You're cynical and beautiful
You always make a scene
You're monochrome delerious
You're nothing that you seem
I'm drownin' in your vanity
Your laugh is a disease
You're dirty and you're sweet
You know you're everything to me

Everything you are
Falls from the sky like a star
Everything you are
Whatever ever you are

I wanna kick at the machine
That made you .... away you dreams
Tear down your defenses
'Til there's nothing there but me
You're angry when you're beautiful
Your love is such a tease
I'm drowning in your dizzy noise
I wanna feel you scream
-Goo Goo Dolls

-----------------------------------------------------------

HellO HellO
(HoLa)
I'm at a place called V-E-R-T-I-G-O
(Donde Esta)
Its all the things I wish I didn't know
But you give me something I can feel
I feel....
-U2

-------------------------------------------------------------

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one?
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon that was your womb

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer?

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallow the light from the sun inside your room, yeah
-Goo Goo Dolls

------------------------------------------------------------

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
-Goo Goo Dolls

-------------------------------------------------------------

Can you feel it?
I didn't mean it
Can I see you?
What are we doin'?
I think I love you
But I ain't sayin'
Nothin' you don't know

Hold on dreamaway
You're my sweet charade

Take your time
Move yourself to me
Yeah, I can take your lies
Until you fall away
-Goo Goo Dolls

I'll be watching you drown
watching you scream
silent or loud
and maybe you just need
a Friend
and maybe you cant see
no one's laughing...
you will be safe with me...
you will be safe with me

dno who that's one's by... but i love that song

guess what ? my history is DONE!!! even my time line....
YAY ME!!! now i just have a kool religion paper then i can watch the steeelers game and go to lifeteen...
by the way i do getta go to 6 YaY!!!

umm ya ever heard of the song Champange Supernova? well i kinda think that is pretty kooll kinda reminds me of myself in my so called fantasty land

aight i gtg just a lil more time to wait.... i'll bback in like 12 hours while the parents are at church to type summore on that kool paper

byes and luv

breaking but there's no one to talk to cuz their all out! EvErYoNe!!! Britt, Adam, Danielle, Sarah, Tom, Jess, Melick, MY SISTER!, Kayleen, Steffy and Kayla, Ashley, prob u too (but u neva kno..) and everyone else!!!!!!

I HATE HONORS HISTORY!!!!!! ahhhhh i am going craZy!!! I am trapped in my house with my family well minus my sister who is at her friend's houe. OMG how lame is that I am at home and MY SISTER is out I seriously have no life cuza my stupid school....

owell the rest of the weekend besides homework should be ok... lets see we have hw, sleep, cleaning, alyssa's party (yay!) maybe out at Pizza hut after that ( w/whoever wants to come mayb Glenn will walk up ^_^) but prob not,sleep, then maybe church or not if my dad will be back from the nursing home i can go to 6 yay! but otherwise 8 then more hw and steelers vs, browns (going down!!!!) then lifeteen and back to school....so ok mayb not great but its gna get better... yay!

next weekend i am away w/andy and everyone else for retreat.... yay! cept its possible i may have a history test and a trig test on the two days following it... grrrr

ok well yea... kinda burned out feeling....

check out the poem at my house...its gloria's take on my life...

this is hard...seeing so little and wanting so much...

hmmm i should get back now so I can finish something else...

wish me luck and that i dont slit my wrists before i finsh

oyes Blink182 growing up---

i swear the only thing getting me through this is the music on the X... Thank GOD for drums, guitars, rock music, DJs, and the X

I Miss You - Incubus


To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream


You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?


I see your picture
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you
------------------------------------

 theres something about the look in your eyes
    something i noticed when the light was just right
   it reminded me twice that i was alive and
  it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
-----------------------------------------


Thinking of you keeps me awake.
Dreaming of you keeps me asleep.
Being with you keeps me alive.

