because i wanted to do this:
Pick a band and answer only using that bands song titles
chosen band: ani difranco
1. Are you a male or a female: "joyful girl"
2. Describe yourself: "i'm no heroine"
3. How do some people feel about you: "freakshow"
4. how do you feel about yourself: "not a pretty girl"
5. describe your family: "light of some kind"
6. where would you rather be: "buildings and bridges"
7. describe what you want to be: "born a lion"
8. Describe how you live: "glass house"
9. describe how you love: "as is"
10. describe what you hate: "good, bad, ugly"
"not a pretty girl" sounds self-degrading
i am not a pretty girl
i don't want to be a pretty girl
no i want to be more than a pretty girl
and so on.
gaaaah! my sister erased three pages of my story when she turned the computer off! and for once, microscoft word didn't recover it!!! *grumbles under her breath about people shuttingd own things they shouldn't or checking what was up first*
we have something in our house, in the vents. it made noises all last night in my sister's room, scratching at the wall vent, shuffling papers, knocking things over. i didn't go check it out- some things i like not to know, mysteries stay with me all night, influence my dreams. i still like to think that there are trolls and wild things; where the wild things are. (even if it turns out to be only a mouse)
205 How to make quince bread
Take two pratzamer[22] of quinces and boil them in water so that they lie closely together. And when they are cooked, take them out, peel them cleanly and thoroughly and pass them through a hair sieve, until you have a little less than a half pound. And take two ounces of sugar. The sugar must be refined beforehand. For each pound of sugar take a quart of water and after that an egg white. And put the quinces into a large bowl and stir it around with a big wooden spoon for as long as a soft-boiled egg cooks. And after you have stirred it well, then put an egg white into it and stir it around as long as before. And when you have stirred it, then put two spoonfuls of refined sugar into it and prepare it each time as at the first. Continue until you have put into it five eggs and the stated amount of sugar, then take wafers cut into long strips and spread it on them, however you would have it. And lay them on a board and lay it on the oven. Be careful that the oven is not too hot. And when it begins to dry out on top, then put them on a board in back of the oven, until they have dried out. The sugar must stay in weak heat the entire time, so that it does not become cold. Then they are ready.
for [quince] and [angelice] (if she so desires it)
more to be added later, chels, i'm just starting, but "this is wonderland" starts soon, and i'd like to see it ^^
links for research
*life*
http://www.fid
http://www.yor
http://www.byu
*heraldry*
http://renaiss
http://renaiss
*Medieval terms*
http://www.civ
http://netserf
http://cal.bem
http://www.hem
***** http://www.bri
*Language*
http://www.geo
http://www.the
http://www.wor
http://www.ruh
*Dress*
http://histclo
http://www.geo
*Misc*
http://www.her
since i started writing this "book" that i'm sending [angelice] i want to write and write and write books until i can't see for the paper surrounding me. isn't it funny? before, i had no ideas. now, i have too many.
i had such a funny strange dream last night. it took place in my house, sort of, and there were simply hordes of people everywhere- upstairs, downstairs, in the basement. the house had sort of stretched (because those of you who know my house- namely [angelice]- know that its just big enough for four or five people) and could accomodate all of these people. and the basement was like a gym, and much nicer than it is now. anyway, i was on the ground floor when this portly old fellow approached me (i say portly old fellow because that's how i thought of him in my dream) and said
"They are coming! They will infect everyone!" I asked why and what they would do, and he told me they would turn me into an animal, and that the only way to escape this was to pretend I already was by wearing this large grey mouse puppet (which I own in this world anyway- her name's Muffy) on my head...so I wore a large mouse puppet for most of my dream.
