[shadowfire09]'s diary
*this one is Fucking Funny*
[*a girls first time*
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
;refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
;more room for an easy
entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as little pain as
possible. As he presses
;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way; pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!]
I love this one....
[the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9
years
old.
One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my
face!*!*!*!*!]
This is The funniest thing ever....
[This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy!" she said.
"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."
"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."
"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"
"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"]
Boy: I need someone to talk to.
[Girl: I'm always here for you.]
Boy: I know.
[Girl: What's wrong?]
Boy: I like her so much...
[Girl: Talk to her.]
Boy: I don't know. She wont ever like me.
[Girl: Don't say that. You're amazing.]
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel...
[Girl: Then tell her.]
Boy: She wont like me.
[Girl: How do u know that?]
Boy: I can just tell.
[Girl: Well just tell her.]
Boy: What should I say?
[Girl: Tell her how much you like her.]
Boy: I tell her that daily...
[Girl: What do u mean?]
Boy: I'm always with her. I love her.
[Girl: I know how u feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never like me.]
Boy: Wait. Who do u like?
[Girl: Oh some boy.]
Boy: Oh... she wont like me either.
[Girl: She does.]
Boy: How do u know?
[Girl: Because who wouldn't like you?]
Boy: You.
[Girl: You're wrong, I love you.]
Boy: I love u too.
[Girl: So are you going to talk to her?]
Boy: I just did.
So, it’s come to this huh? You’re really going to kill me?”
“I don’t have a choice gorgeous…I could do other thing to you…but…I’d prefer having a camera for that…”
“Ahh yes, but wherever would you get one of those??…Not that it matters, you have to let me go ”
A tall muscular man with an evil gleam in his eyes loomed over a chained bloody figure on the floor. He ran a blood soaked hand through his jet-black hair, and grinned, showing teeth that would have been perfect if not for the chip in the front most teeth, probably from a fight in his earlier ears.
“You stupid thing. I can’t let you go…you know who I am, you’ve suffered through my games…letting you go would be placing myself in a cage…do you honestly think I’m that stupid?”
The figure chuckled painfully, “I had hoped my old friend…”
A tangled mass of long blonde hair caked with dirt, dry blood, and fresh blood covered the figure’s face. Chains bound a slender body with a few small but noticeable curves…this was obviously a woman. Her legs were sprawled out at odd angles, and shaped strangely, almost as if the bones had been removed. But, as the case was, they had been smashed into a powder with the blunt side of an axe, which was now leaning against her stomach, placed there in an almost mocking fashion. She coughed as a small trickle of blood escaped from her lips, and the man laughed.
“Even in your last moments, you’re still a defiant bitch, I want total submission from you…I want your spirit gone…otherwise
“Well, damn. I guess I’m going to be immortal. I’ll never lose my spirit…I’ll fight you until I can’t move anymore…. I’ll never give in to you…besides. If you were really going to kill me…you…you would have…” the woman claimed bravely, though her voice was getting noticeably softer.
The man’s face twisted into an unimaginable rage, and he thrust his foot into her face. Hearing the snap of her nose breaking seemed to make his rage disappear into thin air.
The woman grimaced, but showed no other signs of pain, her pride still unscathed though her body was beyond repair.
What done screaming already Sarah? It’s disappointing I have to say…” he muttered as he kneeled by her face, using his right hand to hold it steady as his left tenderly brushed her locks aside, revealing almond shaped green eyes, still burning with hatred and spirit. She had been a pretty girl, with elegant cheekbones, soft full red lips that almost always wore a permanent smile. Her nose has been a bit big for her face, but somehow, it seemed to just make her more pretty, and it seemed to make her more real.
Now her face was swollen and bloody, bruises and cuts scaring her flawless skin. Though her left eye was nearly swollen shut, they still shone with stubbornness and life; the man could see she wasn’t going down with out a fight. He smacked her in frustration hard on the shoulder and stood.
“Fine you win today Sarah. I told you I’m not going to kill you until you have no spirit left Killing you now would be murder, but if you’re broken, if’ you got no fight left in you, I’ll just be putting you out of your misery, and last I checked, that’s not murder honey. You see, I’m no murderer by any means. He explained.
“Logan, this doesn’t make any sense. You’d be the reason I’d be broken as you say. So yes, you would be a murderer. You’d still be killing me…” Sarah argued with the last of her strength.
“SHUT UP!!!” Logan roared as he picked up the axe. He let his insane temper get the better of him and started hacking away at her body. He dismembered her legs and arms, and eventually, he beheaded her.