------------------------------------------

-::-Look to the past-::-And remember a smile-::-And maybe tonight I can breathe for a while-::-I keep falling asleep-::-But all that means-::-Is that I'll always be thinking of you-::-

-------------------------------------------------

*all you need is |o.n.e| thing in life to open your eyes to |e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g| you missed before*

--------------------------------------------------

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all...

---------------------------------------------------

Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

------------------------------------------------------

------this is driving me insane! why is this week taking so long???? this day for that matter!

2 days is the tally... do i call now?

i am gna go insane

tryed to sleep in study today couldn't cuz steffy and her loud voice (luvya babe) aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am going insane over here! could someone help me please???????

its pushing and driving and i need that to stop it

yea well what's going on??? dno! it wasnt me it was him....

i dno i really want something good outa this.... but i really dont wana build up so high and crash down again cuz its happend and hurt

its unique (yes i can finally use that word) that's why it might work and why it mighta been a one time thing...

i hope i dont curse myself doing this...but i miss him...kinda alot... that has to mean something right? (of course!)

I'll take a risk
TaKe a c.h.a.n.c.e
Make a change
And breakaway....

ok total mood change there i went from serious to need be comfy mood.... i love that just to be comfy! ( welll doesnt every one dope?)

o well w/e happens HappeNs and i am ok w/that... i just wana chil w/him

i really wish i went to NA

i kno this sounds stupid and stuff but u kno... its me... i have my own way and this hasnt happend for a while so cut me some slack...

i've waited to long for something good i just dont want it to fade or turn bad....

..Wouldnt it be perfect if..
*Sweatpants were sexy
*Mondays were fun
*Junk food didnt make u fat
*Girls didnt cause drama
*Boys werent so confusing
*Nothing was regrettable
*U didnt have 2 lose the ppl u love
*Friendships didnt fade
*And goodbye only meant til 2morrow
^steffy always has good quotes...

aighty i am done for now... wish me luck *_^

I thought i must give up on life
and turn into a stone;
the desert wind quite suited me:
no heart, no mind--just bone
i thought it would be dumb to try
to want something again;
wanting turns to need, and then
transmogrifies to pain
i laughed at people still in love
who trusted someone's word
to make my happiness depend
on faith seemed quite absurb
i lay alone and wonder-struck
sleepless in my bed
still numb, still dumb, still ice, ice cold
not knowing i was dead
and then you came and shone upon
my meadow full of snow
and saw the flowers only love
could recognize and grow
and made me feel so beautiful
i shed my cold, cold skin
and opened up my heart to you
and, fearful, let you in
and now, my dear, i am in love
with all that i've been through
i know the worst of all the world
and i believe in you.
~Nicholas Gordon~

-------------------------------------------------------------

changd my name in case u didn't notice

i lyd i will change it next time i must get offline

major sigh.... hmmmmmmmm

i dont like my name anymore maybe i will change it

i am kinda sleepy

my extd family is soo kool i cant even be apart of it (litaerally folks) yea they are really reEALLLY kool or mayb NOT

school was gay so what? no biggy it usualy is

almost died and went to hell last night, y ? amo (my rel teacher ) showed at church... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
yea pretty scary! stuff ya one of my major worst fears came true one of my teachers went somewhere i was BadBAD BADS!!!!

glen almost killed himself with a lighter that woulda been bad cuz then he would be dead...

ummm I love u britt!

yea my rocks sunday night was fun tho...

alll kool people are funn but who's kool????

lets make a list

things that annoy me
annoying people
people who try to be hardcore
wanna b punks
rap
histroy
trig
boys (sometimes)
contacts
IM
not being allowed to spike my coffee
being cofuzd
note cards
poems
things that itch
things that refuse to leave
siblings (sometimes)
running noses
pencils w.o lead
me

ok i am going away now to change my names byes

ok since i am in this diary writing phase mayb could anyone possilbly tell me what they thing or just drop a line in the GuEsTbOoK.... *hint*

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you

I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you

I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you

On my own, cause I can�t take liven with you
I�m alone, so I won�t turn out like you
Want me to

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You�re wrong if you think that I�ll be just like you

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

--->Just like You
{Three Days Grace}


-------------------------------------------------------------


for lotsa kool people i *heart* u all

--

kool we had a ghetto half day (aka 1:30 dismis when we noramlly get out at 2:30) umm yea and what did i do? get on ET Go me.....

