter?
Photoshop. Flash, animation, internet art. Yas.

20. In front of the Lens or behind the Camera?
I'm cool with both actually. What I dislike is being behind the camera and then told what to do. I'll take the photos, or ou'll take the photos. Unless of course it's been agreed that you direct me, in which case that is fine too :P

21. You have one thing you may do that will be the pinnacle of your life. It is?
Sealed in the temple as a family for time and all eternity.

Finland-land word-jam:

Heavy suitcase, fell over a puddle, airport, flight, disoriented days, brother's wedding, brother's dog, own dog, tending of fur, walkies, day-dreams of my wedding, photography, relatives, new neighbours, Dr. Horrible, cards around the world, too hot to sleep, sleeping in the balcony, church in Finnish, pokemon, plans to go to the temple, plans to go to the cinema, plans to see friends, Dr. Horrible, Conan O'Brien, thunder, mission prep, learning Swedish, texts from England, Facebook, Mafia Wars, Ashley move out, old computer, IE6, Photoshop, no I still don't drink coffee, dad not happy about mission, mormons happy about mission, teaching in church next week, answering questions about church and mission, wanna go to England already, wanna go on mission already, wanna come back from mission already, wanna get a job already, wanna get married already.

Finland messes me up everytime.

I'm waiting for the clock to turn 11 so I can head out to the coach station.
Stolen from the ever-amazing [The Penguin Who Could Fly]:

A
- Available: For now, until September, after which very much un.

- Age: In years, 23. Mentally, about 46

- Annoyance: Drivers who don't indicate when they are turning, or indicate wrongly. Slugs in my bedroom. Not singing all the verses of the hymns in church - if they are printed, they need to be sung dammit!

- Allergic: Not.

- Animal: A dog

- Actor: Harpo (though he was a bit more than just an actor...)

B
- Beer: No thanks.

- Birthday/Birthplace: 7th November, Vehkalahti. That place doesn't exist under that name anymore...

- Best Friends: Silvie, Isabel, Claire

- Body Part on opposite sex: I don't know anymore... shoulders?

- Best feeling in the world: You get in the temple

- Blind or Deaf: In the past I would have said deaf, but that would mean no more listening to people ever again... but blind would mean no more internets or art in the way that I do it, or reading. :C Deaf.

- Best weather: Windy and dry

- Been in Love: I'd rather not admit to it, but I guess so.

- Been bitched out?: This seems to be in every questionnaire out there, ad I still haven't a clue what it means.

- Been on stage?: Yah

- Believe in yourself?: Yah.

- Believe in life on other planets: Yah :P (no I do believe there are other planets with life on, it's too big a space to have just one planet with life on it)

- Believe in miracles: Yah.

- Believe in Magic: Not really

- Believe in God: Yah.

- Believe in Satan: Yah.

- Believe in Santa: Yah.

- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Yah.

- Believe in Evolution: Err, yah? It's a theory that guesses how things happened, but it's a work-in-progress.

C
- Car: Can be any model as long as it's Ford, and can be any colour as long as it's black.

- Candy: Raspberry Ruffles and LoveHearts

- Colour: The Right Colour (=kinda off-white/tan/cream/light beige/dried grass/Alsatian underbelly/sand...)

- Cried in school: I think so. Also in uni (but I did art, if you weren't crying over your work, you weren't doing good work)

- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla is the finest of the flavours.

- Chinese/Mexican: Chinese

- Cake or pie: Pie.

- Countries to visit: Belgium, Argentina, USA,

D
- Day or Night: Day

- Dream vehicle: An old classic car of any sort (that conforms to the 'car' question above)

- Danced: This question is meh.

- Dance in the rain?: So is this.

- Dance in the middle of the street?: And this.

- Do the splits?: Used to, but then stopped being the amazing Rubber-Child, and grew up into a stiff old lady.

E
- Eggs: Boiled, though everything goes.

- Eyes: Grey.

- Everyone has: win.

- Ever failed a class?: Mmm, don't think so.

F
- First crush: Like I can remember things like that. First guy I was properly in love with though was a metal head (y'know, heavy metal t-shirts and black jeans) with brown hair and dreamy brown eyes.