As her head rolled to his feet, Sarah’s eyes turned in their sockets, appearing as though she was looking around the room. Her mouth hung open in a silent scream, as though her soul was still feeling the pain she no longer could. Her head stopped as it reached Logan’s feet.
Her body convulsed in short but violent spasms for a few moments, and then laid still. It was then Logan could finally see the damage he had caused.
His eyes grew wide as his gaze trailed down her body. Sarah’s right arm had been cut off a few inches above the elbow, and her left was still attached, but only by a vein that somehow managed to escape the blade of the axe. Her thighs had been mercilessly chopped at and chunks of her skin and muscles were completely gone. Her lower legs were tangled, twisted together while her body spas med. At some point during the ordeal, his axe had punctured her stomach, and acid leaked out over her exposed organs and ate away at the remaining skin.
Logan’s eyes grew wide and he collapsed, scooping up Sarah’s unattached head into his arms. As he stared into her blank eyes, he regains some of the sanity he had lost so long ago.
“Sarah….” he gasped, and then abandoned all pride and wept.
______________
Chapter one
I had never meant to kill her, in fact, I was actually planning on proposing that night, but Sarah showed up early. God damn it Sarah…what would possess you to show up? Didn’t you know how dangerous I was Sarah?
No, this isn’t her fault. This tragedy was only through faults of my own. Me and my blood lust. I couldn’t help it, I had the urge, and the uncontrollable need to get blood, the cause harm to someone or something, the need that ran my mind for quite sometime now…. But Until last night, I managed to hide it from her, from the one thing I cared about.
Even though I had desperately wanted to, I managed to never kill another human before her. To satisfy my need for blood, I would lock myself away in the bathroom and slit parts of my body, savoring the sight of my blood oozing out of the wounds I so often caused myself. I know if I hadn’t have had Sarah…countles
I suppose I should start at the beginning; to show you I’m not an evil man, and that I did in fact, love Sarah with all my heart. Please, Just read this with an open mind, I BEG you.
I never had much luck in the woman department. It’s not that I’m bad looking…it’s just that around women, I’m awkward. I never manage to do or say the right things…. So when a lady looks my way, I make a fool of myself.
I remember, one time back in my college days, I was walking and I happened upon these two beautiful girls. It’s started out amazingly, I was witty, smooth, and basically a dream guy for these two. Then I let myself get carried away, and I blurted out “So, which one of you is better in bed? Because that’s the one I’ll stick with hitting on, the other can just leave…well…unl
Needless to say they weren’t too pleased or turned on by that last comment, and also needless to say…I slept alone that night…and many after that.
The night I met Sarah was one I’ll never forget. Some buddies of mine decided they were going to show me how to “Get laid” as they put it. I figured there was no harm in one night stands…and went along with it.
I noticed Sarah after a few failed attempts hitting on other chicks, (I had never thought to actually hit on the drunk ones…). She was a barmaid, and had been watching me flirt hopelessly with the girls who were way out of my league. Men were lining up at the counter, practically begging to talk to her and falling all over themselves to look at her. It didn’t occur to me that they were drunk so they were probably falling all over themselves anyway but I like to think it was just because she was breathtaking…w
I was annoyed by the fact that she had the nerve to openly laugh at me, someone she had never even met before, so I marched right up to the counter (to the outcries of the drunken fools who were begging to take her home for the night) and demanded to know what was so funny.
Her eyes just filled with laughter and she grinned. “You, it’s pathetic. Do you really think those pickup lines work??” Then she smiled. And I couldn’t focus on anything else but her.
“If I’m so pathetic, how would you get girls???” I asked her, trying not to make it obvious that I was hanging on her every word. She shrugged, “I wouldn’t…I like men.”
Then I stupidly blurted out…”well, I’m a man…Do you like me?”…
Instead of shunning me like a normal girl would have done, Sarah just laughed and said, “I don’t know yet. Here’s my number. Call me in a few days…Oh, and by the way…I’m Sarah. Who are you?”…She asked, writing her number down on a napkin and handing it to me.
Strange thing is…I honestly couldn’t remember my name.
I HATE him....And I hate The other him.
one openly hates me for dating somebody...bec
it be strange...but i like billy joel...he rawks my socks off...
And now it's time for
JADE"S SUPER SHORT SHOW!!!
Alright...I'm pleased to admit in the first online episode of Jade's super short show *must admit..that's a chorus joke...* That after almost two months...AKA a full quarter of being grounded...Jad
What is the first item on her agenda you ask? well, she's going to be super busy she has been quoted. She doesn't have to work at all this weekend, and only a two hour shift monday.
