Forbidden

Intricacies of forbidden emotions,
Hidden within a shell of torment,
The key to the lock of an enigma,
Rests in the heart of the unexpected.
Only thye whom perform habitual wordings,
Can release the tormented soul from within.
To realy on them, however, could be a deathwish,
As unexpected revelations spark events of shock.
Believing within this entity for confidance,
Wishing for an appropriate interpretation,
He whom is tormented shall break the wall,
the barrier which separates truth from fantasy.

Pain

Ah, pain;
Always precedent,
Horrid and decadent,
Ravishing our hope,
All of our delight,
Taking all things but our plight;
Blocking,
Everything that brings light;
Nothing left;
Nothing but the blight;
controlling;
Destructive;
Overwhelming.

Truth

When in doubt, they always say,
"Wait until the time is right,"
But they never gave away,
When the right time is in light.
As I hold your hand in mine,
I hope right now is true;
And that our fates may entwine,
When I do say, "I love you."

It's been nearly three months now. I don't think I've ever been happier. Perhaps in some twisted way I was meant to come to Oklahoma and to meet these people.

Future.
Friends.
Love.

Everything I've ever wanted.

People wonder how us whom are/have been overwhelmed with depression feel. Well, while helping a fellow comrade with their own feelings, I realized that some things I said can help explain:

"It's a pain that can only be understood once felt. Something that burrows so deep inside your heart and soul that it seems nigh to impossible to even think of a day that you could ever be happy. It came less than an inch to sealing my fate with a sharpened and serrated blade. I really don't know how I escaped. But somehow I did, though there is always that nagging blade just barely piercing my soul, reminding me of the despair that I've felt and the pain that I've been put through."


Even if it's only mildly satisfying... if everyone, just once, could feel the pain that we've felt/feel, maybe they could understand...

Elation holds no grounds to how I feel right now...May God bless us with happiness...

Job interview today...I don't know if I actually want to be hired...I can only do my best.

It's been so long since I've roleplayed...I really want to be Wraith again...It's almost like a drug...But perhaps a good one? The expressing of creativity and the inner personality...

*Cough.*

I feel like the butt end of a bad joke. 'Think I caught a cold.

Been reading Tom Clancy's Net Force : Point of Impact recently. It's a good book: Very interesting, has a good plot. I'm thinking about reading the entire collection...Lot of reading to do.

A world of exclusiveness but full of inclusiveness...The line between normal and abnormal, but yet no true classification...Just what we believe. A finicky generation we are. We'll pass one off as unimportant just on a base assumption that they are different because of the way they dress, or the way they look. I really wish to know the reason why we've become so horridly biased. I exclude noone - not even myself - We all do it. And anyone who says they don't and/or haven't, is downright lying. Sometimes it's impulsive...But should it be that way? Does it have to be that way? It's sad, really...

Christmas spirit...During Thanksgiving weekend. What in the world is America thinking?

Ah, well. What's someone going to do?

All I have to say is: Thank God for Music.

And here we are again...Just a few days away from the feast. There's been a shift in the intricacies of the soul...It seems rather empty, yet the anguished screams of sorrow have quieted down...It's rather peaceful, really. I'd venture as far as to say that it's one step away from "Nirvana" as the monks would say.

On a darker note...Must there be such incompetence in this world? Truely one would think they are going too far when a person says they'll tear their head off if they touch them and yet, the person insists on trying to hug the other...The tone alone should have been enough to instill limitations upon the fool. And others wonder why the moron is so hated...Much less, why we call the person a moron. Ah, well...It's not my fight...Not yet, anyways...

A lighter note; soon, hopefully, I will be taking lessons on how to play a Bass guitar. I just need to find a cheap acoustic to practice with and then I'll be good to go...

On a more random note: Mudvayne consists of a bunch of psychos. Just watching the music video for "Dig" will prove such.

Well...I've had my rant, my enlightenment, and my randomness...What more is there to say? Maybe the week will hold interesting. Two 22 lb. turkies for only four people...My parents are...odd.

And here we are again...Just a few days away from the feast. There's been a shift in the intricacies of the soul...It seems rather empty, yet the anguished screams of sorrow have quieted down...It's rather peaceful, really. I'd venture as far as to say that it's one step away from "Nirvana," as the monks would say.

