phew.... break rocks... no annoying people *cough FRANNIE cough* / teachers *cough syzmanski cough* just some much needed R&R yesssss... this is the life....
so ya... my aunt was over last night, with her four little children O the joy
more randomness... maybe one day I will sit down and figure out what all this means...
You're all the things I've got to remember
You do something to me that I can't explain, So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you?-Incubus
I think I have that one in here somewhere but I like it anyways...
what if its not for me? I can take it like this but if it was someone else it would break me. The best part about this whole thing is that its probably nothing (I hope) but I am just in a mood...yay for moods... psych!
britt's away, I have no car to get to gates, ditto everyone else.... I really needa get my license.... phffffffff sigh....
Random thoughts or song pieces...
I can’t live, With or without you-U2
If I seem bleak, well, you’d be correct, And if I don’t speak, it’s ’cause I can’t disconnect, But I won’t be burned by the reflection, Of the fire in your eyes
Hey, when I ran I didn’t feel like a runaway, Hey, when I escaped, I didn’t feel like I got away, Hey, there’s more to living than only surviving, Maybe I’m not there, but I’m still trying-Offspri
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity., I need you to hear. I need you to see., That I have had all I can take, And exploding seems like a definite possibility, To me,So pardon me while I burst into flames., I’ve had enough of the world, and it’s people’s mindless games,So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame-Incubus
dead I am the life, dig into the skin, knuckle crack the bone, 21 to win, dead I am the dog, hound of hell you cry, devil on your back, I can never die -Rob Zombie
But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone, Making out.-Dashboard Confessional
I just want someone that I can talk to, I want you just the way you are.-Billy Joel
Damned if I don’t, damned if I do, It’s a game I just can’t win, Have you ever needed someone so bad, Have you ever wanted someone, you just couldn’t have, Did you ever tried so hard -Def Leppard
so ya... there you are
o yes another christmas passed... well bascially here it is (ina list I love lists)
MY CHRISTMAS (starting w/Christmas eve)
get ready for church at four
my gram comes over as she will be spending xmas with us
go to church and see the usual crowd
come home eat and Drink with posiblity of getting drunk
sleep
wake up
open gifities (good ones too ^_^)
eat breakfast
change
sleep
wakeup
take my gram to my cousin's (extd family O joy...)
come home
eat with Drink again
get online
yay very exciting... wine is very good for but not quites as tasty as say... Vodka, JD, whiskey or corna
the big stock family (O joy) party is one week from today Yay or not... piontlessness and boring to boot, maybe someone will have some of the aforementioned drinks and I might be able to survive it. But owell its only ONCE a year so I guess I will make it... or just like every other year be the family reject, every family needs one.
cheery thoughts I have on Christmas eh'?
owell off to do somethng possibly my scrapbook
Merry Christmas....
Few creatures of the night have captured our imagination like vampires... What explains our enduring fascination with vampires? What is it about the vampire myth that explains our interest? Is it the overtones of sexual lust,power,con
-vampires godsmack
ok i said that I would be back and here I am!!! I know you are sooooo excited.... right* anyways today was wedsnesday where I live and that means it was hard. I dk why but wednesdays are always hard, i dk why? It was good in a way, school was OK the seniors werent there so we were the oldest... fun! well ya...but then Justin sent me the *sweetest* text for gates...sigh..
YAY its the first day of breakkkkkk!!!!
hmmm I dk... ummm i seen a really demonic scary picture of glenn today in frannie's yearbook, and some other random stuff
hey sry more l8ta dinner time ^_^
Twelve-pack of Bud, eleven rasslin' tickets, "ten" of "Copenhagen", nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of "Red Man", six cans of Spam...Five flannel shirts... Four Piedmont tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin' dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.
Man, them ain't normal Christmas presents.
Naw, they're "redneck" gifts.
"Redneck" gifts?
Yeah, you know. Like if you bought your wife earrings that double as fishing lures. Or if you can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells". Perhaps if you think the "Nutcracker" is something you did off the high dive. Or if you've ever misspelled anything in Christmas lights. Or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus.