- Full name: Inari Tuulikki Porkka

- First thoughts waking up: Today... "Gah, I have to go today what time is it why didn't I put the alarm on oh no! Oh wait, I did put the alarm on for 8, it is 6.30... I'll just sleep some moar"

- Food: If it's fit for human consumption, I'll eat it. Iron cast stomach!

G
- Greatest Fear: Missing out on something, losing the plot

- Giver or taker: giver

- Goals: Celestial kingdom

- Gum: Spearmint

- Get along with your parents?: We're alright like.

- Good luck charms: None. But I keep odd bits and pieces for emotional value.

H
- Hair Colour: I'm gonna start saying light brown, because I think I'm beyond blonde by now.

- Height: Inch shy of six feet/178cm or thereabouts

- Happy: Yes, I actually am.

- Holidays: About to come to an end for at least year and a half

- How do you want to die: Hypothermia

- Health freak?: Non. Unless the obsessive refusal to admit when I'm ill counts as freaky.

- Hate: I try not to.

I
(In guys/girls)
- Eye color: Any.

- Hair Color: Any.

- Height: Any.

- Clothing Style: Modest.

- Characteristics: Faith, funny, intelligent.

- Ice Cream: I haven't really found my flavour yet. I'm not overtly keen on ice cream either, it's okay.

- Instrument: Went from piano -> guitar -> harmonica and panpipes (don't ask) -> voice -> ukulele. The guitar is my true love.


J
- Jewelry: One silver ring (I used to have a ring for every finger), earrings (a different type one in each ear), and I have the silvery Kalevala Brass Snake bracelet, which is much win.

- Job: Last one was accounts payables data entry clerk :P


K
- Kids: Eventually

- Kickboxing or karate: Err... kickboxing.

- Keep a journal?: Used to be better at it, now sort of slipping.

L
- Longest Car Ride: I don't know. o.O Maybe from Hamina to Turku with my sister.

- Love: Trying to love everyone.

- Letter: I like the letter 'i'. Also like receiving letters.

- Laughed so hard you cried: Yah, though can't remember any instances now.

- Love at first sight: Might work for some people. I go slow, though.

M
- Milk flavor: Just... milk plz.

- Movies: I'm pretty omnivorous with movies, but I'd rather keep it in the 15-or-younger rating level. Not so hot on the 18/R-rated stuffs.

- Mooned anyone?: Non.

- Marriage: Eventually, in the temple.

- Motion sickness?: Not really.

- McD's or BK: Eh, I've never been to Burger King.

N
- Number of Siblings: Three

- Number of Piercings: Earrings, one in each ear.

- Numbers: Yes: NumberPedia

O
- Overused Phrases: The usual: win, fail, your face

- One wish: I wish I had a million dollars

- One phobia: Wasps and bees make me meeeh.

P
- Place you'd like to live: I like Coventry. But American Tv has led me to believe that I'd like to live in the Norhern states like Maine or stuff like that. But I doubt there'd be lot of the English there, and I'm an Anglophile so... :3

- Pepsi/Coke: Coke.

Q
- Quail: If it's suitable for human consumption, I'll eat it.

- Questionnaires: Usually non.

R
- Reason to cry: Shame

- Reality T.V.: Nah.

- Radio Station: Recently Radio 4, in Finland YLEn Ykkönen

- Roll your tongue in a circle?: Sure.

S
- Song: Jerusalem still has win.

- Shoe size: 38 in Europe-sizes, so... is that a 6 or a 7?

- Sushi: Don't think I've ever tried.

- Skipped school: Can't remember.

- Slept outside: Yah.

- Seen a dead body?: No (not a person at least, I saw our previous dog)

- Smoked?: Tried when I was young and foolish.

- Skinny dipped?: Not since a very small child.

- Shower daily: Not daily unless it's oppressingly hot.

- Sing well?: Yes, I like to think so.

- In the shower?: Yas.

- Swear?: Trying to stop.

- Stuffed Animals?: I'm not so keen on the whole taxidermy thing...

