So I've been reading a lot about blondeness through the ages, from a book that talks about exactly that. I've read up to the Victorian era, but it's been basically the same information repeated in every chapter: prostitutes would bleach their hair because blonde hair drives men crazy, rich women used all sorts of nasty crap to make hair lighter or would buy wigs, and blonde hair in art would be either 'treacherous, dangerous woman like Eve' or 'innocent and pure like virgin Mary' and context is the only way to tell which one it is. It did mention history's first ever 'dumb blonde' Rosalie Duthé, who was a very wealthy courtesan and she was the subject of a satire 'Les curiosités de la foire' (Market curiosities), where one such wondrous thing was "a machine human, a very strange apparatus that looks like a beautiful woman, and acts like a living being: eats, drinks, dances, sings, and it can strip a man down to his undergarments in a matter of mere seconds. But it cannot produce speech, and they say this problem can never be fixed." Mme Duthé was there when this play opened, and she was outraged. She promised a kiss to any person who would write something that would return her honour, but the task had no takers.

So first blonde hair (and indeed all hair) was all evil and sinful and causing lusting etc etc... then the setting is thrown a little by Virgin Mary appearing blonde as well (and general loosening up in society where having your hair showing didn't automatically mean you were a hooker). The next surprise in the story is fairy tales. All the fairy tale heroines are blonde bar Snow White, and this whole culture of fairy tales had nothing to do with vain rich people doing all they can to be pretty nor with prostitutes (rich nor poor kinds), but with regular people. These were stories told when people sat around doing the kind of work that makes your hands occupied and mouths and minds unoccupied. Stories told to reinforce a value or a virtue (or a taboo). People like H. C. Andersen and the brothers Grimm didn't make their stories up: they listened to these stories when growing up, they went around to the places where such story tellers lived and recorded the stories and published them. And then you move to things like Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (the real life Alice wasn't blonde, but the book-Alice is) where blondeness has more to do with youth and the innocence of youth (you lose your blonde hair as you grow up and get older, just like you lose your innocence - I found this to be a very cool symbol, since my hair behaves that way).

Another interesting curve ball was Queen Elizabeth I (not the boat). She had brown hair, but during her long solitary reign (she never married) she created this public image of herself of being this ever-beautiful, blonde queen of amazing and oompf that people could worship and love (in a patriotic way). All the portraits painted of her had to be approved of her, they were all young and beautiful and blonde and probably looked nothing like her :P But her blondeness wasn't about seducing men nor about virginity. It was about... royalty and power and inspiring awe. Being larger-than-life (which the portraits are). So that's cool and relevant.

Then I got to the literature of the 1800s and we're back to seducing and virginity. Stuff to look forward to in the coming pages: aryans, Marilyn Monroe and the conclusion (that is always the most fascinating part of any such book).

This isn't helping much in terms of the work since the pictures are drawn and the hair is coloured and it was decided from the start that they would be blonde. I am having fun though with different shades of blonde and this is something that the book also highlighted. The whole hair = sex is pretty irrelevant to me and it's really boring how the book seems to really dwell on that. So as far as research goes, this was not incredibly seminal or even all the way useful, but it was a good read and enables a wee bit of discussion and referencing. So not all a waste. But who knows, maybe it presents the Hitlerian love of pale and blonde so badly that it'll cause me to reject the whole shebang and go back to machines :P (oh wait, the nazis or communists loved machines too, didn't they? >.< If reductio ad Hitlerum was a valid point, all art would have to be rejected).


Last comment: I did enjoy the fact that I was simultaneously reading about the renaissance ideal female in this book, renaissance culture in another book and about Botticelli (again) and they all talked about Savonarola. I might have to research this guy, he sounds pretty interesting.

Started watching Adam's Apples on YouTube and it's looking pretty win after part I :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qYw78f37JI&feature=related

It just really really makes me want cake >_>

Anyway, story about a neo-Nazi who seems to be sent from prison to a church for parole or some such.