Go volleyball.... last game...

should go do sum homework but w/e blast that!

i wish my new glasses would come in.....
(ya ima dork i wear glasses cuz i have to.)

wait u kno that im me.... lol only i kno why this is funny but if you looked hard enought u would figure it out.... or maybe not depends on the person



Man's prayer
Ima man
I can change
If I have to
I guess....

ya that rocks o yes

*watch the new red and green show* veryy funny

the X rox my sox

did u kno that sock is stock w/o the t? it is!

beasties also rock my sox

yay!!

i needa slim it down... *needa start*

i hate gym. why do we have to take it all FOUR frieggkn years?

brooklyn in the back

ok i love life *psych!*

mca

offspring rocks

cangilla hates me or just ignores me, maybe cuza that thing.... yea that could be it or (as usually like always) it could just be ME!! yea that's prob it

but i needa stop now so i dont like get all depressed

i really hate hon. english and the imp of being earnst like ok WHO RELAALy CAREs? not me....

*goes to find lyrics to 3dayzgrace*

omg i almost deleted this entry tryng to find three days grace lyrics!? O.o Bad BAD

after i put the lyrics in i am gna go so... yea Good Luck sarah and melick and everyone elses

yea me yay God yay LiFe!.........

ok yea besides being invisble people have absolutely NO faith in me... ok i was telling my dad that i wanted to work at a landscapers place over the summer and he was like 'o it sooo hard ask ur uncles... blah blah blah' he did the same thing when i told him about military schooll... grrr i wish i was sumone else, respected, noticeable, likeable (i think i am but hey no one else does) and all that jazz... i wish i was RAngeman

yea major dairy day! w/e i *heart* rothlisberger.!! steelers 24 dallas 20 BOO YA dalllas we kicked yo ace! o yes we did!

gloria is making a cool cd i am so ExCiteD

sickness spilling through your eyes,
craving everything that you thought was alive,
stab me in my heart again
drag me through your wasted life,
are you forever dead?
do like i told you, stay away from me
never misunderstand me, keep away from me
twistin everything around that you say
smack me in my mouth 200 times every other day
rag me, i don't hear you anymore,
not yet, find out what it means to me.
i don't know who you are
draggin on so lonely, aren't you tired baby.
breathing life into your lungs,
are you immune to me?
-Godsmack keep away

I�ve told you this once before can�t control me
If you try to take me down you�re gonna break
I feel your having nothing that you�re doing for me
I�m thinkin you are a fake, you are that way
I stand alone
Inside I stand alone
You�re always hiding behind your so called goddess
So what you don�t think that we can�t see your face
Resurrecting back before the final fallen
I�ll never rest until I can make my own way
I�m not afraid of fading
I stand alone
Feeling your sting down inside me
I�m not tired forever
I stand alone
Everything that I believe is fading
I stand alone
Inside I stand alone
Now it�s my time
It�s my time to dream
Dream of the sky
Make me believe that this place isn�t made by the poison in me
Help me decide if my fire will burn out before you can breathe
Breathe into me
I stand alone
Inside I stand alone
Feeling your sting down inside me
I�m not tired forever
I stand alone
Everything that I believe is fading
I stand alone
Inside I stand alone
Inside I stand alone inside
-Godsmack again
^mayb i'll put these in my house

hey!!! guess what I might go to a military academy for college and get paid to do it. and cuz the good ol' government's paying for it I might get a car!!!!!

