Me no money, me no care! Me go marry millionaire. When he die, me no cry. Me go marry other guy!
"Legally, its questionable. Morally, its disgusting. Personally, I like it."
[The Freshman by the Verve Pipe]
When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks's worth of
Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
hey yeah
hey yeah
hey yeah
We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floor
Benefits of Being a Woman
We got off the Titanic first.
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Free drinks, free dinners.
We can hug our friends without wondering if they're gay.
We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
Female to Male Translation
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry right now!?"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
If Only Men Would Listen
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.
LALALALALA *extreme happy dance*
why am i dancing?..cuz.
i've been crushing on a guy since like....june?.
'
most of my good buddies know how much i am lol (kenzi...am i slightly obsessed?...lo
HE ASKED ME OUT TODAY...
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and there's more~!!!! I just gotta get teh codes lol
ok. I've just had a major idea. i'm going to shave the back of my head, and get a tatoo of my face on the back. theres still gonna be hair on the sides of my face...
lol ok so i'm not gonna really, but it'd be a funny thing to see eh?
Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug"
--Mark Knopfler
"What we are never changes. Who we are never stops changing."
--Gill Grissom(CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)
"Aerodynamical
--Mary Kay Ash
"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Got that?"
--Coach Brevin(Ann Brashares)
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to seriously be considered as a means of communication. The device is of no value to us."
--Western Union International Memo, 1876
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over. At night, the ice weasels come."
--Matt Groening
"Rule #241: Every rule must have a beginning, middle, and end, except--
hmm... i don't quite get that one...."
--some character from some episode of some show that i saw a long time ago..... O_o
"Not all who wander are lost"
--J. R. R. Tolkien
"Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday"
--Anonymous
"Can you make yourself love? Can you make yourself be loved?"
--Lena Kaligaris(Ann Brashares)
"Love is like a war: easy to begin, hard to end"
--Proverb
"I have seen the future and it's like the present, only longer"
--Dan Quisenberry
"Wish for what you want. Work for what you need."
--Carmen's grandmother(Ann Brashares)
"In your eyes I am complete"
--Peter Gabriel
"You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."
--E. L. Doctorow
"Lovers alone wear sunlight"
--E. E. Cummings
"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all"
--WIlliam Goldman
"Time is what keeps things from happening all at once."
--Graffiti
"If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot."
--Italian proverb
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat"
--John Lehman
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love"
--Charlie Brown
"We are born not once, but again and again"
--William Charles
"God is subtle. But not malicious."
--Albert Einstein
"Don't ask me any questions right now. I'm grumpy and I'll probably make fun of you."
--Effie Kaligaris(Ann Brashares)
"Jiggle it a little, it'll open."
--Pinky and the Brain
jade's starting a project..
i read a book called ttyl...
it's in instant messageing form..liek the whole thing..
i'm going to do that..
with the three people i know who have a ton of drama...and don't mind brodcasting it to meh every chance they get..
jayci mark and emily..
of course..names shall be changed...
but yeah...
i think it'll be a good idea..
Well i wasn't able to get a picture of chester.cuz he died....it's sad eh?
I have a story for you all.
Jade has a job. This job involves watching young second and third graders for part of the day. She loves it.
yesterday, jade and her group of children went to the playground (along with the other supervisors).
about a half hour into it kids started crowding around the sandbox, Jade thought nothing of it until two little girls came over and said "they just stepped on the baby gopher!"..so jade ran over to the sandbox and saw one of the little boys stepping on this baby goppher. Jade yelled at the boy and all the kids to get away from it, then picked the gopher up. she then pulled out her trusty cell phone to call her dad (which she couldn't get ahold of). then she called her dad's best friend, who came and got the gopher. he took it to his house. then after work, jade went and picked the goppher up and brought him home.
jade begged her parents to let her take care of it. jade's dad said she could, becuase it prolly wouldn't live through the night.
