[Delusions of Granduer]'s diary

502637  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-22
Written: (7218 days ago)

i love it I just love it... i try and what do i get? a big load a BS thrown right at my face as the door hits me on the way out!
THIS is why

I DO NOT CARE

right, (deep breath) I dont....phewww... just keep telling your self that... and it should come true... I hope
502281  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-02-21
Written: (7219 days ago)

o jeez...... that last one was kinda harsh....sry

but guess what? I need another rabies shot! lmao! ya lifeteen last night...then today the freak'n othrodonist attacks my teeth! I have rubber bands!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhhhhh *runs screaming in circles* ok I'm done now...and ya did that and errands this morning, now i am back to work on the history paper. I really wish they wouldn't give us this much hw... meh.

now I am confzd? who do I take???? cuz....welll ya idk. Adam would be fun, but would it be weird?? I should probably just take Mike, everyone else would happy then...Mike would also be fun... well we'll see...

off to clean and work ! blah!!!!

501179  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-02-20
Written: (7220 days ago)

dude...ok here's the deal...you know i am one down on you, so dont flaunt in in front of my face, I am sick and tired of hearing all that stuff, what you want to do is your own BS and if you're not gna tell me straight to my face, then dont whisper it behind my back, especaily if we are what I "thought" we were. If you wna go screw up your entire life for fun then by all means please do! (i dont really mean that...no one asks my opinion anymore, or cares what I think, or takes it seriously) It's just that I thought it was more than that...I am sick of people... who are hypocrites, the two just dont mix. I am sry, they dont...and that could be why you stopped. So the piont of my rant... not quite sure, maybe just to vent, maybe to let you see, if you ever do, what all that does to me....but if you are what I think you are you wont even take the time to figure this out... I wish I knew, but I dont, and at the moment that's not gna change, so please if you have any consideration....just stop

Now, let me go
I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside


on another view I HATE THIS

499949  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-19
Written: (7221 days ago)

o man... i know, I know you just cant help it and I shouldn't feel this depresed, but I do. It just gets me you know? well actually you dont cuz you're probably not in my place. meh... i hate it... i hate needing someone, but not being able to have someone. I love my life... on days that dont end in y. So ya the quote of the day is... (from the lunch table...) "It's like yarn porn" omg I love Julianne Moskiewski(<=rooster en espanol! >_^) heh... religion was amzing... we drive amo to drink! YES! that was my life goal i can die happy now! well maybe not yet! i mean i havnt even crashed a car...no.. not really...at home on friday, which is partly my fault, cuz I am a dork....ahhh....well more tomro...

not giving in...

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
-SP (ya i'ma dork i know but it fits my life to a 'T'...sadly enoough)

498839  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-02-17
Written: (7222 days ago)

last night was interesting...not good or bad, but not what I expected... BLAh... i hate school... I feel so down... and i dk why. I have all these questions to do...and this guy is a moron! ya...cold, tired, bored. angery, dont mess with this! fish fry tomro...whoopty doo!!! right.... welll then folks... this is basically a bunch of BS.

go screw it....

gotta peace out... ur probably glad too!

497817  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-02-16
Written: (7223 days ago)

*heavy sigh* you know you used to think things were black and white... set in stone. but the closer you get the more you realize, their not! there'r fuzzy and gray and constantly changing...people change, you change, what you think changes, the world changes... and life gets hard... or people just get stupid... I just want the best you know? but what do you have to sacrifice to that? how far do you push yourself to get there? and what if you do and you pushed yourself all the way and it not what you really want? life has too many unanswered questions....

sick sick sick, sydney you make me sick! I hate being sick and tired of my nose running and research papers and life in general... maybe i should just leave... go away and start somewhere fresh, try again... i want out... i was forced into this deal...and now i want out....

people are crazy....sick of this place, i wana break freee...

