[Shooting Star Shadow]'s diary
Softly we tremble tonight,
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in site,
I said I'd never leave you'll never change
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me….
We made plans to grow old,
believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse are we the same people as before this came to light?
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me…
You must live for me too'...
For me too...yeah, yeah…
You said that you would die for me…
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me…
My college schedual is
[Tuesday/Thursday]
CJ130T1 7:00 am
CJ140T2 9:00 am
MTH110T 11:30 am
CJ150T4 1:30 pm
[friday]
My Only Class WooT Woot
PDC111F3 11:30 am
Written about Saturday 2006-07-15
Written: (6706 days ago)
to save everyone from being stupid, and making a fool of yourself by calling the wrong cell phone, I have my old one back so it'll be alright to call that one
eh did it this morning to keep myself occupied and just kind of felt like getting it off my chest
Could It All Be Over?
The halls are empty.
They still smell of students.
The books they carried through the years.
Bookbags and extra gym closthes make it seem like it is a new home
Could It All Be Over?
The Halloween costumes through out the area.
Teenagers having that one last taste of childhood within those halls.
The doors did shine with glitter and lights from the many designs as the Christmas holidays arrive.
The desk once in rows as if they were the band sweeping the field.
Now stacked on piles until time comes around once again
Could It All Be Over?
The first year seems like a lifetime.
A routine down and classes are learned by the end of the second year.
Three years of memories, slowly and secretly haunted by a single thought.
New friendships sprout were old ones fade.
Hearts are broken by love and yet they still go on.
Could It All Be Over?
The time has come to walk the final walk.
Two colors divide but all have one goal tonight.
Could It All Be Over?
Just think if it was over then time would seem like it has stopped.
Celebrating and mourning all are apart of the final day within these halls but to be honest things are never truely over :)
Was Messing around with ruins and got this
The Cross spread is used to plot the arc of your life and the forces acting on it. It is the most popular spread, giving a very complete view of the situation. Jade Runes are most commonly used for questions about love, friendship, and relationships.
The left rune represents an important element of the past. Isa is the rune symbolizing Ice - cold, stagnant, frozen, and unchanging. This rune suggests heat removed not just from anger or conflict, but from passion as well. Paradoxically, Isa conveys images of slippery slopes and unsure footing, but also of circumstances that have crystallized and become utterly immutable. Remember that in the cold north, ice is not just THE challenge to be overcome, but the very nature of the environment. Be courageous, for you work against this element every day. Will you fight alone or with others against this, our common foe? Is there much worse than lack of change?
The middle rune represents a deciding element of the present. Thurisaz represents a thorn, the most basic of barriers to our boon or our bane. In the case of hedges, thorns protect our encampments from that which skulks towards us from the outlands. In the case of rosebushes, thorns keep us from beauty. Though thorns are passive and have no thoughts, they puncture, tear, and may even be poisonous. Hence, this rune may also represent irrational violence and anger.
The top rune represents a force that works for you. Perth is the rune of chance and gambling. Throw the dice, read your fate. Gaming is a fine way to pass the night...as long as one is careful. Games of chance have outcomes that are hidden from us, and as such Perth represents secrets unknown. Perth symbolizes enjoyment and wild abandon, but be watchful, for Perth is also the rune of mystery and the outcomes unexpected. You cannot lose if you do not play, but neither can you win...
The bottom Rune represents a force that works against you. Ansuz refers to a god or the spoken word of God. It is the voice of reason, law, prophecy and truth. It is the truth heard in the wind. This rune represents wisdom obtained or knowledge delivered. It is the rune of absolute good advice and true council - the message we all must strive to hear.
The right rune represents the critical element of the future, at the core of the final outcome. Laguz is the most strongly feminine of runes, representing water. Deep sexuality is suggested by this rune. Through Laguz, water is seen as the ocean - vast, uncontrollable
Written about Thursday 2006-06-22
Written: (6728 days ago)
ay matie, i got a cell phone that i'm using till i get mine back the number is 419-852-4148 even though no reads these, but yea call me and if i don't reckonize the number then i'll assuming it's someone from here just make sure ya let me know who ya bloody are at the begining, but i'm off yo ho
Ever just have one of those nights that you wish that you could just stop time and completely up and leave what's going on and go find something that isn't as bad as the time at the moment is?