Jade put it in a hamster cage, with dirt and grass, gave it a water bottle, and some oatmeal (the internet said they liked it) and prayed that he would live.
this morning jade went out to check on the baby (it still needs milk..at least..it drinks it...) and found it very happy and perky...
jade called her dad to look at it, and he said "yeah it'll prolly make it. good job"
SO NOW JADE HAS A PET BABY GOPHER!!!...my group at my job voted on a name for it...and chose chester..
soon i will have a picture of chester the gopher up on elftown...but my camera is dead at teh moment..and i'm too lazy to go charge the battery
Okay, copying kenzi's idea here...only making my list a bit longer..
it's the last day of school, and of course, there's things i'll miss more then ever
1)..Jon, one of my bestest friends, moving to north dakota...tho he promised to call every chance he got...that's a yay!
2)...being able to goof around in chorus...
3)...chorus in general
4)..the uber hot computers, that are like brand new in mrs. ullman's room, the ones we could personalize, download junk onto, and just goof around
5)..most of my teachers...(except Mrs. Seamands, who enjoys accusing me of cheating and making way unfair tests with questions we never even went over the information on)
6) sitting with the guys and Karen at lunch
7)..uber hot jimmy...(lol not really, i mean i still talk to him everyday !!! HA!!)
8)the LEMONADE!!!..i had one every single day of school!!! Now i have to get unaddicted to it
9)..the dances, and sports games
10) taking random pictures of people during class
11)...eating food with marlee in computer class
12) writing all over the inside of jayci's locker
13)...sharing jayci's locker
14) seeing how messy i could get my locker before the end of school...
15)..finding out it takes a half hour to clean out the messy locker...and laughing about the junk we found in it (gloves, shoes, water bottles, notes, poems, earphones...a shirt that wasn't mine...~5~)
16)my notebooks with kenzi, emily, and at the begginging of the year Kendra
17)..writing totally random notes to Jada Rae
18)...the uber funny people in my math class...
19) being able to get a break from my family for 8 hours a day
20)...complaining to the lunch ladies about the price of a normal lunch and then buying a ton of extras just to peeve them off
21)...writing ross's life story...and giving him shit about it
22)...joking name calling fights with gary (which i frequently won)
23) getting gossip from the preps and telling friends...
24)...calling random people during school that were in my class...(lol..ok..only marlee)
25)..getting the whole computer room to just me chelsea and mark during study hall
26) All STATE!!!
27)getting out a whole day for all-state!
28) Doing a solo at small group contest, which got me a whole day outta school
29) in large group contest getting a solo
30) my mom actually saying okay to excusing me for the whole day during large group, even though we were done at like 11:00 just so i could hang out with gary
31)...staying up late and sneaking on the computer to chat with people
32)Talent show and singing lessons
33) getting picked up in the morning by kenzi and going to burger king for breakfast
34)Making "the car ride home" "the car ride back" and "the twitch cronicles" the first two with kenzi and then the last one with kenzi kimmi and karen...( 3 k's and a j!)lol
These are the things i won't miss
1)Homework
2)rumors going around that me and mark were frequently sleeping with each other (hello..does the word Virgin mean anything to those rumor spreading liars)
3)..breaking up with somebody then realizing i still liked him then going out with him again, it being awkward and braeking up with him...again
4)...fighting with mark...
5)..not being able to stay mad at mark
6)....jimmy's older uber bitchy sister morgan...(no way they're related)
7)getting caught taking pictures in class
8) losing my camera and having some random guy find it (lucky he returned it tho)
9)having the worst time ever at king of hearts (tears were involved)
10)being grounded for two thirds of the year becuase of grades...
11)..forgetting homework and getting missing assingments...
12) getting zeros for cheating when i didn't even cheat (luckily my dad beleive me and complained to the office..so the teacher had to give me credit...YAY)
13)having my phone ring during class and finding out it was my mom cuz my sister was really sick and might have needed to go to the hospitol
14)..our horrible chorus concert (no really we sucked)
15) being called crash just cuz i crashed my car three times then reed (my neighbor) kept crashing into the back of it when he was drunk
16) having to pick up my sister from school every day so i could never do anything...
17)..having my sister get detention and not be out for a half hour and having to wait in the car cuz she didn't have the decency to call
18)...bad hair days
19)...being accused of fighting with friends for no reason
20) all the drama within my group of friends
21) feeling left out..then realizing too late that i was invited i just didn't check my messages on my cell phone to get the invite...
