I seem to write only when I am having a bad day....
and today is bad because it is snowing... usually this is a good thing... NOT TODAY!!! nope I probably will not be able to go the xmas party later because "the roads are too bad" (which they are not) and "the weather is too unpredictable".. ><_>< grrrrrrr I hate Pittsburgh and snowy weather!!! not going means I won't getta see Britt (the love of my life) glenn, bill, adam, alyssa, RJ, and the rest of people I know from NA and I wont get to see them until like the middle of January cuz I cant go to the Mass on Christmas eve cuz of some family BS my mom is trying to explain to me. Whatever I am out and in a very bad mood

god I feel like hell tonight, all alone I fall to pieces
wanna know why? lemme make you a list....
I am doomed to be single
I am stuck at my house
I didn't get to go to church this moring
I have a trig midterm next week
My dad is making me very angery
I have too many siblings
Its only wednesday
People like to hang up on me when I calll them
People mess with my mind
There is nothing good on the radio/TV
Three of my friends are out having a great time while I am stuck in my house
My cds are skipping
I have confession tomro
I dont have a BF
Yea can you understand why I am just a little depressed tonight? Other than that in the past couple days I have been elated, frozen, angery, sad, depressed, and woken up early. It snowd, I went to lifeteen, school, and did homework. Very interesting is it not?


I'm so lost
I am barely here
I wish I could explain myself
but words escape me
It's too late to save me
You're too late

I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me
-blink 182

so ya... I will prob do summore "research" take a shower, then try to stay up all night cuz that's what I do when I am depressed

later

at school doing this illegally again, which is why I am doing it in the first place....

hmm been awhile since I been here. What's been going on in my life not too much. In fact I will fill you later cuz lynch is back and I gtg loveallya byes

i hate my computer teacher! she is making me do my whole project over because she is evil and says its not perfectly like laura's!!!!!!!!!!! aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

there are somthings in life that you cant respond to no matter how hard you try<-- think about it

if u cant fix it with...
tylenol,
duct tape,
a band-aid
white-out
hair spray
a kiss
a hug
drugs
alcohol
a cigarrete
a sneeze
a laugh
a cry
or a big stick
then you have a serious problem....

a: he's 3
a: doesnt quite get the concept of nudie girls yet
g: you have to start when they're young, otherwise they might  have values
g: pssssssh
g: you're never too young to be shallow and sex driven

*I spent saturday night talking with glenn

guess what I diiiiiiiddddddd..... I had a fun couple days.... wna know???? ok I yelled at my computer teacher but its kool cuz she was yelling at me... and I got my calculator taken off me by my religion teacher cuz I was playing games in class.... teresa called into the X about my service project ya...

This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting....

My project is DONNNNNEEEE YAY!!!and Danielle didn't do a dayumd thing.... owell she doesnt get credit NOT MY PROBLEM omg I am soo glad to be done... and I might be on TV (grrrr) and def in the newpaper on thrusday. *sigh* SOOO glad that's over

aight hungry wins I'm out

...i can understand how you'd be so confused
i don't envy you
im a little bit of everything all rolled into one
im a bitch
im a lover
im a child
im a mother
im a sinner
im a saint
i do not feel ashamed
im your health
im your dream
im nothing inbetween
you know you wouldn't want it any other way...



tha's me in a nutshelll

songs I really like....
Last resort-Papa Roach         Home-Three Days Grace
Stripped-Ramstien           Down with the sickness-Disturbed
Immagine-Perfect Circle (?)      Getting Away W/Murder-Papa Roach
November Rain- GnR            Sad but True-Metallica
Gone Away-Cold               Voodoo-Godsmack
Pain-Jimmy Eat World            Remember-Disturbed
Serenity-Godsmack           Head like a Hole/Hurt-NIN
Time of Your Life-Greenday    So Far-Brides of Destruction
Pieces-Sum41                  Safe Home-Anthrax
Rainbow in the Dark-Dio
Way Away-yellowcard
Everything You want-Vertical horizon
Dizzy-Goo Goo Dolls

glenn got into college!! yay! omg the college is in the farm area of NC and the slogan or w/e (i looked it up) is 'we're not for everyone... but then maybe you're not everyone...' does that not sound like glenn? omg... its like 12 hours away tho...

my pap passed away. RIP buddy... the funeral wasnt really sad and weepy. my gram was real big in to making sure of that. I never cried and I think my dad didn't like that. I dkn I feel like i really didn't know my pap. there are so many of us that i never really had the time to get to know him. Yes in some ways I do regret that because he was an amazing man who did so much for our family (kinda like starting it). But ya I AlmosT cried when my aunt did the euology and everyone else was cryn like my dad, but i didn't. I realized that i am a lot like him i a lot of ways which is kool cuz i never really knew him. It was like we were connected w/o knowing it kinda like Lisa said. But yea I ran home after the retreat and off to the viewing then the funeral the next day and the wake/lunch on my birthday.

