You Lose


lie through your teeth
like i'll really believe
what you say now.
yeah, so i'm dumb
you oughta know where i'm coming from
you got busted bad.
that was a big mistake
i didn't think you'd take
a chance like that.
my worst fear
was that you'd get too near
and put a hole in my head.
you really make me laugh,
like i'd even believe half
of that crap you just fed me.
you wasted it all
did you think i would fall
back into your trap?
and i thought you were smart
yeah you broke my heart
but you just lost.


Written by [Your Favorite Stranger]


Little girls, beware of [1a2b3c]. This poem is for him. He tried to play me again, but this time I knew what was going on. Don't let a man play you, don't give him what he wants in exchange for pretty lies. You're worth more. Don't talk to him. You might hear of him soon. Then you'll know.

You ever wish you could just stop the day, sleep for about a week, then maybe go out and tackle the world? You ever wish you could sleep, forever, never having to die, but never having to face reality either? We think living forever would be such a great deal, that immortality would really be awesome, but in actuality, it would suck, real bad. Someday, I'll beat the world, I'll beat reality and earn the right to my own little world, full of my ideas and dreams, where being crazy is a good thing, because it means your not scared to go all out. Someday, I'll want to be awake, and alive, and doing all this great stuff. But right now, I plan. I sleep. I dream. When I wake up, all my plans and dreams will come into play, and you'll see just how crazy I am. Crazy enough to try and change the world.

Messed around with the horses today, as soon as I got back from church. Red is my baby boy, I was playin with him today. He's way smarter than Sierra, and he's way nicer. She can be so skittish sometimes, and Mum says it's just that she's a Thoroughbred (sp?). Red has the most beautiful eyes too, like soulful, and full of feeling. He's my boy! We did the Friendly Game, the Porcupine Game, and the Yoyo Game, for anyone hwo knows Parelli. He does way better than Sierra. I just love playing with him, brushing him, getting all dirty, watching him roll around, jogging with him. He's the horse I feel safe around, I need something that's not as high strung as I am. Something safe.

Well, I have friend from my ppl here now, finally. Nick's right here, thank goodness. One of the Posse on ET, imagine it! He needs to build on his house though, make it bigger, more interesting. He has a lot of interesting stuff he could tell, stuff about him, heck, he could put his poem up there! Although it's really more amusing than anything else.... I started writing today in church, a poam about how I was feeling the other night when I was crying and talking to God. It's so weird how he talks right in my head, and it's just like you know, talking to myself in my head. Sometimes I wonder if it's me or really God, but it doesn't matter either way, because it's either him giving me good advice, or me giving me good advice, and I can work with that either way. Sometimes it's hard to feel that he's even there, cause, I mean, I can't feel him holding me, I can't hear his voice with my ears, I can't see him, his actual person with my eyes. Sometimes, no, all the time, I wish I could. Oh well, we have to go by faith, not by sight, which totally sucks.

Oh boy, I'm so going to be branded a lesbian. It's gonna be beacause of that poem I wrote for Katelyn too. Gosh darn. Why can I not just keep things to myself? It's probably gonna freak her out, not make her feel better. *sigh* Alright, I'll tell what it was about. I wrote a poem to Katelyn about how she's not ugly, she's not a freak, not a loser. I said she's beautiful, she's different yeah, but we all are, she's not a loser, the people who call her losers are. Geezers. I hope she even understood it. Ironic that we often give our talent to those who read it once, either don't understand or misinterpret, then forget about it. Oh well. C'est la vie. She is beautiful though. Short, dark brown hair often pulled up into a high ponytail, and light, caramel skin, except for the dark brown birthmark on her leg, which is interesting and sexy in itself. She has brown eyes, not faded, but like chocolate. Her face hasn't any real distinct features, but it's not plain. She's smiling almost always, and laughing. Sarcasm is her form of comedy. She thinks she's overweight, but she's not, she's not too skinny though, you can't see her ribs when she stretches, but she's got a flat stomach, a slim frame, and her legs are not huge as she thinks. She worries that her boyfriend will break up with her, because she doesn't fit in, because she's not pretty, but all I can do is offer the age-old "Well, if he does that, he doesn't deserve you anyway," which really doesn't do much when you like a boy. Now that I've gotten that out. I'm not a lesbian, not at all, I just feel like I have to tell someone when they're beautiful, especially if they think they're not. Does that make any sense?

Do you ever just sit and study someone, anyone, male or female, not with any lustfulness, just look to find their own beauty? Everyone has their beauty, and all it takes to see that beauty is to look and find it and enjoy it. Maybe you won't even tell them you think they're beautiful, but you think it, and you're appalled when they say otherwise. Because you can see it, and they can't. I don't mean you look at them and want them in any manner, just you see and appreciate the beauty. Guys can be beautiful too, not the same way as girls, but they can be, without being gay. Some people, the beauty is obvious, you don't have to look very hard. They are the ones who are looked at much by others, but you don't look at them as much, because their beauty isn't hard to find. You look at others to find their beauty, and when you find it, you enjoy it, you revel in it, you smile, because they are beautiful.