YEA that helped my afternoon..... o yes very much i am in a much better mood now.....

bad day... what's nEw?

yes i love it ooo soooooooo much when people act like Sthds....

saw sumone last night, i swear somepeople dont care that i exist! and others only pretend to... or they do and just dont care at alll.....then agian maybe its me... actually it probably is cuz its nevA no one ELSES fault but mine...

ok done being boring and gay...

hey chang'n my name donkno what yet but prob sumthhin with black rose or widow and prob 22 or 87

OMG Glenn CUT his hair *please excuse me while i cry* *tear* i cant believe it. personally i dont like it... its just not Glenn... i miss him

yay heh my day just got a lil more better cuz grim is playing sum Godsmack on the X 105.9

dont u love the way i talk like i actually kno the DJ's? then again they are my only friends

001: Name: u wish...
002: Nickname: umm cant remember now
003: Country of living: u.s. Of A
004: Birth date: 11*22
005: Length: You mean height? 5ft 10in
006: Eye color: Dark Brown
007: Shoe size: big HuGh 9
008: School/work: all chix school, no job anyone know of an opening
009: You smoke: not now.
010: Hobby's: listening to music, ET [Delusions of Granduer], youth group, trying to draw, write, movies
011: Brothers/Sisters: yea like 4 grrrr
012: Relationship: excuse me while i laugh (HA) no unfortunately workin' on it tho....
013: Piercing(s): 2bl ears.
014: Tattoo: None.... yet ~_^
015: Favorite Country to go to: haven't left ol' uncle sam yet but prob Ireland
016: Are there people you won't reply to? Yes they are normaly stupid
017: Nicest person you met this year: Lydia, Kayleen, Bill,
018: Person you rather not have met this year: Fav, annoying lil freshies
019: Who would you like to meet: and Ben Rothlisberger, and Sully Erna
020: Who do you admire most:Jesus
021: Most sexy person(s): Brittany (lol jk) military dude at school, umm
022: Favorite Pajama: shorts and a cami
023: Favorite Car: BMW, trucks (hardcore trucks)
024: Favorite Movie(s): Athur, POTC, Star Wars IJ, Raising Helen, Die Hard, Demolition man, MP and the Holy Grail
025: Favorite music: RoCk BaBY!!! umm sum other stuff country a bit alt.a bit
026: Favorite City(s): Pgh or Chicago
027: Favorite Plush: hmmm couldnt tell cuz i aint sure
028: Favorite Perfume: addias aderline
029: Favorite Magazine: hmmm
030: Favorite sound: Music
031: Favorite TV-series: Gilmore girls, top model
032: Favorite Writer: Janet Evanovich; Elizabeth Peters
033: Favorite Nickname: stocker
034: What is on your mousepad: concrete..?
035: What all is under your bed: cd's, pics,randomness .
036: Favorite colour: Silver, black, blue, hot P…
037: Favorite Song ever: Miracle VH, Serenity GS
038: Favorite song at this moment: Downfall Trust Co.
039: Favorite food: circus peanuts, cheesebread, salsa at jess's
040: Favorite class in school: religion (randomeness), computer
041: Favorite drink: like a real Drink? umm whiskey and JD but in gen. milk
042: Lucky numbers: 7, 15, 22.
043: What do you think is greatest about yourself: 'witty' (read sarcastic) personality
044: What deodorant do you use: um lite purple plastic thingy w.the green stripe on the bottm
045: Favorite shoes: Flip Flops.
046: What time do you go to bed on workdays: 10
047: What word do you use most: the,
048: Most romantic moment in your life: romantic moment? please remind cuz i dont think i kno what that is...
049: Most embarrassing moment in your life: public/private? intl/extl? u dont wana kno.. way to many....
050: You spend your time rather inside or outside: OuTdOoRs
051: What do you do in the weekends: YG hang out HW
052: What class on school do/did you dislike most: history! demon lady!
053: Your Breakfast: Cheerio's and OJ oldschool here...
054: What do you really, really dislike to eat:mashed taters or any thing mushy like cooked carrots
055: Pets: do siblings count?
056: Laugh or dream: both
057: Serious or funny: depends when
058: Fast or slow:when? *_^
059: You prefer being alone or have relation: well i only know one way... so alone i guess freedom and all that
060: Simple or Complicated: agian i ask when?
061: Cremate or Buried when dead: Buried.
062: Sex or alcohol: hmm couldn't tell ya
063: Stay up late or go to bed early: late
064: Light or dark: Dark.
065: Speak or Silence: silence
066: Tall or small man/woman: tall woman
067: Newspaper: yes. couldnt live w.o it
068: Hug or kiss: hug cuz that's all i ever get
069: Happy or Sad: happy more fun/sad more often.
070: Life or Death: loving living, God's in dying so i dkno
071: Gig or Disco: gig
072: Left or Right: right
073: Sausages on top, or on the side: side
074: Dark/ red/ Blonde: Dark and gorgeous
075: What would you ask God if you could ask him 1 single question: How?
076: You believe in reincarnation: nope but it would be fun especially if you know what's going on when u come bak
077: You believe in Aliens:undecided but prob yea... do u really believe we are the only people here in this big ol' universe?
078: When you die, what will be your last words?: its all been done...
079: Does true love exists: For some…
080: How many kids would you like to have: NONE!
081: What is the one thing you can't stand: people who cant take care of their own lives by themselves well like the day to day stuff ima teen i kno big hard evil stuff comes up but dont push it to excess
082: Best feeling: being hugged by a good friend, or lying in bed byurself just watching the world go by while u think and listen to music, one word: Adoration
083: Worst feeling in the world: regret, knowing u need to do something that is agianst all u are
084: What are you afraid of: coal mines, not being included
085: Are you an emotional person: not in public but nightime is the worst.... and that's all i'm sayn
086: Do you ever cry during a movie: yea
087: Your goal in life: To live alone and have lots of friends, money, and GOD
088: What was the promise you made to yourself at New Year’s eve: take care of my bod, be nicer... do u want a list?
089: Who's your favorite artist: umm notta big art fan
090: As what animal would you like to reincarnate: I thought I said I didn't believe in this... but an eagle would be sweet
091: What is the most beautiful part on the male/female body: eyes the windows to the soul....
092: Most original place to ask your love to marry you: sitting on a rock in the middle of a crik while fishing... forget about that rod man...
096: Do you get in trouble a lot: where? *_^ home YES, school sumtimes, prev job aLwAyS
097: Favorite anime: not a major anime fan... sry:+(
098: Star sign: sagitarious
099: Favorite animal: rotweiller doggy
100: Is there a question you missed in this all: u expect me to kno this?