Lisa is a lifesaver! I dkno what I would have done w/o her last weeknd...

wierd/random/funny things that happend on retreat
*slapped Andy on the face (accident, maybe, jk ^_^)
*overflowwed the industrial dishwasher w/Dawn dishwashing soap (which you are apparently never supposed to put in a dishwasher even though it is for washing dishes... hmmm...) w/lisa and got yelled at by andy but lisa and katherine fixd it so its all goooooooood
*sat on the bus floor all the way up
*tackled mike and a bunch of other people
*lifted people up over a really tall wall (that hurt lemme tell ya)
*broke my new cd player

yea well retreat was fun... but i missed everyone bill wasn't being holy, cangilla didn't have his cd's, adam wasn't making random comments, and britt and lauren werent there *_* *sniff* but it was still fun

centrall is playing goo centrall!!!!!!

and I am really hungery so I am peacing out to eat things

leftovers rock (umm not really)

yo folkies... haven't used that one in a while noticd no one wants to check me out...yup its kool....

omg why now? why the one weekend I have been waitng for to get away from all of this nonsense for too long... and yea w/e britt I kno its gna be lame but guess what I WONT FRIKN be HERE!!! I mean he's been dyn for the past year why now? and even if I do getta go then I would prob have to go to a funeral on my birthday... yup this family sure knows how to throw a bash...yes I mighta getta wake as my partay... YES cant get enough of it...

so ya the story? he fell.... and damaged his pacemaker so his heart is basically failling one beat at a time... and the whole friggn family's there to watch him die...I swear its everyone but me and my mom and my sisters and bros....and I dont kno... I want it to end for gram's sake but not now... why now?

so w/e buddy hasn't been talking to me either today... I acutally immed him but yup you guessed it no respnse....

so even if my life does look depreesing for now I am not (yet) cuz I gots a sweet CD player for my badayy w/ a radio....

peace love and rock I am out for now... please pray for this whole thing

yay life rox my sox today...

this is diff and new and I liked it... but its ME so it peaced out as soon as it saw my face... i give up... flying and falling just hurts too much anymore...save me from myself...please

ever notice how when ur sad it dominates ur life.... well not reallysad just wrong....

yes my life just gets better and better

britts not going on retreat anymore and niether is adam (by the way they are back together) which means bill prob wont and alyssa might goo..... GOD I LOVE LIFE!!!!

aight w.e almost done with my kool essay bbl

I'm from Pittsburgh. I drink pop & eat subs. I push a buggie, not a cart when I pick up groceries at Giant Eagle. It's a crik not a creek. I don't do the wash, I do laundry. A thorny bush is called a bunch of jaggers. When I decide to redd up the room, I sweep instead of vacuum. I wear tennis shoes, not sneakers. I use gum bands not rubberbands. I emphasize my A's and that is normal. When I walk into a room, I ask what yinz guys are doin. I eat at Eat 'n Parks, not shitty diners. I drink Iron City when I'm dOwn tOwn. I can name all 3 rivers. I stay true to my Stillers even if they suck. I am from Pittsburgh. Where are you from?

ok totally sick of the "baby girl/boy" thing it like sooo 2000 and totally over!
(and that my friends is the random comment of the day)

aight well w'e more religion todo today then....
*steelers vs. browns (we beat ya once we'll beat ya agian u sukas) YEA!
*church
*lifeteen ^_^
*sleep or not depends on the mood or the moon

i have like a major nose itching problem... grrr i hate allergies....

omg i hope i dont get sick agian on retreat like i did last year... On my BiRtHdAy!!! and then they ran out of hot chocolate and i hada drink black coffee if i wanted something hot!!!!! bringing lotsa medds this year... and kleenx no one had either last year and i almost killed myself using napkins... not soft ones either....

soo many good memories it was the first time i met britt ... of course it was funn (~_^)

the parents and 3 4 5 are at church.... and i was alone enjoying the silence until 2 woke up and ruined the perfection....

i love the goo goo dolls <3 Johnny Reznik (yup prob spelled that wrong too)

no one is one cuz they are all sleeping like normal people who go to NA and dont have a kool buca homework like ME...

speaking of which i will leave now and finish that so i can watch the game....

peace love and rock

You're cynical and beautiful
You always make a scene
You're monochrome delerious
You're nothing that you seem
I'm drownin' in your vanity
Your laugh is a disease
You're dirty and you're sweet
You know you're everything to me

Everything you are
Falls from the sky like a star
Everything you are
Whatever ever you are

I wanna kick at the machine
That made you .... away you dreams
Tear down your defenses
'Til there's nothing there but me
You're angry when you're beautiful
Your love is such a tease
I'm drowning in your dizzy noise
I wanna feel you scream
-Goo Goo Dolls

-----------------------------------------------------------

HellO HellO
(HoLa)
I'm at a place called V-E-R-T-I-G-O
(Donde Esta)
Its all the things I wish I didn't know
But you give me something I can feel
I feel....
-U2

-------------------------------------------------------------

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one?
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon that was your womb

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer?