What's wrong with that?
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, but it's hard to beat...
Twelve-pack of Bud, eleven rasslin' tickets, "ten" of "Copen-hagen", nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of "Red Man", six cans of Spam... Five flannel shirts... Four Piedmont tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin' dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.
You know, you can't really consider it a Christmas 'less you go down to the penitentiary 'n visit to yer mama.
You're not listening to me...Get the car key out of your ear. That's where the "nine months probation" comes in. I'm gonna do it for ya again...Now listen...
Twelve-pack of Bud, eleven rasslin' tickets, "ten" of "Copenhagen", nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of "Red Man", six cans of Spam... Five flannel shirts...Four Piedmont tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin' dogs, and some parts to a Mustang GT...
***Merry Christmas****
ok so basically I wrote that last one for nothing... cuz I gotta go anyways ..... YAY!
Its all around
Pain and suffering
And I tell myself
If I just had you
I could make it through
I could stay strong in the midst of the chaos of my life
I would be able to get by
Just knowing you were there
For me to come back to
The knowledge that you were here
Waiting just for me
Wanting just me
Myself, flawed and confused
But then I realize
That I have been doing o.k. on my own
So maybe I don’t really need you to survive
But letting go is harder than I imagined
And I need you to get through it
So maybe I am back to square one
Needing you after all
^^^^^^^^
my cool poem
you know I really wish time would just stop and stand still....I mean every thing is okay right now... lBill, Adam, and Glenn still live in Pittsburgh, I dont want them to leave, the end of August is gna suck lemme tell ya *_*.... I have great friends: sarah, gates, gloria, jules, erica, rj, adam, britt, bill, glenn, ashley, steph, jess, and if i forgot you its just part of being depressed and I am sorry.....ya Time could you just stand still, life is good now and I dont want this part of it to end.....
I seem to write only when I am having a bad day....
and today is bad because it is snowing... usually this is a good thing... NOT TODAY!!! nope I probably will not be able to go the xmas party later because "the roads are too bad" (which they are not) and "the weather is too unpredictable"
god I feel like hell tonight, all alone I fall to pieces
wanna know why? lemme make you a list....
I am doomed to be single
I am stuck at my house
I didn't get to go to church this moring
I have a trig midterm next week
My dad is making me very angery
I have too many siblings
Its only wednesday
People like to hang up on me when I calll them
People mess with my mind
There is nothing good on the radio/TV
Three of my friends are out having a great time while I am stuck in my house
My cds are skipping
I have confession tomro
I dont have a BF
Yea can you understand why I am just a little depressed tonight? Other than that in the past couple days I have been elated, frozen, angery, sad, depressed, and woken up early. It snowd, I went to lifeteen, school, and did homework. Very interesting is it not?
I'm so lost
I am barely here
I wish I could explain myself
but words escape me
It's too late to save me
You're too late
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me
-blink 182
so ya... I will prob do summore "research" take a shower, then try to stay up all night cuz that's what I do when I am depressed
later
at school doing this illegally again, which is why I am doing it in the first place....
hmm been awhile since I been here. What's been going on in my life not too much. In fact I will fill you later cuz lynch is back and I gtg loveallya byes
i hate my computer teacher! she is making me do my whole project over because she is evil and says its not perfectly like laura's!!!!!!!
there are somthings in life that you cant respond to no matter how hard you try<-- think about it
if u cant fix it with...
tylenol,
duct tape,
a band-aid
white-out
hair spray
a kiss
a hug
drugs
alcohol
a cigarrete
a sneeze
a laugh
a cry
or a big stick
then you have a serious problem....
a: he's 3
a: doesnt quite get the concept of nudie girls yet
g: you have to start when they're young, otherwise they might have values
g: pssssssh
g: you're never too young to be shallow and sex driven
*I spent saturday night talking with glenn
guess what I diiiiiiidddddd
This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting....