This coming All Hallows' Eve is designated as the Day of 7 Billion.
It is guesstimated that on/by that date, the population of the Earth will be 7 billion. Which will be strange, since I learnt in school that it was 6 billion. Now I have to learn a new number >:| 

Their website is cool though: http://www.7billionactions.org/

Oh hey awesome, they are working with Playing for Change!
http://www.7billionactions.org/music

If you don't know about PfC, it's really awesome and should perhaps look them up? They are kind of globally uniting buskers and other musicians from around the world to create peace.
Heck, I'll just link you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

Past couple weeks we've been visited by a fish monger (I almost typoes 'fisited buy') A guy on a bike with fish comes up and says "buy fish". And we have bought fish. From a real live country side fish monger. Heck, I hope a green grocer would start coming too :P But today he saw our dog and left us a couple less-valuable fish and said "boil them and give to the dog, will make his fur shiny." :D So I think my mum's actually going to do that. I think it wouldn't be amiss to add "my life is average" here :P

So I ended up continuing the paper contract indefinitely. This is my first ever real job that doesn't have an end date affixed from the start. Kinda cool. So I am a regular filler-inner now. :P We'll see what becomes of this all when the snow comes, meep. I did tell him that I will be away for a week in December to go to Sweden, and he said that will work in the regular way, no problems. And maybe I'll be able to take time off when a friend comes to visit, or it'll be a bit strange when he's here :P

The future in short: two more possibilities for English groups starting in November; Silvie chided me for not sharing workz on the internets so I'll try to do some kind of a fix for that (the drawings are too big to scan and really annoying to photograph so I've just been too lazy to do it properly), though it may be mostly just research-sharing in diary-form. So if yous all of a sudden start getting iippo-diaries about blonde hair or white clothing in art, you can send your hate-mail to [windowframe] :P

And today, in the paper job I was learning a new district (this and the previous one have been taught by pleasant young fellas - so no complaints there), and now I need to plan tomorrow's English class. I just had an amazingly delicious cup of Rooibos Earl Grey (I heard the Occupy Wall St. people drink Rooibos :P Good taste) and will whisk off to Kouvola in an hour to help the missionaries with something, and will have time on the bus ride to read art magazines and knit.

Things are good.

But in other other news, I'm planning a Sweden trip with a Swedish Interrail Pass, and this trip would involve the north-south night train all the way from Göteborg to Umeå. 13 hour train ride! This is like a dream of mine. The whole shebang travel-wise (train pass + flights) would come to about 300 euros total, I would be staying with friends, and would only have one light carryon luggage thing with working wheels and a backpack, and have no more than a week of this, because by then I would probably have to get back to work.

These kinds of things make me really happy ^^

I need someone to tell me what to do about the paper job (they want to continue the contract), and I want someone to tell me to continue the contract. >_> But I also don't want to continue the contract.

This decision would be easier if I had had money come in from this job already (I have, for like the first week, but I mean like a proper salary), so I could look at it and go "mmmmyeeeaaah, not worth it" or "wewt, my very own monies that I owned with my very own works!" Y'know? But it is good to not be on the dole. And I can totally do the English clubs too, even have more groups if I manage, and still have time for arts. It's just the evening stuff like Institute and helping the missionaries that goes out the window. But missionaries can be helped during the day, I will have evenings free sometimes - and even the Sunday thing isn't a big deal, since it doesn't stop me from going to church (it doesn't even feel like Sunday properly, being out there so early at night) and he has been not-giving me Sundays as of late. And I haven't talked to him in weeks either (there has been no real need) so the asshattery hasn't come through too badly. Sooo...

I'm going to continue it. >.< But like, when the snow comes, I really want out. Or maybe I won't. Gah! *is too much of a push-over*

In other news, the autumn outside is gorgeous, me and the woof are enjoying outing together. And I want to make some kind of a product line of wooden... something, called Finnish Son of a Birch (Suomalainen Kuusipää). Y'know like Emily Strange or something, this massively popular character of the Son of a Birch. :P

I'm starting to record evidence that Christmas is almost here. I have never been so ready for Christmas this early in the year ever before.

-it's snowing (...in Utah and Idaho, but still! And I know people there so it's my business :P)
-a friend on Facebook said he's going to be hanging Christmas lights up already
-Listening to Owl City's 'Peppermint Winter' a lot doesn't feel dumb. Other Christmas songs are also already good to listen to.
-My mum brought up Christmas weekend plans when we were eating, and now those plans are all set.
-Other December plans (friend coming over, me going to Sweden to buy julmust) are also being made.
-There was a photo in the paper today that had two Santas in it (I can't remember what they were doing in the picture, something... charity)

You know, Harpo had his Christmas lights up all year one year because they just didn't want to take them down after Christmas, and they had the amazing Christmas feeling at home all year. So I think I shall simply put my Christmas decorations up already. I definitely need to start burning candles. :3

And today when taking the dog on a walk, I was sensing things in the air, kept imagining "was that a snow flake?" etc... :P

Today I have not much to say.

