[Delusions of Granduer]'s diary

472728  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-01-16
Written: (7251 days ago)

Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell
Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she crys

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water
-dk but its pretty in a black widow sorta way

472719  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-01-16
Written: (7251 days ago)

I'm not scared, I'm not running, I'm just leaving it be, cuz I want to, not cuz of anyone else. I dont want to be an annoying stalker. Unfortunately the cost of my choice is the losss of an amzing friend, my loss, my price, my choice. Just cuz I choose it doesnt mean I wanted to or that I am happy with it, I just chose it, and I will live with it. But lemme tell ya its not easy. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. It's always there, "did you make the right choice?" and sometimes it just hurts so bad, cuz it was awsum but now its nothing. O well Life goes on...goodbye "as one last favor make an exception for me. forget me. the memories will pass. out of sight out of mind."

at least tonight is worry free, I can just chill and not worry about it ^_^. yay! *sigh of relief* My dad's kinda been on my case too, he thinks I'm not happy or something, psssshhh, he's just out there. Like he was yelling at me cuz my brother was all wet cuz no one changed his diaper (sounds stupid but go w/it) and he was like "you should have done it, you just should have checked, no forgetting is not an excuse, no that's not an excuse... blah blah blah" and I'm sitting there 1/2 listening to all this thinking "dude its your kid, not mine, you shoulda remembered to check before you left." i dk he's been weird lately saying i dont talk to him and stuff. Well maybe i would if when i tryied to talk to him he wouldnt be like "o ya... well..." or "no dont do that, i dont like that" so I just sorta avoid it, I'm not mean about it, I'm polite and respectful etc. we just dont have a daily heart-to-heart conversation. meh its probably just stage.... it'll pass

went out w/my mom and got an awsum shirt: big, and black oyes.. gotta love it, going to church later in like 2:1/2 hrs yay! lol I'm out ttyl

472518  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-01-16
Written: (7251 days ago)

mewwhhh too early....OK so I am going to finally finish the big thing I have been working on all weekend, like the stories and stuff I keep breaking off cuz my parents are really cool

-Friday-
fight at school, the teachers were like freaking out like it was a bomb threat or something, unfortunately i missed the fight itself b/c I stayed up for some book disscussion, ya but anyways...interesting
went to ben's game, o joy, worked the door and 50/50 fun times
came home and worked on my religion Midterm SG (do I know how to have fun or what?)
bed

-Saturday-
Went out with my mom, got some fun pens
came home got my brother ready to go the the Pitt game (he then went to his friend's house and watched the Steeler game while I was babysitting-life is very unfair)
worked somemore
talked to britt
took a shower
ate
left to babysit
babysitting=I will never have kids (did u get that?) I will NEveR have kids, so she probably is really sweet and all but it was really annoying and she wouldn't let me watch the game *_* little kids are very persuasive and kinda like same dictators, anyways after I put her to bed I watched some James Bond, WOOT lol
home and bed

-Sunday-
Not quite sure
woke up
got online while i watched siblings 4&5 while the rest went to church and pick up colleen
then i dk hw, church, lifeteen? i guess
I was gna go down the Lycem to see Sarah and Lick Me (heh lol) play but my mom ix-nayd that one cuz she wasn't driving me all teh way down there *tear* I was gna meet the Bambi kid too, sry Sarah :(

well I'll let ya know how that all goes ttyl

471941  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-01-15
Written: (7252 days ago)

meh at the library... yay...THE STEELERS PLAY IN 5:55 minutes!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhh I am so excited.. cept I have to babysit during the game blah

471740  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-01-15
Written: (7253 days ago)

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that a hostage situation?

ok ya anyways back to the fight story...some one hit someone else and they fought all the way up the road and ms. regan got hit in the eye and amo flipped and was freaking out...ya well it was an interesting end to the week.

tonight I went to ben's game with jess's sister and worked the door/50/50 raffle

More Later I HATE my house

its really bad tonight and I have no idea why....

