[shadowfire09]'s diary

944293  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-05-31
Written: (6388 days ago)

http://www.explosm.net/comics/229/ penis

http://www.explosm.net/comics/256/..just another sequel

http://www.explosm.net/comics/263/ i'm pretty bad at math

http://www.explosm.net/comics/268/ briefcases

http://www.explosm.net/comics/275/ OMG IT"S BACK AGAIN!!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/277/ my phone!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/284/ antlers

http://www.explosm.net/comics/287/ antlers again

http://www.explosm.net/comics/288/ more antlers

http://www.explosm.net/comics/297/ the three best thigns

http://www.explosm.net/comics/309/ the purple-shirted eye stabber is back!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/347/ he changed carreres

http://www.explosm.net/comics/395/ this joke will never get old
http://www.explosm.net/comics/399/ Richard..that one is for you...and the third seminary gang!!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/432/ this is terrible! he got anew shirt...


944274  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-05-31
Written: (6388 days ago)

http://www.explosm.net/comics/47/ only got three panels?

http://www.explosm.net/comics/49/ watch out for the purple shirted eye stabber...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/51/ fart jokes

http://www.explosm.net/comics/52/ addictions...lol

http://www.explosm.net/comics/53/ males...is this true?

http://www.explosm.net/comics/55/ HE"S BACK!!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/58/ chicken...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/95/ be aware of the negative numbers...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/62/ demanding arn't we?

http://www.explosm.net/comics/101/ squeeze!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/100/ SQueeze * 2

http://www.explosm.net/comics/68/...intesreting

http://www.explosm.net/comics/102/ Do i amuse you?

http://www.explosm.net/comics/74/ it's great to be alive!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/78/ the worst comic ever!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/81/ suck it!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/85/ this is somethign i would totally do...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/86/ faster!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/110/...it's back!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/88/ that is clever...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/112/ poor grandma

http://www.explosm.net/comics/104/ i don't see your name on it

http://www.explosm.net/comics/115/ this one is totally backwards...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/106/ I KNEW IT!!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/123/ tricky homeless man

http://www.explosm.net/comics/118/ internet advertisments...do you get the last phrase?

http://www.explosm.net/comics/125/ this is my sister to the extrmeme

http://www.explosm.net/comics/121/ this explains the title of the comics

http://www.explosm.net/comics/138/ always follow the five second rule

http://www.explosm.net/comics/139/ my sister and i have acutally done this\

http://www.explosm.net/comics/142/ i've said that before...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/151/ best treasure hunt ever

http://www.explosm.net/comics/152/ that would be me...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/156/ oh the things you can smoke...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/166/ brilliant...
http://www.explosm.net/comics/172/ he will never stop..
http://www.explosm.net/comics/170/ it gives a whole new meaning to puppy eyes..

http://www.explosm.net/comics/183/ so watch out when there's a fly in your soup

http://www.explosm.net/comics/196/ just read it,..i have no comment..

http://www.explosm.net/comics/200/ lol your mom..

http://www.explosm.net/comics/208/ i wonder if that works?


http://www.explosm.net/comics/219/ a joke on the authors..lol
http://www.explosm.net/comics/220/ another one

http://www.explosm.net/comics/229/ lol







944253  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-05-31
Written: (6389 days ago)

so far summer has been going great.

Campouts, sleepovers, outta town trips, and sneaking onto the computer. Work, talking even more on my cell phone...and the most amazing thing ever...NO PARENTS NAGGING ME ABOUT HOMEWORK....well actually, turning homework in...heh..

anyways, i'm going to try to start being a diary whore...though...i won't be nearly as faithful to my diary as [The Black Cat in Your Path]...lol (no i am NOT calling you a diary whore...fyi lol)

so what did i do today??...

first, i got onto hotmail....to find Richard has sent me chapters 5 through 11...becuase he needs my help writing a few parts ( he wants to make me have a certain love intrest with a friend of his...but i can't give any more details about that...or face the wrath of Kenji-mutt and richard...*shudders at the thought*)

but i had no idea how to write anything with this guy, becuase i don't know him...(all the charecters are real...it's actually a fascinating story..ya'll would love it...) so he was like...well, he wants to meet you too..so here's his number..call him. (he lives in connecticut fyi)

so i called the number, and it was him. We hit it off like right away....talked for 50 minutes and 46 seconds...it would have been longer but my mom needed my help with the dogs so i had to go...he sounded kinda sad when i was like...i gotta go. h ewas like "oh...okay then. Nice meeting ya...it was great talking with ya."...yeah. i think we could get to be good friends.

