[Delusions of Granduer]'s diary

660247  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-09-05
Written: (7022 days ago)

great my family's done it again... how the hell...? *sighes* family's are funn

[reasons why public school is better than catholic school]
you dont have to pay for it
they employ better teachers, who dont teach math with effing smilely faces
its closer to my house
they offer more AP classes..that are freeee
no uniforms to tuck in
i could have insurance
you dont pay 5000 $$$ for a 40 minute relgion class
you dont have to get along with everyone to survive the school... hell you dont even know them all
certain ppl wouldnt be able to attend it (no one on here sillys)
you dont have to pay over $300 just to play a sport
the cheerleading squad consists of over 5 ppl
better choice of activites/class/sports
your taxes pay for you

*sighes* i dk why i am on this big rant about public schools being better. its never bothered me to go to a catholic school before, well except for the uniform thing but w.e. but seriously .. you can get so much more out of a public scchooolll -- maybe its just cause i see my parents freaking out about $$ and wonder why they just dont give it up and transfer me to save money.. it just doesnt make sense... why do you have to pay money to be taught how to believe?

659148  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-09-04
Written: (7024 days ago)
Next in thread: 661181

["No matter how serious life gets, you still gotta have that one person who you can be completely stupid with."]



those awsum ppl
brittany
lauren
clare
barabus
adam

you guys are the Bessssttttttt


and i do not hate minorities ... it must have been all that talk about chip that made me temporarilary feel angry toward them... ^_~
657454  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-02
Written: (7027 days ago)

[ .001. ] first name: anne
[ .002. ] middle name: ElizAbeth
[ .003. ] last name: not stock -- something normal like smith
[ .004. ] nickname(s): anner, anneypoopooshmoooj fpeo foahfjf ... ya that one
[ .005. ] gender: duck
[ .008. ] hair color: dark brown
[ .009. ] eye color: chocalate
[ .010. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: both damn them both
[ .011. ] do you have braces: damn those too... but they're coming off sooon!!!!
[ .012. ] is your hair long or short: ooo who has short hair?? oooo meeeee
[ .013. ] where were you born: in a hospital stupid
[ .014. ] current location: my butt is in the chair
[ .015. ] zodiac sign: sagitaritupos a,mfjvlp bjn .. ya had some spelling anger issuesss
[ .016. ] how many languages do you know: 2
[ .017. ] what language do you want to learn: arabic
[ .018. ] bad habits: lving
[ .019. ] piercing you have: ears
[ .020. ] piercing you want: lip, eyebrow, toungue
[ .021. ] tattoos you have: none want: couple
[ .023. ] today: monjay
[ .024. ] today's date: november -12th
[ .025. ] the time: 12:61
[ .026. ] ready for a bunch more questions: ehh not really

F A M I L Y
[ .027. ] mother's name: why
[ .028. ] father's name: do
[ .029. ] brother's name: you 
[ .030. ] sister's name: care?
[ .031. ] favorite aunt: moochie
[ .032. ] favorite uncle: pj/chucky
[ .033. ] favorite grandparent: papa
[ .036. ] worst relative: all of them except the above ones
[ .037. ] best relative(s): britt/jaden
[ .038. ] do you get along with your parents: mostly
[ .039. ] does anyone in your family understand you?: hell no


S C H 0 0 L
[ .043. ] are you still in school: yes
[ .044. ] did you drop out: no
[ .046. ] favorite grade: kindergarthen
[ .047. ] least favorite grade: 10th... *shivers* smoky and may
[ .048. ] favorite teacher: mrs. P
[ .049. ] least favorite teacher: mr. herring
[ .050. ] favorite subject: spanish
[ .051. ] least favorite subject: history
[ .052. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: bring IT ON
[ .053. ] play any sports on the school's team: volleyball
[ .054. ] do/did you do any extracurricular activities: some
[ .055. ] are/were you popular: umm not exactly
[ .056. ] favorite dance: safety dance
[ .057. ] favorite memory: that one time at band camp....
[ .059. ] least favorite memory: sophomore year
[ .060. ] most humiliating moment: life

