[Your Favorite Stranger]'s diary

818905  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-07-04
Written: (6717 days ago)

Do you know the feeling you have when there is no space between you and heaven, between you and God? I know he’s always there, but when you feel that close to him, it’s just different, somehow. It’s like...the hug you always needed, but never got, it’s like all your good memories in one breath, like all your dreams can come true, like you could fly. Well, really, it’s undescribable, but I always attempt to describe the undescribable. I feel like I’m submerged in a warm, solid, yet liquid something, and I belong there like I don’t belong anywhere else. It makes me feel...perfect. If that’s a sin, I’ll repent later, because that feeling is not something I feel often. Normally, I feel like the least of God’s children (not like there is such a thing, but still), like a sinner (which I am), like a disobedient kid (which I also am, often). But when God’s around, it’s like I see me like he sees me, and that is absolutely amazing to me.

816848  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-30
Written: (6722 days ago)

Someone save me. Please. I don’t care who or what you are, or how you do it, just save me from this. Don’t hurt me emotionally. Don’t lie to me. Don’t leave me alone. And don’t ever say you love me.

816846  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-30
Written: (6722 days ago)

[Bad~Dream]


He pushed me, saying “Back off, homegirl.” He pushed me again.
I came right back forward and pushed him. “No, I think it’s your turn to back off, you *****.” We just started pushing each other, he was smiling like it was kinda funny, and that just ****ed me off even more. I was taller than normal, so I could push straight at his chest. Then someone broke us off, and I yelled at him, “You ****ing cheater!” Karen and him were walking away like they were together, holding hands.

Scene Change


I’m sitting on bleachers in some huge park, watching them, and they’re watching me. Karen’s on a laptop, and somehow I know she’s sending me some emails. He looks at me, like I’m stupid, like I’m a little kid. I’m thinking about how he’s such a cheater, and I’m thinking about the Brown-Eyed Girl incident, the words “Randy, you remember Karen”, scrolling through my head like an unending marquis. And I just glare at him and hug my knees tighter. He’s thinking, or saying, I don’t know which, that I’m such a silly little child, a stupid whore, how could he cheat on me if he was never with me? It’s like, he’s pretending he doesn’t even know me, like there was nothing ever between us.

Scene Change


I’m answering my emails, somehow in his room. I don’t know if he’s actually there, I don’t know if both of them are or not, but I feel their presence. The emails have some stick drawings supposedly proving that he and Karen aren’t going out, that they’re just friends and that I’m causing a lot of trouble by saying he’s cheating on me. That I’m an immature little girl, and I need to leave them alone. Then the feeling of their presence leaves, and the only thing I’m thinking is that it’s a lie, because she really is going out with him, he said so. The Brown-Eyed Girl thing goes through my mind again, then I feel stupid and dumb for bothering them, for making a big thing of this. He wasn’t going out with me, I was just a side-dish to keep him occupied. I see him smile and wink, like “Yup, you got it”, then they walk away, arms around each other’s waists.

Explanation of “the Brown-Eyed Girl thing”: I was, I guess you could say, online stalking, looking at every message he’d ever left anywhere, and I came upon one where he was telling someone that his girlfriend said he had to learn to play Brown-Eyed Girl on his guitar. “Yes, she is a brown-eyed girl (Randy, you remember Karen).” I’m a blue-eyed girl. And my name’s not Karen.
814030  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-06-25
Written: (6726 days ago)
Next in thread: 816633

I bet you didn't know that
[I was always scared to expect that you loved me]
I was afraid to express how I felt because you might think it was dumb
[I was shy about showing you my poetry about you]
I wished with all my heart you would say this one word: "forever"
[I really thought you were the hottest person ever]
I really loved you with everything I am

813576  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-06-24
Written: (6727 days ago)

yes because it would be cool to see the new modern inventions and how life has progressed for the immortals that are too stupid to come up with the stuff before. you could also do anything.

--C. aka [Man In The Box]

813548  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-06-24
Written: (6727 days ago)

Would you believe me if I said I love you?
813518  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-06-24
Written: (6727 days ago)

"When the stars go blue"
811462  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-06-21
Written: (6731 days ago)

Hmmh, well what do you know. I knew that Elftown had all shapes and sizes, but I've finally met the vampire Armand. Is that hot or what? I checked to see if Lestat was here too, but nope, only a little poser brat without barely a house. Armand misses his master, Marius, I'm fairly sure. I would too. Marius was awesome. Or is. I think he's still alive. Oo, bad pun. I think he's still around, that's better.

810951  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-06-20
Written: (6732 days ago)

Wanna go back, want to do it again,
All the stuff that messed me up,
That felt so good,
That filled my cup.
Wanna go back and play with my friends,
The friends who held me,
Who cut my wrists,
Who set me free.