anyways, i think...i'm gonna put both seminary gangs up on a wiki....so ya'll can read them...however...if i do...i need permission from richard...so i'm gonna get that first...(i didn't help write the first one...since i'm not mormon (where the story originated...) nor was i in their seminary gang....THOUGH I AM IN THE SECOND!!!!)...

but yeah...ya'll will have to go to www.fictionpress.com/~bobevans (that's richard's page) to read them...if you do...message me and tell me what ya'll think kk?

and now i've officially turned my diary into a billboard...well, while i'm at it...you can go to www.fictionpress.com/~jadeisms to get to my page and read my crap...well, it's not really crap...but it's not spectacular or anything...like kenzi's stories... (one more link i swear) www.fictionpress.com/~maliseling

there...now everyone is officially equally represented...

942576  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-05-25
Written: (6395 days ago)
939447  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-05-14
Written: (6406 days ago)

50 random things about YOU

1. Where is your dad right now?
Good question. At the hospital..working
2. Last time you kissed someone?
last tuesday
3. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
I'm dependant…annoyingly so
4. what color is your watch?
I haven't a watch. …
5. do you like anyone?
yeas…(a new word!!!)
6. Are you close to your mom?
it depends on the day
7. Where does your best friend work?
chamber of commerce
8. What are you listening to right now?
the strange quietness of the computer lab
9. What do you smell like?
…human…
10. What color are your pants?
blue
11. Have you ever done a chinese fire drill?
most likely…but I don’t know what that is…
12. What color is your bedroom flooring?
white
13. Do you have a chair in your room?
2…actually…
14. What time of day were you born?
   I dunno….
15. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
Julie Marsh…
16. What's your favorite number?
  14…
17. Do you know someone named Lori?
kinda…jodi’s sister…but I’ve only said like three words to her..
18. What color is your mom's hair?
red…
19. Do you have a dog?
yes…3
20. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
yes…because I always sing…and…I even made up songs back there (like the famous…I’m TAKING A BATH AND MY MOMMY DOESN”T CARE>…I:M TAKING A BATH…tHERE”S NO UNDERWEAR!!!”….they’ve got that on video somewhere..
22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
this morning
23. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
nope…but I went to one last summer and it was amazing!
24. Do you play an instrument?
Piano..kinda…and French horn…but I suck at it…
25. Do you like fire?
    yes and no…It burns my fingers…
26. Are you allergic to anything?
Yeah…cats…
27. When was the last time you cried?
last wednesday
29. Have you ever been to a spa?
Nope.
30. Did you take science all four years of high school?
so far…but I’m not gonna next year
31. Do you like butterflies?
yeah…but there’s not many here…
33. What is one thing you miss about your past?
    being little…
34. Have you ever seen the school counselor?
Yesh…they called me in the other day for grades….*shudder*
35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
no….
36. What is one thing you've learned about life?
…when you’re in trouble….shut your mouth and just let your parents bitch at you…even if they are wrong…(ok..i’ve learned it…but I don’t do it…)
37. Are you jealous of anyone?
Oh yeah.
38. Is anyone jealous of you?
yup…I think it’s a mutual jealousy over the same person though…
39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
yes…all the time…the hospital elevators get stuck when I’m at work and we have to take carts up
40. What does your mom call you?
….i’m not at liberty to say….
41. What do your friends call you?
Jadeisms…or other random warps of my name…
42. What does you hair look like right now?
up in a ponytail (early morning lazyness…)(
43. Has a friend ever used you?
yeah…but they’re former friends now…
44. Has anyone recently told you that they like you more than as a friend?
yeah…like 4 different people have….SHEESH!!!
45. What have you eaten today?
uhm…nothing…
46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Both actually…parts will be perfectly flat…and others will be super curly…(I HAVE BISEXUAL HAIR!!)
48. Who was the last person you drove with?
my sister…
49. What are you looking forward to?
    uhm…awards tonight…
50. How are you today?
….i’m not anything…I’m just kinda here…nothing has happened to decide my mood yet…well…I guess I’m a little confused…but…who isn’t?

924637  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-03-29
Written: (6452 days ago)

*this one is Fucking Funny*
[*a girls first time*
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
;refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
;more room for an easy
entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as little pain as
possible. As he presses
;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way; pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
]


I love this one....

[the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9
years
old.