F A V 0 R I T E S

[ .061. ] number: 19
[ .062. ] letter: Z
[ .063. ] shoes: none
[ .064. ] saying(s): damn straight
[ .065. ] TV show: gilmore girls
[ .066. ] sport: volleyball
[ .067. ] vegetable: french fries
[ .068. ] fruit: mango
[ .069. ] movie: arthur
[ .070. ] magazine: cosmo
[ .071. ] actor: vin diesl, harrison ford!
[ .072. ] actress: sandra bullock
[ .073. ] candy: circus peanuts
[ .074. ] gum: orbit
[ .075. ] scent: man hoodie.. or that stuff at target
[ .076. ] candy bar: milky way
[ .077. ] ice cream flavor: mint chocolate chip
[ .078. ] color: red, black
[ .079. ] season: summer into fall
[ .080. ] holiday: christmas
[ .081. ] band(s): just.. go to the house
[ .082. ] singer: roger, kissinger
[ .083. ] group: band?
[ .084. ] rapper: HELL NO BIACH
[ .085. ] type of music: ROCK!!!! xian
[ .086. ] thing in your room: my bed...cd player
[ .087. ] place to be: outofdoors ... at camp
[ .089. ] tv channel: spike
[ .090. ] junk food: chips
[ .091. ] overall food: food
[ .092. ] store: target
[ .093. ] hangout: cars
[ .094. ] fast food: wendys
[ .095. ] restaurant: outback
[ .096. ] shape: zigzag
[ .097. ] time of day: night
[ .098. ] country: usa
[ .099. ] state: Hawaii
[ .100. ] boys name: william
[ .101. ] girls name: montana
[ .102. ] mall: ross park
[ .103. ] video game: mario kart
[ .104. ] shampoo: cheap?
[ .105. ] board game: life
[ .106. ] computer game: roller coaster tycoon
[ .107. ] car: berrata
[ .108. ] music video: motely crew...if i die tomorrow
[ .109. ] swear word: damn
[ .110. ] word: cappadocia
[ .111. ] month: april
[ .112. ] cartoon character: speedy gonzallz
[ .113. ] scary movie: secret window
[ .114. ] team: STILLERS
[ .115. ] possession: cd player


T H I S - 0R - T H A T ?

[ .142. ] rock or rap: rock
[ .143. ] rock or pop: Rock
[ .144. ] rock or r&b: ROCK
[ .145. ] rock or metal: rock
[ .146. ] rap or pop: ewwww turn off the radio
[ .147. ] rap or r&b: turn off the damn radio
[ .148. ] rap or metal: metal
[ .149. ] pop or r&b: TURN. OFF. THE. RADIO. NOOOOWWWWWW
[ .150. ] pop or metal: metal
[ .151. ] r&b or metal: metal
[ .152. ] linkin park or limp bizkit: linkin park
[ .153. ] tool or korn: korn
[ .154. ] selena or jennifer lopez: umm nope
[ .155. ] hot or cold: hot
[ .156. ] winter or summer: summer
[ .157. ] spring or fall: fall
[ .158. ] shakira or britney: also niether
[ .159. ] icp or eminem: eminem
[ .160. ] marilyn manson or rob zombie: BOTTHHH!!!!
[ .161. ] kittie or garbage: garbage
[ .162. ] mtv or vh1: vh1
[ .163. ] buffy or angel: neither
[ .164. ] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: gilmore girls
[ .165. ] football or basketball: football
[ .166. ] summer olympics or winter olympics: summer
[ .167. ] skiing or snowboarding: snowboarding
[ .168. ] rollarblading or skateboarding: skate boarding
[ .169. ] black or white: black
[ .170. ] orange or red: red
[ .171. ] yellow or green: green
[ .172. ] purple or pink: purple
[ .173. ] slipknot or mudvayne: BOTH!!!!
[ .174. ] hot topic or pac sun: BOTH!!!
[ .175. ] inside or outside: outside
[ .176. ] weed or alcohol: alcohol... tastes better
[ .177. ] cell phone or pager: cell phone
[ .178. ] pen or pencil: pen
[ .179. ] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: OMG!!! powerpuff rocks my socks
[ .180. ] scooby doo or dino: scooobbyyyyy
[ .181. ] dragon ball z or pokemon: dragon....
[ .182. ] star wars or star trek: star wars...hell yes
[ .183. ] tattoos or piercings: tattoos
[ .184. ] prep or punk: punk
[ .185. ] slut or whore: whore