You were my sick obsession,
You were my dirty deed,
You were the drugs that got me high,
And right now, you’re what I need.

Wanna go back and poise my blade,
That whispered love into my skin,
That stroked my veins,
That helped me win.
Wanna go back and take a sip
Of the wickedly forbidden drink,
That made me laugh,
That didn’t let me think.

You were my dark secret,
You were my poison kiss,
You were my black heart,
And right now, you’re what I miss.

Oh, you were my sick obsession,
You were my dirty deed,
You were the drugs that got me high,
And right now, you’re what I need.

Dirty Deeds and Sick Obsessions
By [Your Favorite Stranger]

810948  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-06-20
Written: (6732 days ago)

“In the worst storm,
In the coldest rain,
When you can’t hold on,
I’ll be back again.”
The last thing you said
Before you walked away.
All I can think
Is that today’s the day.
The storm is bad,
The rain is cold,
I’ve fallen down,
But you’re not here to hold.
You aren’t here
When I need you most:
I’ve no will to stay,
I’ll give up the ghost.
A tear falls down,
Mingles with rain.
You let me down,
Didn’t stop my pain.
I close my eyes,
I know I’ve lost,
I hoped to see you,
No matter the cost.
I start to leave,
Then hear my name.
Dare I hope
It’s not a game?
Open my eyes,
And I can live:
You are here,
Your help to give.
You bend down close,
Say, “I’m here to save”.
I’ll always remember
The help you gave:
The hand from your coat
Holds the “problem solver”;
I died with a shot
From your heart-shaped revolver.

Heart-shaped Revolver
By [Your Favorite Stranger]

806876  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-06-12
Written: (6739 days ago)

I always think I'm over you,
And that's when it hits me the hardest,
Because I'm not over you.
It still hurts like hell
When I hear a song,
When I have a dream,
When I'm somewhere I was with you.
Sometimes, I remember the way you smell,
Or I hear you say "Te amo",
Or I see your eyes say you love me.
Do you know how hard it is
To know I could talk to you anytime I want?
Just pick up a phone,
Type your email address.
But that it won't ever be the same?
I can't ever have you again,
Never have you hold me,
Never have you say you love me,
Never have you protect me.
It hurts so bad sometimes
I want to die.
Just make it stop, stop, stop!
But I'll never have closure.

*wince* bad, bad, bad poetry. Raw emotion, nothing more, dismiss it.

806816  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-06-11
Written: (6740 days ago)

Must find and purchase all the anime comics I've been reading. It's all [Cliché]'s fault that I'm hooked...oh well, I just have to buy the things!! Most of the online ones have at least volume one out in stores, and I do so want them!!

806204  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-06-10
Written: (6741 days ago)
Next in thread: 806314

Hating on myself makes me happy. Oh boy, told you I was wacked. You know how people get some sort of lift out of making fun of other people? I get it from making fun of myself, from bringing myself down.

805869  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-09
Written: (6742 days ago)

*blinks* I'm tired, tired, tired. Can't sleep at night, so I exhaust myself and then I can sleep...during the day. Gee, I'm healthy.

805319  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-09
Written: (6743 days ago)

Take my hand,
I want to go to Never-Land,
I want to be a child again.
Take my hand,
Dance with me,
Swirling, twirling, we’re so free!
Take my hand,
And we can fly
All the way out to Cloud 9.
Take my hand,
Break me out,
Show me what this life’s about.
Take my hand,
Don’t let go,
‘Cause if you do, I’ll fall below.
Take my hand,
I want to run
Far away so I know I’ve won.
Take my hand,
Stay with me,
So I can see if we’re meant to be.
Take my hand,
Hold on tight,
Keep me here with all your might.
Take my hand,
And we’ll free-fall,
Above the world, above them all.
Take my hand,
And we can dive
Off a building into the sky.
Take my hand,
‘Cause we’re in love,
And we have a blessing from above.
Take my hand,
And I’ll take yours,
And we’ll fulfill our destined course.

Take My Hand
By [Your Favorite Stranger]

804702  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-06-07
Written: (6744 days ago)

*hums the tune of a forgotten song* Forgotten, forgotten, I am forgotten, you've forgotten me, maybe you never remembered me. That's possible. Far too possible. I hate possibilities. Never quite there, never quite not, they leave you hanging, and you're preparing to fall, or fly. Fall or fly, like a stone, or an angel. I wanted to be your angel, but maybe I'll be your stone heart instead. The stone heart that crushed mine. But, like a [-phoenix-], my heart with be reborn, for I am simply

awaiting ignition.
 The logged in version 

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