Anyway, eventually they infected everyone but me and P.O.F. (portly old fellow) in fact, P.O.F had dissappeared, leaving me to fend for myself. When they infected you, you didn't so much turn into an animals, but you thought like one, and maybe your skin changed. There was this creepy silver/white/b
Anyway, he was important because he kept killing people for not being 'animal' enough. And he decided to evaluate me- by this time, i wasn't even sure if maybe i hadn't been infected anyway, and i'd lost the mouse hat.) his assistent was also a mouse, and everything about her was faded and gray- her shirt and skirt were rainy-sky coloured, her hair was mouldy-wheat blond, and her skin was pale and gray. i didn't look like that- i was still wearing normal clothes and such. This bear- and he really was a bear, I didn't know who he was, but he wasn't a human turned 'animal'...he was probably the bear that is always in my dreams, the spirit animal- he took me to see the tiger-man so that i could be evaluated, and stodd behind me the entire time. The tiger-man's domain was the bathroom, and he always had the bathtub full. he made bear and i sit in there to wait, as it was sort of polite to invite your guests to sit in water. and then he started talking to his assistant and killed someone right in front of me, and then began his evaluation, which made no sense to me.
i became stupid and said "well, i think i was a mouse, but now i'm a cat" and then he told me i was definitly a mouse, jus tlike his asistant, and i was angry. then the dream ended.
actually, there was a whole other chunk of the dream i can't really remember, where both [angelice] and [pete.] were animals as well, though i don't remember which sort, and they were trying to convince me of something having to do with poetry and food and pretending to be on a boat...
its so
topsy turvy.
i really hate that word, actually. it remindes me of turnips, and i only like those mashed...with a little brown sugar...mmmm.
so, how wonderful is it to dance in the car? say to songs you listened to at age thirteen when you still thought that leonardo dicaprio was sort of cute and zack hanson was wonderful? throw in embarassing my sister to the bargin and i'll dance the drive away. its fabulous- dad and i go palces in the truck (to get his fiddle fixed yesterday) and i turn on my music (the stuff i listen to now, or the stuff from when i was thirteen) and dance in my seat. or when we're driving anya to school. dancing is so libertaing and it gives me the feeling of this huge bubble of happiness expanding in my chest.
chelsea, its blizarding where you are, isn't it? you'd better be very careful- i don't quite fancy the idea of an icily preserved best friend.
i watched this french movie last night (and, am proud to say, rarely read subtitles)called "happenstance" in english (an awful title compared to the french one, which was something about the beating of a butterflie's wings- i can't remember it exactly.) anyway, it was completly unlike any movie i have ever seen because it gave one no time to love any of the characters. it was about little things that each person did which changed the lives of everyone in their small town. (it sounds bad, but oh, it wasn't)
which made me think a lot- if, say, someone is thinking exactly the same thing as me at the exact moment that i am thinking it, or if someone is thinking of me when i am thinking of them...it goes on. i don't even know about fate- is so and so destined to be so and so's lover etc... but the movie made me think (hah hah)
and i'm mostly blathering now.
dream:
my friend and i were sitting on a couch, doing nothing but sitting. a huge- like a small dog- rabbit entered the room, and i turned to him and said "it likes you better" then it hopped/walked over, sniffed my hand, and let my friend pet it. then i got news- somehow- that melanie had died, and i was upset. i took out this picture someone had taken of her- she was the main focus, and i was hiding in the water behind her (it was my fault the picture had been taken, as i recall. i had wanted it taken) the rest of the dream was about mourning her. it sounds mild, but was anything but because of the emotions.
a poem written...two years ago, on seeing my grandmother dying. (so, not very cheerful)
doves leaving body
the smell gives me a headache
everything is so clean-
even the floor is free of muddy foot prints
despite the weather.
the walls are white
waiting and listening to us.
we saw you
only a few minutes ago
curled on your side
so small in the child sized bed
skin as pale as the sheets wrapped around your body
a dusting of white hair on the pillow.
my eyes deceived me;
i promised myself
no tears this time.
but they came anyway.
the waiting room is
empty except for a lone nurse
pretending not to notice us
as we sit in hard-backs chairs
tears running down our faces
a metal cross hangs on the wall
the patterns look like
birds in flight.
(doves leaving your body)
i want to take in my hands
bend it until it snaps
i don't believe in god, but i never told you that
because you did until
all thought left you.
we sit
my little sister and i
trying to think about
who it really is
down the hall
the little woman with a bouquet of tubes
running out of her body
and i realize that it is not you
but a ghost
babbling madly in your absence.