- Single/Group dates: That's not exactly how it works over here (Europe has a retarded dating culture), but I'd prefer single dates.

- Strawberries/Blueberries: Finnish blueberries, strawberries anywhere else.

- Scientists need to invent: teleportation for internet.

T
- Time for bed: Usually around 10pm or thereabouts (I r wuss when it comes to sleeping)

- Thunderstorms: Scary but cool

- Touch your tongue to your nose?: Can't.

U
- Unpredictable: I don't think so, everything I do and say makes perfect sense to me and follows naturally from everything I previously say and do. But for some reason people often act surprised and/or baffled around me...

- Under the influence?: Of all sorts of good things, but not any kind of substances.

- Understanding?: I have lots of that.

V
- Vegetable you hate: If it's fit for human consumption, I'll eat it.

- Vegetable you love: I like Brussels sprouts and spinach.

- Vacation spot: I don't really do the whole... vacation/holiday/tourist thing. I go home on vacation to see family.

W
- Weakness: Any kind of petting/scratching of my head/back leaves me enslaved to the petter/scratcher.

- When you grow up: I dunno, I'm still waiting for that to happen :P

- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: I... don't know o.O

- Who makes you laugh the most: I don't know this either o.O

- Worst feeling: Shame

- Wanted to be a model?: Nah. I don't like being looked at.

- Where do we go when we die: Into the spirit world (to a state of rest or to a purgatory-like state, depending on your choices during life), and then we'll all be resurrected, we will stand before God to be judged according to our deeds, thoughts and desires of our hearts, and then we will be given a kingdom of glory (again, depending on our choices and wants of our hearts) to live for our eternal lives.

- Worst weather: Wet icky snow.

- Walk with a book on your head?: Can do, but I prefer not to in public.

X
- X-Rays: I've had more than my share. Teeth mostly, but also chest.

Y
-Year it is now: 2009

-Yellow: Not for wearing but for eating.

Z
- Zoo animal: I dunno, it's been a long time since I went to a zoo.

- Zodiac sign: Scorpio.

Yesterday was awesome, I was out and about from 10am til 7pm and then half an hour later left again and didn't get back til 2am. Social life, I has it o.O

So I'm now completely inoculated against hepatitis A and B, had my last booster yesterday. The thing is, when I started those injections, I was working in Sol, so I went to a private clinic (I don't have a GP atm... <_<) in Knowle (which is close to Sol) to get them done. So I figured I'd go there again even though it's way far and difficult to get to from Cov - but I'm not exactly doing anything during my days, so might as well. And they already have me on record there too. So I got loads of buses to get there, got the injection (which, I have to mention, even though it is injected into your arm, I can taste in my mouth when it's being done... Does this happen to anyone else?), then came back to Sol and dropped by work after their lunch breaks. Stayed for an hour or so (and we figured that I'm not going to see Ray again until at my setting apart the day before I leave o.O), then headed to Brum to the vintage shop. Got a blouse, and a dress to wear in my brother's wedding on Saturday. And it is such a pretty lovely dress that I kinda dressgasmed over it a little :3 It's silky-ish, white with these blue flower/plant prints. It's a bit too open at the front, but I'll wear a skin-coloured t-shirt under it to keep it modest. And from there I got the bus home. So I ended up getting the bus seven times yesterday. But is ok, I had a book, Carrie's War which i read from cover to cover during the day. So it was good. :) And it was a very good book too.

Then in the evening went to Chemsley Wood with Dani, there were about 10 or so of us from around the stake (plus a guy I hadn't met before from Hereford), we played Wii and table tennis and did the whole general hanging around thing a lot, and had much fun. And afterwards some of us went round someone's house and we watched Madagascar 2.
_{^{Ben said he'd miss me when I go on my mission. He laughed when he said that, so I told him 'no you won't' and he said 'I really will' :3}}

Today I've been cleaning/throwing stuff away some more, and repacking, because on Saturday I forgot to pack the wedding present, and since it's a drawing and it should stay flat, it needs to go to the very bottom of the suitcase. So I got to do it all over again, yay. ¬_¬ I'm so over the 15kg limit, but I don't care, I'll pay whatever they want on the airport for the excess. Though I still keep finding bits and bobs around the house that I go "meh, I need to take that too" - like toothbrush for example X_x How do you forget to pack a toothbrush?

