Gemma...
It's been five years,
I've left you in fear,
Abandoned you,
Even though our love was true.
I can't forgive myself for it,
I've been swallowed by regret.
I miss you alot,
I love you with all my heart.
If I am to be condemned,
It's because I left you in hell.
I wonder how you are,
Everytime I wish upon a star.
Please forgive me,
And my treachery...
- Dedicated to Gemma...
As you Were
If you take the time,
You would see,
That was all just memories.
In that time that I loved you,
I never said anything untrue.
I told you I loved you,
I did not lie.
It was only a sacrifice.
I stood there confused,
Beaten, brokedown, abused,
I didn't know what to do.
I just did what I thought was true.
It was something you earned,
When I loved you,
As you were...
- Dedicated to my ex, Rebecca
Unnamed Love
Someone help me,
Is there no release?
I feel for someone,
Yet I fear I will be shunned.
I can't let it go unsaid,
I don't want to feel dead.
There must be some meaning,
Or my soul wouldn't be screaming.
It screams with pain,
The price of no gain.
The price of unnamed love.
- Dedicated to a close friend of mine...
Mercy
The pain is too great,
I need a clean slate.
A chip in a diamond,
A thorn on a rose,
Believe what you will,
Just grant me repose.
I regret what I've done,
Take back what I've said,
Why must I feel,
That my soul should be dead?
Is there someone?
Is there noone?
Must you destroy,
What left I enjoy?
You whom looks down 'pon me,
Will you ever show...
Your mercy?
Alle unser Fragen sind antworten auf unser seunden.
Alle unser Enden warten zu beginnen.
-
All our questions are answers to our sins.
All our endings are waiting to begin.
So my friends, it appears that I have time to write once more. Have you ever wanted to give up on one thing, then find yourself wanting to give up on everything? It's horrid, ain't it? An endless spiral of decay, really. Especially when it's an aspect of life...The thought, I guess, is "If I give up on this, why should I continue elsewhere?" Sometimes I wish I was born to be one of those supposedly 'talented' athletes. But then I get to thinking, If I was, I wouldn't have touched as many lives as I have in this life. And that is more important to me than almost anything else...And I've come to accept that if there's one purpose to my life, it's to help the people I care for. It's hard sometimes, though...
"The cold, unforgiving touch of pain...It reaps havoc within my soul...It tears me to pieces...It thrives on my despair, and vanquishes all hopes...It strives to drive me down...It lives to see me die...To fight it would be a one-way trip to madness...The hatred-stricke
Ah, how poetic I used to be...
It's been some time since I've posted a diary entry. Time for some rennovations..
Well. How shall we start this?
I know.
I've recently acquired my ACT results. First time I've taken it. I think the scores are good.
English: 27
Mathematics: 21
Reading: 24
Science: 20
In Oklahoma, I need to get better than a 19 in order to not have to take remedial classes in College...I guess I'm good to go in that aspect.
Ah, and then there's that story I'm writing. I've created a Wiki page about it; Project : Black Dragon. It's still in it's developing stages...
I should probably also state that my girlfriend is gone. Long gone, broke up awhile ago...
Well, I gotta go. I'll post something else later.
The cold, unforgiving touch of pain...It reaps havoc within my soul...It tears me to pieces...It thrives on my despair, and vanquishes all hopes...It strives to drive me down...It lives to see me die...To fight it would be a one-way trip to madness...The hatred-stricke
I'm glad I'm not a suicidal person...*shak
Fuck him.
Fuck her.
Fuck them.
Fuck it.
Fuck this.
Fuck that.
Fuck everything.
Fuck the world.
FUCK YOU!!!
More lyrics...
"I'll be coming home,
Just to be alone;
Cause I know you're not there,
And I know you don't care;
I can hardly wait,
To leave this place;
No matter how hard I try,
You're never satisfied;
This is not a home,
I think I'm better off alone;
You always disappear,
Even when you're here;
This is not my home,
I think I'm better off alone;
Home, Home...this house is not a...Home, Home...This house is not a home.
By the time, you come home;
I'm already stoned.
You turn off the tv,
And you scream at me;
I can hardly wait,
Til you get off my case;
No matter how hard I try,
You're never satisfied;
This is not a home,
I think I'm better off alone.
You always disappear,
Even when you're here;
This is not my home,
I think I'm better off alone
Home, Home...this house is not a...Home, Home...this house is not a home..."
Three Days Grace -- Home
Some idiots called me a "wuss" today, because I wouldn't talk to them. My reply?
"I'm a wuss because I choose to ignore the pompous shit that continuously spews from your overused mouth?"
...Joyful silence ensued.
Almost everyone in my second hour, Keyboarding, is a complete dumbass...Don't take a keyboarding class unless you know how to use a computer!! --;;; I could teach that class with all limbs tied behind my back and my own teacher would need all four limbs plus a few extra just to pull it off. Pathetic!!! he can't even use a computer the right way, and yet he insists to try and "teach" us about how to type. So far, Every day, I've been pissed off because of that class...Might as well have a mass idiot convention right in that room. --;;;
More lyrics...
"Burn me alive inside...Livin
Disturbed -- Prayer
I have just been recently told by my psychologist that I am "On the brink between Advanced and Genius, and slowly edging your way towards Genius". That's one hellova wake-up call. *Laughs.* I'd like to see the the fuckers' faces back home when they hear. -.o; *Cackles.* that's what he told me. I'll be taking an actual IQ test soon, hopefully, so I can actually find out.
More lyrics...
"Waiting, For your martyr; Messiah, Take away all the hatred, that darkens the light in your eyes, still awaiting night..."
Disturbed - Liberate
More lyrics...
"They say freak...When you're singled out...Well the red...It filters through...; So lay down, the threat is real...When his sign, goes red again..."
CheVelle - The Red
I've been overwhelmingly pissed off today...The littlest things are trying to push me off the edge into insanity. Such incompetent fools...and so many of them! Everywhere I look, there is always someone saying something incredibly stupid. The only thing I can do is withhold it and think of Rebecca...
More lyrics...
"You have come here from all over the world because society has no further use for you. This place, will now be your holding land until your death...I'm very good with this business, because I make all the rules; and if you break any of my rules...You'll find that there is life after death."
Godsmack - Intro to Immune
More lyrics...
I ask you twenty more times, Don't you hear a thing? You're testing my patience again, Careful for your sake. Take a walk with me there, And I'll show you pain; But who said you can open up your mouth?
Godsmack - Stress