One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.







The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.







Lettuce!!!


Tomato!!!


Lettuce!!!


Tomato!!!


Lettuce!!!


Tomato!!!








She screams.




Lettuce!!!


Tomato!!!





Whoa!!!







PULL IT OUT!!!











PULL IT OUT NOW!!!










I can't get pregnant!





Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my
face!*!*!*!*!
]


This is The funniest thing ever....
[This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"


"What? You're crazy!" she said.


"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."




"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."


"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."


"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"


"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."


"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"


Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."


At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"
]


Boy: I need someone to talk to.
[Girl: I'm always here for you.]
Boy: I know.
[Girl: What's wrong?]
Boy: I like her so much...
[Girl: Talk to her.]
Boy: I don't know. She wont ever like me.
[Girl: Don't say that. You're amazing.]
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel...
[Girl: Then tell her.]
Boy: She wont like me.
[Girl: How do u know that?]
Boy: I can just tell.
[Girl: Well just tell her.]
Boy: What should I say?
[Girl: Tell her how much you like her.]
Boy: I tell her that daily...
[Girl: What do u mean?]
Boy: I'm always with her. I love her.
[Girl: I know how u feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never like me.]
Boy: Wait. Who do u like?
[Girl: Oh some boy.]
Boy: Oh... she wont like me either.
[Girl: She does.]
Boy: How do u know?
[Girl: Because who wouldn't like you?]
Boy: You.
[Girl: You're wrong, I love you.]
Boy: I love u too.
[Girl: So are you going to talk to her?]
Boy: I just did.

922298  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-03-22
Written: (6459 days ago)

So, it’s come to this huh? You’re really going to kill me?”
“I don’t have a choice gorgeous…I could do other thing to you…but…I’d prefer having a camera for that…”
“Ahh yes, but wherever would you get one of those??…Not that it matters, you have to let me go ”

A tall muscular man with an evil gleam in his eyes loomed over a chained bloody figure on the floor. He ran a blood soaked hand through his jet-black hair, and grinned, showing teeth that would have been perfect if not for the chip in the front most teeth, probably from a fight in his earlier ears.

“You stupid thing. I can’t let you go…you know who I am, you’ve suffered through my games…letting you go would be placing myself in a cage…do you honestly think I’m that stupid?”

The figure chuckled painfully, “I had hoped my old friend…”

A tangled mass of long blonde hair caked with dirt, dry blood, and fresh blood covered the figure’s face. Chains bound a slender body with a few small but noticeable curves…this was obviously a woman. Her legs were sprawled out at odd angles, and shaped strangely, almost as if the bones had been removed. But, as the case was, they had been smashed into a powder with the blunt side of an axe, which was now leaning against her stomach, placed there in an almost mocking fashion. She coughed as a small trickle of blood escaped from her lips, and the man laughed.

“Even in your last moments, you’re still a defiant bitch, I want total submission from you…I want your spirit gone…otherwise…killing you just would be as enjoyable now would it?”

“Well, damn. I guess I’m going to be immortal. I’ll never lose my spirit…I’ll fight you until I can’t move anymore…. I’ll never give in to you…besides. If you were really going to kill me…you…you would have…” the woman claimed bravely, though her voice was getting noticeably softer.

The man’s face twisted into an unimaginable rage, and he thrust his foot into her face. Hearing the snap of her nose breaking seemed to make his rage disappear into thin air.

The woman grimaced, but showed no other signs of pain, her pride still unscathed though her body was beyond repair.

What done screaming already Sarah? It’s disappointing I have to say…” he muttered as he kneeled by her face, using his right hand to hold it steady as his left tenderly brushed her locks aside, revealing almond shaped green eyes, still burning with hatred and spirit. She had been a pretty girl, with elegant cheekbones, soft full red lips that almost always wore a permanent smile. Her nose has been a bit big for her face, but somehow, it seemed to just make her more pretty, and it seemed to make her more real.
Now her face was swollen and bloody, bruises and cuts scaring her flawless skin. Though her left eye was nearly swollen shut, they still shone with stubbornness and life; the man could see she wasn’t going down with out a fight. He smacked her in frustration hard on the shoulder and stood.

“Fine you win today Sarah. I told you I’m not going to kill you until you have no spirit left Killing you now would be murder, but if you’re broken, if’ you got no fight left in you, I’ll just be putting you out of your misery, and last I checked, that’s not murder honey. You see, I’m no murderer by any means. He explained.