Heres something for everyone to attempt to figure out because i can't, for some odd reason i can't sleep, every time i get to sleep about 10 or 15 minutes later i end up getting hurt and end up waking up...and no one is doing to me, so far i figured i'm doing it in my sleep, but i'm not getting why or what's with the injuries....so far i've got a sore chest, messed up knee, a messed up elbow, and i just added a busted up fist and a new scar on my head from my desk about a half hour ago....so if you can honestly figure out what's wrong then let me know before it ends up getting worse
I guess the word friend only means that they are someone to treat like shit until you're b/f or g/f are gone then they come feed on you like a damn virus... well it stops here i want NO friends, i don't want a thing from anyone ever....so fuck off for good
"Rooftops"
When our time is up
When our lives our done
Will we say we've had our fun
Will we make a mark this time
Will we always say we tried
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody Scream your
All the love i've made
I have no regrets
If at all it's now i'm sad
Will we make a mark this time
will we always say we tried
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody Scream your
Standing on the rooftops
(Wait until the bombs drop)
This is all we got now
(Scream until your heart stops)
Never gonna regret
(Watching every sunset)
We'll Listen to your heartbeat
(All the love that we found)
Scream your heart out [x42]
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody Scream your..
I lost a good friend this week because of some oddly fucked up shit, but all i know is that we had 3 years together and yet it ended in the matter of 3 days... but my biggest thing is i never could openly admit it but i was truely in love with her, in the past three days i've cried 3 times walking around town, fell asleep on an photo albium that she did for me with the page being on an old card she made for me, but tonight was what killed me, we went to the fountain and sat around, i wanted to tell her that i honestly loved her and that even though i know better i wish i still had a chance to be with her. and the fact that i didn't want to let her go for anything.....t
God i'm trying really hard not to kill someone's mother, she treats her kids like they are her own personal servants, she has guys rotating in and out like a stop light changes, The fact that she makes promises to get shit and then will turn around and bold face lie about the fact that she said it....mix this with the fact that my stupidity fucked me over again with mayfair and plus other past events i'm to the point of just killing something or someone(most likely someone) god this is pathetic I can't get out of this hell hole, and i can't save my friend's from it either so why do i even bother trying anymore
I need help, i mean something is seriously fucked up with me, i can't sleep at night because im afraid of something that's not even there, i can't stand being around myself, i mean i know deep down im gay and yet i hate myself for it and for the fact that i let it get to me that im different, I hate the fact that i'm almost deadly afraid to try anything knew, mayfair is here for the next to weeks and i chickened out of actually helping because i was afraid to make a pathetic ass out of myself, i constantly fight with everyone i talk to anymore if it is a conversation that last more then about 2 minutes, i'm constantly sick, i never eat, i've had enough suicide thoughts in the past week to give everyone on my friend's list at least 2, what i'd really love to do is make an outfit for another rens fair that happens around here but i don't have any ideas or any way of doing it, not to mention the fact that i would like to get my head cleared of all this damn suicide shit
Written about Wednesday 2006-05-17
Written: (6764 days ago)
stole this from [Angelic nightmares] and figured i'd put it here because it's the truth
I guess I owe a few people an explination to what's going on if most of you actually noticed lately I have been giving new meaning to phraise like "my life is a walking piece of shit" and random ones like this one, so i figured i'd explain everything,
1. first of all i leave for college in not even 3 months and the fact that i'm not ready to leave, and i don't want to end up leaving everyone i knew and spent the last 4 1/2 years together with.
2. lately my mom and the pig have been doing alot of fighting and it's just getting to be to much shit because most of the time it's over my shit that they fight over.
3. i've been questioning my sexuality ALOT lately and alot of people have been catching me at the horrid times during the day so i come off as an asshole, i am sorry for this.
4. I'm beating myself up over the way i look since it's majorly my fault to why i think and feel like shit, if anyone knows the story of my dad and what he tried then ya know why i had to get like this and now i got there and don't need it i can't get rid of it.
5. speaking of the dickless wonder, my nightmares have been coming back which means i haven't been sleeping again so im exhausted to the point of no return and most likely will pass out before the week is over.
there is a little more then this mostly about my shoulder blades and spine bothering me again, thanks to the nightmares.
Would love to congradulate the very sweet couple, as of last Saturday they are engaged, but due to certain personal reason's your not getting the names so bite me and :P",
by the way just to let emma and kay if they read this i did fuck my arm up when i feel because i am in alot of pain every time i move it a certain way, and no one is to find out why i got a messed up arm unless they ask me!!!!!!