P R I V A T E L I F E

[ .186. ] do you have a ..boyfriend or ..girlfriend: actually quite alot...
[ .187. ] do you have a crush: of course
[ .188. ] do you love anyone right now: sorta
[ .189. ] have you ever been in love: dk
[ .190. ] how many ppl have u kissed: 1
[ .191. ] who was your first kiss: ha. ha.. hahahahahaha... funny joke
[ .192. ] how many hearts of have you broken: none
[ .193. ] how many people broke your heart: 1
[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: ><never love something so much that when fate snatches it away your whole world turns black><Love is like falling down... in the end you're left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever><Love is... Running into his arms, Colliding with his heart, And exploding into his soul.
[ .195. ] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: i forget
[ .196. ] do you have a picture of him/her: sorta
[ .197. ] please post it if you do: no scanner.. sry pyscho stalkers
[ .198. ] do you have a picture of yourself: yeah
[ .199. ] please post it if you do: the house...
[ .200. ] do you go by looks or personality: personality.. if they have a good one looks get better as they go
[ .201. ] ever kiss a friend: yes
[ .202. ] are you still friends: umm dk
[ .203. ] do you smoke: 2nd hand
[ .204. ] do you smoke weed: no
[ .205. ] ever trip on acid: no
[ .206. ] how about a little x: no
[ .207. ] crack, heroin, anything else: no
[ .208. ] beer good or beer bad: mostly good
[ .209. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: pansy drinks
[ .211. ] prefer beer or liquor: liquor
[ .212. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: none
[ .213. ] are you a virgin: yup

W 0 U L D Y 0 U E V E R..

[ .215. ] bungee jump: yes
[ .216. ] sky dive: yes
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: yeah
[ .218. ] scuba dive: yeah
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: yeah
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: no
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: never
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: no
[ .223. ] cross-dress: umm maybe...
[ .224. ] lie to the police: possibly
[ .225. ] run from the police: yes
[ .226. ] lie to your parents: sometimes
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: ya
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: dk
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: maybe
[ .230. ] streak: $$$?

H A V E Y 0 U E V E R

[ .258. ] flashed someone: yes
[ .259. ] told a person how you felt bout them: yes
[ .260. ] been to michigan: no
[ .262. ] gone to jail or juvi: no
[ .263. ] skateboarded: yes
[ .264. ] skinny dipped: no
[ .265. ] stolen anything: yes, petty things
[ .267. ] kicked someone's ass: all the time
[ .268. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: haha ya
[ .269. ] broke a beer bottle: no
[ .270. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: no, i'm not my family
[ .271. ] kissed someone of the same sex: ooo yes.... lol
[ .273. ] gone on a road trip: yeah
[ .274. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: no
[ .275. ] been to a concert: no (stupid parents)
[ .276. ] been to another country: no
[ .277. ] talked back to an adult: yes...can we say mrs. lynch
[ .278. ] got pulled over: yes
[ .279. ] got in a car accident: yes
[ .280. ] broke a law: yeah
[ .281. ] given money to a homeless person: yes
[ .282. ] tried to kill yourself: no
[ .283. ] cried to get out of trouble: no
[ .284. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: no
[ .285. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: no
[ .286. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and ate it: yes..lol