471526  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-01-14
Written: (7253 days ago)

hello friends! today has been muy eventful.. we had a fight at the mount! HUH! shocker... but I missed it, as I am a good kid and was at the book club disscusion, major bummer. Anyways I have to go cuz my parents are home and its dinner time... more later cats

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I’m
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

but that was just a dream, just a dream

471031  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-01-14
Written: (7254 days ago)

omg i forgot I slipped and fell down the stairs yesterday and now I have like 2 huge bruises on my arm and they hurt really bad...this religion study guide is boring...zzzzzzzz

470994  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-01-14
Written: (7254 days ago)

It's really just like fingerpainting... Fun to play with while it lasts, but once you're finished, it's just ends up messy. And after everything's done with, it dries, you wash your hands- and everything's cleaned up...
^found in someone's AIM profile kinda describes the whole situation w/sunshine, just wish it woulda lasted a bit longer. But OWELL what can you? life go on i guess

I am in like a dairy FrenZy tonight

470987  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-01-14
Written: (7254 days ago)

But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.
As the angels sang a whiskey lullabye...la la la la la...

I am beginning to be country fan.... O.o

470967  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-01-14
Written: (7254 days ago)

ya.... gotta wonder sometimes all my closest friends have gr8 relationships and me and sarah whatda we got? a whole lotta nothing... luv ya hun! but we're working on it....yup life's pretty good... went up Andy's last night, nothing amzing, although it coulda been worse, glenn coulda been there and then it woulda been real akward and i woulda hada stay up til 3am and analyze it cuz that's what I do... call me kool i guesss well i am out to work summore bbl later,... so idk.. live it up? i guess lol i am insane must the whiskey and drugs

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new
-The blowers daughter

469319  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-01-11
Written: (7256 days ago)

ok I am really bored. I hate half days b/c theyr not really half days just like an hour shorter...Aight w/e go die... some people reallllllllllyyyy PO me u know...Its really rainy and coldd, and the lil troll is too lazy to work the technology so I had to walk all the way around the school in the rain at 20 to 8 this morning, BAH!....I left all my work at school so I have nothing to do on this terrible day...meh. es popa. Grrrrrrrrrr hmmmmm, babysitting tonight, yay! gotta love it... I have like sixty tests/projects in school... I really want out....Ok whatever I am leaving now....

468849  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-01-11
Written: (7257 days ago)

never ment to be so cold.....

Where nothing seems to ever change anyway hey
All this hype about life bein' great
Where's the love for me these days
I'm goin off the deep end

I am amazing.... I hate myself sometimes... just when I think I'm there the whole efffing thing blows up in my face... now wh/evr probably thinks I am an insano stalker and when they tell him he'll be like ooo weirdo never talking to her again....w/e its probably over drama... just this whole thing can go DIE.... there is a difference between leading someone one (*cough movies cough*) and being friends... talking usually helps toward friendship... please get that through ur head cuz it was so much better before...

She needs somethin' with a little more edge and a little more pain
She's my little whiskey Girl
She's my little whiskey Girl
My Ragged-on-the-edges girl

I'm not usually into country but I liked this one

466954  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-01-09
Written: (7259 days ago)

i reallly dont have anything to say...my house is crazy, nothing new...my friend came, kill me!...i swear i am eventually getting it all removed, I dont want kids so there's no piont...

466628  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-01-08
Written: (7259 days ago)

you know I thought I had it set, I thought it was allll goood.... but I musta been lying to myself cause it aint' and the s*#t hit the fan....hard. I was done, but there was one small problem, i never really stopped liking him. I told myself I did, but deep down I didnt. Now that I know that maybe I can really let it go or maybe it'll just be hell for the next couple monthes. I thought I was stronger than this....

-------------------------------------------------------

A thousand days
Have passed away
A thousand days
Were captured in her eyes

Forever we’ve been
Trapped by our hearts
Trapped by our minds
I’d like to leave
I’d like to win at love

But I just can’t let it go
And I just can’t watch it slipping away
And I just can’t let it go
And I just can’t stand another minute

Maybe now someday our shattered lives
Will mend themselves again
But now a million miles away
I still wish I could
And though I somehow know, I can’t explain
Why we hurt another again and again
Like someone on his dying breath
I still reach for you
-Offspring

--------------------------------------------------------------
in other news..... I'm sick, I swear my head is going to explode, its pounding. I'm going to my bro's game tonight, iceskating and church tomro. Great weekend, well the end is. maybe, depends on alot. But u know what I am just gna deal with it as it happens. Cant do nothng else... ummm ya last night stayed home and chilled with jess. Took down the christmas decorations, Finally. I really wasnt with the whole decoration thing this year, probably cuz i did that whole project in the beginning of december with them. Aight I cant take this anymore, I need some DrugS.

off to find my meds, they keep me sane ~_^

464731  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-01-06
Written: (7262 days ago)
Next in thread: 466587