22)...working hard on a partner project only to have my partner (sarah..stupid whore) not do anything
23)...my mom having me get progress reports signed by my teachers for no reason...just to make sure i do my homework (gayness)
24)...seeing my hurt friends get made fun of...and not be able to do anything about it
25)...accidentall
26)...some of my friends losing their virginity to complete and total idiots...
WELL THAT"S IT!!!
hope ya'll had fun reading that...
love
Jade!!
http://videos.
http://videos.
http://videos.
http://videos.
It's talent show night...WOOT!!
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where
they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.
Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida
on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a
computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and
without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.
Meanwhile...so
home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called
home to glory after suffering a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from
relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed
and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his
mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen
which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2005
Subject: I have Arrived!
Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have
computers here now, and you are allowed to send email
to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been
checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for
your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS: Sure is freaking hot down here!!
OMG THIS MADE ME LAUGH REALLY HARD...
[Remember way back when]
*Before the MySpace frenzy.
[*Before the ELFTOWN frenzy.]
*Before the Internet & text messaging.
[*Before Sidekicks & iPods.]
*Before MIKE JONESSS
[*Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.]
*Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.
[*WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL]
*When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
[*When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.]
*When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.
[*When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.]
*When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
[*When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.]
Way back......
[*Tag.]
*Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.
[*Hide-n-Go Seek in the dark.]
*The Banana Song!
[*Red Light, Green Light.]
*Heads Up 7 Up.
[*Playing Kickball & Dodgeball even Wallball.]
*Hopskotch.
[*Slip-n-Slides.]
*Tree Houses.
[*Hula Hoops.]
*Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.
[*The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.]
*Running through the sprinklers.
[*Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.]
*Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.
[*Getting the privilege to sit in the front seat of the car.]
*Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"
[Wait....]
*Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.
[*Hey Arnold]
*Doug
[*Rugrats.]
*The original Power Rangers
[Or what about:]
*The Secret Life of Alex Mac.
[*Ren & Stimpy.]
*Double Dare.
[*Rocko's Modern Life.]
*AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS!!
[*Wild & Crazy Kids.]
*Clarissa Explains it All.
[*salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)]
*Are You Afraid of the Dark?
[*The original cast members of all that.]
*Kenan & Kel.
[*magic school bus.]
*UREKA'S CASTLE
[*flash forward.]
*pete and pete.
[*legends of the hidden temple.]
*dinosaurs.
[*pinky and the brain.]
*hangin with mr.copper.
[*wishbone.]
*bill-nye the science guy.
[*kablamm.]
Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite
with Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.
[Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching...]
*The Wonder Years.
[*or nick jr. with face]
*little bear
[*under the unbrella tree]
*the adventures of winnie the pooh
[*NINJA TURTLES]
*MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS...
[*Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.]
*Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.
[*Class field trips.]
*POGS
[*When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.]
*When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
[*When Toys R Us was the best place to be.]
Go back to the time when....
[*Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.]
*Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'
[*'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.]
*Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.
[*It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.]
*Being old referred to anyone over 20.
[*A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.]
*Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.
[*It was a big deal to finally be tall
enough to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.]
*When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.
[*When everyone wanted to be a Power Ranger]
*When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
[*When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.]
*When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.
[*When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.]
*When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.
[*When stress was addition and subtraction.]
*When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over and who's to TP
[*When shaving cream was just meant for play.]
*When a first kiss only lead to cooties.
[*When valentines day meant cards for all.]
*When birthdays were a class event.
[*When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life. (Yeah, that's still no good)]
*maybe even when your friends didnt break off into different crowds, you were all one group.
[*When Sky Dancers were fun to play with.]
*When you had streamers on your bike.
[who would have thought youd miss the 90's so much]
*when Michael Jackson was cool
[*When All That! was the funniest show on next to My Brother and Me.]
HEH..for all you who haven't noticed...Me and my very bestest friend Kenzi [An Eversor and Ender] are having a war at the moment...See we both know each other's passwords so we've been logging onto eachother's names and leaving eachother messages on our houses....uplo
THANKS FOR THE SPAM!!!!...
Jade
OMG!!!...i licked a monkey..who then yelled muffins..which called a kangaroo..this kangaroo doesn't liek root beer floats so it stuck friend jesse in it's pouch and killed him the yelled out I AM THE RULER OF ERASERS...then that called a constipated rhino with diareeha...whi