wow, if this week hasn't been stressful. my cousin tries to kill herself. my grandma goes to the hospital twice in two weeks. and my uncle...also my best friend, has to have a blood transfusion and stay in the hospital all week this week.

if you think that i am complaining, and that i want your sympathy, you're wrong. my diary is a place for me to vent. so get over it.

this week i was sent a note from a friend to used to be very close to me. he came over to my house everyday. we hung out, and we talked about everything. i felt that i could trust him with anything and everything that i had to say. i felt comfortable knowing that my secrets were safe inside of him. i don't know, it's kind of hard to explain. but anywho, once he started going out with this girl that i don't like, he stopped coming around all together. It could of been because i was angry at him and because i didn't like his girlfriend. so we didn't talk for the longest time. Two days ago he wrote me a note. to be continued

TO WHOMEVER CARES:

you know what??? have you ever been in a situation where you really like somebody, maybe even love them, but they have a girlfriend already? I am. I really like him. But I have way too much respect for him to even try to mess it up. I am not sure how serious they really are. But I don't think that I could do anything to him that would hurt him. I would probably die. I couldn't bring myself to do it. He is really sweet and sincere. You never find guys like that...not ever. Only in the movies. HOLY SHIT...what am I going to do? I don't know. I guess that I will just wait for it. Somebody told me that if you want something enough, that if you wait for it, it will come to you. I really hope that's fucking true and that it doesn't only prove true with fireflies. lol
A mere laugh in such a depression. A depression that i don't show anyone but me. It's eating me inside. Oh well, I'm sure that I'll survive it. All that i listen to now is "here without you" by 3 doors down. don't know why. i've listened to it 41 times within about 5 days to a week. wow. it just seems to fit...but not perfectly though. nothing's perfect. at least it seems like that.
i'm just so tired of having to put on a smile for everybody. because if i don't smile, people will worry about me and throw me into some rehab therepy center. it's happened before. i wish that i could just be sad sometimes without people thinking, " oh my god...she's going to kill herself, or oh my god, she's depressed"  little do they know that i hate them prying into my life trying to figure out what's wrong. If i wanted to talk about it, i would.

well, i guess i'm probably boreing you now
i'll go
until next time
~sarah~

wow...what a day. My date for the dance turned out to be a fucking bitch. When he told me that he had to work instead of going with me to the dance, i was pissed. but i decided not to show it, and i acted like everything was ok and that i would just go with my friends. i didn't act bothered by it at all. I will not say his name in public on elftown to save his fucking pride. because i'm nice.
but it was so shit
i went out and bought a fucking dress for him...and i never wear dresses. it's so shit
you know what?
FUCK HIM
FUCK EVERYONE
i'll go to the dance by myself
love ya
don't stress over my problems
or your world will suck
thanks for listening
love/hate
~sarah~

hey all
this is sarah. new to all of this elf town shit, so bear with me. i don't even know
i'm kind of just letting you know that i'm out here. well see ya
peace, pills, and refills
sarah