Diary a la [Viking]:

Interview with the Man Who Made World's First Cell Phone Call
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/04/10/greene.cellphone.cooper/index.html?hpt=Sbin


Diary a la [iippo]:

Still tramping through England, visiting friends. Currently in Silvie visit 2.0 at her family home. This trip has gone marvellously well considering how badly planned it was. I have now a flight to go back home on Monday, so that makes the entire duration of the trip almost three weeks. I've met many of the people I really wanted to meet, some by wonderful "coincidences" (I don't believe in coincidences remember); I've stayed at the homes of the people that I really needed to stay with to properly rebond after my long absence, and had drinks or lunch with the people with whom that was enough or whom I couldn't visit properly. I've also developed further this idea of mine to drive through Europe to bring my belongings from England to Finland, and it might work and I think I can afford it, now the question really is "when". The most exciting part of this whole idea is that my bishop¹ has expressed keen interest in doing the trip with me. I'd love that so much, I never have enough time with him to just talk, so five days of road trip with him would be great. If only I can bring myself to accept his offer to take him away from his family and responsibilities and life... I probably could.

Other than that... I have new pokemans, new books, my old books, couple new friends, new clothes, inspiration and direction for arty things, and a lot of new determination and hope for the future. Y'see, I haven't been particularly happy about my decision to go live in Finland, because Coventry just is my home and I love it too much. But I stick with my decision, and this trip has helped me do that. It's almost like... England is rejecting me. o.O I'm a little afraid of the political situation here, and everything seems to have moved on without me. Friends are still friends, and the people who I'd like to be more than friends are also still "just" friends too :P The love hasn't faded, and that is a great comfort. I can rest assured that I can come back whenever I want. But now it''s onwards.



^{1 A mormon bishop: In the church no one is paid for the service or leadership they are called to provide, and it is only for a short time anyone is called as an anything. My bishop at the moment is a young father of three and a civil servant (I think? Something to do with immigration legal business) and I consider him a dear friend. He's just awfully busy all the time and I don't want to be all needy and stuff and hang onto him.}

Well, I had a very different way of enjoying that movie. See, I had set it to record from TV on Sunday. Sunday is when we changed to summer time. TV digi-box thingie wasn't aware of the change. So it had recorded an hour of a program about how Africa was a white man's playfield (interesting-ish topic, but I fast-forwarded) and then it had cut the movie short. So I watched some cowboys first separate from a pioneer trail (whoo pioneers!) and start a ranch, and then in a blink of an eye it was fourteen years later, they were all old (or grown up in the case of the kid) and there had been a war and there was no need for beef in Texas. So they decided to drive ten thousand moocows a thousand miles north to Missouri (boo Missouri!) And they started and it was hard and there was some mutiny and a stampede, and some people said they should go to Kansas, and then the movie ended.

I kind of like unfinished stories. :) <Mission story> There's this CD we found in an apartment once, that has what we call "some guy's conversion story" and it's him giving a lecture or something, telling how he went from Lutheran minister to mormon. And it end´him being stuck in California, living on the beach, then he goes to church and the missionaries invite him over for dinner, and they eat potatoes and Kool-Aid, then the CD breaks and the four or five tracks at the end don't play. :) *really likes CD as it is* </mission story> I might upload it here at some point as part of sharing mission stories...

We had another one of these with Silvie, watching a talkie called The Pulse. It was a horror film with something to do with computers etc and I thought "hey that might have a cool concept of viri perhaps, or a commentary on how social networking technology is making us all braindead, or something, y'know. Well we started it and weren't much in the mood for the thing, and the guy and the girl were just about getting on to something, and then they had a car crash. And we decided that it would be awesome if the movie ended there: they died in the car crash, and they were the only ones who could have saved everything. The end. So we stopped the film and that's how it ends for me now. :)

AhhahahahI'm screwed >_>

So remember when I maybe can't vote because I haven't officially changed my address? Well, the National Insurance people also know I don't live here, and sent me a letter saying "since you don't live here, we won't give you back your social security status. Go set your life in order at the correct office before the 6th, 'cause that's when we'll do this thing." Well, I can't go there before the 6th because I'm going to England tomorrow. My only hope is going by a Post Office right before I board my plane to get temporary login details to the Post Office web-service, where I can change my address details. The reason I can't do it any other way is because I have forgotten my internet bank password (which is the other way to login to the Post Office), and my bank told me to come in and get it reset - but it's 5km (half a swedish mile! :O) away and there's no blooming way I'm walking over there in these blizzards we've been having lately (okay fine, I could take a bus, but even that is over a km to walk to... Which I did to go to church, and instead of asking for a ticket to Rantahaka, I said Haaparanta. :P Rantahaka is about 5 minute busride away - Haaparanta is in Lappland, on the other side of the Finnish-Swedish border :P I saw signs to Haaparanta a lot in Sundsvall, so it's just a more familiar name and I wasn't paying attention at all :P). So yeah. Whatever. We'll start this process over after I come back from England *seriously consideres not coming back*

Oh, and turning clocks to summer time seriously messed up my sleeping pattern. I can not for the life of me, wake up at my usual hour anymore. Which makes me snooze past any kind of reasonable time, or worse yet, I fall asleep during studies. I migth have to adjust and accept that my wake time is not officially an hour later than it used to be. Perhaps that is best.

