God, I need to go some where! I need to get away from this, before i lose my mind. the only place i want to go is to where ever you are, the only person i want to be with is you. but you say i can't. i understand why, it's dangerous, we have to chill, but i'm losing my sanity one bit at a time. i can't be with you; i'll just run, and keep running until i reach the end. then maybe i'll die, maybe i'll come back, maybe i won't need to run, to get away. i feel like crying, i feel like pacing, like i'm trapped in some kind of cage. i'm suffocating, no air for me to breath. i'm scared, as strange as that may seem.
you know, we're always asking why,
Why is this happening, why did he die?
Why did she leave me, why do i cry?
we never think on what good might come
we walk around all "depressed" and ho-hum
saying we wish our feelings were numb
but ever think it might be better off this way?
ever sit and think deeply all day?
*i am tired. because i stayed up last night talking to the person who matters most to me. we can talk about algebra, calc 2, computer stuff, or we can bring it down to music, and he sings, or plays the guitar. we can whisper out "I love you"'s, and how much we wan to hold each other tight and never let go, or we can talk dirty, how much we want each other, how much we want to drink each other's juices. there're varying moods, and the moods swing quickly, from any one subject, but whatever we're talking about, i know i want him, i love him with all my heart, and i know he feels the same way, there's no doubt in my mind. so yes, i don't mind being tired for all that*
i feel unholy friggin sick. there's one thing that really makes me sick to think about it. I wanted to spend the night at caleb's on sunday, but if i feel this same way, nuh uh, not happening. i really do want to spend some time with him though. i mean for a best friend, he's probably feeling kinda neglected. but i don't want to go over there like i feel now, i'd be plain out flippin miserable. casey has made this awesome bread, it's a kind of gingerbread/ spice bread i guess, it tastes like spice bread to me. but it is friggin awesome!! i told him he had to make that for me when school starts up so that i could bring it and show off my little bro's awesome cooking. Also because it is the bomb. he made the whole thing up too, not using a recipe or nothin'...now we've just got to get him to remember all the ingredients and stuff...
wow it's been a long time sinc i wrote in this thing...it looks neglected :(. poor thing...well i don't really have that much to write in it now, either, but i figured i should put a little something. sander [~devils_child~], has like 12 friends...that
Sometimes we let affection go unspoken,
Sometimes we let our love go unexpressed,
Sometimes we can't find words to tell our feelings,
Especially to those we love best...
that's awfully true...especia
I see blood
I taste blood
I smell blood
I need blood
I see blood
I spill blood
I write with blood
I love blood
I feel blood
I know blood