But I am looking at cool things, and wanted to share this to those of you who struggle to draw hands:
http://thisisnthappiness.com/post/6250628522/drawing-hands-grant-snider

So yesterday I watched that Zeitgeist movie on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z9WVZddH9w&feature It's really long. But interesting. My problem is that... I don't know if I trust it. And I wonder, would I trust it if I had seen it on TV? Is my distrust the result of internet cynicism (everything on the internet is a lie or a hoax or some kind of a dangerous cult of predators) and so if a thing's main point is not to simply entertain and be light, therefore I must be wary of it and doubt it. Or perhaps doubting everything at first is simply the healthy way to go about life in these perilous days we live in, it's self-preservation.

But I would rather like to believe the Zeitgeist movie. Maybe I will after giving it some thought. See, this whole "countries in debt and it's a crisis" thing... I don't understand it really, and the movie kind of explained it the way I've thought about it. That basically, it's this big game that we have all made up, right? And now basically all the countries in the world are in debt, in fact in so much debt that there is no money in the world to pay it all of. So, like... why don't we just... rewrite the rules and say "okay now, nobody is in debt anymore"? Just make it disappear. It doesn't really exist in the first place... (I mean the debts that countries have - my personal debt is real and I kind of want to pay it off, because that will feel awesome when I do... But countries' debts don't have that personal thing to them). Meh, I've been meaning to read up a little more to understand economics a bit more. Instead I've been trying to catch up in the junk forum. Which is kind of like a debt on its own. I guess, if I can't press "skip all" in junk forum, that means we can't just cancel all debt that countries have.

Anyway, the movie talked about other things too. And the ending was really cool (I found it even somewhat emotional, and I think that is partly why I find it suspect). So if you can't be bothered to watch almost 3 hours of a YouTube video, let it load all the way to the end and watch just the ending. :P

Okay, so apparently I did have much to say after all. Wordiness is like a plague that I have. I don't think it's contagious, though.


Huh. Strangely related to Zeitgeist:
http://thisisnthappiness.com/post/6254306837/boredom-pays
http://thisisnthappiness.com/post/6441532113/philosophy-of-the-less

I have developed better technique of drawing on my emotionally addictive papers. Annoyingly, I developed it mid-project, and now want to go back and redraw all the images in the project with that technique. Which I won't, I'll just have to learn and deal, and draw some other pictures with the new technique later. Hoping that I will still remember it then.

I am also knitting squares (over 6" in size). If you knit and would like to participate in an awesome art project, please knit squares.

And now I will pull out all of my musical instruments and take photos of them for the reference photo marathon contest (there is no way I'll ever be able to make that into a link, I can never get those words in the right order) *goes to find a white sheet for background purposes*

Creativity is fun! :D And the meaning of life, too (just to drop a little hint there, in case you're looking, to prod you in the right direction).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSrWkbH7FrM

Sweet Child o'Mine, played by sweet children. Pretty cool.

So teaching English as a playgroup thing was so much fun and went by really fast. We just repeated six words over and over in different games. There's this little girl who pronounced "ear" with a perfect Queen's English accent <3

I also dropped by the library in search for sheet music that would get me excited to play guitar and/or piano again, and I came across and checked out this http://www.voimauttavavalokuva.net/english/index.htm The Loveliest Girl in the World. It has a series of very fairytale-ish photos taken over a number of years of a handful of young girls, it's about acceptance and rejection and all those other awkward, painful things that girls go through. It's really beautiful and right up my research - which I had been getting on with just hours prior to discovering the book in the library.