“Logan, this doesn’t make any sense. You’d be the reason I’d be broken as you say. So yes, you would be a murderer. You’d still be killing me…” Sarah argued with the last of her strength.

“SHUT UP!!!” Logan roared as he picked up the axe. He let his insane temper get the better of him and started hacking away at her body. He dismembered her legs and arms, and eventually, he beheaded her.

As her head rolled to his feet, Sarah’s eyes turned in their sockets, appearing as though she was looking around the room. Her mouth hung open in a silent scream, as though her soul was still feeling the pain she no longer could. Her head stopped as it reached Logan’s feet.

Her body convulsed in short but violent spasms for a few moments, and then laid still. It was then Logan could finally see the damage he had caused.

His eyes grew wide as his gaze trailed down her body. Sarah’s right arm had been cut off a few inches above the elbow, and her left was still attached, but only by a vein that somehow managed to escape the blade of the axe. Her thighs had been mercilessly chopped at and chunks of her skin and muscles were completely gone. Her lower legs were tangled, twisted together while her body spas med. At some point during the ordeal, his axe had punctured her stomach, and acid leaked out over her exposed organs and ate away at the remaining skin.

Logan’s eyes grew wide and he collapsed, scooping up Sarah’s unattached head into his arms. As he stared into her blank eyes, he regains some of the sanity he had lost so long ago.

“Sarah….” he gasped, and then abandoned all pride and wept.

_______________________________________________________________________________


Chapter one


I had never meant to kill her, in fact, I was actually planning on proposing that night, but Sarah showed up early. God damn it Sarah…what would possess you to show up? Didn’t you know how dangerous I was Sarah?

No, this isn’t her fault. This tragedy was only through faults of my own. Me and my blood lust. I couldn’t help it, I had the urge, and the uncontrollable need to get blood, the cause harm to someone or something, the need that ran my mind for quite sometime now…. But Until last night, I managed to hide it from her, from the one thing I cared about.

Even though I had desperately wanted to, I managed to never kill another human before her. To satisfy my need for blood, I would lock myself away in the bathroom and slit parts of my body, savoring the sight of my blood oozing out of the wounds I so often caused myself. I know if I hadn’t have had Sarah…countless people would be dead, possibly myself as well.


I suppose I should start at the beginning; to show you I’m not an evil man, and that I did in fact, love Sarah with all my heart. Please, Just read this with an open mind, I BEG you.

I never had much luck in the woman department. It’s not that I’m bad looking…it’s just that around women, I’m awkward. I never manage to do or say the right things…. So when a lady looks my way, I make a fool of myself.

I remember, one time back in my college days, I was walking and I happened upon these two beautiful girls. It’s started out amazingly, I was witty, smooth, and basically a dream guy for these two. Then I let myself get carried away, and I blurted out “So, which one of you is better in bed? Because that’s the one I’ll stick with hitting on, the other can just leave…well…unless you ladies like threesomes?”

Needless to say they weren’t too pleased or turned on by that last comment, and also needless to say…I slept alone that night…and many after that.

The night I met Sarah was one I’ll never forget. Some buddies of mine decided they were going to show me how to “Get laid” as they put it. I figured there was no harm in one night stands…and went along with it.

I noticed Sarah after a few failed attempts hitting on other chicks, (I had never thought to actually hit on the drunk ones…). She was a barmaid, and had been watching me flirt hopelessly with the girls who were way out of my league. Men were lining up at the counter, practically begging to talk to her and falling all over themselves to look at her. It didn’t occur to me that they were drunk so they were probably falling all over themselves anyway but I like to think it was just because she was breathtaking…which…She was.


I was annoyed by the fact that she had the nerve to openly laugh at me, someone she had never even met before, so I marched right up to the counter (to the outcries of the drunken fools who were begging to take her home for the night) and demanded to know what was so funny.

Her eyes just filled with laughter and she grinned. “You, it’s pathetic. Do you really think those pickup lines work??” Then she smiled. And I couldn’t focus on anything else but her.

“If I’m so pathetic, how would you get girls???” I asked her, trying not to make it obvious that I was hanging on her every word. She shrugged, “I wouldn’t…I like men.”

Then I stupidly blurted out…”well, I’m a man…Do you like me?”…
Instead of shunning me like a normal girl would have done, Sarah just laughed and said, “I don’t know yet. Here’s my number. Call me in a few days…Oh, and by the way…I’m Sarah. Who are you?”…She asked, writing her number down on a napkin and handing it to me.

