04:46
Yay, yet another post about my deficient social skills...
I can't handle intensive emotions. Whenever I'm thoroughly (or what seems thoroughly to me) disappointed or insulted, the feeling stays and only goes away with time, apparently, because I can't properly rationalize it. The more I do and the more time passes, the better it gets, but drawing up that memory is an instant depressant. And drawing up old, moldy and depressing memories is something I apparently can't help doing no matter how much I think I'd want to. And stars help me if someone is friendly to me, acknowledges and appreciates my opinions or is grateful to me... I have no idea how to respond. I think my main reactions are either to be quiet and look confused, belittle whatever it is that I did or then say "thanks" with a monotonous and horribly forced voice. How can properly I express that I very, very much appreciate being taken into account in a positive manner? And how can I do this to other people?
I've gone to a few parties arranged by fellow role-players. I was always anxious in them. I don't know how to have fun in happenings like them. When the people talk, they mostly talk about things that I really have nothing to contribute to or don't know anything about, and when they talk about things I have a clue about, I'm too shy to say anything because everyone else is speaking and because I've been quiet the whole time anyway.
I go into the party thinking that I shouldn't stress about having fun or having anything to or not daring to speak. And I mostly don't, but many times I also don't do or say much anything. When leaving, I feel bad that I suck this much at socializing, failed yet another social event and hope that I didn't ruin it for anyone else. I probably shouldn't feel that way, since me being quiet probably doesn't have much of an effect. But again, how can I stop feeling that way?
19:39
It's Transgender Day of Remembrance today. http://www.rem
21:22
I went to see Journey to the Center of the Earth while I was in Joensuu. The 3D version at that. The movie itself was okay, but mostly for preadolescents
16:27
I went to see Dark Knight yesterday. It was good. Usually the movies show the name of the movie in the beginning, but this time they showed it at the end. Refreshing, sort of. I didn't like Joker, but then, chaos unsettles me and I didn't like the way he spoke.
Today I went to see Nausica of the Valley of the Winds. It was great too.
Some time ago I had a dream where gypsies (?) stole my new bike from me three times on my way home from the bike shop. When I got home, my room was burning (specifically my comic, computer and favorite book), and I did a pretty good job of putting the fire out before I woke up.
5:54
On some days, I have lectures starting at 8:15. I don't want to get caught in a traffic jam, so I wake up ridiculously early (5:30) so I can leave home before 7 and avoid the jam. For this, I also try to go to sleep early, but that rarely succeeds. However, if I manage to go to sleep so that I have about 7 hours or more sleeping time (which is approximately the minimum I need), I just CAN'T SLEEP. First, it takes me forever to fall asleep and then I wake up during the night. Today, I woke up two hours before it was time to get up and couldn't fall asleep again, even though I was exhausted and could still get comfortable. And this happens always when I MOST need the sleep. And waking up this early makes my stomach go haywire too. Why must early mornings be so difficult? >:(
16:27
Someone here in Finland made a shooting at a school and apparently killed some people. Sigh. I predict that they'll make guns harder to get in Finland now. Let's see how that goes!
Also, weird. Some random drive-by troll tried to scare me with the dangers of identity theft in an IRC channel today, because I have my date of birth and email listed in many places. It apparently got pissed at me after I called it a spammer after it spewed some inane lines in IRC.
15:22
Becaaaaause I can. This came from [Levoton] and [True, plain and simple].
*Have you ever showered with someone?
When I was a kid.
*Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
Never fell.
*Last movie you saw in theaters, with who?
The Incredible Hulk, with Kii'ia.
*What time is it?
13:07
*Where are you right now?
In front of my computer. Surprise.
*What are you doing right now?
Waiting for the library website to load.
*Where do you think your best friend is right now?
I don't have "best" friends...
*Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
Paris, I guess. Less of a culture shock.
*Are you listening to music right now?
Yep.
*Who else is in the room with you?
Maybe some bugs.
*last 2 text messages you got?
I've already deleted them. Or if I haven't, I will whenever I remember to.
*In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Jackets. Easier to take off and cool down.
*Do you wish you were somewhere else right now
No.
*How long can you go without your mobile phone?
Indefinitely.
*Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
No.
*Where did you last sleep other than your house?
At [Linderel]!
*Where were you last night?
At the university.
*If your ex said they hate you, you say?
I'd have nothing to say. I doubt I'll ever have an "ex", though...
*Do you like drama?
It's basically the point of fictional entertainment like movies and comics. IRL, drama sucks.
*What was the last item you bought?
Grocery store stuff... Other than that, a router.
*Are you afraid of roller coasters?
No.
*What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
If I did have a "best" friend, I'd probably tell I'd help em move.
*Are you taken?
No.
*At what age do you want to be married?
Never.
*What should you be doing?
Relaxing.
*have you drifted from someone close lately?
How would I know? What does that even mean, really?
*When was the last time you held someone's hand?
I have no clue. Maybe I held some of my little cousins by hand some years ago.
*Who can you tell everything to?
I doubt anyone would like to hear everything I have to say. I tell my things to lots of different people, depending on their interests.
*Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a G?
No.
*What is the next concert you are going to?
It doesn't exist.
*Can you play guitar hero?
Maybe I could.
*Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold. Of course "suitably and conviently warm" is best, but anything hotter than that is torture.
*What are you listening to right now?
Videogame music.
*How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
Senile.
*Would you rather watch football or baseball?
Both suck ass, but if I had to, I'd what the one that has a higher chance of people dying.
*Who is your number 5 on your friends list?
What list?
*Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Of course there is. How do I get rid of the idiots? Why do I have to think about them?
*Do you speak another language other than English?
Finnish, obviously. And Swedish, maybe some German and French. I suck at speaking, though.
09:37
Our internet connection at home is imitating a morse transmission. I suppose it has something to say. Also, this is worktime well spent! Unfortunately I actually do have to work.
Oh yeah, if anybody's been wondering why I feel so damn inactive, it's because I have a job. And in June I was also studying. It's just going to get worse, I fear...
23:06
I went to watch The Incredible Hulk today. Was good. Nice action.
00:31
While driving home from a RPG session today, I almost drove over two elks. I was like "Damn huge horses, what the heck are they doing here—oh." Yes, I thought that while I was braking. They'll probably pillage our village this night or something.
15:04
How to do the "science" bit in science fiction? http://www.pro
22:44 — This comic is HILARIOUS. http://www.awk
02:20 — I came home after a gaming session and found my poor computer dead. I didn't notice anything first, but my whole room blanked out when I turned on my monitor, for reasons I can't really understand. We took out the blown fuse and put in another that also blew up instantly. Nevertheless, power came back to my room even without the fuse in place. Then I noticed my computer wouldn't start. Seems like the power source is dead, or that would be the simplest explanation. With my luck, the whole thing's melted inside. Even though it's been sitting there in the cold all the time.
Or it could be just the cold. So I took the thing in my room to thaw.
17:55 — I put my old power source into the computer, and it works now, though it let out an ominously long beep the first time I started it.
In other news, I went to watch "I am legend" today. When I was walking to the car from the movie theater, I saw the most beautiful thing ever: the light from the street lamps glistened off of the frosty and partially frozen asphalt sidewalk and the gravel on it. I wish I could have taken a photo of that, or that I could somehow replicate it...
And now for the movie. I liked it and it was good, but the end (not the very end though, but shortly after the suicidal homicide trip) totally ruined the movie. The beginning was still good, though.
This isn't totally related, but I really, really want to see a decent sci-fi/fantasy movie where there are no "absolute truths" about destiny or fate and where one specific person isn't the salvation of all. Yet I'm not particularly fond of movies where all people "corrupted" down to their toes, either.
06:58 — Whoooa. I remembered my dream the first time in a long while. And this dream wasn't some boring crap either. Too bad I've forgotten most of it... Anyway, there was some sort of entertainment theme park (I think), and for some reason the people decided to play tag using actual harming weapons. No one seemed to mind. While two teams played against each other, one team decided to infiltrate some underground base conveniently located right next to the theme park, but still had to avoid the two other teams. So, then I went along with the third team, got barely into the underground base where there were some kind of robot guards and stuff. I recall squashing them with my feet due to lack of a weapon, or then I took some sci-fi gun from somebody, can't remember. I came into a completely dark room where there was a hole in the floor and since there was no other way out, I jumped into the hole and it was like one of those tube slides at swimming pools (with slowness and everything, but not water). I eventually came into a room that had red lighting that messed with my brain and a hologram ghost traveling through it every now and then. Otherwise it just seemed like a single-room apartment. Then someone came there and I talked to it, but I can't remember much of that. Then I RESTARTED the dream.
This time I hid with someone under a bridge before getting into the base and some person from another team found us and used his weapon, which was a power drill, on us. I remember it being unpleasant when he was trying to drill my head, so I grabbed the drill with my hand, took it off of him and drilled his head instead, and he gave up. Then I went into the base again and somehow ended up in the same room. That time I talked to the hologram, who had one anime eye (WTF?). I think it got more features the longer I talked to it. The room was scary.
15:58 — I went to see the movie Beowulf today. Not much to say, except that it was a FEAST OF FLESH.
16:02 — Hey, it's Transgender Day of Remembrance. http://www.rem
I wanted to draw a related comic, but then I wrote for NaNoWriMo instead. >_>
22:50 — I'll take the car to be serviced tomorrow. That made me think of what I should do there while I wait, which made me think whether I should take along something to ready, which made me think that I'd like to have my own copy of Pimeyden vasen käsi (The Left Hand of Darkness), which made me think whether I could find it in stores. So, I mentioned it to my mom who said that maybe I should just retranslate it. Well, I wouldn't be studying for a year. :D
The translation is pretty good, and I could think that the only thing that might make it "better" in a way would be to fit the novel into Finnish – then it could be made completely gender-neutral
I think that tomorrow, I'll take along my bike, go if I can find Pimeyden vasen käsi in the bookstore(s), buy some CDs and uh... go back to the service place to read Wraeththu. Or something like that.
15:50 — Hear the pleasant truth about IB: http://uncyclo
18:07 — While I was driving home today, I saw a combination truck literally huddling under a bridge with its emergency blinks on. It didn't fit completely under it. I thought it was a hilarious sight.
00:30 — Might as well plug this: http://kriscra