In other news... I have none. It's just continuing: drawing (come to the stage of colouring things now :O), watching movies (a mormon movie The Mountain of the Lord, then a re-visit of As Good As It Gets, later today an old western, and a live tv-show where important people talk about the internet. Need to listen in on that one to see where they at :P), I'm doing all sorts of mission recording (to be revealed at a later date), walking the dog, sing and play guitar a little sometimes (mostly sing, I hurt my hand with the dog one day), and of course all this internet business. All of which (except the internet business) is coming to a halt from tomorrow, because I leave for England. :3

I watched a Danish symphony orchestra play Gustav Holts Planets on TV... I did not know that you can watch classical music being performed on TV. I also hadn't remembered how awesome it is to watch music. It was much win, and I was inspired with an idea for a new project - which will just have to wait its turn in the queue just like all those other ideas that are so meticulously written down on some random scrap piece of paper and left floating in my room... Hmm, maybe I need to learn the good-better-best approach even in art projects, and do the ones that matter most first. This project would be win because it would be animation, and possibly would be easy to place in the space of any kind of a classical music building. Which I hear they are building a new one in Helsinki... Humm... That'd be cool :D

I also watched my first movie since being back. It was a delightful French thing called Odette Toulemonde - a little like Amelie but more grown up, and less... magicalness. Though it did have plenty of its own kind of magicalness, when Odette gets very excited, she starts to float. :) And she often greets Jesus on her way to or from home; and the silhouette couple in her wallpaper is alive. Other than that, her reality is pretty magical too, and she is a hero for the simple man: she has her life, her family with its problems, her home in the ghetto, her job with its drama, and her favourite author, whose books are loved and adored by people just like her. And why not? She has more life in her little toe than those Parisian snobs in their entire lifetimes. <3 This was an ode to the everyday hero. And I must admit, when the movie started... <_< I was that Parisian snob. I looked at her and thought "oh my goodness, what a little person" - I was in my head preparing for a movie like Amelie, and she is a giant soul - but so is Odette, in her own way, when you don't judge her first off the bat. I was rebuked by this movie (I love being rebuked; I love being proved wrong in my judgment).


Anyway, I'm catching the bus again today to go to Kouvola, this time I'll spend the night at my brother's. Meh, I need a car so life would be easier (or I just need my dad to come back from his hols >_> Ah well, this is the last time for a while, because London's calling on Wednesday!)

http://xkcd.com/726/

I never thought of this! :D *will totally do that on wednesday*

http://xkcd.com/722/

I've mostly thought this way about television - and via that, the simplicity yet finesse of our race: we can sit perfectly still watching a flickering colourful light. For hours. Then I imagine aliens trying to nslave us with such a flickering light weapon, and we'd be all like "err, what the heck? *smash aliens to pulp* *go sit in front of our own flickering lights again*"
              My other alien thought is how much superior we are to the vulcans. In Star Trek, their planet is blown up. And the ones that were off-planet are all "we need to find another planet. Luckily because some of us survived, our culture is preserved." I may be quoting liberally; there may have been some key word like "the main points of our culture" or something, instead of the whole thing. But it doesn't matter. Because the point of this isn't our superiority to vulcans, really, It's the fact that that sentence made me realise - and constantly realise over and over again - how rich our life here on earth is. There is no way our culture could be preserved if the planet exploded. There are just too many things. So many countries, all with their own languages, traditions, special little quirks; too many things that take a team effort - from sports and music to all medical advancements ever; too much individualism. Even if only my room was destroyed and I survived, I would not be enough to bring it all back. It would be forever lost.
             I told this one to a friend of mine from the mission. And he said I was funny, but then admitted that he had thought that he could never fall in love with an alien because she would not be able to have the same taste in music as him. That man is deep :P


http://xkcd.com/696/
I am up for a strip chess by mail any time, y0.

http://xkcd.com/695/
In the words of Charlie Brown: Aaaaauuugghhh! ;_;

Snippets.

-I realised that it's possible that I can't vote because I'm not as of yet registered to live here :O Crap. And I can't register online because I've forgotten my internet bank details and need to go to town one day to fix those.