Counting Crows
One for sorrow,
two for joy,
three for a girl,
for for a boy,
five for silver,
six for gold,
seven for a secret,
never to be told,
eight for a wish,
nine for a kiss,
ten for a time
of joyous bliss.
about crows. it's about crows, right? crows and magpies?
this is an excerpt from an e-mail i wrote to [angelice] about a dream i had. i'm too lazy to re-write it, so i cut and paste. everytime i say you, obviously, i mean [angelice] or chelsea, as she's called when i'm boring and can't think of other names
my dad (and mum, i think, but i didn't see her) took me to your grandparent's new house, for a family party they were having (why, i don't know, as i'm not part of your family) and my digital camera wouldn't work. then i was walking up the sidewalk to th house, and mitch was beside me, and i was showing him how long my thumb-nails are by holding them up to the sun. after that, he said something to annoy me, and i ran into the house.
your grand parents and mum were sitting at the kitchen table (which was like one of those in camper vans,or your bus, but a little bigger) and i went over to say hello. your grandma had this bright, bright red lipstick on, and i couldn't see your grandpa very well. i kept thinking that i should hug your grandma, but i couldn't bring myself to because i was feeling shy. so, then i had to brush my teeth, and i sat at the table- a different one, which was long and dark wood, with all of these people in a semi-circle in front of me, and your grandma sitting to my left. i squeezed the toothpaste, and this handful came out into my hand. i brushed my teeth with a little bit, and then, feeling bad for wasting, made the tube (somehow) suck all of the paste back in. then i decided to go find you, so i went down this short set of wide stairs. there was a short, small hallway at the bottom with a coatrack high-up along the wall, and to my left (as i went down the stairs) a door way leading somewhere i couldn't see, to a bright room. i stopped a dog that belonged to you- a hound dog- and asked him if you were downstairs. he told me no (because he didn't like me) but i didn't believe him. so i went to the bottom of the stairs, and looked in the door to discover that everyone was playing hide and seek, and the dog was it. i decided to wait for you to be found- i knew you'd come find me- and so i leaned back against the wall and put my feet on the bottom step.
then i decided to try that matrix thing, where they jump up in the air in really slow motion, and sort of stay there? anyway, i slow-motion tip-toe walked/jumped my way up to the top of the stairs. then i did it twice more, and the third time, i kicked about ten times in a second. it was the best thing i've done in a dream for so long- it felt so free and wonderful. by then, you had arrived, and i was sure you could do it as well. you were sort of glowing- this really warm colour, a mangoey orange sunbursty colour. so when you came over, i told you i wanted to try something, and you agreed. so, in slow motion, i sort of shot you off like a bullett, and you zoomed into the room (which was huge), and ended with two slow-motion-su
according to my poll "you're being given one choice. pick something, and don't delay!" 6 people would pick a kitten, four people would pick snape, and new roller skates, a shiney yellow pencil, paint, and a gryffindor badge each got one vote...yet no one wants green hair dye or stick on fingernails. hmm...
i just finished watching "ringu" and "spirited away." i say watching ringu, but i really mean hiding behind the couch/my arm/a pillow and not looking at the tv. i saw "the ring" a few months ago...and it freaked me out. so, in theory, if i don't actually see the entire movie...i'm ok, right? riiiight?
i'm a complete fool, i know.
(i love "spirited away" though. especially no face)
“betty crocker’s revolt, and how nobody noticed because they were eating dinner”
She picked up the statue
Of two fawns
(which he had given her for christmas three years ago)
And smashed it on the table’s edge
Sending painted china flying around the kitchen.
Blood splashed across the placemats
Soaking into the mashed potatoes
Mingling with the steaks
Staining our flowered platter.
We stopped mid chew
Raw meat soaking into our tongues
To look at her creased brow
The stains on her apron.
“I am sick of playing mother!” she screamed
pulling off the apron with “kiss the cook” stitched on it in pastel blue.