*addment*

And I just had a very successful removal of chocolate stain off my white 50s dress - thank you internet for telling me what to do!
(It happened Sunday: I went to dinner round the Whites' house, we had a lovely roast dinner with gravy and all, and I got through it fine, then we had dessert, this lemony trifle, and that went fine, I didn't spill anything. then we got off the table and were sat around, and right before I was going we had birthday cake - chocolate birthday cake. >.< )

The gingers have gone to Birmingham to housesit. I won't see them again until mid-August. Interesting.

About 20 minutes before they left, I started to make a mess of the living room. Now four hours later it looks like a bomb site and I have a lovely feeling of achievement and job well done and all that jazz.

So yes, all this means that I'm packing. But not only that, I'm also clearing out and planning for September. I single-handedly filled our wheely-bin with carrier bags of junk that has accumulated in my bedroom over the two years I've been here. And I haven't even looked under my bed yet. And I have this wonderful giddy feeling when I see things being thrown away, so much so that I'm a bit worried that I might take it too far, and I have to constantly reign myself in. For example I threw away almost all of my normal socks. Most of them had a hole, or were old and frayed, fair enough, but still... all socks away at once. o.O Scary.

It's a contradictory feeling because I think person's possessions say a lot about them, your character and personality is in the objects you own - but at the same time the feeling of lightness and liberation you get when you get rid of things, or when you have next to nothing is equally wonderful. Like today before I started I was sat in the living room with a cup of tea, looking at my ukulele, and I thought ahead of the task at hand, of having to get rid of so much stuff and packing and storing things... And I was dreading it and I thought how wonderful would it be if all I had in the world was the ukulele and my teacup. Then obviously the romantic moment passed and I thought "well no, life wouldn't be so much better without clothes and books and computer kit..." and I began thinking of the things I have to take on my mission.

In short: Stuff is great but throwing stuff away is also great.

Aristaeus

Tale about drawing, research, bees and coinkydink.

Please to look at my wiki. It has picshore.

"Now rise, and show your strength. Be eloquent, and deep, and tender; see, with a clear eye, into Nature and into life; spread your white wings of quivering thought, and soar, a god-like spirit, over the whirling world beneath you, up through long lanes of flaming stars to the gates of eternity!"


Apparently this is what the stomach says to the brain after a cup of tea (two spoonfuls for each cup, and don't let it stand for more than three minutes).
-Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat.


And another extract from the book:

"And yet it seems so full of comfort and of strength, the night. In its great presence, our small sorrows creep away, ashamed. The day has been so full of fret and care, and our hearts have been so full of evil and bitter thoughts, and the world has seemed so hard and wrong to us. Then Night, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon our fevered head, and turns our little tear-stained face up to hers, and smiles, and, though she does not speak, we know what she would say,and lay our hot flushed cheek against her bosom, and the pain is gone.

"Sometimes, our pain is very deep and real, and we stand before her very silent, because there is no language for our pain, only a man. Night's heart is full of pity for us: she cannot ease our aching; she takes our hand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far beneath us, and, borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than her own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life lies like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but the angels of God.

"Only those who have worn the crown of suffering can look upon that wondrous light; and they, when they return, may not speak of it, or tell the mystery they know."

Dropped by in the library this afternoon with my housemate. And while he explored, I sat down to read, and ended up having to note down the following.

Excerpts from Hickey, D. "Revision Number 7: Formalism" in Art in America Apr.09 pp.35-38

Art doesn't have a dictionary --> patterns present themselves that are unaccounted for in "correct" readings.

All expression contain unintended secondary and tertiary patterns that contribute to the work's intentionality. (Emphasis added)

The primary virtue of formalism is that it allows you to see and hear patterns that were not put there, that only ended up there as a side effect of some other pattern more urgently desired.

Formalism speculates on the intensity and possible longevity of tangible art that elicits an instantaneous visual confirmation.