496908  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-15
Written: (7224 days ago)

i am an astronomical anamoly... first off i know the world's most interesting people, not a bad thing At all, just an observation, in fact its a very good thing, I would be very bored if I only knew carbon copy Aeropastle wearing people who listend to pop and thought like....linkin park and Jay-Z were "hardcore" rock. ya.... I am just saying this stuff its not like I am going out to offend anyone...secondly my head has an odd magnectic field surrounding it which attracts flying objects toward it causing my person (specificlly the head area) to be hit by these objects. Also my body is oddly attracted toward the ground causing my 5"10' frame to collapse at random time. My mouth has NO filter between it and my brain, so whatever I think just shoots right on out. Sometimes good and funny, other times mean and cynciall...I also have a major failing to attract men... I was genectically cheated by parents...I have the world's strangest sense of humor, which more often than not makes sense to no one but me...heh. so yes I am an anamoly....

so yes actaully i lied once again about yesterday not only is it singles awareness day its, "national f*** like a rabbit day" or according to glenn it is... but who cares wat he thinks? NOT me...(see prev. entry for clarification)....

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through....

1170

495753  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-02-14
Written: (7225 days ago)
Next in thread: 496047

yo,... so its Vday WHOOP"D F"N DOOOOOO!!!!

old people are taking over the earth.... I am convinced of it as my "friend" is convinced that i hate him, but i probably do... even though he looked Realllllyyy good last night... o well wana know a secret? I DONT F'N CARE!!!! welll maybe I do but if i keep telling myself that then it might actually come true...so ya... fun fun fun in the sun, actually the rain! o jeezzzz idk gtg now do sum hw whhooo hooooooo!!! dancin' in the dark is a good song... if you even care....

oya i lied its not Valentine's Day...its.......

SINGLES AWARENESS DAY


i never been in love...dont what it is.... only knows if someone wants her....
493897  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-12
Written: (7227 days ago)

still here... bleh... leaving soon though in like 20 minutes thank GOD... speaking of which I really dont like this book on purity... i really need to stop complaining...

493784  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-12
Written: (7228 days ago)

at the library for the next 3 hours researching my topic....and none of the articles I need are online... i hate english...last night was interestng, the guys were being a pain in the ass... idk what their problem was... but w/e it was really annoying...well it made RJ seem normal ~_^ but ya i dk the fish fry itself went good... yay... welll i better go now for more researching... BLAH!

491971  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-02-10
Written: (7230 days ago)

pshhhh wow lots of depressing things... well only fitting since ash wednesday is the #1 most depressing day of the year...let's see: gilmore girls was bad, i had to babysit and the one kid made me explain trig to him BLAH!, i have a trig test tmro, i couldnt eat today, and i had mass.... which was good despite itself and ya just crazy in general... and my family is sick!!!!!!!!! ahhh kill me now!!! but ya.. gates it dont matter I LOVE YOU!!!

only 3 hours of the world's most depressing day left!!!!!! yay!

490801  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-08
Written: (7231 days ago)

why do i alwys hear the "today is the greatest day I have ever known" on bad days????

490775  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-08
Written: (7231 days ago)
Next in thread: 490781

ooo God I love it... ash wedsnesday is tomro, and the songs are depressing not bad just depressing, in fact they might not be so depressing if my mom would let me go to morning mass *hint hint* o well... MELICK omg what i am gna do with you...??????? hey its her choice you know? but i dk w/e hope she doesn't regret w/e she does.... well kinda bored babysitting tonight... BLAHHHHH

490236  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-08
Written: (7232 days ago)

...and you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor
and your eyes say the jokes on me...

i read this in a book once but kinda goes with my prev. entry ... "its like peter pan on pot" lol idk it's funnnayyyy lol i am in an extremmely ODD mood tonight and feel the need to type the word ODD in caps cuz i am really cool like that... well folks V-day is in 8 days... tha's nice just thought taht you should know that... hmm well i must go now and wander around my house until my parents turn off all the light and the furniture moves around... i hate it when that happens sometimes I even run into it... bad bad it hurts too.