-I'm applying for a position to be a lecturer :3

-I'm thoroughly enjoying my walks with my dog. Not only is it inspirational and important head-space-time, I'm also interested in this strange relationship I have with this strange animal. It is my way of practicing accepting the fleeting. This dog will die. The relationship will end. Yet, there is nothing I can think of doing of recording the relationship in anyway - and I feel that I shouldn't do it either. It is simply here for me right now to enjoy, and let things of the future be for the future.
(You have no idea how difficult this is for me to accept.)

-New art, room cleaning, guitar playing, scripture reading, other reading, Elftown, Facebook, email... All is well. Apart from the, y'know, personal struggles and hardships that tie me down and from which I just don't seem to be able to escape from. <_< But everyone has those. So they're in check.

-Cryptic diaries, new wikis in the making, necroposting and generally not taking things too seriously here just yet. :P Sorry, I'll become useful soon enough.

-Deadlines: job application, England trip. I need to take the bus to the airport (haven't done that before).

Updates:

-Out of 3 big suitcases and 1 carry-on, and 3 blue boxes from Posten, I have so far unpacked: 1 suitscase and 1 box.
-Bookshelf and wardrobe are now sorted. Yet the mess in the room is worse than ever. More clothes are on their way out (to be given to charity or just plain thrown away) than came in with me, unfortunately same cannot be said of books, my shelves are desperately over-crowded. There is a chance of fixing this by getting rid of all the old VHS tapes that currently take up 2 out of 3 shelves above the TV.
-Been listening to much musics. The first one to break my missionary music habit was the Beach Boys with Pet Sounds. Followed closely by Paul Simon, David Bowie and then a whole plethora of awesome stuff like Tom Waits, They Might Be Giants etc etc... <3 But the CD-shelf is in desperate need of cleanup, though I think my very next project ha to be the desk. I need to move that darn thing >.< And into the messiest part of the room too, so I have to clean a ton before I get it anywhere. 
-I wore trousers. They weren't very comfortable :P Well okay, in all fairness, they were my jeans and they were stiff from not having been used in such a long time, plus they are too big for me: I can pull them down without opening the buttons. :P But I'm back in a skirt today.
-Am making art, it's epic.
-Have been uploading photos to Facebook, and lost my patience with the place. It pretty much arbitrarily decides whether it takes my edits into account or not and whether it lets me see my friends' comments or not. FailBook has fail.
-Waking up is fine again. Maybe it was just the jetlag :P
-Stuff in Japan still makes me cry.

I'm heading off to [Dory]'s tonight to sleep there before I go to church on Sunday.

So apparently we have an election in a few months. This is exciting. I get to vote :D

But who to vote for? It would seem that the Pirate Party talks about all sorts of things that matter to me alot - copyright and all that crap - but also doesn't seem to make a stand with other things that also matter, that in turn the Christian democrats talk very openly. But I'm also not so sure where I stand in terms of aligning politics and my religious beliefs. Just because I won't marry a woman doesn't necessarily mean that no one should. Or does it? Meh, gay marriage isn't really one of my hot topics, that was a bad example... A better example: the stuff that the Christian democrats say about culture and the arts is good, I agree with it alot - but on a personal level. Is politics supposed to be personal? I think that art should be ethical - does that mean that everyone should think the same? Someone put it really well when they said that politically Jesus Christ would have been a liberal but he would have personally lived like a socialist. So then we have the liberals in the picture, that would be a pretty obvious choice - except they don't exist here. So I'd have to move to Helsinki to vote liberal. Then there's a whole ton of other parties that I don't have the energy to look into right now... ._.

So perhaps we're back with the Pirates. Maybe, if I can't be bothered to find out which party exactly is the one for me, I should go with the ones who talk about the one thing that matters to me but will leave the other stuff be? Meh, I have month to pay attention to this stuff, so maybe I'll find it out. Or maybe I'll once again find myself out of the country when it's time to vote... >_>

Here's something amusing and related:
http://www.finlandforthought.net/2010/01/18/which-finnish-political-party-should-i-join/

Again and still; not yet and never again; after all

It's funny how some things don't change. For example taking my dog for a walk for the first time after my mission was exactly the same as ever. Consequently he is my guineapig in relearning how to speak Finnish :P Other things I find myself in need of relearning are different every-day routines, such as mornings and eating. My goodness how I struggle to wake up at 6:30! :O I snooze til 7. -_- Ridiculous. How can it be this hard? X_x I then take some of those good solid morning-hours for reading and study, then go down at my leisure to eat breakfast, after which I take the dog for a walk. Rest of the day is an unstructured mess (though it is becoming a little bit more evident that early day/afternoon is a good time for the internets as my mum usually watches stuff in my room around that time, so cleaning and art-related activities aren't going to happen... Too bad, since those are the super-productive hours of the day after the morning, but I'll just be productive in ET-catchup... >_>) But I certainly have decided to not be on the computer past 8pm.