0 P I N I 0 N S

[ .287. ] what do you think...about pop music: meh
[ .288. ] about boy bands: ewww
[ .289. ] about flag burning: heh
[ .290. ] of the war on terrorists: damn bush
[ .291. ] about suicide: bad
[ .292. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: if you do it nicely i'll listen, if not i'll kick your ass then tell you what I think
[ .293. ] about abortion: NO
[ .294. ] about rock/metal music: = my life
[ .295. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: not in my house

W H A T D I D Y 0 U DO

[ .297. ] last birthday: a funeral actually
[ .298. ] yesterday: volleyball game, and school
[ .299. ] last weekend: umm worked on my papr =[
[ .300.
] christmas: slept
[ .301. ] thanksgiving: puked
[ .302. ] new years: eve--played poker/day--family xmas party... i know we are really screwwd
[ .303. ] halloween: umm watched movies with jess and left bad msgs on britt's phone
[ .304. ] easter: more sleep and research paper
[ .305. ] valentine's day: HAPPy singles awareness day

T H E L A S T

[ .306. ] thing you ate: ceaser salal
[ .307. ] thing you drank: sprite
[ .308. ] thing you wore: my name
[ .309. ] place you went: olive graden

[ .312. ] person you kissed: ... haha
[ .313. ] person you fucked: umm u decide.. its so much better that way
[ .314. ] person you talked to: mom
[ .315. ] song you heard: break my fall .. breaking benjamin

N 0 W

[ .316. ] what are you eating: food
[ .317. ] what are you drinking: not quite sure.. hope it has some alcohol in it
[ .318. ] what are you wearing: jeans and a T
[ .319. ] any shoes on: heck no
[ .320. ] hat: no
[ .321. ] listening to: breaking benjamin
[ .322. ] talking to anyone: ooo yes all of my imaginary friends are having a fascinating converstaion about treesss
[ .323. ] are you pissed i made this so long: ya... ur lucky i dk who the hell you are

Y or N

[ .324. ] are you a vegetarian: hell no
[ .325. ] do you like cows: yup
[ .326. ] are you a bitch: umm hhmmmm
[ .327. ] are you artistic: hell no
[ .328. ] do you write poetry: when i'm depressed
[ .329. ] are you a fast runner: not really
[ .330. ] can you ski: neg
[ .331. ] are you british: a tad
[ .332. ] do you want to spear britney: maybe
[ .333. ] do the voices talk to you: all the time.. they say ur an ass
[ .334. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: no.. never had a barbie
[ .335. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: *pukes*
[ .336. ] do you think disney creators were on acid when they made alice in wonderland: HELL YES
[ .337. ] are you straight: as a circle
[ .338. ] are you stupid, insane, and another physically handicapped: umm H--all of the above
[. 339. ] are you naughty: suurrrreee
[ .340. ] are you nice: when i'm too awake to realize where i am
[ .341. ] are you short: hahahahahaha
[ .342. ] are you tall: yes *sulks*
[ .343. ] do you own a hot pink shirt: cami
[ .344. ] how about orange pants: umm nooo
[ .345. ] can you see the flying monkeys: there they goo to afffrica
[ .346. ] are you evil : hell yes
[ .347. ] did you ever know someone who had a mullet: ya.. but then he made it go away... kissinger... get one back hahahahaha

655596  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-29
Written: (7030 days ago)

*So don't be a liar, don't say that "everything's working" when everything's b.r.o.k.e.n. And you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor and your eyes say the joke's on me.*

[say it aint so... I will not go
turn the lights off... carry me home
Keep your head still.... I'll be your thrill
the night will go on
]

wow... life happens.... and continues... regardless of what you think or do....the worlds turns


when did i get so frick'n old?... and life so frick'n confusing?


Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone

652840  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-08-24
Written: (7034 days ago)
Next in thread: 652874

wow... wow...

when i'd finally given up hope -- didnt even care anymore -- he came through....


wow... amzing... wow


*sniff* I'm gna miss them soooo much....



[Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
]

651501  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-22
Written: (7036 days ago)

haha.. i might go to florida for spring breakkkkkk wooooottttttttt---and get a tatto while i'm there


but i start school in two days...that sucks... but i might getta see fr. matt for a lunch?


but i have volleyball 2 out of 3 nights left of freedom... grrrr


gtg do some papers

650982  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-22
Written: (7037 days ago)

guess what guys? I'm 12... cuz that's the way my dad treats me, like I'm 12, like ben.. hey maybe we're twins...cuz we're the same age!!!.... psychodad

back from "vacation" HA... excuse me laughing... in INdiana woooooo...ooo...o...*snores* and now I start school on effing thrusday... damn basement

ur right gates.. its totaly my song.... even if I try to let go, that involves looking at it... and that hurts, so i never do really let it goo... its just a part of me i deal with...

well i'm off to go to bed...cuz its 10:00 and that's what time 12 yr olds go to bed...so goodnight


O wait I almost forgot.. I've decided I need to meet some new ppl... esp. new guys... so if you are a diary stalker and see this then msg me...


I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

647597  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-08-16
Written: (7042 days ago)

November

Has lots of extraordinary ideas.
Difficult to fathom.
Thinkforward.
[Unique.]
brilliant.
Sharp thinking.
Fine, strong clairvoyance.
make good doctors.
Dynamic. Secretive.
Inquisitive.
Know how to dig secrets.
Always thinking.
Less talkative.
amiable.
Brave.
generous.
Patient.
Stubborn.
hardhearted.
Determined.
Never quit.
Hardly become angry unless provoked.
Love to be alone.
Think differently.
Sharp-minded.
Motivate self.
[Dont appreciate praises. ]
Highspirited.
Well-built, tough.
Deep love, emotions.
Romantic.
[Uncertain in relationships.]
Homely.
Hardworking.
High abilities.
Trustworthy.
Honest.
Keepsecrets.
Cant control emotions.
Unpredictable.


*so true...
646139  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-15
Written: (7044 days ago)
Next in thread: 646443

"When I Go Down" -- Relient K (heck yes)

I'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that
I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless
to dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet you love me
and that consumes me
and I'll stand up again
and do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
you touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
as I exhale I hear your voice
and I answer you, though I heardly make a noise
and from my lips the words I choose to say
seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
because I love you
oh God, I love you
and life is now worth living
if only because of you
and when they say I'm dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes up to you
I won't look very far
cause you'll be there
with open arms
to lift me up again
to lift me up again



so.. perfect... HA and ironic... sigh

646134  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-15
Written: (7044 days ago)

wow...

chip's a fag? and the gestappo? nicee..... and super concerned about something .... for as much as we make fun of the kid, he is really cool

ammo.....mu...lures .... flsktichs... 50% off


again... you've got my head spinning,
i dk where to go from here

why am i always the person I dont want to be seen as when i'm near him? why am I always the worst possible person? why do i always show my most bad, sarcastic and bitchy side when he's around? but i dont wana be fake, but for somereason its important that i'm perfect...but if its taht important why dont i try harder? and why does it matter to me that i do?...

my stumach hurts

that's not an udder....that's impressive


* i dont understand anymore, it just doesnt all add up, i cant see through the fog, and i damn well wish i could *

wake me up when august ends... swear to God i will be sitting in class that day bawling

andy has a crap car.. the ac's broken, the sunroof doesnt work BUT he has a pimp radio..and tht's all that matters

[dont know why i act the way i do... it's just that i'm in love? with you]

644680  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-08-12
Written: (7046 days ago)

dude.. one word... skirt


hahahaha



going on retreat... umm ya cya in couple days

640725  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-08-07
Written: (7051 days ago)