It was pretty amazing to go in the library in the first place. I haven't been there in years. And it still smells the same. <3 It was also hilarious, I was wondering around aimlessly, looking at the classification numbers (I worked in the bookstore, remember, to me 7 means all things creative, 1 means philosophy etc...) and I hovered around the sevens, not able to locate the sheet music - which was very prominently placed and well-signed for behind the check-out counter, though not next to all the other art and music books :P

I have done everything! *fist in air as a sign of triumph*
I have emailed and Facebooked everyone that needed to be contacted, I've banked and done other official business, I'm prepared to teach English to kids tomorrow for the very first time (this is going to be so much fun btw, it's not teaching, it's playing games for an hour), I've done ET stuffs (though there is always more to do), I've knitted, I've started to listen to the recentest episode of This American Life, I've groomed my dog, I've had a shower. All this after having done a newspaper round, and before dinner.

Carry on.

So the paper job gets increasingly more annoying and difficult, which is a good way to go about it I guess. 'Cause on Friday I was scary to be alone, on Saturday I was stupid and thought I could leave some of the papers in the drop-off box and pick them up as I go past it to the other area, but I left too many and had to come back and then go back and it was a hassle. Also the papers were late coming. And then Sunday verily did suck because you have to deliver this annoying little thin slip of a thing to every door, not just the subscribers. Ah well, I survived in the end. Interestingly, last week the weather was gorgeous every night, so I guess this week it's going to rain and suck, just so I won't get to thinking that this is a glorious career choice after all. :P

Two interesting things worth mentioning about the weekend. On Saturday after I finished my round, I called America. And America picked up and passed the phone around so that I got to talk to a whole ton of my friends <3 Y'see, they had a missionary reunion in Utah on Friday night (so that's Saturday morning for me) and we all got to talk on the phone. They all really appreciated it and I really loved it too. So that was epic and I was on cloud nine for a long time after that. (I wrote a really long cool note about it in Facebook if you want excessive details for any reason).

Sunday made me seethe, though. I was on my way to work, and there was a bunch of guys coming home from a bar - including my religiously insensitive boss-person. And they were all shouting and heckling me as I biked past, the boss-person being the loudest and most obnoxious of the lot. Despite the fact that he wasn't at work and he was drunk at the time, I still think that is incredibly inappropriate. And I mean, more inappropriate than if it had been total strangers. It was one of the most threatening moments in a long while. Usually I just don't care about stuff like that, but that one really brushed me the wrong way.

So then later I was explaining to mum and dad about my shifts and days off, and I said "yeah it ends on the 17th." And they were all "whut, why?" so I just stated that the contract ends, there's all this change in the districts and stuff blahblah" and dad said "ah, but maybe you can extend it" and I said "probably but I'm not going to." They were all o.o and I explained "I don't like the guy who does our shifts, and you have to work with him if you work there, so I don't want to work there." And we talked about him, and I think my dad knows (of) him, and he said "is he the guy who's in Perussuomalaiset (Basic Finns, that extreme right wing political party that is getting all sorts of attention over here). So today I spied him on Facebook and yes indeed he is that one. I don't know if that means anything, if that explains it at all, or if this just enforces my slightly negative view of the PerSu-group. I'm sad if it does, because I thought I'm above that kind of thing.

If I meet one obnoxious Bulgarian, will I assume that all Bulgarians are obnoxious? Of course not. But is judging people based on their thoughts and actions (like a politican group) better than judging them based on something they have no control over, like birth place or race? I think so. But then extending that judgment to the entire group would only work if you knew that the person's obnoxiousness was caused by the thoughts and actions that are promoted by the group. So in short, is my boss obnoxious because he is PerSu, or is he just obnoxious? Should I judge the PerSu because he is obnoxious, or should I just judge him? The thing here is of course that the PerSu are so very talented at being obnoxious all across the field. Their elected representatives say racists things in interviews and in blogposts, their leader has the gift of the gab and uses it shamelessly to blather populist bollocks instead of trying to do anything (these guys pretty much almost won the elections - why are they in opposition? Oh yes, because they don't actually want to do anything, they just want to sit in the sidelines and heckle á la Luke 7:32... Then again, if they had formed the government on a PerSu basis, I would have left the country. I'll take the Tories over the PerSu any day).

Wow, political rant time, over.

Anyhoo, so I came home on Sunday morning cursing the name of that guy. And then it was General Conference and president Uchtdorf talked about exactly this kind of thing in his talk¹ and called me to repentance about it. Bah. Fine. I'll be nice. But I am still not renewing the contract. -_-

¹ http://lds.org/general-conference/watch/2011/10?lang=eng&vid=1194756909001&cid=12

I have to sort of unload again. This is where I come to unload. Sorry about all the load. tl;dr.