Plenty of things need to change, beginning with my room. I need to clear out my bookshelf, my wardrobe, my musicshelf, my instrument-space, my walls and overall basically everything. I have not as of yet worn trousers after my mission. I am very comfortable in skirts thankyouverymuch. I also haven't really properly listened to any music I wouldn't have listened to as a missionary - partly because the musicshelf-cleanup that is due, partly because my CD-player is acting up. This clean-up means that I may be getting rid of some stuff... CDs... mainly punk and such... maybe. If I manage >_> I made this decision on my mission, and somehow the thought of doing it was much easier then... The only thing I have actually intentionally listened to is some uber-culture radio, which doesn't really count. And I haven't as of yet watched any TV. I just don't feel the need. YouTube on the other hand made it back to my repertoir ejust fine :P Mostly my not-being-a-missionary-anymore shows mostly in the time I spend alone, and my internet usage. :P

Things have changed on the internet, too. Not so much here in ET, at least not as much as I expected... Very kind of you to wait for me, but seriously, isn't it time to fix up some things? :P But every once and a while I spot a thing that's new or a new face, and it's cool. Very good. I hope you know that I'm planning all sorts of grand projects and stuff, I'll be getting very busy, tell you that. And I'll invite all my geeky missionary-buddies over here and the place will be swarmed with mormons. :P Maybe. They might be more prunish than I am an be put off by the sex, drugs and rock n' roll that is so very rife here in town (I'm going to talk more about this kind of thing later... If I remember to). Or they'll all be too busy studying and getting married that they won't have the time. But at least ET will be a good place to share my mission-stuffs with them, so at least they'll look at that. After all, they were there. They'll care that much.

Now, on to other post-mission discoveries... My phone is ancient! :O What the heck?! I have a Nokia 3210 (the first model that didn't have an antenna poking out of it...) and on the mish we used the smalled 1661 models, and now I want one of them instead of this old monster. That's right people: [iippo] wants a new phone. We did not ever imagine this day would come. This should be international news, this is so big. But I have also not as of yet acquired aFinnish number, so I am out of reach by anything bar text messages (picking up calls would be too expensive for me because of those roaming charges - or have those gone down since I left? But still, talking on the phone zaps my battery, so I won't pick up no matter what).

Yet the strangest thing so far is the empty lack of other mormons. I was with another missionary 24/7 for 18 months. Not only is it totally alien to be with another person that much, let alone a stranger who just happens to belong to your church. Good grief it was crazy. And cool sometimes, and sometimes you were just all "phew thank God you are here with me all the time!" But now, not seeing other mormons at all for long stretches of time... is weird. I miss you mormons ;_; So while I have immensely enjoyed my new-found isolation, I do miss that contact. Which is probably why I'm on Facebook all the time, talking to a lot of my mish-buds on there. And hey speaking of Facebook - there's a thing that changed since I left! :O What happened? I used to have apps and lolcats and stuff... I think.

As of yet, I have not picked up a pencil/brush/tablet/paint or even a wikipage to make art. Why? I just don't feel ready. o.O I'm itching to go, but... I'm not ready. I haven't closed the mission-books just yet. Even these diaries are part of the post-mission wind-down. I'll ease myself into it by editing and organising my mission photos and making wikis here. But I do have a lot of thoughts and plans for new art (18 months worth of inspiration). And now really is the beginning of my career. I learnt of some New Media places in Sweden while there, I have friends in Texas in case I need to go over to the Austin Digi-Art place, and all the old galleries in England (though it sounds like the UK government is dealing some blows to the arts lately...?) I just need to start producing work to exhibit. There could also be a lot of mormon-themes in the new work ahead :P My career might be developing towards "church-related information design" :P (I had some ideas in that direction, how to explain things in an interactive/web-based way... And seeing the changes in lds.org and mormon.org makes me think that the church might just put it to use if I make it...)

Something I have observed recently in myself (and let this be a warning to Silvie :P) is that I'm like... super-sensitive. o.o Whenever I hear more news from Japan I almost start to cry. I'm still in some missionary mindset that things that I hear and see have a really big impact on me. News, music, swearing... all causes a reaction, almost a flinch. o.O

And in totally other kinds of news, I like my waist :) I can wear my dog's collar as a belt. *wants a waspie*

I caught up with [Viking]'s diary.
I was kind of speed-clicking (because there is no 'continue where you left off' with diaries), so this is the list of things I need to look at later.