Most of the time it's well understood
Most of the time I wouldn't change it if I could
I can make it all match up
I can hold my own
I can deal with the situation right down to the bone
I can survive and I can endure
And I don't even think about *him*
Most of the time



random idiot::parking? what there's parking? right here? in the middle of the road? OK!
me: NOOOOO *shouts and waves arms* STOP! *stops....looks around.... gives up and wanders away to find ppl*

festival weds-friday. weds was ok...got ice cream thrus was bad... yelled at ppl and was in general very confuzld, but I got off parking early!....friday was boring, brittany and adam didnt show till later, bill and rj left early, paige and steph worked kiddyland, and gates never appeared so i hung out with jess and nick... not that they are boring but it just wasnt the same... nick I swear that kid is crazy prepppy. Saturday was pretty good... parked the crazy ppl til until there were no more spaces and then hung out with brittany, adam, bill, brian, barabus and kim til my dad came and snatched me away. yay.....ben and colleen are home... umm yay...

there is volleyball practice tomorrow ... w00t?


so tired of running after you ...

640135  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-08-06
Written: (7052 days ago)

so how ghetto is this??? i'm locked out of my own myspace!!!!!!!! >.< grrr... i cant get to my mail or my home page..... so ya... kinda angery about that....

trying to be so perfect...cuz I know ur worth it, worth it but i fail anyway...

no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO........STOP....it's worth it...but not realy..there's too much crap...like how i'm realy ignorant whenver I'm there... and I nver seem to be the person i want to be or act like it ... or how its always on my mind








ok so britt about friday... it works both ways.. i fine to talk if he wont ignore me.... otherwise... you know what happens...

637810  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-08-02
Written: (7056 days ago)

<img:http://myspace-147.vo.llnwd.net/00175/74/10/175950147_l.jpg>

finally found some YA pics

634743  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-07-29
Written: (7061 days ago)

life=screwy
me=sore
you=wasthing your time reading about my pathetic life
brittany=amazing
gates=will see you in a few hours

ya.. god...

634737  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-07-29
Written: (7061 days ago)

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to [cry]
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore
There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on,
nothing’s fine I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
[Illusion never changed into something real]
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn

So I guess the fortune teller’s right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much
[There’s just so many things that I can’t touch], I’m torn


I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
[Illusion never changed into something real]
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn.torn

There’s nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothings right, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I’m ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You’re a little late, I’m already torn


oya... oyaa... yup that's it

630349  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-07-23
Written: (7066 days ago)

Repost this and put in the subject how many of the following 100 questions you said YES to. Be truthful.