“I’m leaving!” she cried, storming out of the house.
And her husband, picking porcelain out of his green beans
Calmly said
“please pass the milk.”
i am quite ready to scream with frustration. i'm not in the modd to be here anymore- i've handed in everything. i've shown up day after dya, haven't skipped *too too* much. and now i have another free block because i've completed everything. ahhhhh!
i just wrote a lot.
see:
We have approached the limit on what to do, what to say. I was balking, but I’ve backed off, waiting to stand beside the door with a glowing face that says “yes”. but the light doesn’t go on. you’ve completely sealed the house up, and everyone that I can see through the inverted peephole is dressed like you, long braided hair and black eyes.
she throws the rock, it bounds, bounces across the sky, tearing through the clouds like a bullet. buries itself in my arm. the sky flashes full of shadows, and my feet slip, trip as I stand still. oh, the stars, see them fall, past the window like rain. We’ve come too far to forget nature now, but too late. it’s gone. she’s gone, erased from memory even though we step on her every day. across her face. weren’t we once children of her womb?
I’d like to think that I’m not a digital baby, that my veins weren’t exchanged for wires at birth. but I speak like a child who has grown up drinking lighter fluid instead of milk, eating batteries instead of fruit. I am a machine baby, an electronic girl with hard metal lips and glass eyes. there is no way to see my thoughts, the faces I wear are a disguise.
it's crappy, but oh well. i'm bored to hell.
strange dream last night. i think it went on for five hours or so, and i needed somewhere to write it down.
the school had been taken over by...these things. i'm not sure what. but they arrived during my english class, and everything grew dark. so chelsea and i ran out of our respective classes (hersis right next to mine in real life anyway) and into this sort of circular, dark, pipey area. well, chelsea told me that she would go get the invisibility cloak and fluffy, and that i should wait here. so i waited, and soon she returned, carrying the invisibility cloack, and leading a 2ft three headed dog, also under a cloak. I put the invisibility cloak on, and she tried to get under too, but couldn't fit, so she told me i should just wear it, and help people out. i didn't want her to do this to me (didn't think i could "save the school" either, because, honestly, i couldn't) so, while we argued, the evil guy (he went from being a short, mostly-bald man to a large, scary piggy-eyed man frequently) arrived, and they stole chelsea. i was so afraid that i ran, under the cloack (cowardly, no?) outside so that i could think. surprisingly, i could fly, or at least float like some sort of spectre. and float i did, around the school, over to talk to some kids who hadn't been zombified. they were all cute with black hair and brown eyes, varying in age from 7 or 8 to 18. they were trying to run from piggy-man and we hid behind this concrete barrier and talked. well, we heard piggy-manon the other side of the barrier, talking to himself about cutting down this old tree. so i floated to the top of the tree, and broke it off in pieces (for some reason) he was all satisfied, and didn't find the kids.
the rest of the dream was all patchy. there was this one part where i was in the forest, and so were my zombified-pare
another part where i was kissing some boy, to keep him invisible from the evil ones...or, that's the reason i gave him. one of the two
by the end of the dream, my powers of floatyness were losing stgrenth. i followed people i knew around, all cloaked so that i was invisible. it's sort of strange how they just accepted it, talking to me and looking like an idiot to everyone else. i talked to justin for a good long while, trying to convince him to dance. because, you see, i had discovered that laughing and enjoying oneself broke the control piggy-man had over them all. but he wouldn't (of course) and so i followed hima round, getting angrier and angrier.
i'll say one thing for piggy-man, and that was that he made everyone do art class. granted, the clay was sallow and all they got to do was sculpt sky-scrapers and ugly things, but he still let them do it. i floated in on one of these classes, above everyone's heads, and watched, playing tricks and laughing, talking to my cute-raven haired friends (who had been caught)and such. i even openede and closed the door once of seven times.
throughout the entire dream, the hood of my cloak kept falling back, revealing my face to people. it was frightening!
after many more scenes, and other weird things, i ended up making so many people happy that the entire school began bubbling over with laughter, and we deafeated evil piggy-man.