Birth of steampunk
http://io9.com/#!5780422/the-birth-of-steampunk-in-the-19th-century

A real revolution
http://www.lewrockwell.com/blog/lewrw/archives/78969.html

Democracy is not enough
http://reason.com/archives/2011/02/16/democracy-isnt-enough

http://www.librarything.com/

Obsolete Occupations
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124251060

Douglas Adams TED talk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZG8HBuDjgc

Internet Enables Intimacy TED talk
http://www.ted.com/talks/stefana_broadbent_how_the_internet_enables_intimacy.html

Strange Maps
http://www.slate.com/id/2236256/

On the Pleasures of Not Belonging, or Notes on Interstitial Art (Part One)
http://henryjenkins.org/2009/11/on_the_pleasures_of_not_belong.html

Secret Histories
http://unlikelyworlds.blogspot.com/2009/11/secret-histories.html

5 Ways to hack your brain into awesomeness
http://www.cracked.com/article/127_5-ways-to-hack-your-brain-into-awesomeness/

the Spectator vs. the New Yorker review

Firsts and lasts and other numerical facts

I am in the terrible process of Elftown catch-up. My first day properly back home (yesterday) was spent glued to the computer. It was a mix of talking to old friends for the first time after a long time, and connecting with new friends on the interwebs for the first time. I would say that the amount of love in my life has doubled since my adventures in the Sweden Stockholm Mission. My language-abilities have increased (now is the right way to say it by half, or by a third, if I knew two languages and now I know three? Half sounds righter) by a half.

I did not cry in my last interview with president Anderson (my mission president, aka my dad on a mission), and I did not cry in my first interview back with president Penfold (my stake president). But I did cry in my first and last interview with bishop Mills. You have no idea how badly I'd like to live in Coventry again. But. Now is not the time. Later may be the time, we'll see what life looks like. An interesting illustration: I cried on the plane back from Sweden to England (leaving a mission is hard! Being a missionary is a labour of love, and then leaving the place you've loved and served with such dedication for such a long time is really heart-hurty), but then as we flew over England and I looked down (nice clear afternoon) onto this land, I kind of stopped crying and went "oh yeah. I love this place." And I think this love-thing is partially why I have to live in Finland for now. No more loving to learn in England or in Sweden, need to learn to love Finland now. And if/when I do, it might be time to move on, and learn to love- where next? Well, I've decided to learn French, Russian and Persian. Though Iran might have to wait for a while longer before I move there... <_< (My plan is to be the first older-retired-couple-missionaries to Iran - in about 40 years. Is that an optimistic timeframe to get that country to sort itself out enough to let proselyting Christians in? Maybe. But then again senior couples don't always proselyte, so that might work. But still: official mormon church presence in Iran in 2050? That'd be sick :3) Maybe we'll start with France. :P (Then again it's not the only French-speaking country in the world...) Anyway. The plan is to at least double the amount of languages I speak right now.

Immediate future plans (in order of appearance):
-Travel to Stockholm on the boat to visit the temple there when my last ward in Örebro will be visiting at the same time (including the new guys! :D)
-Back to Finland, visit church in Helsinki, and hopefully meet the missionary who baptised me.
-Two weeks of... life. Stuff. Thing. Re-learning routines: wake up and study in the mornings like a missionary. Start projects on ET and beyond.
-Fly to England for General Conference in end of March. Stay as long as people's hospitability allows.
-Return to Finland. Unpack mission bags. Start cleaning and organising my room and my life.
-Find a job, or sign up on the dole. More art and projects and stuff.
-Return to England for General Conference in October.


PS. I skipped a lot of yous's diaries (exceptions being ally (25), Viking (501) and Punk (46), which I will read soon (maybe), and Silvie, who sent me her diaries while I was gone and therefore I didn't have that much catching up to do) and only read the recentest ones, because there was a ton. If you got married or something while I was away, please accept my happy congratulations. If someone died, please accept my heartfelt condolences. If there was a lot of ET-drama, please accept my ignoring it completely :)

So my hotmail died while I was away (and messenger went with it). So if you actually would like to talk to me on messenger, feel free to re-add me so I get you back :3

Here it comes... look ready...
The Last Diary Entry! Tah-dah!

I've had several 'lasts' this past few days, I had my Last Sunday and did my Last Sunday Talk which went fine, and had my Last Choir Practice, and then I had my Last Sunday Dinner with my 'surrogate' family. On Monday I had my Last FHE, which was sort of a farewell do with kids my age from church. Which was funny because many of them had been up to Manchester for a convention that weekend and they were so tired that they were flopping off their chairs and laughing their asses off because everything is funny when you are tired. On Tuesday I had a farewell-for-now with my friends from uni, so there were many Lasts there... But that is actually a story:

