ok I am really bored. I hate half days b/c theyr not really half days just like an hour shorter...Aigh
never ment to be so cold.....
Where nothing seems to ever change anyway hey
All this hype about life bein' great
Where's the love for me these days
I'm goin off the deep end
I am amazing.... I hate myself sometimes... just when I think I'm there the whole efffing thing blows up in my face... now wh/evr probably thinks I am an insano stalker and when they tell him he'll be like ooo weirdo never talking to her again....w/e its probably over drama... just this whole thing can go DIE.... there is a difference between leading someone one (*cough movies cough*) and being friends... talking usually helps toward friendship... please get that through ur head cuz it was so much better before...
She needs somethin' with a little more edge and a little more pain
She's my little whiskey Girl
She's my little whiskey Girl
My Ragged-on-the-
I'm not usually into country but I liked this one
i reallly dont have anything to say...my house is crazy, nothing new...my friend came, kill me!...i swear i am eventually getting it all removed, I dont want kids so there's no piont...
you know I thought I had it set, I thought it was allll goood.... but I musta been lying to myself cause it aint' and the s*#t hit the fan....hard. I was done, but there was one small problem, i never really stopped liking him. I told myself I did, but deep down I didnt. Now that I know that maybe I can really let it go or maybe it'll just be hell for the next couple monthes. I thought I was stronger than this....
--------------
A thousand days
Have passed away
A thousand days
Were captured in her eyes
Forever we’ve been
Trapped by our hearts
Trapped by our minds
I’d like to leave
I’d like to win at love
But I just can’t let it go
And I just can’t watch it slipping away
And I just can’t let it go
And I just can’t stand another minute
Maybe now someday our shattered lives
Will mend themselves again
But now a million miles away
I still wish I could
And though I somehow know, I can’t explain
Why we hurt another again and again
Like someone on his dying breath
I still reach for you
-Offspring
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in other news..... I'm sick, I swear my head is going to explode, its pounding. I'm going to my bro's game tonight, iceskating and church tomro. Great weekend, well the end is. maybe, depends on alot. But u know what I am just gna deal with it as it happens. Cant do nothng else... ummm ya last night stayed home and chilled with jess. Took down the christmas decorations, Finally. I really wasnt with the whole decoration thing this year, probably cuz i did that whole project in the beginning of december with them. Aight I cant take this anymore, I need some DrugS.
off to find my meds, they keep me sane ~_^
She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
^ I like it lol britt
I never thought I'd walk away from you
I did
but it's a false sense of accomplishment
every time time I quit
anyone can see my every flaw.
it isn't hard
anyone can say they're above this all
but it takes my pain away
it's a lie
a kiss with o.p.e.n eyes
she's not breathing back
anything but bother me
(It takes my pain away)
nevermind these are hurried times
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me
^J.E.W lol
I can't believe that you had such a hold on me
-Drowning Pool
aight done with depression
aight so ya I feel sooo confused..... first off I dont do that... no sry not me...omg This day was so weird/bad...th
Well ya babysitting the kids, I think, my parents are out. yay! ummm no.... meh....(another sigh)...Kelsey's gna get me the hookup w/Bambi (?) ok who has a name like that? lol w/e just get my mind off this... gtg
I thought I understood it all
I thought I would never fall
I stood alone
Until one day you walked by
Took my hand
Helped me down
And for awhile we wandered
Contented with the moment
And after a bit
we each took our seperate ways
All was right and OK
But now I see you and cant forget
Even though you dont care anymore
Memories rush back
And I know you are alright
with the way things are
But I'm not
So I remain torn
Between your happiness and mine
Walking the line
Until you go off
Out of sight
Out of mind
oK ya maybe I am crazy... but being crazy is FUNNNNNN!!!!! O.o... least I'm not as crazy as Laura, jk I luv ya grl! Wow I am kinda glad tho, that it was kinda a one time, do and forget it kinda thing, cuz I really dont want a possesive BF, no offense Gates/Kay, its just that that would TotallY freak me out, I would be like ummm H/O like 10-15 years and then maybe we will seee.... ya hmm
I thought I understood it all
I thought I would never fall
I stood alone
Until one day you walked by
Took my hand
Helped me down
And for awhile we wandered
Contented with the moment
^beginning of yet another poem lol Sarah
Once I get off I am going driving with my dad O.o at night AHHH why did I want to do this? NO its not cuz my cousin came up and bragged about her new car and laughed in my face about only getting a car if I get a full-ride to college. Ignorant lil B* ooo I wanted to slap her so bad!!! then my gram came over so I just ignored it. I am SUCH a good person. NOT! lol gotta run or eh... drive
hmmm big sigh... I dk, lil lost, lil confused, lil nervous.... but Wth? huh no big difference from the norm....aight yay... well I guess I am off to go shopping, hopefullly. then maybe driving, O.o scary since I haven't been out since october, then nonsense and church... LooK ouT! hmmm
yup I'm dumb... why do I always blow things out of porportion? w/e sometimes I just hate myself and feel like a totall idiot.
ok ya just got back from the Stock X-mas party on New Year's. I swear that family could drive anyone to drink... here are some highlights of the evening...my aunts and cousins singing "I will survive" at the top of their lungs into a microphone, I was so scared I almost cried, singing NSYNC christmas songs as a family, and etc. etc. Add to this alcohol and there you have a party with my family... yay! ummm NO.
now I gtg cuz my dad is weird, and I cant stand this.. I need my own place
i dk i dont understand... u know what GO DIE!!! no, not really just that I'm done...down and depressed...bu
[It's alright to tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving you must have your reasons
The season is calling and your pictures are falling down
The steps that I retrace the sad lookon your face
The timing and structure did you hear he ...ed her?