One's sense of a work's quality, virtue or intensity is as instantaneous as the mind's ability to sense patterns and their on-purposeness without knowing that purpose.

Formalism begins with an instantaneous sense of alien, patterned complexity. We stand before a work of art with no hope of understanding it and no choice but to try.

______________________

I fan a lot of pages on Facebook, especially bands, because I want the news and alerts and updates. It was through Facebook that I found out that the Offspring's latest album was going to premier on the internet, so I was able to listen to the whole thing before buying it - which really was full of win.

Well now I got an update to say that Rascal Flatts' new video of Summer Nights was premiering on Yahoo!-music, and it was suggesting to check it out. So I did. And as much as I love Rascal Flatts (their sound is just so different and awesome) and the song is ok (not my favourite, it's sort of... average), the video was really rather meh. First it's the band saying that they can't be bothered to make a video, so maybe just have a beach scene of lots of pretty people singing along and partying to the song. Just... no.

Proms. I'm proper excited about the Proms now, makes me wish I had a TV, makes me with the BBC iPlayer can be watched in Finland (can it? Is it UK only, or was it EU only, or something? I know it doens't work in the States... Ah well, there'll at least be radio in Finland, and they're not televising all of it anyhoo). And Proms make me work great. :D Today I watched the first night and worked all the way through watching - that's two and a half hours of programme/work, people! That's some good hours put in. :) And there was a man, a pianist, Stephen Hough, who seems to have much win and needs to be looked into much. Which I will. But in other radio-related news it seems that I've lost how to listen to the Today programme on the radio iPlayer. So I haven't in a couple days, and am back in the news-void. I am also binging on Angel. Really badly. Like, 3-4 episodes at a go. My housemates have the DVD boxset, so... I'll be srsl Angeled out by the end of the summer. But that's okay because I love Angel. Well, not Angel himself as much as Doyle. And Lorne. Also noticed something peculiar. Doyle is a lot like the groom from the last wedding I went to (when I was plus-one of one of the best men), and then Wesley is a lot like my date the best man. So lesson to be learnt here is: don't watch so much Angel, or you'll mix reality with TV. Oh wait, I do that all the time anyway.

So right now life is a mixture of work, Angel, pokemon, occasionally dotted by bisquits, slices of bread and glasses of squash, and the ginger interruptions (very welcome ones at that). That is all about to come to an abrupt end on Monday when I go chez Silvie for a week, and then Finland for a while the Monday following that week. Well, Angel will be interrupted, unless Silvie will allow me to bring it with, pokemon and work I will take with for sure, and I trust there will be noms there too... So... actually nothing will be interrupted, things will simply change location. One thing I'm not thinking about just yet is packing for Finland. Because it involves a lot of "this I need to get to Finland and leave there for the duration of my mission" which means that my mission is really close, and I'm not ready but also really aching to go already (things are hard right now, mission will make things really easy... Especially the obsessiveness and the aching-for-cuddles and such things that pertain to a man whose attention and interest I don't seem to have at the moment...) But I'm really not looking forward to packing on the Saturday I come back from Silv's. -_-

