What am I to you?
A toy? A whore,
To come to when you're alone,
Then leave in the dark?
That's not fair.
All I wanted was for you to care.
I could point fingers,
Say "You started it!"
But I should have ended it then.
I knew this was how it would be,
Knew you'd pass right by me
Without stopping to glance
At the young girl
Who held you when you were cold,
Stayed with you when you were alone,
Tried to cheer you when you were down.
No, not now that you've got a proper girl,
One who would look down her nose at me.
You can't let her know about me,
Unless it's to call me one of your "mistakes",
And promise her you'll never do that again.
I was just your toy, your whore,
Something to make you feel better
Till you got a real lady.
I don't want to pity me
And say "Oh poor thing!
Let's give you some money,
Give you a hug, then send you off."
I don't mind being forgotten, really.
What I really want is love.
J. K. Maxwell
"everytime i describe her the words dont want to come out. when i try to describe how she makes me feel, theres so many words wanting to come out they jam the hole and stop the description, and all i can do is blush and smie"
A young girl clad in a cream-colored silk shift turns in a small room of the thatch hut she shares with other girls share, her dark hair swirling about her back. She has just finished telling her roomates of her Master's latest conversation with her: "And that, my friends, is what happens to even the Word Master when he falls in love!" She bows deeply, as the royal bards do, and amidst the laughing and clapping and talking, no one notices her freckled face take on a fixed look as she stares at another world, a world of thought. "Wouldn't it be nice to someday have someone feel that way about me?" she thinks.
Then one of her friends tugs her toward the fire so that they can all practice together, and she forgets the thought, happy to show off the sword she had made earlier and talk also of the boy she had met.
You see a girl in a dark brown short tunic and breeches to match standing by a swiftly flowing, winding river, doing what seems to be sword work. Except there's no sword. You ask her what she's doing and she stops and faces you saying, "Well, sword work of course! Are you blind?" You say that you can't see the sword. The girl laughs and replies "That's because I haven't made it real yet. Master Darius has told me to practice, and so as soon as I settle on the right sword, the right description of a sword, you shall see it. Because I shall draw it with words, and make it real." She says this with such confidence that you too believe it and stay to watch. After a while longer of swift slashes, quick parries, ducks and twists and smooth turns, the girl stops and stands still, with her eyes closed. Suddenly, right before your eyes, a sword begins to take shape. It is a beautiful sword, with a long blade that shines in the sun, made from an unknown metal, but having an altogether surreal appearance. The hilt is not very decorated; only two silver wolves, with glaring amethyst eyes and jaws open, looking ready to spring off the sword and right at you. The whole sword itself seems almost to glow with an irridescent light. The girl opens her eyes, and when she finds thatthe sword is still there, seems relieved and happy. "Finally I have made something hat stays long enough for me to practice with!" She looks at you. "It is a beautiful sword, is it not Sir?"
You can only nod, oversome by the amazing ability this girl has. You ask "Could I learn to do that?"
The girl grins and says "Well of course! Anyone with imagination can! Come, let me take you to Master Darius; he'll soon be teaching you too..."
So off the two of you walk down the path under the blossoming trees, she swinging her sword at her side, and you listening intently to all she tells you.
You see a tall girl sitting by herself by a lake, reading what seems to be a letter. As you watch, a tear falls from her dark green eye and lands on the letter. The girl crumples the letter up, and throws it into the lake, her shoulders heaving with silent sobs while her long brown hair creates a veil around her face. You don't want to intrude upon her privacy, so you quietly leave.
One Autumn day, you see the same girl again, standing on a bridge over the same lake with her hands tightly on the railing, staring deeply into the water with a pondering look. You think about going over and talking to her; she looks lonely. But again, you decide to leave her to herself, thinking 'She's probably just thinking.'
One cold December night, you're on your way home, and you see the girl on the bridge again. Her face is cold and pale. This time you don't even stop to think about her; it's freezing out, and you have a dinner to get home to. If she wants to freeze out here looking at the water, that's her choice.
The next day, while your reading the paper, you look at he last page and happen to see a small article with the girl's face above it. The article tells about how she had thrown herself off a bridge last night, killing herself. You stare in amazed horror, because you know that three times, you could have saved her. Three times. But instead, you walked on by. And now she's dead.
mhmh *walks into a large room filled with books, wearing glasses and a black robe* *looks down at self* whoops! i need to learn to control that a bit better! *glasses disappear and a long, floaty-looking
"God, I love your hair!"
I look up at him from setting the case down.
"It's so beautiful."
"Umm thanks! Yeah my beautiful hair!" I smile and laugh.
"Nice and long...just the way I like it...your hair that is."
I laugh a little. "Yeah me too, I guess." I flip my hair forward to look at it. "It's so perdy!" I laugh again.
Then we're both like "Umm, yeah..." so I start laughing because it's so out of a movie: the compliment, then the silence and trying to think of something to say, looking everywhere but at him. I double over laughing like a moron.
"Hey I said hair! I could've meant a lot of other things, but I was talking about your hair."
I'm still laughing
"Why're you laughing at me?"
"I'm not laughing at you"
"Then what are you laughing at?"
"Nothing, nothing." I walk over to the curb and study a plastic bag, then stand back up, still not looking at him.