I had planned my Last Week pretty carefully: Friday I have to report at the Missionary Training Centre, so my surrogate family drops me there on Thursday, so I need to be set apart on Wednesday evening, so effectively Tuesday is my Last Night as a normal person, and I wanted to party with my uni friends. Which I did. But during the planning, I told everyone that it was on the 2nd X_x Which is Wednesday. So I met my teachers at uni and confirmed that they were coming round M's (=where the party was) later, and they went 'oh it's today? Well, yeah, we'll come later.' And I went ahead with two of the new students. I texted M ahead, and she called me back sauying 'isn't it tomorrow, you told us it's tomorrow!' And I explained that I won't exist tomorrow, I go into the oblivion known as being a Full Time Missionary. So she said 'it's ok, we can have it today' and she started readying everything while I panickedly called everyone telling them 'it's not tomorrow it's today, can you please come? I suck so much!' And we got there and M's boyf had his mates over and they were all put to work to go get food and start making stuff, while I profusely apologised to M and we both kept contacting everyone about it... And when people arrived I kept apologising profusely... And you know what? Everyone came. O_o I was so amazed and touched. But also amused because this means that my friends don't have lives :P And it was just the brilliantest evening. Most of us stayed til half past midnight (though I had been discreetly almost falling alsleep for an hour and a half) at which point we all kinda went 'damn, it's past midnight, let's call it a night' and everyone agreed and there was much hugs and confusions and awesome, and my teacher D. took me home. Whenever I meet D. there's always these moments odd remembrance and/or deeper realisations that we are really similar people. We think alike and just... get what the other one is on about. But also, when I don't talk to him for a while, I slowly forget that he likes me. It's this wierd social problem I have that when I absolutely adore someone, I slowly slip into assuming they don't like me (unless the likage is enforced regularly). So it always comes as a surprise when they do. So it was great to just talk to D. as a friend all the way to my house and then we sat in the car outside my house for ages talking. Much win.

So, rest of today is all packing/moving/house-cleaning stuff, then the setting apart tonight, after which my 'family' takes my luggage in their car and I go spend the night round the bishop's house, and then tomorrow morning my 'family' comes to get me from there and off I go.

I'd want to end my Last Diary with something win, but I have nothing win in mind right now, so instead, here is a bunny with a pancake on its head:



See you soon. Write letters to me, please. :)

What the hell? o_O

So, I was listening to This American Life, as usual, episode about Big Breaks. And this married couple comedians are telling about how back in the 60s they had their Big Break - they got a gig on the Ed Sullivan Show. How awesome. So they tell about the dress rehearsal, how they didn't quite get how a dress rehearsal works on TV (they didn't do their act properly), and about an hour before the show Ed Sullivan tells them to change their act to fit the audience - which is going to consist of 15-year-old girls tonight. So they are all "dub-tee-ef" and go to their dressing room and try to work their new act out, and this weird young lad in frizzled hair and huge glasses comes up and hangs out and talks to them, and they're getting kinda annoyed, and when he finally leaves they get back on their act and try to sort it out... and they are called on the stage, it's all about the start. And they are telling this story on the radio with an interviewer. And then they play the clip from the show they did... Ed Sullivan's voice saying those words that are now so incredibly historic, the words I've heard millions of times: "ladies and gentlemen - the Beatles" and there is the explosion of screaming and the song starts...

And I started crying o.O

Y'see, I've had my share of Beatlemania. I don't mean I just liked the Beatles a lot - I mean the real mania that the Beatles inspire in females for some mysterious reason. But I had it around 2002, I wasn't yet born when they were big in the 60s. But I've had it. There was a summer when I watched all these tapes my mom had about the Beatles, documentaries and the films etc... And I had that urge to scream and put my hands over my face and cry. The real physical and utterly literal fandom that the Beatles caused in the 60s. People screamed so loudly in their gigs that nobody could hear the music - not even the band. Ringo couldn't see anybody else's faces from behind the drums and therefore he had no idea what song they were playing on their gigs. People threw so much jelly beans on the stage that it actually hurt the band to be bombarded like that. And there is no rational explanation for the behaviour. But I know exactly what those crazy fans felt like. And the feeling came back all of a sudden it came right back when minding my own business, working away and idly listening to the radio. It really felt like being throw in the head with a brick, a brick that was thrown in the past. By me. O_o

I'm a little bit disturbed by what just happened.

*goes to find Beatles playlists on YouTube*

Well, I guess here comes more podcast inspired nonsense. :P
Or not. Most of it was spent on the recentest edit on The Dark Knight Observations. Also I listen to so much stuff that I forget a lot of it now. But that's okay, because I'll remember it when I need to (today I listened to themes like the famous kidnapping of Bobby someone which turns out that Bobby is in fact still missing and the boy the found as Bobby was this other kid, so they basically stole someone else's child to replace theirs that went missing; few shorter tales about there being the one and only person out there for you, which is not realistic, it's more like there are a hundred thousand people out there for you - and I'm actually planning on figuring out what the amount is for me personally; more talk about healthcare reform, and I finally understood the big difference with American healthcare is that they don't have KELA/NHS type of thing that pays for some stuff, that the people have to pay for all of their own illness, and now I'm a little afraid of America; and some more scripture-listening took place too).