A day late, a buck short, I'm writing the report
On losing and failing, when I move I'm flailing now
and it'll happen once again,
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess ]this[ is growing up]
sry I just dont understand this... go DIE! really confused right now.... why would you do that? Am I really that annoying? WHY? u know... I thought it was kool... well I guess not! obviously wow... I dk what to say to this... I really dont... did u think I wasnt gna find out... What ever! all I have to say right now is... that it hurt
wtf? he blocked me... wtf?
shhh... dont tell anyone, but I am hiding... shhhh don't tell.... my lil cousins are over again and I am supposed to be writing a paper for english... psssshhhh right but anyways... went to the movies last night with britt, glenn, august, and chelsea... very interesting lemme tell ya... *grins*. Tonight I am going out for dinner with my family yay, such excitement O the joy, get the picture yet... listen I really dont hate my family, I would be perfectly fine if I only saw them like once a week, its just that we are together wayyyyyy too much! and there is also the little issue of my parents thinking that they have me and my sister to watch over the younger kids for them,umm this wrong. You are the parents we are the children, WATCH YouR OWN KIDS!!!!!!!!!!
phew.... break rocks... no annoying people *cough FRANNIE cough* / teachers *cough syzmanski cough* just some much needed R&R yesssss... this is the life....
so ya... my aunt was over last night, with her four little children O the joy
more randomness... maybe one day I will sit down and figure out what all this means...
You're all the things I've got to remember
You do something to me that I can't explain, So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you?-Incubus
I think I have that one in here somewhere but I like it anyways...
what if its not for me? I can take it like this but if it was someone else it would break me. The best part about this whole thing is that its probably nothing (I hope) but I am just in a mood...yay for moods... psych!
britt's away, I have no car to get to gates, ditto everyone else.... I really needa get my license.... phffffffff sigh....
Random thoughts or song pieces...
I can’t live, With or without you-U2
If I seem bleak, well, you’d be correct, And if I don’t speak, it’s ’cause I can’t disconnect, But I won’t be burned by the reflection, Of the fire in your eyes
Hey, when I ran I didn’t feel like a runaway, Hey, when I escaped, I didn’t feel like I got away, Hey, there’s more to living than only surviving, Maybe I’m not there, but I’m still trying-Offspri
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity., I need you to hear. I need you to see., That I have had all I can take, And exploding seems like a definite possibility, To me,So pardon me while I burst into flames., I’ve had enough of the world, and it’s people’s mindless games,So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame-Incubus
dead I am the life, dig into the skin, knuckle crack the bone, 21 to win, dead I am the dog, hound of hell you cry, devil on your back, I can never die -Rob Zombie
But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone, Making out.-Dashboard Confessional
I just want someone that I can talk to, I want you just the way you are.-Billy Joel
Damned if I don’t, damned if I do, It’s a game I just can’t win, Have you ever needed someone so bad, Have you ever wanted someone, you just couldn’t have, Did you ever tried so hard -Def Leppard
so ya... there you are
o yes another christmas passed... well bascially here it is (ina list I love lists)
MY CHRISTMAS (starting w/Christmas eve)
get ready for church at four
my gram comes over as she will be spending xmas with us
go to church and see the usual crowd
come home eat and Drink with posiblity of getting drunk
sleep
wake up
open gifities (good ones too ^_^)
eat breakfast
change
sleep
wakeup
take my gram to my cousin's (extd family O joy...)
come home
eat with Drink again
get online
yay very exciting... wine is very good for but not quites as tasty as say... Vodka, JD, whiskey or corna
the big stock family (O joy) party is one week from today Yay or not... piontlessness and boring to boot, maybe someone will have some of the aforementioned drinks and I might be able to survive it. But owell its only ONCE a year so I guess I will make it... or just like every other year be the family reject, every family needs one.
cheery thoughts I have on Christmas eh'?
owell off to do somethng possibly my scrapbook
Merry Christmas....
Few creatures of the night have captured our imagination like vampires... What explains our enduring fascination with vampires? What is it about the vampire myth that explains our interest? Is it the overtones of sexual lust,power,con
-vampires godsmack
ok i said that I would be back and here I am!!! I know you are sooooo excited.... right* anyways today was wedsnesday where I live and that means it was hard. I dk why but wednesdays are always hard, i dk why? It was good in a way, school was OK the seniors werent there so we were the oldest... fun! well ya...but then Justin sent me the *sweetest* text for gates...sigh..
YAY its the first day of breakkkkkk!!!!
hmmm I dk... ummm i seen a really demonic scary picture of glenn today in frannie's yearbook, and some other random stuff
hey sry more l8ta dinner time ^_^