_____________________________

Kermode said something (many things indeed, but one thing in particular) about the new HP-film (no, I haven't been to see it yet, might leave it til Finland and go see it with my sisters) that I paid extra attention to, and that was that in his opinion it is a good children's horror film, and why didn't films like these exist when he was growing up. Now that's something I've heard a lot of parents say in a negative way, that as the HP-series progresses, it gets too scary for children. Now I'm of the school of thought that reckons that it's good for children to be scared. I can name about 4-5 things off the top of my head that frightened me to bits when I was a kid. For example: the Groke in Moomins, Katla in Brothers Lionheart, the thin-ice-warning-animation they showed every night of every winter right before bedtime -- and I know kids of my generation were all dead afraid of those things. I saw the Exorcist when I was far too young (I had a horror phase when I was about 10 or 11, I watched all the horror films and TV-shows I could get my hands on, I read everything there was available about monsters and the occult, and I got through my vampire-phase back then), I watched my brother play Doom and I had nightmares about that too (I had dreams that there were Eyes of the Beholder in my shower room, and I had to chop them down, and then the pieces changed into those little Peperami stick figure men and attacked my dog o.O). But the two worst things that I can remember from my childhood - one real and the other a nightmare - have nothing to do with having been scared by TV or movies.
        My worst nightmare as a child - a recurring one, no less - was that I was babysitting two young girls, and we were at the road, not far from my house (we lived in the sticks, so it's a quiet road, really bendy, no asphalt, no streetlights - a country lane), and a car came really fast down the road, and I didn't have time to react and I shouted and pulled the younger one to the side, but the older one got ran over and died. Now I never babysat, ever. My mom didn't let me, because she found it a really bad idea to let me be in charge of anybody's children - she just didn't think it was fair to make a child responsible for younger children. I mean, I looked after my kid-sister alright, but never that sort of formal babysitting thing. But this dream was horrible, because it was so real. And the feeling of "it's my fault" stayed with me even when I woke up and realised that no one had actually died. And I've since realised that the two girls were probably supposed to be me and my younger sister, because that was the kind of team we used to be (still are at times), and so essentially... I saved my sister but failed to save myself (whatever that means). Anyhoo.
        The other thing, the scariest thing ever to actually happen was that I remember going hiding under my bed (I was scared of mom for some reason, I did something to make her angry, or she was angry for some reason, can't remember) and she vacuumed the room and she didn't see me under the bed, obviously, so she vacuumed me (I got hit by the sucky part of the vacuum) and we had this really mean-sounding vacuum cleaner, and all us kids were pretty afraid of it, and I seriously thought that I was being vacuumed for real, and that mom was doing that because she was so angry with me that she was going to vacuum me. I think I actually peed myself at that point. I remember I hid there for a really long time, and then went and hid in the sauna (it's dark there, and nobody goes in there if it's not a sauna evening). Anyway, point was that neither of those worst-evers had anything to do with scary entertainment. That's not to say that I wasn't scared by scary movies and books when I was a kid - I just finished saying that I was plenty scared - but the point is that it's good to be scared. I've lost all coherence. Damn you Mark Kermode.

Some quotes from a programme on BBC1 about the moon missions I was watching because of the Apollo 11 anniversary:

{talking about the photos Apollo 8 sent} "the world received images, the likes of which we have never seen before. For centuries we have peered into space form the Earth. Now, we could see ourselves as the rest of the universe sees."
http://promega.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/nasa-apollo8-dec24-earthrise.jpg

"If NASA hadn't paid so much attention to filming, we would never have made it to the moon. It's the television images of heroes that appealed the the public... without TV, we would never have fallen in love with the story {of the moon missions}"

"{during repairs to a satellite} NASA produced more incredible images for the world's TV screens."
http://www.ri.net/schools/Glocester/WGES/Dulude/images/spaceman.jpg

And I realised that that is one of the values that NASA returns to us. We (and by we I mean the USAian tax payers) pay incredible amounts to construct... thingies, to find out... some other thingies that some smart people tell us are very important to find out. But if you are not into science of thingies, this all may seem like a lot of waste. But the science is not all that NASA provides. They also produce emotional value, they give us thingies that anyone can understand: images and stories. And I personally think that is enough to justify their missions, to be thankful for the work NASA does in enriching our culture.

______________________

You know the phrase "I'll never forget you"? You can imagine some really emotional moment when two people who care for each other separate never to meet again (whether separated by something permanent like death, or just by circumstances like moving far away from each other). I've found that all of those close friends of mine that I've separated with for whatever reason, no matter how dear and close, I do forget them sometimes. Months, even years may pass when I don't think of them. But there is always something that comes up and the memory returns. And I think when we say "I'll never forget you" we mean to add "permanently". Or we mean that "I'll remember you at times. At random times when I'm not really thinking of anything in particular, you will come to mind. Or I'll see or hear something that will remind me of you, of the good times we shared. And times, quiet times, when you will simply resurface in my mind with a bitter-sweet reminder of how good it was, and how other things will be good in another way another time. But never with you again."