I am making lists. The list of things I need to do before moving out (clean bedroom; wash laundry - and since my washer is broken that means going to the laundromat; write to Claire - because I forgot to tell her my mission address in my last letter; defrost fridge and freezer - not looking forward to that, and in preparation to it I have been trying to eat the stuff from my freezer; throw away remaining foodstuffs and lots of other remainings; arrange for George to come pick up the Mac - but only after I've finished the LED thing; pack everything. The time allocated for this will be broken and mutilated by various farewells and other social activities, so I'm a little intimidated by my list...), the list of things I need to take with me from the kitchen (pan and lid, frying pan, wooden spoon, spatula, cheese slicer, knives, fork, knife, spoon, teaspoon, mug, glass, plate, small plate, bowl, can opener, sieve). I'm leaving a lot of things, but I want one of everything that I need when I come back, so that I don't come back to a kitchen that possibly has nothing in it. Then I also have a visual list of thee drawings I wanted to make (well, I was asked to make something to decorate the mothers' lounge in church, so I planned to do these drawings of animal+child, and I've done some line drawings, and now my plan is to photocopy them a couple times and let the children colour them and use the coloured drawings for the lounge, but I want to finish off a couple more). I also have a list of people whose addresses I need to write down before I leave. It's mostly RL people, whom I'll hopefully all see in the various aforementioned farewells.

Tomorrow I'm going to a wedding. Third wedding this summer, and personally the least important one, since I don't know the couple very well. But the bride's father asked me to help out with the photography and that's why I'm going. He's going to do most of it himself, but since he has to be in some of the photos, he asked me to help since I know at least a little about pointing a camera (srsl people: someone who has a camera of which the lens can be detached ≠ a really uber professional photographer). I realised today that I have nothing to wear since I got rid of or left in Finland all my non-missionary clothes. Ah well. And on Sunday I will have to talk for about 30 minutes, since it's traditional in the ward that when you leave for or come back from your mission, you have to give a talk. I haven't given it much thought, I've listed a few things I want to say. So maybe I'll just wing it from there or something.

Leaving is one big hassle. -_-
Oh, that reminds me of something. A friend of mine was over yesterday, and we talked a lot and lot, and he mentioned something about wanting to travel, and that I obviously want to travel, because I'm here and I'm going again. But actually... I've noticed that I don't actually o.O When I was younger I desperately wanted to travel. Now I'm not inherently interested in travel itself. The world has become local to me. In that if I need to go somewhere or I have a reason to want to go somewhere, I am willing to travel there. But I don't actually want to travel to some far away place just to see the place. I'm sort of settling with the idea that all places are the same in a way. Here's how I reckon that: for several years in my teens I was aching to leave Finland, I wanted to go to California, or France, or pretty much anywhere. Then I did. I left. I moved abroad. I came to Coventry, to find that loads of people are aching to leave. And when I go home, disillusioned about the glamour of 'living abroad' I meet people, friends of friends, who when told the short version of my life (I live in England and study art), they think I've got it made, they say that they wish they'd moved abroad etc... But to me England has become a reality now. It's not some distant objective anymore, it's a real place. I love it, yes, but if it had been California, I would now love California. Had I stayed in Finland, I would probably had experiences that would have made me love that place. And I will go to Sweden and I will love Sweden. The place does not happiness make. It's things you do, people you meet.

Now okay, maybe you can't meet people or do things that make you happy in every place (in all honesty, if I had stayed in Finland, I probably wouldn't be a mormon now). I didn't thrive in Finland and still don't partly because of the closeness of the family. But there isn't one particular place that is just better than any other place and anyone who comes there will automatically be happier there. Although I am willing to admit that there probably are places that are automatically worse than other places, simply because of political etc situations. Like, Afghanistan doesn't sound like a nice place at the moment. But there is no guarantee that if you left Afghanistan and came to England, that you would be automatically much happier.

Going back a bit, it may sound odd that someone who flies so frequently and had lots of international friends doesn't like travelling. But I see it like... you can live all your life in New York and never visit the Statue of Liberty. Except that I feel like that about the whole world. If you give me a good reason to go to the Statue of Liberty (I need to meet up with someone there maybe) then I'll go. But just for the sake that it's there and I haven't seen it before...? Well, it's not one of the most interesting things I haven't seen before. Again, to clarify, I'm not against seeing sights - if they are interesting. A statue is kind of interesting, since it's art and stuff and I have an interest in art. But I wouldn't travel to New York just to see art - unless it was something I had a really keen interest in. Like Marcel Duchamp coming back from the dead. I'm going to give up on the New York example now, and be more local. I have visited the city of Bristol a lot. You could look up stuff about Bristol on the internet, or if you are English you might know some interesting things about Bristol - and without ever having been there you'd know more about Bristol as a place than I do. Because I never visit Bristol in Bristol, I visit Silvie in Bristol. So many people ask me if I've seen the Clifton suspension bridge, and so many times I say no, and explain that the only places in Bristol I've seen are the bus station, art gallery, some parts of the campus, and Silvie's house. The only parts about Bristol that matter to me are the parts that matter to Silvie. And I would apply this travel-planning on a global scale: I would visit Argentina because of Pubky, I would visit Indianapolis because of Viking, I would visit Belgium because of ally, I would visit Brazil because of Tibo. Etc. In my book travelling to Bristol and travelling to Sao Paulo are the same. If Silvie moves out of Bristol, I won't go there again, if Tibo moves back to England, I will never visit Brazil.