I've had stressful dreams about cycling with the post bike, and I'm also randomly stressing/freaking out over having to do the round alone for the first time on Friday. I had to do the round today with all the papers in my bike (yesterday we shared) but the teacher-person was still with me. But the bike is really darn scary when it's all loaded up, it's really heavy and it shakes like a blender all the time (unless you tighten your arms out really straight to stabilise it). But Friday it's all me. This will take a long time, I tell you. And I'm so scared of getting lost or falling over with that heavy bike, and it's all cold and dark yet you still get really sweaty...

Anyhoo. I got the schedule for this thing, I have all next week biking, the week after all off - except weekends. During this contract of shortness (only three weeks) I have to do every weekend. Everyone hates weekends. There's more papers and you have to stop at every post box, not just the ones who have subscribed to a newspaper. So everyone hates Sundays. I mentioned to the boss-person about wanting to keep Sundays holy, but he said that's a problem. The thing is, I told him "I'm religious and to me Sunday is the Sabbath and therefore holy." And he was just like... not at all even trying to meet me halfway or anything, he didn't even sound in any way sympathetic or anything *fails at explaining but I hope you get what I mean* This is very much the problematic thing in Finland...

<tangent> There is no religious tolerance because people don't understand other religions at all. His reaction would have been the same if I'd said "I'm jewish and therefore can't do shifts on Saturdays." He himself is not religious (I don't know but I'm guessing) and the society at large around him is not religious, and RE in school was really boring and not relevant, and therefore he has no friggin' clue what "holy day" even means in practice. Even though the concept exists in basically every religion in some form or another. He can't relate and therefore can't grasp that it might be important to the person he is talking to. I really think this is what RE should be about, teaching people about all religions, perhaps starting with the ev.lut state church, but also touching on others, and not in a sense of "this is what you are supposed to believe" and also not as "look at how ridiculous this religion business is (yes, RE teachers in Finland teach it like that, I've heard a lot of people mention that). RE should promote tolerance, saying "hey, so there's all these muslims in the country now, so you all should know what that actually means so that you won't get scared of them and go all racist on them." </tangent>

Well anyway. The boss-person said "well, we want regulars to be people who can work any day." That was not in any way a response to my situation or question. But meh, the entire situation was really bizarre, it was him and the other director guy in the office, and I clearly interrupted them asking silly questions (like, they weren't even trying to hide the fact that they thought my questions were stupid) about the pay and the way things work (I've been abroad you stupid mofo's, I don't know how the system works, no matter how much you'll snigger about it, I will ask when I don't know), and then brought up the religion thing which threw them off even more. And there was like heavy metal playing on the computer. Plus, this is like 5:30 in the morning, so everyone is a little zonked out as it is.

So long story short, I'm not going to renew this contract. I don't want to work on Sundays. I'll do the ones I signed under and learn from this experience of choosing a job (so far I've been very much "can't be picky, I just want to work"). So my stint as a paper person is three weeks long :P

In more positive news, one group of that English class stuff has actually happened and will start next wednesday, and there's still a bunch more schools and nurseries to contact. So maybe it will work out. I'll also talk to the headmaster of this one of being a sub for English, Swedish or Art. There is also some kind of part time Swedish teaching going down in Kouvola, so if we could mesh the schedules of that and the English class stuff, I could teach both English and Swedish, one for kids and the other for adults, and both outside the school system.


So work life aside... I have nothing. All my energy is going to juggling this stupid mess.

I don't know how much it does/will show here, but this week is tough. It's the last week in the bookstore overlapping with the first week of practicing the newspaper thing. Apparently also the English class thing is catching on, I actually have a class to teach but that goodness I was able to move the start of that to next week (instead of, y'know, tomorrow X_x) The paper thing is the worst effector, having to get used to a new sleeping rhythm (going surprisingly well) and the whole biking around in the dark -thing, with all the paperwork and stuff to boot. So basically I don't get to do anything for myself this week. If I am caught online, it is right after paper round when I try to struggle to stay awake before heading to the bookstore, or from the bookstore when I am taking a break.

I missed out on Institute already on Monday, hopefully get to go to Kouvola on thursday...