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallow the light from the sun inside your room, yeah
-Goo Goo Dolls

------------------------------------------------------------

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
-Goo Goo Dolls

-------------------------------------------------------------

Can you feel it?
I didn't mean it
Can I see you?
What are we doin'?
I think I love you
But I ain't sayin'
Nothin' you don't know

Hold on dreamaway
You're my sweet charade

Take your time
Move yourself to me
Yeah, I can take your lies
Until you fall away
-Goo Goo Dolls

I'll be watching you drown
watching you scream
silent or loud
and maybe you just need
a Friend
and maybe you cant see
no one's laughing...
you will be safe with me...
you will be safe with me

dno who that's one's by... but i love that song

guess what ? my history is DONE!!! even my time line....
YAY ME!!! now i just have a kool religion paper then i can watch the steeelers game and go to lifeteen...
by the way i do getta go to 6 YaY!!!

umm ya ever heard of the song Champange Supernova? well i kinda think that is pretty kooll kinda reminds me of myself in my so called fantasty land

aight i gtg just a lil more time to wait.... i'll bback in like 12 hours while the parents are at church to type summore on that kool paper

byes and luv

breaking but there's no one to talk to cuz their all out! EvErYoNe!!! Britt, Adam, Danielle, Sarah, Tom, Jess, Melick, MY SISTER!, Kayleen, Steffy and Kayla, Ashley, prob u too (but u neva kno..) and everyone else!!!!!!

I HATE HONORS HISTORY!!!!!! ahhhhh i am going craZy!!! I am trapped in my house with my family well minus my sister who is at her friend's houe. OMG how lame is that I am at home and MY SISTER is out I seriously have no life cuza my stupid school....

owell the rest of the weekend besides homework should be ok... lets see we have hw, sleep, cleaning, alyssa's party (yay!) maybe out at Pizza hut after that ( w/whoever wants to come mayb Glenn will walk up ^_^) but prob not,sleep, then maybe church or not if my dad will be back from the nursing home i can go to 6 yay! but otherwise 8 then more hw and steelers vs, browns (going down!!!!) then lifeteen and back to school....so ok mayb not great but its gna get better... yay!

next weekend i am away w/andy and everyone else for retreat.... yay! cept its possible i may have a history test and a trig test on the two days following it... grrrr

ok well yea... kinda burned out feeling....

check out the poem at my house...its gloria's take on my life...

this is hard...seeing so little and wanting so much...

hmmm i should get back now so I can finish something else...

wish me luck and that i dont slit my wrists before i finsh

oyes Blink182 growing up---

i swear the only thing getting me through this is the music on the X... Thank GOD for drums, guitars, rock music, DJs, and the X

I Miss You - Incubus


To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream


You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?


I see your picture
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you
------------------------------------

 theres something about the look in your eyes
    something i noticed when the light was just right
   it reminded me twice that i was alive and
  it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
-----------------------------------------


Thinking of you keeps me awake.
Dreaming of you keeps me asleep.
Being with you keeps me alive.

------------------------------------------

-::-Look to the past-::-And remember a smile-::-And maybe tonight I can breathe for a while-::-I keep falling asleep-::-But all that means-::-Is that I'll always be thinking of you-::-

-------------------------------------------------

*all you need is |o.n.e| thing in life to open your eyes to |e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g| you missed before*

--------------------------------------------------

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all...

---------------------------------------------------

Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

------------------------------------------------------

------this is driving me insane! why is this week taking so long???? this day for that matter!

2 days is the tally... do i call now?

i am gna go insane

tryed to sleep in study today couldn't cuz steffy and her loud voice (luvya babe) aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am going insane over here! could someone help me please???????

its pushing and driving and i need that to stop it

yea well what's going on??? dno! it wasnt me it was him....

i dno i really want something good outa this.... but i really dont wana build up so high and crash down again cuz its happend and hurt

its unique (yes i can finally use that word) that's why it might work and why it mighta been a one time thing...

i hope i dont curse myself doing this...but i miss him...kinda alot... that has to mean something right? (of course!)

I'll take a risk
TaKe a c.h.a.n.c.e
Make a change
And breakaway....

ok total mood change there i went from serious to need be comfy mood.... i love that just to be comfy! ( welll doesnt every one dope?)

o well w/e happens HappeNs and i am ok w/that... i just wana chil w/him

i really wish i went to NA

i kno this sounds stupid and stuff but u kno... its me... i have my own way and this hasnt happend for a while so cut me some slack...

i've waited to long for something good i just dont want it to fade or turn bad....

..Wouldnt it be perfect if..
*Sweatpants were sexy
*Mondays were fun
*Junk food didnt make u fat
*Girls didnt cause drama
*Boys werent so confusing
*Nothing was regrettable
*U didnt have 2 lose the ppl u love
*Friendships didnt fade
*And goodbye only meant til 2morrow
^steffy always has good quotes...

aighty i am done for now... wish me luck *_^