I figure that writing in this will help me get over the things that are bothering me.
Ok so i have had a shitty couple of weeks.to start of Ben dumped me just over a week ago.he broke my heart into little pieces, i really really cared (still do) about him.he is the only person that it has felt perfect with. he could always make me feel better .it was like when i was with him or when he kissed me n looked into my eyes i would forget all the crap in my life.he was my lifeline for quite a while.My relationship with my parents has been getting worse and worse over the years n he was always there to help me when i had fights with them or couldnt stand it at home which, lets face it was most of the time.Also i told him about this thing i have , over the past year or so i have been seeing really fucked up twisted things , mainly when its dark n i'm on my own.stuff like decapitated bodies , stuff that really messes with my head , i get panic attacks from then and ben was amazingly supportive and helpful when i got them , he made me feel safe.but now all of that has gone , i want him back so much but this is the second time he has dumped me and i think if i got back with him i would just get dumped again.Not that there is any chance of us getting back together now as we had a fight on sunday.basically over the week he wanted 2 talk 2 me and be friends but thats way 2 hard for me 2 do as right now i'm still like in love with him and he doesnt understand that.plus my friend wingk stupidly told him about sumthing that happened last week.basically becuz i was so down n this guy plank was flirtin with me i wanted sum comfort and ended up kissing him and stuff( he ended up using me n is now ignoring me). Anyway my friend wingk stupidly told ben this happened n ben started callin me a hypercrit n stuff n saying i'm an immature little bitch.this really upset me.Then on tuesday i found out my granddad was in hospital , extremely ill , he nearly died n is still veeeery ill now.hes been talking about his funeral n stuff:(.on monday i found out that my ex garaint cheated on me when i was with him , i asked him about it , he admitted it and laughed n walked off , expected me to be fine with him , after me screamin at him 2 fuck off a few times i think he got the point.we are now ignoring each other , well i'm ignoring him n hes just not making the effort to talk 2 me any more. i cant believe he did that to me , he seemed so sweet and dedicated when we went out.that pissed me off alot.Also today plank was like flirting with this girl who knows i got with him n still like him n that he used me.hes an asshole who flirts with every single girl n trys to get with them all , including my best friend but i cant help but be jealous , unfortionatly i do like him.
i think its prob best for me to be single but i miss being loved u know , i am havin serious cuddle withdrawls lol , just need a good cuddle n kiss.

Hmm so as u can prob tell from all this i'm pretty mixed up right now.plus i am worryin bout failen college.i'm just glad i got my friends laura (blunt) and eddie to help me thru it , they both been amazingly supportive.Right now i think i need to go out n hav sum fun instead of stayin inside n dwelling on things.Anywhoo i should stop writing now , feel bit better for getting stuff off my chest tho lol.