It is also General Conference¹ this weekend. So stoked. I'm going to be watching most of it online when I manage to, but I will go to Kouvola for one session on Sunday to watch it together with Maisa. This could be the beginning of an awesome Conference tradition of being with friends and food while listening to inspiring talks :)


¹For those of you who don't speak mormon, General Conference is a big Church-wide meeting held twice a year in Salt Lake City and it is broadcast all over the world with satellite and internet and radio and what-not. It is organised in a bunch of two-hour sessions. In them all the prophets and apostles speak (give talks) which in of itself is really awesome, but the talks tend to be really really awesome too. http://generalconference.lds.org/

But, it's 6:30pm. Time to go to bed X_x

What do you do at work when you have some kind of an epic project going on (like massive shelf-rearrange and vacuuming to boot) and then you get done and you say "well done me" and feel all good about yourself, and then realise there is just 20 minutes left of work time? This is Friday afternoon. 20 minutes is a bit too long to keep a break (esp. since you've already kept your breaks >_>) but it's not long enough to start doing something else, esp. since it would involve first thinking up what that something to do would be.

Apparently what I do is go on ET, click some forums and write a diary, and hey presto, it's time to go home. >_> This does not make me proud. The opposite in fact, it makes me sad that I'm wasting my employer's time (not that I get paid real money to do this... But still, this is kind of my job). It deserves to rain on me as I bike home today. I think it will, actually. ._.

Well, anyway. Monday is my first middle-of-the-night newspaper day, where someone shows me how it's done for a couple nights. Meep.

Apparently everyone thinks that delivering newspapers will suck. Maybe it will. But I'll do it anyway.

It seems that when applying for jobs and such, I constantly only see the positive sides of everything. "Yay, get to be with kids" or "yay, get to take the bus for two hours every day" or "yay, independent work" etc... In the newspaper thing the positives I see are the small amount of hours you work at a time (admittedly, they are the wee hours of the day) and since it is a part-time job I won't have shifts all the time. And this is good for me because my need for money is not dire (I live at home and only have to pay loan installment). I also like this idea of a different day rhythm. I don't want to sleep after work, I want to go to bed really early (like, 6pm) and stay awake all morning after work. This would mean all those super-productive hours of the morning are at my own disposal and maybe - OMG - I can do arts! :O Also, evenings are quiet in the house. The dog is a late morning barker, so I would start hating him if I tried to sleep at that time. Also, perhaps I find other part-time job at teaching. I'm constantly applying to stuff. I do dread the physical aspect of the work a little (biking in all weather with newspapers) but hey, the mission was physically really tough too, and I lived through it. Maybe I'll turn back to steel. :3 The only real sad about this whole thing is that I won't be able to help the missionaries with the English class and I won't be able to go to Institute unless they change it back to Sunday afternoons. Then again, I didn't go last time and I'm not going today (basically, everything I promised my Mission President I'd do after getting home I haven't done and won't... >_> ) And maybe I'll be able to help the missionaries during the day.

But yeah, not exactly turning nocturnal (since you won't see me here in the middle of the night) but something's going down for sure. Hmm, early morning Skype calls to the States? :3 I think so.

To be honest, the main reason for this job is my messed up employment situation: I'm quitting the bookstore early (because I thought I got a job with the English stuffs) and if you quit without a reason (aka job, which the English class didn't turn out to be), you get trouble and they cut you off the dole for a bit. So this saves my skin in that sense, because now I do have a job and thus I am quitting the bookstore. And since it's a part-time job, I still get some kind of a part-time dole. But even if my finances take a dip, I don't mind, since I don't really need 700 a month, I need 100 for the loan and then all the rest is bonus. And the thing is, however much you are earning, you seem to spend it all anyway. So if I earn less, I will spend less.

Back to work.

This is long and pointless and personal. The light, fun, pointless comments on the top.

Marabou has made a new Limited Edition chocolate. This must be sent to someone. But who?