In case you're wondering where this all is coming from (Coventry, England), I was listening to the radio where they talked about the young British servicemen who have died in Afghanistan. And it made me think of someone who went to school with me who also died at 18. And I noticed how long ago that was, and how I still think of him and love him.

http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1364

The last panel is the most truthful thing ever mentioned in this comic.

Quiz-time!

Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
-No, I don't.

</Quiz-time>

I have to scrap my LED Christ in Glory -project and start from scratch. For the third time. -_- FFS. Last time it was because they (Major League Baseball) changed the file that would be used, this time it's because the program has an unforeseen limit on how many elements can be placed onto the timeline, and it is nowhere near many enough for what I am doing -_- So I will either have to... go back to Flash and make the whole damn thing in as a Flash animation (this would mean that the finished thing is skewed, and it bothers me far more than it should), or I will have to learn how to group the lines so I can put one element per line instead of one element per light. I'm not sure if that'd work either, and I'd probably have to make many small animations in Flash to be the elements, which then runs the risk of the imported files being misplaces and the whole shenang going blargh. This decision will come another time, for right now I am in no state of mind to make decisions or think rationally about what to do - because right now the winning option is stabbing my computer screen with a buttery knife... >.< Why do I do media art, someone remind me please? (Oh yeah, 'cause it pays well...)

So I'm putting the damn thing on hold til I can gather myself... Heh, the moment this error message showed up and I realised exactly what it meant (that all my labour so far all these months was totally wasted), I put my boots on, grabbed my keys and went for a walk around the block, because otherwise I would have trashed my living room.

I have to email George about the set back... I'm thinking of writing it in the form of a riddle...

I think I'll go watch Dr. Horrible now.

Hokae, important announcement. Though less of an announcement and more of an advertisement. >_>

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is the most fantabulous thing ever. Yes, it deserves le tag-abusage. And I'm not just saying it because I'm in love with Neil Patrick Harris and will soon send myself to him in a package (although it would probably spark a real-life instance of someone saying the phrase "the hell? Who mails a bobcat?")

Back to the important announcement. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is a... let's call it a movie, a superhero- no, a supervillain movie. A supervillain movie musical. It is about Dr. Horrible (who has a Ph.D in Horribleness), who keeps a video blog about how he strives to get in to the Evil League of Evil (which is led by none other than the Thoroughbred of Sin: Bad Horse *shivers*) But like all supervillains, he has a superhero nemesis, Captain Hammer (corporate tool). I can tell already that you can not contain your excitement, so I'll stop telling you what it's about, and move on to tell you 1) how friggin' awesome this thing is, 2) why exactly do you need to watch it right now, and 3) how many ways Bad Horse could 'make you his mare'.

Seriously though. The project was conceived during those dark and dreary months of the Writers' Strike. The people behind the project (Joss Whedon and co) basically got all their mates together to make a movie that was released in three parts on the internet. And when I say "their mates" I mean their professional mates. These people do this work for a living (I love Neil Patrick Harris because of 'Stark Raving Mad' which he did with pre-Monk Tony Shaloub, the guy who plays Captain Hammer, Nathan Fillion, is a familiar face to me from 'Two guys, a girl and a pizzaplace' or whatever that show evolved into when the girl got married with this guy, and the Whedon-clan are famous for doing a lot of good stuff). So it's these professional people going "this writers' strike sucks, we want to do stuff, let's do this and put it out on the internet ourselves." And how much win it has, I can not begin to tell you.

Look, here's the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXI3obHfwgU And http://drhorrible.com/ is the official place (USAians can actually watch the whole thing on there, and I'm sure it's around on YouTube too, though the DVD is so worth it, and not expensive either).

So. I love the story. I love the actors. I love the music. I love the concept. And most of all I love it for how it was done, and what it says about how things can be done.

Fanart will happen. Soon. Very, very soon.



And we all are Bad Horse's mares. And I love it.