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-16
Written: (6765 days ago)
time for another rant -watches as everyone runs away and then shrugs- well i was roaming the free and wild pastures of ET's random houses and i came across alot of profiles that like the second or third thing said i was this religion, and i was that religion......
-listens to the crickets slowly fade as they run away- they always run v_v'
Written about Wednesday 2006-05-03
Written: (6778 days ago)
alrighty this week is going to be hell since prom is friday night and im not bloody going so if ya wonder why i seem off it's because im seriously messed up at the moment but i'll be fine when the week goes by, and read my thing below this people and comment
You were always the one I turned to for help when life seemed like hell was slowly choking the life out of me. When I let my heart go out to someone and then they threw it at back at me you were the one that was there for me. I used your shoulder to cry on and to wipe the burning tears of a heartbreak. We spent alot of time together during our lives, from when we were out by the waterfall to the time that we were huddled up together out in the field instead of wasting time in a school building.
The first kiss i ever had that was love felt was to you. You were my first everything and always will be the first person that i ever think of when it comes to ever needing a protector from pain. I put alot of claims to be your body guard, and to be your guardian angel when deep down I always knew that you were the one that was really protecting me from myself and the world.
When I ranted my nonsense you were the one to listen. When I held the knife to my wrist you image was what prevented me and gave me strength to remove it. You may never read this, you may never want to read this, even if you never want to hear all this from me for you believe that you would actually cry from this.
Just do me two big favors and those are simple remember that you're always an angel to the ones that truely get to know you so don't forget it. As well as the fact that you will never be lost you may seem to think so but deep in your heart you know what is to be true and honest, so follow your heart and when you seem a bit distracted from seeing what it truely says then i'll help guide you from the other side of life for no death can be permanet for the fact that death is another adventure just waiting to happen and those of us that follow this adventure are the ones that will show the ones they love to their true happiness in life!
all my problems enjoy, someone pissed me off so i told them because they wanted to know so like i said enjoy
wanna know what i need help with, i need help with the fact that even if someone is fucking telling a joke that i have to everything serious, the fact that i hate every ounce of my body because the fact that i sit and look in a mirror and all i see if the monster that beat the fuck out of me slowly forming, i see a scarred freak of nature that doesn't under a thing other then how to make everyone happy but not himself, doens't understand why the fact that im gay inside and out and yet i fell in love with a girl that when i first met her i thought she was a snivalling little bitch that only wanted what she could take from people and now every time i see her all i see is this beautiful, sweet, intelligent girl that can't see what i see thanks to the shit in her past and the fact that i'll be able to every have a life with this person because of the fact that i fucked up and got scared, not to mention the fact that i can't be off on my own because i get to god damn worried that someone is going to get hurt or something is going to end up happening that i wont be able to be there to attempt to fix and the fact that im scared at the fact that everyone is growing up and moving on and they'll end up forgetting everything that ever happened in there life, that is what i am so damn afraid of what has me bothered there so now you know why im so fucked up all the god damn time and to what you said maybe the friend don't want her to get close but would rather instead be part of him instead of getting just close and he is afraid that if he does that she'll turn around and back stab him and the fact that he dont want her being around a monster like his dad was
something im going to put as far as what i believe and i honestly don't care if you agree or not about it, my biggest thing with humanity today are the ones that talk about how they are nothing, to be nothing would be a person that believes in something even if it is a corrupt something it's still makes them a hell of a lot more important then anyone that says that they are something and yet don't do a freaking thing in the lines of what they believe, granted the fact that what im about to say might be off but in a way it's reality and it's a small amount of something but even the half cocked groups through out history that has tortured the hell out of people even are worth more then the people that went through the hell and try to use it as an excuse to get a certain thing or get someone to feel sorry for them, if ya can't tell i am pissed as hell from the fact that im tired of people making claims of being non worthy or nothing when they are worth more then the slime that don't act on what they believe it's why i've never once got pissed at a basher that tried using the bible for an excuse because it's what they believe as to be true,
you think you can trust people with some stuff or at least hope they'd be mature enough to know better, god i swear how many times does it take to ask someone to stop doing something before they do it..example.. someone decided that they would randomly start making out with their b/f right in front of me not once, nor twice, but they have done it for three times and she knows that i can't handle seeing it, and the fact that it makes me sick...to go along that i've been in a depressive state to go along with it so yeah i've tried cutting my wrist with any random object that i'd think had a sharp point to it but so far no go but that'll change......sh