My project is DONNNNNEEEE YAY!!!and Danielle didn't do a dayumd thing.... owell she doesnt get credit NOT MY PROBLEM omg I am soo glad to be done... and I might be on TV (grrrr) and def in the newpaper on thrusday. *sigh* SOOO glad that's over
aight hungry wins I'm out
...i can understand how you'd be so confused
i don't envy you
im a little bit of everything all rolled into one
im a bitch
im a lover
im a child
im a mother
im a sinner
im a saint
i do not feel ashamed
im your health
im your dream
im nothing inbetween
you know you wouldn't want it any other way...
tha's me in a nutshelll
songs I really like....
Last resort-Papa Roach Home-Three Days Grace
Stripped-Ramst
Immagine-Perfe
November Rain- GnR Sad but True-Metallica
Gone Away-Cold Voodoo-Godsmac
Pain-Jimmy Eat World Remember-Distu
Serenity-Godsm
Time of Your Life-Greenday So Far-Brides of Destruction
Pieces-Sum41 Safe Home-Anthrax
Rainbow in the Dark-Dio
Way Away-yellowcar
Everything You want-Vertical horizon
Dizzy-Goo Goo Dolls
glenn got into college!! yay! omg the college is in the farm area of NC and the slogan or w/e (i looked it up) is 'we're not for everyone... but then maybe you're not everyone...' does that not sound like glenn? omg... its like 12 hours away tho...
my pap passed away. RIP buddy... the funeral wasnt really sad and weepy. my gram was real big in to making sure of that. I never cried and I think my dad didn't like that. I dkn I feel like i really didn't know my pap. there are so many of us that i never really had the time to get to know him. Yes in some ways I do regret that because he was an amazing man who did so much for our family (kinda like starting it). But ya I AlmosT cried when my aunt did the euology and everyone else was cryn like my dad, but i didn't. I realized that i am a lot like him i a lot of ways which is kool cuz i never really knew him. It was like we were connected w/o knowing it kinda like Lisa said. But yea I ran home after the retreat and off to the viewing then the funeral the next day and the wake/lunch on my birthday.
Lisa is a lifesaver! I dkno what I would have done w/o her last weeknd...
wierd/random/f
*slapped Andy on the face (accident, maybe, jk ^_^)
*overflowwed the industrial dishwasher w/Dawn dishwashing soap (which you are apparently never supposed to put in a dishwasher even though it is for washing dishes... hmmm...) w/lisa and got yelled at by andy but lisa and katherine fixd it so its all goooooooood
*sat on the bus floor all the way up
*tackled mike and a bunch of other people
*lifted people up over a really tall wall (that hurt lemme tell ya)
*broke my new cd player
yea well retreat was fun... but i missed everyone bill wasn't being holy, cangilla didn't have his cd's, adam wasn't making random comments, and britt and lauren werent there *_* *sniff* but it was still fun
centrall is playing goo centrall!!!!!!
and I am really hungery so I am peacing out to eat things
leftovers rock (umm not really)
yo folkies... haven't used that one in a while noticd no one wants to check me out...yup its kool....
omg why now? why the one weekend I have been waitng for to get away from all of this nonsense for too long... and yea w/e britt I kno its gna be lame but guess what I WONT FRIKN be HERE!!! I mean he's been dyn for the past year why now? and even if I do getta go then I would prob have to go to a funeral on my birthday... yup this family sure knows how to throw a bash...yes I mighta getta wake as my partay... YES cant get enough of it...
so ya the story? he fell.... and damaged his pacemaker so his heart is basically failling one beat at a time... and the whole friggn family's there to watch him die...I swear its everyone but me and my mom and my sisters and bros....and I dont kno... I want it to end for gram's sake but not now... why now?
so w/e buddy hasn't been talking to me either today... I acutally immed him but yup you guessed it no respnse....
so even if my life does look depreesing for now I am not (yet) cuz I gots a sweet CD player for my badayy w/ a radio....
peace love and rock I am out for now... please pray for this whole thing
yay life rox my sox today...
this is diff and new and I liked it... but its ME so it peaced out as soon as it saw my face... i give up... flying and falling just hurts too much anymore...save me from myself...pleas
ever notice how when ur sad it dominates ur life.... well not reallysad just wrong....