Coughing hurts. Apparently dark chocolate is supposed to suppress the itch-reflex that causes coughing - we bought four bars of chocolate today, three milk and one white. -_- Will go to the shop tomorrow to fix this oversight. Today I also bought the remaining BSG that I haven't seen (so that's like the fourth season, which is stupidly divided into "fourth season" and "final season" because of the darned writers' strike), so am quickly catching up with that. So more fanart may come out of that, especially now that I live with the ginger geeks, who appreciate fanart much.

Anthony Gormley's 'Fourth Plinth' started today. For the next 100 days a person will stand on the empty fourth plinth on Trafalgar Square for an hour each, all around the clock. This project has so much win. I'll be keeping a close eye on it.

Emotionally battered, so I can't be bothered to do much. I'm avoidant of everything.

I have found the Reith lectures. o.O http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/features/the-reith-lectures/archive/ This might mean that I will become vastly smarter. Or just more confused as to what my opinions and political views are. But either way, it are win.

This is actually something very pertinent right now, and I'd like you to be aware of it: my opinions are in a flux. I am finding it increasingly difficult to be critical in a negative way. My assessment of about everything in the world goes from "oh, that's okay" to "that is the most marvelous thing ever". There is no "suck", no "lame", no "bad". (I actually remember Harpo Speaks mentioning a man who was like that, whose meanest thing he ever said was "that Hitler isn't really the nicest fellow"). I told my new housemate that today, that he really should not trust my opinion or taste on anything. I mean, things which I'm excited about are probably good, I don't think I get really excited about lame things... but at the same time, my opinion will not protect us from the lame things. And this kind of uncriticalness also takes form as a political indecisiveness. I am at the moment unable to make up my mind as to politics. So if I seem vague and disconnected about interesting debate, that might be why (or it might be the reason why I ask questions in such debate, who knows... See?! Unable to decide). It may be to some extent that I'm really easy to please and tend to look for the positive in everything (so it works out for me a lot of the time, even though I'll be unable to share a critical opinion about a movie). But I'm also honestly politically lost - there seems to be no option that suits me: there is no iippo-party. And I can't make one because I don't know what their views would be :P I hope this will slowly fix itself - until it does, the most I ca do is define my opinions in terms of "well that's not it" (although in some cases like abortion or gay marriage, I can't even make up my mind about which side I think isn't right).

Another thing about smarts that I wanted to share with you. I was spending time with these kids my age whom I know from church. And it was a fun evening, there was noms, we played games, talked etc... And at one point we were bored and trying to think what to do, and someone said they could use their phone to find some quiz-questions on the internet, and we could have a quiz. So we sorted all that out, and the guy with the phone was like "err, I don't know about these questions, they may be to hard" and said "for example, would you know 'what is the fin on the back of a fish called?'" And I said "of course we know that, it's a dorsal fin." And he looked at me all surprised, and everybody else did too, and went "...okay, so you would know, okay then. Well, the next question is 'what is the biggest island of Thailand?'" and his tone of voice kinda suggested "you guys aren't going to know this, this quiz is too hard, we should do something else" and I said "well I don't know how to pronounce it, but I think it's Phuket." And again everybody just went like... "how can you know that stuff o.O" These people are supposed to be my peer group, yet they don't know what a dorsal fin is? >.<; Is it such a surprise that I feel older and prefer to spend time with older people? (I know, it's not just an age thing, since I know people younger than me who are smarter than me - but my mental age is not at the same level as theirs). 
            Now I'm a person who gets along with just about everybody and anybody, I don't do the whole "we have nothing in common" -thing, I'm happy to kind of even sit on the edge of a group of people and watch them have fun, and still feel included in some way... But that... was a very strange sort of alienation going on there. o.O Alienation by participation. Just... what the heck?
            The drive back made the evening worthwhile though, so it was good in the end (see, positive side in everything! Meh.)

I'm also learning alot about humility at the moment. That also in turn might lead to indecisiveness. But it'll also at the end of the process make me a happier, better person, I reckon.

Jessica Rabbit gig is off. -_- Woke up without a voice. Meeeh. I'll do it next time (which technically means "after my mission"). Meeeeh.

To ease the annoyance, I've been looking at http://www.ladiesemporium.com/store/ladies_shoes.php :3 ([The Penguin Who Could Fly] knows what I mean)