Windowpane
Staring at the windowpane, wondering where I am. Looking back on my life it seems like nothing but a dark alleyway, a cornfield maze with no way out, no way in.
So many things that I've done wrong, so many lies that I have told, there are so many regrets to bare, but I can't. No I won't.
Because there's all this pain I feel for everything I've played out so wrong, all these people I could change, for better or for worse.
But I have to find out who I am, and this is not, not his is not who I am.
This person who likes to sit alone, be alone, feel alone, the person that my friends don't get to see, this person can't be me. I try to convince myself, but right now there's no time to get away, run away, run away like I always do.
I'm gonna hide away now, hide away from you.
'Cause you won't understand, no you can't understand, is what I always say. No one will ever understand me, I just can't let them. I'm too far away. Too far away to be saved by you.
And then the darkness comes. You stand out in the open. I try to tell you, but you won't back down. But I don't let it get to you.
'Cause my whole point in the first place was to save you, put you high up on a pedestal. With those other few people I try to save from this darkness, that darkness.
You're all too beautiful to let it get to you, I won't let it get to you.
Because when it gets to you, that's when I'm left wide open, for the darkness to see. That's whenit really finds me. It's too much for me to see you hurt, won't you smile? How can I fix it, how can I make it all better? You act as if I can't fix anything, anymore.
I don't like how I am anymore.
We fight so often, this seems so pointless. I get so angry, you get so furious. But no matter how much we fight, your still my family, I'll save you from the darkness you love to live in.
Won't you open your eyes, see how much your worth. I don't care if your disabled, your insecurities don't mean a thing to me. You're my family, don't talk about going away.
Because you aren't the only one you hurt, when you talk about leavin'. I don't want to think about being alone in this world, you think you've got it so hard bein' the one leavin', but I'm the one whose getting left behind.
Staring at the windowpane, wondering what I did again.
Wondering where I am again. The darkness clears and I can see.
And the light is so beautiful.
~A.M.

Lyin' Awake
I'm lying awake, it's 12:16, friday morning, but I just can't sleep.
The beds all made, it's quiet in the house, too quiet for me.
I need to get outta this place, I just want to be somewhere far away. Sometimes life is just a little too hard to handle, whadyasay bout leaving this place behind??
Cause I don't wanna think about getting a job, school or home. I wanna escape this world for awhile, whatdyasay? Lets go away, at least for a little while.
I wanna jump over the moon, run around in the rain, we can run until we can barely crawel, then rest on top a rainbow.
Ride it up tell we find ourselves a leprechaun, but those lucky charms are *mine*. Yea we could run away today, lets just leave it all behind.
Lets play hide-n-seek in the clouds, until we fall asleep. We could find ourselves ontop of a bean stalk when we wake, c'mon, we can take on that giant.
He ain't so tough, he ain't so big...
Come run away with me, it's so early. We have about 23 hours to find something to do, someplace we could escape to.
It's 12:16, friday morning, I'm wide awake. No place to be but here, in this quiet place. Just too quiet for me.
Yeah, we could get away.
~A.M.

Today
I've got myself a headache today, won't seem to go away.
Nothing seems to flow so well today, no matter what I try to do, or say.
I try to just let the creativity flow, but it just won't go, today.
It's taking so long for this email to send, to my grandma. I send her weekly updates to let her know how I've been. It's been a week, today.
I just dont kno what to do with myself today, cause it seems no matter what I do or say, it just ain't the right thing to do. Today.
I'd sit outside, but it's too cold, and I'm pretty sure it's snowin. And the winds blowin, just a mile a minute, and I just took a shower, an hour, ago.
My guitars' sittin in a corner, begging to get played, but I just don't feel like playing, today.
No I don't feel like doing much, today.
Becuase everything I say and do, is so off-key, and my bones feel like crackin in the evenin' breeze, and I don't know, today just ain't so great, not today.
So I think I'll just stay, right here, under the sheets, yeah I think I'll just stay here, under the covers, today.
~A.M.

Lovely Strangers

We're both just a couple of lovely strangers, never knowing what to say.
Just a couple of lost souls, searching.
Maybe we could find some solace in each other, maybe that thingwe're both searching for is closer then it seems.
Those what ifs could be why nots in disguise, those glances could be more then the simple goodbyes.
I feel like I'm just sitting still, watching everything go by.
You look so distant, but so still.
Your just some lovely stranger that I just can't get out of my head. It sounds so odd I know.
'Cause your just a random someone, you shouldn't be so different from the rest, and yet I can't shake that feeling that somehow you are.
That if I let you, you could mean something to me. But I'm so scared to let you.
And when I see your eyes, you look scared too.
~A.M.

There was a long little line that I followed down the street, I followed it around the corner and to the left, another right I took and went straight for a time... and I can't remember wanting to follow it, or not wanting to... simply to follow it was where my feet took me, and I never looked behind me, or ahead... merely at my feet, where I traced the line with my shoes.

The line lasted for years, how many I forget. Then one day as I was following that long thin line, I stepped astray it's path, no other reason than because thats where my feet took me.
When I looked back, the line was gone. So I turned around and went home.

There was once a world in which I thought I was expected to fit. It took me a while, but I realized that I didn't want to be in that world full of the jocks, jack-asses, bitches, drug addicts, and drunks. That I stood with a long line that was chained hand in hand, full of the ex-preps, friendless, dorks, 'geeks', 'nerds', and the people who are cool just by nature.
The minority against the majority. Thats where I am... where are you again?