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair
i hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you s.t.a.r.e
i hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind
i hate you so much it makes me sick;
it even makes me rhyme
I HaTe iT!,
I hate the way you're always right
i hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me LaUgH,
even worse when you make me c~r~y
I hate it that you're not ¿around?
and the fact that you didn't ((call))
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close,
not even a little bit,
 not even at all:-\

ok so i can see much better now.... yay

but people still wont talk to me... o jeez i think i am disease

I really dislike the attitudes of some popels at school

psycho crazy docoor i cant see no more!!!!!! grrr (please ecxuse bad typing)

well i dno i dkno i dkno grrrr i should prob do hw but i dont feel like it...

mmm i *heart* starbucks....

i wish i knew.....
-----------------------------
its no gna happen       
its not gna last        
its just gna hurt
this is just gna end
only to start all over agian

ok so yea i am going cuz no on wants to talk to me probalbyu cuz i cant tupe with my messed up eyes

it has to start somewhere
it has to start sometime
what better place thatn here
what better time thatn now....

psycho crazy docoor i cant see no more!!!!!! grrr (please ecxuse bad typing)

well i dno i dkno i dkno grrrr i should prob do hw but i dont feel like it...

mmm i *heart* starbucks....

i wish i knew.....
-----------------------------
its no gna happen       
its not gna last        
its just gna hurt
this is just gna end
only to start all over agian

ok so yea i am going cuz no on wants to talk to me probalbyu cuz i cant tupe with my messed up eyes

it has to start somewhere
it has to start sometime
what better place thatn here
what better time thatn now....