I just taught my spellchecker the words herp and derp :P



I'm off work today because the doctor thought my boil was way worse than I did. I went to get it lanced and that hurt like crapola, but is doesn't hurt much anymore. The doctor said "next time don't wait so long to come here." I thought "next time I just won't come" because it hurt that bad. But like I said, much better now. But the thing is, I didn't wait that long. Like, there was something kind of uncomfortable under my skin for a while, but if I'd gone at that point they would have been all "seriously, what are you doing here? Go home and come back if it gets worse. We are really busy saving lives y'know," or something like that. It is notoriously difficult to get seen here. "Kinda think I might get a boil maybe" will not get you the same kind of attention as "I have a boil the size of a golf ball" does. 'Sides, I came when it got bad. Kind of. As soon as I managed to come after it got bad. I think playing Sardines in the bus with my English little brothers on Sunday didn't help, nor did sleeping on the airport (oh yeah: I visited England last weekend, and missed my flight back because of a bad accident on the motor way. Lesson learnt: take the train). So on Monday I got to Finland and it was big and bad. On Tuesday it bugged me at work, so when I got home I figured out what "boil" is called in Finnish (because again, the hospital people will only be annoyed with you if you go there and say "I have... some kind of a problem, and it's up to you to guess what it is") and on Wednesday morning I tried to call the hospital but my phone said "your operator says herp-derp" and the call never happened. So on Wednesday after work I dropped by to ask someone how does one get a time/get seen if one's phone has a fail, and they just said "wait here, we'll fix it now." So they did, they cut it open and I bled like a pig. Limped home crying (more out of shock than pain, because they did give me drugs) and it's on it's way getting much better. And now I had to go there today too, and tomorrow, and maybe over the weekend (except I may or may not be in town this weekend...?) and on Monday. FFS. This is not this serious. Is it? In England when I had a boil they gave me antibiotics and told me go buy magnesium sulphate and let me go my merry way. Okay, maybe this is bigger and worse, but... is it really necessary to be seen every day for five days and have some kind of rubber tube put inside the hole? X_x (They said they want it to close up from the bottom before it closes from the top...) And it only hurts, really, when the medical people are poking it. Just... leave me alone, tell me where to get some dressing thingies so I can keep it from bleeding all over my clothes, and I'll be fine, really o.O

(Wall of text, oops. I just couldn't find a place to put a paragraph break. Here's another wall of text: )

I must admit, I am not happy about not going to work. -_- But I realise the bigger picture at work here. I'm all stressed out, way behind on my life with things kind of slipping between my fingers. So this is time out. A couple of days of "sort yourself out." Much obliged. Because the England trip left me a bit confused. Am I supposed to be making crucial life-decisions here or what? And based on what? If it's up to me, I'll just move back to England. So is it up to me? Or is there something I am overlooking? What exactly am I supposed to be doing here right now? What's the plan? I usually go along with "hey, I'll do what God tells me" which is good, that's the attitude that gets me into cool places like Sweden. But there is also it's counterpart (what I've always claimed is the most important thing ever, and - I realised this weekend - I can't believe I haven't actually been really living it), which is individual action and making choices. Agency. I'm all about how everyone has to choose for themselves - but I've been plodding along going "oh I don't know what I want lahdedah-land." Mormons are really in many ways a "both" kind of church, and the trick/struggle is finding the balance. You're not supposed to be told what to do all the time (by God or by anything), but you also should do stuff according to God's will. So I think this is the time when He's going "I won't tell you what to do, you decide and if it's wrong, then I'll tell you so you won't waste too much time doing the wrong thing." This, I hear, is actually a really common experience in mormon circles. A little miniature leap-of-faith, where you get confirmation of "yes, this is right" only after the fact. Buh.

Well, I think I'll do some more job-apps and make some phone calls to schools. I don't think this English classes thingie is going to start up here. It's just a bit small and... close-minded in here. o.O But I am starting to appreciate the concept of "part-time job". Because it means you get some monies (and that is all I really need here anyway) and experience, but also time at home to do... stuff! And I've been stressing myself out silly from the lack of time and getting stuff done. I've just kind of hard-wired/brainwashed by Finland to think that you workworkworkwork until you drop. And if you have free time, drink or watch TV. I honestly hadn't quite twigged that a part-time job is just that: time. And I do appreciate time about as much as I appreciate agency.

Life is. iippo is.

Found in Facebook:

The hobbit you just called fat? He's skipping 2nd breakfast. The dwarf woman you called ugly? She spends hours braiding her beard so you can differentiate her from a dwarf man. The Uruk-Hai you just killed? He's been abused by Saruman. See that Gollum creature with the gangly limbs & large eyes? For 500 years the Ring poisoned his mind. That Elf you just made fun of for crying? He just lost his wizard friend to a Balrog. Put this as your status if you're against bullying in Middle-Earth.