phhhft you all suck!
i want to be alone but cant stand this lonlyness
ahh its happening again im slipping furthur and furthur down when i thought i was coming up again. Why do you have to torment me with your words your thoughs can you not see how it tears me apart. I cant take it anymore so alone knowing that will always be the way for me. This realisation has hit so hard and when it all comes crashing there is noone here to break my hardest fall. Everything and everyone i thought i have is gone there is nothing left but me, and what happens when you are surrounded by someone you dont like? you get rid of them, but i cant get rid of my self, im always here tauning me... if i was to go would you realise that you should have been here when i needed you and that every time that i didnt want to talk and put on that fake smile, would you realise that it was then that i needed you most? And would the poeple i really need to see this really ever veiw it in the way it needs to be seen or will they glance over it and then look to the side pretending that they never saw it never had to deal. And then when i am no more will you comfort yourself with false words of how you did the best you could but i was to lost to be saved? and you may read this and ask me how i am, what is wrong but even if i tryed to explain i no that you wont hear it even if you wanted to... aM i angry for your ignorance you may ask? no i am not angrey but when i leave this hell then dont say i was selfish that i was only thinking of myself, well maybe i had to cos noone thought of me! This may be a pathetic cry for help, i dont no anymore, but dont try to help if you no that you cant, chances are i wont eccept it anyway. That is all i have to say, good night.
i have manged to contain my hate and stop my self from murdering everyone who has ever hurt me which would be pretty much everyone... i always no when i have wronged but sometimes i want to hear people say it so that i can fell that knife pushing deeper into my heart, is that so wrong? i want to feel your hate your anger towards me... it makes everyhting so much clearer, gives reason and rhyme to why i hate myself more than any of you ever could....
liars always land on top. i have never hated anyone as much as i hate her it seriously has a hold on me it is so bad it almost hurts. i try to be there and i am always the one who is left in the cold when it all comes crashing there. i am there for everyone else with no one left to be there for me. but maybe im just being selfish... oh well im sick of caring for you all look after yourself
I dont even no why i bother? try to do the right thing and he wont here of it, this may be my last full weekend in this god forsaken town and i dont even get the curtiosy of one night... why would it matter if i had a new boyfriend i dont matter anyway i never matter... its so frustrating grr is pissing me of and i dont even no what to do about it i no i should forget all about it but it is to hard it fills every part of my small mind its like i cant concentrate on anything else and no matter haw much i try he is always there... why does it hurt me so much that i lost all there compainionship
grrr why do i keep losing everyone i care about i always seem to be betrayed in the worse possible way i wish for just once that someone would be loyal that i would come first... is that selfish i think it is i shouldnt want to be important there is so many more people out there who need love and companionship more than i do but its like i crave it crave the feelings of being wanted. i dont seem to get it that often and when people do finally look past my bad looks they see what a horrible person i am on the inside or they are just not my type it seems there is no one really out there for me and the one who was i have lost him again i cant belive i got him back only to loose him again and not just him alot of my other friends i would do anything to go back in time and change what hapenened... just to hold him in my arms one last time...