489954  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-02-07
Written: (7232 days ago)
Next in thread: 490091

"in animal control there is no such thing as over kill" ummm good weekend bad day, jess is here!!!!! yay! lol i dk what i am doing? umm maybe i am high, or maybe i have to leave now, or maybe ummm i forget why i am not able to tyipe...(the i is there to make a piont case you haven't figured that out by now) I have a new friend his name is peter pan! he dances in graveyards and cant light a cigarrette and that is my favorite song by the clarks....have you ever seen a $20 bill on weedddd???? dudeeeeeeeeeee ok maybe i should take my mediccccine now so i can become sane again... or maybe i nver wes

Losers always whine about their best... Winners go home and f... the prom king. ;-)

ADVICE: when told that you are a whiner, dont whine and ask "when have I ever whined?" doesn't support the fact that you "dont" whine....

488007  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-05
Written: (7235 days ago)
Next in thread: 488378

I want to go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras
Then to Paris for Mardi Gras next year
Then to New York for New Years
I want to do somethng totaly outrageous and shock my entire Stock family so they dont have to talk about me behind my back anymore, they can have a good reason to tallk about it in front me
I want to live in Chicago
I want to Live and work in Hawaii
I want to speak Polythesien (hawaiian)
I want to go to bars in Australia

*side note-its amazin how much BS you can make up when you get PoeD*

I want to mess with texas
I want to meet Sid Vicious (sp?)
I want to kill glenn cuz he's making me mad! and now my brain hurts and I haven't even taken the SATs (debate wise not other wise)

487994  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-05
Written: (7235 days ago)

so... is there really someone for everyone? like waht if you're someone died and you never knew it? would you be misserable and dissappionted for the rest of your life? or could you learn to love someone else? can you learn to love? or is it an inborn thng that you can only truely love your one and only? is it possible to love another who's not them? what about people who arent supposed to love anyone? what do they do, just sit there and stare at the wall? is their life meaningless? can they force themselves to love? or do they have to live without someone?

talking to glenn and he's making me mad cuz he wants to kill all people well maybe i am just argueing to argue and tha's why i am having a save the world complx but i am tired and my "friend" is being annoying SO I HAVE A D*$N GOOD REASON!!

487196  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-02-04
Written: (7236 days ago)

tired, cold, and enjoy'n the start of a quality week with my "friend" who's anything but... o welll the price i pay for being better then menn... lol jk guys...went to the college fair tonight with jess and her dad and my dad, very interesing? after taking a 1/2 hour to fiind a parking spot and broke like 60 traffic laws but we got a parking space really close lol then wandered around for like an hour and half but i got free pens!!!!!!!!!! yay cant have too many of those! umm gtg take sume meds and sleep... mass is over until weds... i dont think me and kayla really sang we kinda just laughted the whole time... lol

486543  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-02-03
Written: (7237 days ago)

nervous for steph.... realy hope its all goodd


The waters rising and I'm slipping under.
I think I fell in love with the 8th world wonder.

fun fun fun i like that song... i know ima dork but o well sometimes its fun to be a dork

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

letting go.... to move on, last time.... last one... cuz this time i think i can

486301  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-02-02
Written: (7237 days ago)

ok wow really tired and i have to go out tonight.... emmmhhh

i dk i dont realy have much to say today... nothing to complain about... did the game show... meh it was ok after the first 5 minutes...and i am trying to put a song in my info but its tooo bigh.....bleh bleh bleh.. i hate history...i;m cold... aight gna go figure something out... yay! meh i feel so out of touch

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can’t explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

exactly...

all i have is a mouth, I am a mean, bad inconsiderate person with a mouth that's just as bad....

484935  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-01
Written: (7239 days ago)

omg talking to him agian... and ready to kill myself... o jeez

so ya interesting days... lifenight=fun jsut the whole thing not jsut one part of it liek the entire thing omg and I got a softballl shirt!!!!!!!!! yay!!! lol i'ma dork... tonight went to HS with sarah!!!!!! yay! fun, met everyone down tthere... must say much better then some people i know... having typing issues tonight... steph is getting and opperation like a major one! omg please pray for her.... wow .... i am confused??

interesting quotes...

it's like chocolate milk... you just gotta have it

the greastest trick satan ever played was getting the world to believe he doesnt exsist

 The logged in version 

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