Saturday she plans to beg people to go to Eragon with her...She claims she is thinking about taking Sakura...
I don't know why the two in the middle are smaller..sorry
after much wating....Here are the halloween dance pictures...
Me and Sakura...I look like a fruitcake!!
Thomas, Thomas's now dead fro (he shaved it...sad sad sad) and Jon trying to bite his neck...
Thomas, Sakura (she's hiding..lol) Jade and Tanner...I think i'm the only one who knew the pic was being taken...HA
Sakura, Me and Jon..trying to jump in the pic...loser...
That's it
Simply ah-mazing pic..
Written about Wednesday 2006-12-27
Written: (6541 days ago)
My sister told me she farted...and then my other sister (the younger one) looked at her and said "Girls don't fart..they FLUFF!"..
Why is it that i got the image of a cotton ball popping out of a butthole when she said that?
Mal: "So, she's added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy."
Simon: "It's just a bad day."
Mal: "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kind of like a...a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half the herd."
Simon: "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle."
Mal: "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed." (to River) "Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't."
River: "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems."
Mal: (to Simon) "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."
______________
Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find but it was kinda out of our way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting." (to Simon) "Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near miraculous."
Simon: "Yes, I'm very proud."
______________
Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God."
Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged."
______________
Bandit #1: "And I think maybe you're gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus."
(Husband) Jayne: "Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature."
(Wife) Mal: "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?"
(Husband) Jayne: "If I could make you purtier, I would."
(Wife) Mal: "You are not the man I met a year ago." (they suddenly draw their guns on the bandits, Mal slowly pulling his bonnet off)
Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet: I will end you."
______________
Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."
Mal: "I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I'm an evil, lecherous hump."
Zoe: "No one's saying that, sir."
Wash: "Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly."
______________
Mal: "Pupils were fixed and dilapidated-"
Simon: "Dialated-"
Mal: "Dialated! Dialated! Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!" [Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng = Frog-humping sonofabitch]
______________
Book: "Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?"
Simon: "No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist
______________
Mal: (kneeling at altar, in disguise) "Dear Buddha: please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket-"
Inara: "Mal, what are you doing here?!"
Mal: "Well, you invited me."
Inara: "I never thought for a second you'd be stupid enough to come!"
Mal: "Well that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?"
I'm on fictionpress..
go to http://www.fic
then click my story...and read read read~!!!!...it should all be on there now...
this is the story for chapter five...fyi
update. the er was wrong. was not copper allergies..
but a bad bad bout of strep throat...that i've had for 3WEEKS!!!...
so yeah
ok. i'm going insane. did you guys know that?...know why?
i think you could call it copper poisening...
alright. Treetop had this little copper ring/tube thing. it looked cool so i put it on my finger, and thomas...knowi
anyways...now i've got red, swollen spots all over my hands...and they itch like no other itch before...imagi
but the other two didn't get near as bad, and treetop wore it for two days...i wore it for a full two minutes...and yet it still reduced me to tears, from frustration...
it's also like...made me do some pretty weird looking things....i drug my hands across the carpet(like i was digging...it kinda helped) stuck my hands under the the faucet when just the hot water had been running for like ten minutes..(mi familia was washing dishes...)left them in the running water for like ten more minutes...felt so good...though normally it woulda made me wince in pain and problably burn my fingers... but god did that feel so good...
but i can't do that all night...
so i'm going to the docter tommorrow....b
it has been keeping me awake at night, and my thumbs are pretty swollen...
i'm on some pretty stong medicine of my dad's....pain medicine...pre
anyways, i'm going to take a pic prollly so if ya'll want to see a pic of it (becuase if one of ya'll had something ilke that...i'd definatly want to see...i'd actually ask to feel it in real life...cuz..in all honestly, the bumps do look and feel kinda cool.i'ts kindan like...it looks like the bumps would be all rough/squishy.
I have traveled
many moonless nights
cold and weary
with a babe inside
and i wonder what i've done
holy father, you have come
and chosen me now
to carry your son
i am waiting
in a silent prayer
i am frightened
by the load i bear
in a world as cold as stone
must i walk this path alone?
be with me now, be with me now
breath of heaven hold me together
be forever near me breath of heaven
breath of heaven lighten my darkness
pour over me your holiness for you are holy
do you wonder
as you watch my face
if another should have had my place?
but i offer all i am for your plan
help me be stong, help me be
help me
breath of heaven hold me together
be forever near me breath of heaven
breath of heaven lighten my darkness
pour over me your holiness for you are holy
repeat 3 times
i don't make mistakes i date them