Strange thing is…I honestly couldn’t remember my name.

911167  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-02-17
Written: (6492 days ago)

I HATE him....And I hate The other him.

one openly hates me for dating somebody...becuase apparently i lead him on. He should be fucking happy for me becuase i'm happy. Lord knows i was always fucking happy for him, even when he tricked me and toyed with me. I was always there for him...then he fucking abandons me. lyieng betraying bastard!

898178  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-01-13
Written: (6527 days ago)

it be strange...but i like billy joel...he rawks my socks off...

898017  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-01-13
Written: (6527 days ago)

And now it's time for

JADE"S SUPER SHORT SHOW!!!

Alright...I'm pleased to admit in the first online episode of Jade's super short show *must admit..that's a chorus joke...* That after almost two months...AKA a full quarter of being grounded...Jade is officially ungrounded as of tongight...

What is the first item on her agenda you ask? well, she's going to be super busy she has been quoted. She doesn't have to work at all this weekend, and only a two hour shift monday.

Saturday she plans to beg people to go to Eragon with her...She claims she is thinking about taking Sakura...

896390  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-01-08
Written: (6531 days ago)

I don't know why the two in the middle are smaller..sorry

896389  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-01-08
Written: (6531 days ago)

after much wating....Here are the halloween dance pictures...

<img:http://www.bobgill.com/riggs/10-27-2006HalloweenDance/IMG_2639.jpg>

Me and Sakura...I look like a fruitcake!!

<img:http://www.bobgill.com/riggs/photogallery/photo17801/IMG_2645.jpg>

Thomas, Thomas's now dead fro (he shaved it...sad sad sad) and Jon trying to bite his neck...

<img:http://www.bobgill.com/riggs/photogallery/photo17801/IMG_2661.jpg>

Thomas, Sakura (she's hiding..lol) Jade and Tanner...I think i'm the only one who knew the pic was being taken...HA

<img:http://www.bobgill.com/riggs/10-27-2006HalloweenDance/IMG_2662.jpg>

Sakura, Me and Jon..trying to jump in the pic...loser...lol not really..anyways...


That's it

896246  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-01-08
Written: (6532 days ago)


<img:http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif>

<img:http://img18.exs.cx/img18/2905/funnyfaces3du.gif>

895426  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-01-06
Written: (6534 days ago)

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/drawing/75762_1124477425.jpg>

Simply ah-mazing pic..

891596  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-12-27
Written: (6544 days ago)
Next in thread: 892439

My sister told me she farted...and then my other sister (the younger one) looked at her and said "Girls don't fart..they FLUFF!"..

  Why is it that i got the image of a cotton ball popping out of a butthole when she said that?

884990  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-12-10
Written: (6561 days ago)

Mal: "So, she's added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy."

Simon: "It's just a bad day."

Mal: "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kind of like a...a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half the herd."

Simon: "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle."

Mal: "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed." (to River) "Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't."

River: "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems."

Mal: (to Simon) "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."
______________________
Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find but it was kinda out of our way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting." (to Simon) "Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near miraculous."

Simon: "Yes, I'm very proud."
______________________
Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God."

Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged."
_____________________
Bandit #1: "And I think maybe you're gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus."

(Husband) Jayne: "Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature."

(Wife) Mal: "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?"

(Husband) Jayne: "If I could make you purtier, I would."

(Wife) Mal: "You are not the man I met a year ago." (they suddenly draw their guns on the bandits, Mal slowly pulling his bonnet off)

Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet: I will end you."
_______________________
Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

Mal: "I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I'm an evil, lecherous hump."

Zoe: "No one's saying that, sir."

Wash: "Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly."
_____________________
Mal: "Pupils were fixed and dilapidated-"

Simon: "Dialated-"

Mal: "Dialated! Dialated! Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!" [Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng = Frog-humping sonofabitch]
_____________________
Book: "Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?"

Simon: "No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist."
_____________________
Mal: (kneeling at altar, in disguise) "Dear Buddha: please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket-"

Inara: "Mal, what are you doing here?!"

Mal: "Well, you invited me."

Inara: "I never thought for a second you'd be stupid enough to come!"

Mal: "Well that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?"

882975  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-12-05
Written: (6566 days ago)

I'm on fictionpress...sooo...

go to http://www.fictionpress.com/~jadeisms

then click my story...and read read read~!!!!...it should all be on there now...

this is the story for chapter five...fyi

 The logged in version 

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