this is an excerpt from an e-mail i wrote to [angelice] about a dream i had. i'm too lazy to re-write it, so i cut and paste. everytime i say you, obviously, i mean [angelice] or chelsea, as she's called when i'm boring and can't think of other names

my dad (and mum, i think, but i didn't see her) took me to your grandparent's new house, for a family party they were having (why, i don't know, as i'm not part of your family) and my digital camera wouldn't work. then i was walking up the sidewalk to th house, and mitch was beside me, and i was showing him how long my thumb-nails are by holding them up to the sun. after that, he said something to annoy me, and i ran into the house.
your grand parents and mum were sitting at the kitchen table (which was like one of those in camper vans,or your bus, but a little bigger) and i went over to say hello. your grandma had this bright, bright red lipstick on, and i couldn't see your grandpa very well. i kept thinking that i should hug your grandma, but i couldn't bring myself to because i was feeling shy. so, then i had to brush my teeth, and i sat at the table- a different one, which was long and dark wood, with all of these people in a semi-circle in front of me, and your grandma sitting to my left. i squeezed the toothpaste, and this handful came out into my hand. i brushed my teeth with a little bit, and then, feeling bad for wasting, made the tube (somehow) suck all of the paste back in. then i decided to go find you, so i went down this short set of wide stairs. there was a short, small hallway at the bottom with a coatrack high-up along the wall, and to my left (as i went down the stairs) a door way leading somewhere i couldn't see, to a bright room. i stopped a dog that belonged to you- a hound dog- and asked him if you were downstairs. he told me no (because he didn't like me) but i didn't believe him. so i went to the bottom of the stairs, and looked in the door to discover that everyone was playing hide and seek, and the dog was it. i decided to wait for you to be found- i knew you'd come find me- and so i leaned back against the wall and put my feet on the bottom step.
then i decided to try that matrix thing, where they jump up in the air in really slow motion, and sort of stay there? anyway, i slow-motion tip-toe walked/jumped my way up to the top of the stairs. then i did it twice more, and the third time, i kicked about ten times in a second. it was the best thing i've done in a dream for so long- it felt so free and wonderful. by then, you had arrived, and i was sure you could do it as well. you were sort of glowing- this really warm colour, a mangoey orange sunbursty colour. so when you came over, i told you i wanted to try something, and you agreed. so, in slow motion, i sort of shot you off like a bullett, and you zoomed into the room (which was huge), and ended with two slow-motion-summersaults and a perfect landing. then dad woke me up.

according to my poll "you're being given one choice. pick something, and don't delay!" 6 people would pick a kitten, four people would pick snape, and new roller skates, a shiney yellow pencil, paint, and a gryffindor badge each got one vote...yet no one wants green hair dye or stick on fingernails. hmm...

i just finished watching "ringu" and "spirited away." i say watching ringu, but i really mean hiding behind the couch/my arm/a pillow and not looking at the tv. i saw "the ring" a few months ago...and it freaked me out. so, in theory, if i don't actually see the entire movie...i'm ok, right? riiiight?

i'm a complete fool, i know.

(i love "spirited away" though. especially no face)

“betty crocker’s revolt, and how nobody noticed because they were eating dinner”


She picked up the statue
Of two fawns
(which he had given her for christmas three years ago)
And smashed it on the table’s edge
Sending painted china flying around the kitchen.
Blood splashed across the placemats
Soaking into the mashed potatoes
Mingling with the steaks
Staining our flowered platter.
We stopped mid chew
Raw meat soaking into our tongues
To look at her creased brow
The stains on her apron.
“I am sick of playing mother!” she screamed
pulling off the apron with “kiss the cook” stitched on it in pastel blue.
“I’m leaving!” she cried, storming out of the house.
And her husband, picking porcelain out of his green beans
Calmly said
“please pass the milk.”

i am quite ready to scream with frustration. i'm not in the modd to be here anymore- i've handed in everything. i've shown up day after dya, haven't skipped *too too* much. and now i have another free block because i've completed everything. ahhhhh!