1.smoked a cigarette: 2nd hand

2.smoked a cigar: no

3.made out with a member of the same sex: no

4.crashed a friend's car: no

5.stolen a car: no

6.been in love: i don't think so

7.been dumped: no

8.shoplifted: no

9.been fired: no

10.been in a fist fight: yes

11.snuck out of your house: yes

12.had feelings for someone who didnt have them back: hell yes

13.been arrested: no

14.made out with a stranger: ehhhh

15.gone on a blind date: no

16.lied to a friend: yes

17.had a crush on a teacher: no

18.skipped school: yes

19.slept with a co-worker: no

20.seen someone die: no

21.been on a plane: yes

22.thrown up in a bar: no

23.taken painkillers: yessum

24.love someone or miss someone right now: yes

25.laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by: yes

26.made a snow angel: yes

27.played dress up: yes

28.cheated while playing a game: yes

29.been lonely: yes

30.fallen asleep at work/school: hell ya

31.used a fake id: no

32.felt an earthquake: no

33.touched a snake: yes

34.ran a red light: no

35.been suspended from school: no

36.had detention: no

37.been in a car accident: yes, not my fault

38.hated the way you look: yes

39.witnessed a crime: nope

40.pole danced: no

41.been lost: yes

42.been to the opposite side of the country: no

43.felt like dying: yes

44.cried yourself to sleep: yes

45.played cops and robbers: yes

46.sang karaoke: yes

47.done something you told yourself you wouldn't: yes

48.laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose: yes

49.caught a snowflake on your tongue: yes

50.kissed in the rain: no

51.sing in the shower: yes

52.made love in a park: no

53.had a dream that you married someone: yes

54. glued your hand to something: no

55. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole: no

56.worn the opposite sex's clothes: yes

57.been a cheerleader: eww no

58. sat on a roof top: yes

59. didn't take a shower for a week: no

60.ever to scared to watch scary movies alone: no

61.played chicken: yes

62.been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on: no

63.been told you're hot by a complete stranger: yes....like here

64.broken a bone: no

65.been easily amused: what kind of a question is this......yes

66.laugh so hard you cry: yes

67.mooned/flashed someone: no

68.cheated on a test: yes

69.forgotten someone's name: yes

70.slept naked: no

71.gone skinny dipping : no

72.been kicked out of your house: yes

73.blacked out from drinking: no

74.played a prank on someone: yes

75.gone to a late night movie: no

76.made love to anything not human: no

77.failed a class: no

78.choaked on something you're not supposed to eat: yes

79.played an instrument for more than 10 hours: no

80.cheated on a gf/bf: no

81.ate a whole package of oreos: no

82.thrown strange objects: yes

83.felt like killing someone: yes yes yes yes

84.thought about running away: yes

85.ran away: no

86.did drugs: not technically...but sorta

87.had detention and not attend it: no

88.yelled at parents: yes

89.made parent cry: yes

90.cried over someone: yes

91.owned more than 5 sharpies: yes

92.dated more than 1 person at once: no

93.have a dog: i used to

94.have a cat: no

95.own an instrument: own..not play

96.been in a band: um no

97.had more than 25 sodas in one day: no

98.broken a cd: yes

99.shot a gun: yes..ehehe

100.been on myspace for more than 5 hours: i don't think so...

626275  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-07-18
Written: (7071 days ago)
Next in thread: 627403, 628491, 629594

Everything so blurry
Everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble and I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
you Know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene
Wonder what you're doing
Imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us but that's not very far

Chorus:
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble and I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
Know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us but that's not very far

Chorus:

Nobody told me what to find
Nobody told me what to say
No one showed you where to turn
Told you where to run away
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
No one showed you where to turn
Showed you where to run away

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
Explain again to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
this pain you gave to me
this pain you gave to me


life is SO fucked up...there's no one who will talk to me...I'm all by myself with nothing to do but write these pathetic entries...

626096  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-07-18
Written: (7071 days ago)


"They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to [Hell]."


yes my eye is still twitching...

gram's in the hospital...aunt eileen is still staying until wednesday...

so ya.. how about I might be going to indiana on saturday??...ya if my gram comes back to my house, we're gone. my mom like freaked out. She said she cant keep 5 kids quiet so my gram can rest at out house, so we're going away. Or if gram goes somewhere else the johnson kiddies might come stay..meh..whatever.. my mom is soo pissed.

*numb to core*...I put on what they want to see and nothing more..but inside I'm so pissed and angery. Why the hell does ths stuff happen at the worst times?? wwhy cant they just all go away?

[Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.
]

624669  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-07-16
Written: (7073 days ago)
Next in thread: 624676

its starting.... pic-ca-nica today.

and its startng already, I feel so little compared to my family, like I just disappear whenever i'm around them. I cant get a word in, and it just seems like i just disappear...and no one cares that i'm there...only when i'm not to ppl seem to notice

o well offf to pic-a-nica

*eye twitch*

*twitch*




*twitch*

623521  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-07-14
Written: (7075 days ago)

what?? their back?? they're not supposed to be here until tomoro night!!! and the car is making crazy noises and my mom is freaking out, and my dad's ear is killing him, and all the stuff doesnt fit into the dishwasher, and and and and I'm going insane...there are 3 girls under 10 in the basement...

*runs around like a crazy person until she gets dizzy and falls over*

ooo God....does it ever end??/

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