And this is the paragraph where I turn my coat and prove myself wrong :D
Because there are places that I would want to visit for no practical reason. But there is still a reason.
I want to visit Utah for the obvious reason that that is the mormon state. But I wouldn't really do it for the whole sight-seeing "ooh lookit, something historical!" -reason. But the reason is still somewhat voyeuristic since I don't personally know anyone really close there. It'd just be nice to see a place where the majority of the people share my faith. And even more far-fetchedly, I do want to go to Maine or Alaska or upstate New York or one of those other northern-ly states. I don't know why exactly, It's part Twin Peaks, part Gilmore Girls fascination I think. But I don't think I'd want to just visit there as a tourist, I'd want to move there. So I do still have some of those silly romantic notions of Someplace Far Away I'd be happier... But I won't go, I don't think, unless something drives me away. But it's far more likely that I will discover more and more reasons to love Coventry and England until I'm so rooted that I couldn't leave even if I wanted to.

Enough yammering.

The only way this would have more win is that if they'd spelt his name correctly (it has a 'u' in it guys, not a 'w')



Anyway, very little interesting things to say... Yesterday I discovered this absolutely delightful Italian restaurant in Coventry, on Far Gosford Street of all places. I had several good conversations (or one really long good conversation?) with a friend as a farewell-for-now (though he is convinced that I won't see him again... o.O) and I'm really close to finishing my stuppid LED project. I'm really fed up with it by now and just want it to diediedie. Or finish. Or whatever.

I've been working so intensely, and listening to so much stuff (news, podcasts, radio-programmes...) that I won't share any of the thoughts that those things have prompted, because there's just too much of it and my brain is frying pretty much. So I'm easing up on the economics podcasts and This American Life a little, and mixing it up with some music and also a lot of listenables that one finds on the church website (pretty much everything is read out loud - for the benefit of the blind and illiterate I imagine - everything from the scriptures to the actual missionary handbook... So am putting that stuff to use in order to pretend that I'm at least somewhat prepared...) But most of the thoughts that that stuff inspires I don't care to share here, because I can't imagine anybody else really caring about either (especially when a lot of it is me going "squee" over a guy who lived in the 1830s...) :P

I should just stop talking to people and just express myself by linking to pages of Dinosaur Comic. Because T-Rex and co. say everything I'd ever want to say.

Like the last panel in this one:
http://www.qwantz.com/comics/comic2-1332.png
He puts very eloquently what I think but fail to ever express. He does this all the time.

* * *

As the mission-thing draws nearer, I'm starting to worry that I'm going to be a really rubbish missionary. Like... I am so anti-social and don't like people much. Or, well no, that's not exactly true, I like people somewhat, when they talk to me. But I don't want to talk to them very much. So that is something of a problem there. And another problem could be the sort of... weirdness. Now I don't actually know how much of it I put on and how much is out of my control. Am I quirky because I like being quirky, and could I be normal if I really tried to (or if I got shouted at by my mission president a lot)? Or am I just quirky and there is nothing I can do about it, like an illness? I don't know.

Meh. In reality all this nonsense boils down to "I don't know what I am doing, and that makes me very nervous." Despite the fact that I have known a lot of missionaries, both ones that are going on their missions, are on their missions and have returned from their missions, and I have read and heard and witnessed a lot of details about what goes on on a mission... But yesterday I was reading the information I have on what to do and what to bring etc... and it just makes me nervous (gym periods? I'm going to have gym periods in the MTC? What the hell, is it high school or something?! I'm very proud to be able to say that I haven't done anything that could even mildly be referred to as a 'gym period' in over five years - and I like it like that! I don't even have any sort of clothing that is appropriate for any sort of arranged exercise. *frets*)

*goes back to reading DinoComic*

So I mentioned theMoth.org couple posts back. And I just finished listening to this one and it's the best one I've listened so far.
Nathan Englander - Man on the Moon
http://e1.simplecdn.net/upload1.themoth.prx.org/wp-content/uploads/moth-podcast-71-nathan-englander.mp3

Aww frig!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1321

Dinosaur Comic has the ability to make you go 'frig'.


In other news, I bought a compact digital camera for my mission (can't take SLR on a mission). And two things:
1. The camera is pink. o.O Wy did I buy a pink camera?
2. My pet is in Finland. We all know that the rule is that the first photo you should take with any new camera must be of a pet. Wat do I do nao? :C