She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
^ I like it lol britt


I never thought I'd walk away from you
I did
but it's a false sense of accomplishment,
every time time I quit
anyone can see my every flaw.
it isn't hard
anyone can say they're above this all
but it takes my pain away

it's a lie
a kiss with o.p.e.n eyes
she's not breathing back
anything but bother me
(It takes my pain away)
nevermind these are hurried times
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me
^J.E.W lol 

I can't believe that you had such a hold on me
-Drowning Pool



aight done with depression

463767  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-01-04
Written: (7263 days ago)

aight so ya I feel sooo confused..... first off I dont do that... no sry not me...omg This day was so weird/bad...thinking again...I dk probably I was really bad at life... so w/e outa sight outa mind... but how come its not outa mind!?!??! I have decided to try really hard to be done...DONE no more, gone, forgotten, so please just go away, because as hard as it will be, it will be easier than living like this, anything will.... omg omg...(long heavy sigh)...I'm DONE, I'm DONE, I'm DONE.....please make it all go away....

Well ya babysitting the kids, I think, my parents are out. yay! ummm no.... meh....(another sigh)...Kelsey's gna get me the hookup w/Bambi (?) ok who has a name like that? lol w/e just get my mind off this... gtg

463761  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-01-04
Written: (7263 days ago)

I thought I understood it all
I thought I would never fall
I stood alone
Until one day you walked by
Took my hand
Helped me down
And for awhile we wandered
Contented with the moment

And after a bit
we each took our seperate ways
All was right and OK
But now I see you and cant forget
Even though you dont care anymore
Memories rush back
And I know you are alright 
with the way things are
But I'm not

So I remain torn
Between your happiness and mine
Walking the line
Until you go off
Out of sight
Out of mind

462882  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-01-03
Written: (7264 days ago)

oK ya maybe I am crazy... but being crazy is FUNNNNNN!!!!! O.o... least I'm not as crazy as Laura, jk I luv ya grl! Wow I am kinda glad tho, that it was kinda a one time, do and forget it kinda thing, cuz I really dont want a possesive BF, no offense Gates/Kay, its just that that would TotallY freak me out, I would be like ummm H/O like 10-15 years and then maybe we will seee.... ya hmm
I thought I understood it all
I thought I would never fall
I stood alone
Until one day you walked by
Took my hand
Helped me down
And for awhile we wandered
Contented with the moment
^beginning of yet another poem lol Sarah

Once I get off I am going driving with my dad O.o at night AHHH why did I want to do this? NO its not cuz my cousin came up and bragged about her new car and laughed in my face about only getting a car if I get a full-ride to college. Ignorant lil B* ooo I wanted to slap her so bad!!! then my gram came over so I just ignored it. I am SUCH a good person. NOT! lol gotta run or eh... drive

461734  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-01-02
Written: (7265 days ago)

hmmm big sigh... I dk, lil lost, lil confused, lil nervous.... but Wth? huh no big difference from the norm....aight yay... well I guess I am off to go shopping, hopefullly. then maybe driving, O.o scary since I haven't been out since october, then nonsense and church... LooK ouT! hmmm

461373  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-01-02
Written: (7266 days ago)

yup I'm dumb... why do I always blow things out of porportion? w/e sometimes I just hate myself and feel like a totall idiot.

ok ya just got back from the Stock X-mas party on New Year's. I swear that family could drive anyone to drink... here are some highlights of the evening...my aunts and cousins singing "I will survive" at the top of their lungs into a microphone, I was so scared I almost cried, singing NSYNC christmas songs as a family, and etc. etc. Add to this alcohol and there you have a party with my family... yay! ummm NO.

now I gtg cuz my dad is weird, and I cant stand this.. I need my own place

460229  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-12-31
Written: (7267 days ago)

i dk i dont understand... u know what GO DIE!!! no, not really just that I'm done...down and depressed...but lets look on the brightside, maybe its not forever, and probably, Definantly, I am blowing it out of porportion (per usual) but you know I just dont understand, and it probably my fault, it usually is, but if there is a reason could you please tell me?


[It's alright to tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving you must have your reasons
The season is calling and your pictures are falling down

The steps that I retrace the sad lookon your face
The timing and structure did you hear he ...ed her?
A day late, a buck short, I'm writing the report
On losing and failing, when I move I'm flailing now

and it'll happen once again,
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan

But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess
]this[ is growing up]

 The logged in version 

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