I can pretend I'm somewhere else. I picture it in my mind, tell myself that's where I am, and add action. It'll kinda take you away, take you there, somewhere deep inside your head. It's a good place, it's the place you go when you're asleep, but you're not. Well, not even really asleep, Sasha had a word for it. Like sinking into your consciousness, but you can come back. I wonder what it would be like to get stuck there.

Ahhh, concerts!!! There's just something about them that really makes me happy! Doesn't matter who I'm seeing, just being out there, front and center, screaming, clapping my hands, getting beer spilled on me, it's awesome! If you've never been to a concert, you have to go! I'm not gonna say we're all one big family, but I mean, you're so close to all those people, you can't really be prudy and try not to touch shoulders. And when everyone starts singing and you can hear them all, and you're singing too, it's just like whoa! All of us are singing the same exact song! It really rocks.

You don’t know me,
You don’t know how I feel.
You don’t know how it hurts,
How everything reminds me
Of the one who broke my heart.
Do you ever get the feeling
That you just want to sleep?
“To die; to sleep;
To sleep; perchance to dream: aye there’s the rub.”
You don’t know me,
You don’t know how I feel.
You don’t know what I think,
How I fight in my head;
For I am as one divided,
Two parts in one,
Each yelling at the other.
I always wonder if perhaps I am insane:
What normal people are opposites of themselves?
You don’t know me,
You don’t know how I feel.
You can’t see what I keep inside,
All the salty tears that corrode my hard rock surface,
All the frightened that beats against my strong walls.
You don’t know that love and anger and hurt
Mixed together can blow me up.
Maybe it’ll just take one more thing,
And I’ll lose it.

You Don't Know Me

Written By [Your Favorite Stranger]

You make me want to cut,
Just slice the veins wide open,
And watch with closing eyes
As the blood drips from my fingers.
You make me want to scream,
So loud I’ll break my voice,
And make poeple cover their ears
If they come to see what’s wrong.
You make me want to cry,
Drown eveyrthing in tears.
Just sob until I’m all dried up
And my eyes are red and swollen.
You make me want to fight,
Scream and yell and punch and hurt.
Hit everything I see.
Just strike out at everyone.
You make me want to break things,
Just throw them at the wall.
Tear things apart into tiny pieces,
Smash glass into shards on the floor.
You make me want to get high;
Smake some weed and forget about you.
Take some pills, take a trip,
Get shot up and get away.
You make me want to hurt you,
Just break you up inside.
Cut you open, tear you apart.
Give you all these scars.
You make me want to hate you,
See the fire in my eyes?
You make me want to hate you...
But I can’t.

You Make Me Want To

Written By [Your Favorite Stranger]

Something dark,
Something cold.
Something too young
To be so old.
Something painful,
Something hard.
Some new wound
That's now a scar.
Something crying,
Something sad.
Something, a memory
Of what you had.
Something angry,
Something black.
Something to stab you
In the back.
Something bloody,
Something abused.
Something left
From what you used.
Something biting,
Something dead.
Something to shoot you
In the head.
Something dirty,
Something mean.
Something slicing
At your spleen.
Something hidden,
Something low.
Something to deal
The final blow.
Something missing,
Something to seize,
Something to bring you
To your knees.
Something evil,
Something in spite.
Something you leave you
Lost in the night.
Something empty,
Something insane.
Something to bring you
Tears like rain.
Something ripping,
Something to choke.
Somethng to pay you
For the heart that you broke.
Something rotting,
Something sick.
Something to gnaw off
Your useless dick.
Something stolen,
Somethinig gone.
Something sharp
For you to die on.
Something locked up,
Something not found.
Something to bury you
Deep in the ground.
Something terrifying,
Something not free.
"Something"'s the song
To you from me.

Something For You

written by [Your Favorite Stranger]

This is my curse to you. I want you to hurt, I want you to burn, I want you to be cold and lonely. I hate you because I love you, because even after all you've done to me, I still love you, I still miss you, I still want you to comfort me. But I don't trust you, and I'll hide myself from you so you don't have that control anymore; I do. I wish I could hurt you like you've hurt me, but even if I could, I wouldn't, because I'm not like that.

Well, I spent the fisrt hour or so of Thanksgiving worrying about Sander's life. The guys were at her house, and they brought her whiskey, (which was stupid, but I digress) so she was shitfaced. Not as bad as she has been, but she was really messed up, from her face hurting, stress, and listening to Eminem. Yes, I did say from listening to Eminem, so shoot me, he messes up your brain. Anyway, she has freezing, her lips were blue, she was blacking in and out, and she passed out a time or two. Scared the shit out of me, because I wasn't there to help, I could only offer suggestions over IM to the guys. Eventually they had to go, but before they did, they made sure her temp was normal, her breathing was normal, and her heart rate was normal. She was still blue and shaking though, which kinda scared me. But right before they left she kinda woke up and talked to me, told me that she didn't give a fuck if she died, that she wanted to suffer. I think it's a lot of drama, but she does, she does make herself suffer. Her face was banged up from trying to commit suicide by jumping off her roof, and when the guys caught her, her face hit the wall. But she scared me, for a while there, I thought she was gone. I prayed, God, did I pray. I prayed that God would give her someone to make her care, like He gave to me. But I can't make her care, the guys, well they keep her coming back, the keep her fighting, but I don't know if they make her care. I was just so scared. But I think she's ok now, she sent me some emails, and she was on here.