On a darker note...Must there be such incompetence in this world? Truely one would think they are going too far when a person says they'll tear their head off if they touch them and yet, the person insists on trying to hug the other...The tone alone should have been enough to instill limitations upon the fool. And others wonder why the moron is so hated...Much less, why we call the person a moron. Ah, well...It's not my fight...Not yet, anyways...

A lighter note; soon, hopefully, I will be taking lessons on how to play a Bass guitar. I just need to find a cheap acoustic to practice with and then I'll be good to go...

On a more random note: Mudvayne consists of a bunch of psychos. Just watching the music video for "Dig" will prove such...But I still love their music.

Well...I've had my rant, my enlightenment, and my randomness...What more is there to say? Maybe the week will hold interesting. Two 22 lb. turkies for only four people...My parents are...odd.

Gemma...

It's been five years,
I've left you in fear,
Abandoned you,
Even though our love was true.
I can't forgive myself for it,
I've been swallowed by regret.
I miss you alot,
I love you with all my heart.
If I am to be condemned,
It's because I left you in hell.
I wonder how you are,
Everytime I wish upon a star.
Please forgive me,
And my treachery...

- Dedicated to Gemma...

As you Were

If you take the time,
You would see,
That was all just memories.
In that time that I loved you,
I never said anything untrue.
I told you I loved you,
I did not lie.
It was only a sacrifice.
I stood there confused,
Beaten, brokedown, abused,
I didn't know what to do.
I just did what I thought was true.
It was something you earned,
When I loved you,
As you were...

- Dedicated to my ex, Rebecca

Unnamed Love

Someone help me,
Is there no release?
I feel for someone,
Yet I fear I will be shunned.
I can't let it go unsaid,
I don't want to feel dead.
There must be some meaning,
Or my soul wouldn't be screaming.
It screams with pain,
The price of no gain.
The price of unnamed love.

- Dedicated to a close friend of mine...

Mercy

The pain is too great,
I need a clean slate.
A chip in a diamond,
A thorn on a rose,
Believe what you will,
Just grant me repose.
I regret what I've done,
Take back what I've said,
Why must I feel,
That my soul should be dead?
Is there someone?
Is there noone?
Must you destroy,
What left I enjoy?
You whom looks down 'pon me,
Will you ever show...
Your mercy?

Alle unser Fragen sind antworten auf unser seunden.
Alle unser Enden warten zu beginnen.
-
All our questions are answers to our sins.
All our endings are waiting to begin.

So my friends, it appears that I have time to write once more. Have you ever wanted to give up on one thing, then find yourself wanting to give up on everything? It's horrid, ain't it? An endless spiral of decay, really. Especially when it's an aspect of life...The thought, I guess, is "If I give up on this, why should I continue elsewhere?" Sometimes I wish I was born to be one of those supposedly 'talented' athletes. But then I get to thinking, If I was, I wouldn't have touched as many lives as I have in this life. And that is more important to me than almost anything else...And I've come to accept that if there's one purpose to my life, it's to help the people I care for. It's hard sometimes, though...

"The cold, unforgiving touch of pain...It reaps havoc within my soul...It tears me to pieces...It thrives on my despair, and vanquishes all hopes...It strives to drive me down...It lives to see me die...To fight it would be a one-way trip to madness...The hatred-stricken stench of heartless sorrow sharpens its blade to strike a final blow..."

Ah, how poetic I used to be...

It's been some time since I've posted a diary entry. Time for some rennovations...I've written some childish things. Almost shameful...

Well. How shall we start this?

I know.

I've recently acquired my ACT results. First time I've taken it. I think the scores are good.

English: 27
Mathematics: 21
Reading: 24
Science: 20

In Oklahoma, I need to get better than a 19 in order to not have to take remedial classes in College...I guess I'm good to go in that aspect.

Ah, and then there's that story I'm writing. I've created a Wiki page about it; Project : Black Dragon. It's still in it's developing stages...

I should probably also state that my girlfriend is gone. Long gone, broke up awhile ago...

Well, I gotta go. I'll post something else later.

The cold, unforgiving touch of pain...It reaps havoc within my soul...It tears me to pieces...It thrives on my despair, and vanquishes all hopes...It strives to drive me down...It lives to see me die...To fight it would be a one-way trip to madness...The hatred-stricken stench of heartless sorrow sharpens its blade to strike a final blow...