i just wrote a lot.

see:

We have approached the limit on what to do, what to say. I was balking, but I’ve backed off, waiting to stand beside the door with a glowing face that says “yes”. but the light doesn’t go on. you’ve completely sealed the house up, and everyone that I can see through the inverted peephole is dressed like you, long braided hair and black eyes.

she throws the rock, it bounds, bounces across the sky, tearing through the clouds like a bullet. buries itself in my arm. the sky flashes full of shadows, and my feet slip, trip as I stand still. oh, the stars, see them fall, past the window like rain. We’ve come too far to forget nature now, but too late. it’s gone. she’s gone, erased from memory even though we step on her every day. across her face. weren’t we once children of her womb?

I’d like to think that I’m not a digital baby, that my veins weren’t exchanged for wires at birth. but I speak like a child who has grown up drinking lighter fluid instead of milk, eating batteries instead of fruit. I am a machine baby, an electronic girl with hard metal lips and glass eyes. there is no way to see my thoughts, the faces I wear are a disguise.


it's crappy, but oh well. i'm bored to hell.

strange dream last night. i think it went on for five hours or so, and i needed somewhere to write it down.

the school had been taken over by...these things. i'm not sure what. but they arrived during my english class, and everything grew dark. so chelsea and i ran out of our respective classes (hersis right next to mine in real life anyway) and into this sort of circular, dark, pipey area. well, chelsea told me that she would go get the invisibility cloak and fluffy, and that i should wait here. so i waited, and soon she returned, carrying the invisibility cloack, and leading a 2ft three headed dog, also under a cloak. I put the invisibility cloak on, and she tried to get under too, but couldn't fit, so she told me i should just wear it, and help people out. i didn't want her to do this to me (didn't think i could "save the school" either, because, honestly, i couldn't) so, while we argued, the evil guy (he went from being a short, mostly-bald man to a large, scary piggy-eyed man frequently) arrived, and they stole chelsea. i was so afraid that i ran, under the cloack (cowardly, no?) outside so that i could think. surprisingly, i could fly, or at least float like some sort of spectre. and float i did, around the school, over to talk to some kids who hadn't been zombified. they were all cute with black hair and brown eyes, varying in age from 7 or 8 to 18. they were trying to run from piggy-man and we hid behind this concrete barrier and talked. well, we heard piggy-manon the other side of the barrier, talking to himself about cutting down this old tree. so i floated to the top of the tree, and broke it off in pieces (for some reason) he was all satisfied, and didn't find the kids.

the rest of the dream was all patchy. there was this one part where i was in the forest, and so were my zombified-parents, and they were talking and reading, and i was above them, despretly climbing up the trees because my floaty powers wouldn't work. the trees were all rhubarby-breakable, and kept coming apart in my hands.

another part where i was kissing some boy, to keep him invisible from the evil ones...or, that's the reason i gave him. one of the two

by the end of the dream, my powers of floatyness were losing stgrenth. i followed people i knew around, all cloaked so that i was invisible. it's sort of strange how they just accepted it, talking to me and looking like an idiot to everyone else. i talked to justin for a good long while, trying to convince him to dance. because, you see, i had discovered that laughing and enjoying oneself broke the control piggy-man had over them all. but he wouldn't (of course) and so i followed hima round, getting angrier and angrier.

i'll say one thing for piggy-man, and that was that he made everyone do art class. granted, the clay was sallow and all they got to do was sculpt sky-scrapers and ugly things, but he still let them do it. i floated in on one of these classes, above everyone's heads, and watched, playing tricks and laughing, talking to my cute-raven haired friends (who had been caught)and such. i even openede and closed the door once of seven times.

throughout the entire dream, the hood of my cloak kept falling back, revealing my face to people. it was frightening!

after many more scenes, and other weird things, i ended up making so many people happy that the entire school began bubbling over with laughter, and we deafeated evil piggy-man.

oh poor diary, i will be your friend!

now this diary is only partially sad and empty