He calls for his son, Eric then says "Well I'll see you Sunday then, if Eric ever get's over here..."
Yes, i know i'm an airhead. He probably just thinks i'm a "cute little kid" but whatever. I'm allowed to dream, for dreams keep me alive. Just so long as I don't try living this one. He did actually say that though. (or something along those lines; i can't remember everything you know)
in the morning he tells me. therefore i set my bloody alarm clock for bloody 7:40 in the bloody morning, and wake up tired as whatever, (i was up till 12:30 something), and now it't 9 and still nothing!!! blood and bloody ashes!!!
I see the rain and right now there is nothing better i can think of doing then singing along with my love and the radio.
I hear the thunder and there is nothing better i can think of feeling than my love's arms holding my securely to him.
I feel the storm and right now there is nothing that i feel except lonely.
yeah im super bored and for anyone who feels the same way, just fill it out and send it to me. whatever you say, i won't laugh and i always answer mesages so have fun!
Fill This out and Send it to Me!
1.Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your house and see what I say about you?
ok i know that's kinda immature but whatever. as long as i can distinguish between immaturity and just being weird im ok.
if i could wish for anything, it would be that i would always say what i have in my head. that i could put feelings to words, so that people would understand. so that when i am trying to help someone, i don't sound the same as anyone else. cause i really care. i want to be a mentor when i grow up, not as a all time job, but as something for to do. or maybe work on one of those phonelines for people who need to talk to someone. i would love doing that because it's just something i feel...i should do. and i like helping people with their problems or just talking to them, trying to make them laugh or crying with them about it. i want to be able to listen as well as talk.
We went strawberry picking today and got like 14 buckets of strawberries. I got the juice all over my fingers and my shirt, but my motto for stains is: Even more pretty colors on my clothes! It was awesome, and the strawberries were so sweet and juicy! Now i get why in the songs and poetry, people always say strawberries taste like spring or summer. They do!me and my mom were wondering how the strawberries turn from green to red, and i was wondering what strawberry wine tasted like. I still am. that and how to make it. That would be something i should do someday: just grab a bottle of strawberry wine and go somewhere remote...a small bottle of course. I could have my own private "ivory tower" for a while. Anway, we have all agreed that we'll have to eat strawberries all the time and that we won't need more for about 2 years. We freeze some and then make jam out of others. The jam is sooooo yummy! it's the best jam in the world! it's not to sweet and you know it's made with only strawberries. There are even chunks of strawberries in it! it is the bomb!
i have promised myself not to be sad today, and it's working great! the strawberry picking helped, and sasha's in a very very very very happy mood, and i'm going to see Kingdom of Heaven tonight. so i can't be sad today!
over and out till later,
J.
"Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the
ones that really need some one to protect them?"
with this in mind, let us now think on this: the only people who are ever going to help you, need help more than you. really comforting isn't it? well, maybe you should try helping them, instead of looking to them for all the answers, all your protection.
"...I got up this morning and the first thing I did was check on her becouse she is scared of storms... I found her in a little ball in the back of the porch... I wish it was this mornibg so I can see her again"
-C. O. Hughes
about her dog, life, love, baby; Maple
oh my gosh!! 'sandar's ([zachlover4ever and always]) dog is getting taken away for supposedly almost killing two other dogs, and they're taking the dog to her grandparent's house, and 'sandar doesn't know if they're gonna put her to sleep, or just keep her there, but either way she won't get to see her dog at all!!! she misses the dog already...and she says it's all her fault...little question i have:
Why does life always have to be unfair?! Why do people who need only little things to make them happy always get those things taken away, while those who need everything always have everything?! it's not fair, but when is it ever...damn.
YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT ZACH but I like it it is funny my foot does have a mind of its own SO GET USED TO IT but after this school year is up you won't have to worry about it until next yea *smile evily* that was my foot talking but you got my age wrong on the house thing I am 12 turning 13 in 8 months you said some nice things I didn't know you could say and it is like you know everything about me I find that quit weird but funny THANKS you really are a good friend I thought it was hopeless that I would ever find a friend like me
that from 'thander...she rocks!!! lol the reason for the message: i kinda influenced her to go to ET, and now i'm telling her everything, and i made her housey!!! go see! [zachlover4ever and always]
Sister Hazel
ยป Come Around
Sky fell down and pulled us in
Stole away my oxygen
And left me standin' breathless there with you
The ocean wrapped around the sun
The smell of June - the taste of your tongue
Was all I'd ever need
I - well I wanna be clear
Well I needed you here
And I'm waiting you out
But you - you don't have a clue
And I'd drive right through
To find you anywhere
[Pre-Chorus]
Sky fell down and pulled us in
Stole away my oxygen
And left me standin' breathless there with you
The ocean wrapped around the sun
The smell of June - the taste of your tongue
Was all I'd ever need
[Chorus]
But you - you keep on waiting
For the sun to come around
And you - you keep on waiting
For something better - better off to come around
You - well you wanted more time
So I gave you more time
Oh but I am the sun that waits to come around
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
Oh but you were a restless soul
Where's the next best thing
While I waited for you
All my life waited for you to come around
Come around
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
Come around - come around
You're better off to come around
Come around - come around
here's another love song; though my favorite part is the chorus