"Were I ever granted a flash of expressive power so great that it concentrated all art in me, I would write a eulogy to sleep. I know no greater pleasure in life than that of being able to sleep. The total snuffing-out of life and the soul, the complete banishment of all things and people, the night without memory or illusion, the absence of past and future......"

I am: everyone all at once

I hurt: for every cruelty committed in this world

I want: to learn how to love

I hate: Hate is a figment of an unstable emotional mind looking for something to blame for its own unhappiness.

I cry: just because

I fear: being truly lost

I hope: for peace

I feel alone: every waking moment

I waste: all my energy on endeavors that could be replaced by initiative towards something better than this mediocre routine existence.

I talk: and no one understands the tongue I use.

I break: for yardsales

I watch: people breaking eachothers hearts, locking themselves in their own worlds, and fearing the world around them for the most petty reasons I can imagine.

I remember: not being me

I sleep with: the pleasant notion of a few hours of total and utter silence for my soul.

I hide: Nothing if you ask to see.

I drive: the world into my heart.

I burn: for the chance to see what the whole world has missed.

I breathe: because I live.

I miss: living thoughtlessly

I feel: everything.

I know: nothing.

I dream: of a world where people understand eachother

I await: armaggeddon

I live: for you

I die: for the chance to disappear into oblivion and find true peace and silence.

Je suis dans une phase d'amour pour les films vieux français, en ce moment. J'aime ce film (Les Yeux Sans Visage) plus que Un Chien Andalou ...hmmm...peut-être que non. Peut-être j'aime ce film pour des raisons différentes. Les Yeux Sans Visage est plus moderne que Un Chien Andalou (Les Yeux Sans Visage a été fait en 1959, pendant que Un Chien Andalou a été fait en 1929.), et il a une valeur différente. Dans le film, un professeur veut greffer un visage à sa fille, défigurée dans un accident de voiture dont il est responsable. Ensuite, il effectuer des greffes de peau qu'il aura prélevée sur des jeunes filles pour remodeler le visage de sa fille. Christiane (la fille de le professeur) porte un masque semblable qu'on vu dans le Fantôme de l'Opéra (mais le masque d'elle couvre son visage entier - pour cacher sa défiguration horrible).

Je le recommanderais sans doute à quelqu'un - surtout les fanatiques de droits d'animal, puisqu'à la fin du film, la fille libère tous les chiens sur lesquels le professeur faisait des expériences. Les chiens mutilent alors son visage quand ils fuient de la captivité. Le film vraiment fait on regarder l'expérimentation scientifique sur les animaux de la perspective de ces animaux.

C'est un film fantastique...si vous aimez les films vieux/classiques.

~Декс*

People are funny funny creatures...

We've all gotten messages from those sad lonely people on elftown - the ones who are terribly starved of sexual gratification...One of them messaged me and asked if they could ask my opinion on something...And then they asked how I feel about cybering......

Says I: "lol, How did I know it would be something of that brand?

Frankly, I think real life is much more satisfying. Cybering is well and good when you're 13 (or 64...or terribly malformed or disfigured) and can't find gratification outside the bounds of your right hand, but it's not nearly as much fun as the person to person, one on one (or however many you like), physical experience. I promise, I'm probably hornier than you are a vast majority of the time, but I love sex too much to pervert the idea with silly imitations like "cybering." Cybering isn't sex. It's a vice for people who can't find anything else.

Does that work?"

...I'm still waiting for a response...

~Dex*

somehow, I believe these entries are becoming more and more scarce....

Yet again, I can't sleep....I managed 30 glorious minutes, but I'm still horridly drained. Grr...I think I would lob off my left arm if it meant some real rest...lol, even if it was shock/bloodloss induced....

....I think I'll go watch some more Brazil....

~Dex*

Lets see...This is my public (in a very buried-under-the-masses-of-more-popular-websites sort of way) cry against things that anger me in vicious, ass-wrenching ways....

Fuck walmart employees who think it's some kind of display of boldness and authority to sit around and leave me hanging for an hour over a god damned price check. Customer service DOES NOT mean "lets all stand around and make everyone wait for a half hour at a time, and see if they still have a smile on their face afterwards." (and to further quote one of those bitchass popular websites) "If I could moser you, I would eat nothing but bran cereal for three days first." There's probably a reason you're making substandard cash a year. I don't feel like dealing with your compensation for your incompetence. Being a bitch doesn't make up for your stupidity.


Fuck political bullshit. I'm tired of seeing mindless losers on TV asking, and answering questions about stuff that won't matter a year from now. If it's going to bog down my gorey TV shows, and mindless absorption of commercials, and advertisements, it better be something a whole hell of a lot more memorable than a group of whiny fucking under-informed press morons throwing further misthought-out questions at any political leader as if it were vital information. It better be important...I don't want to be reminded of the stupid masses that are allowed to be broadcast over television for all to see. If it's on every local channel, it better be because a fucking bomb is going to fall on my house.

Fuck that wasp trapped between the blinds and the window pane. Just give up and die already!

Fuck child protection programs used to filter porn sites and bad words out of the websites your children view. I wish parents would just let go, and help speed up the world wide decadence in morality. I promise, it's going to get YOUR kids too, no matter what you do. Your puny efforts at preserving your childrens' innocence is futile and really, really annoying. They're going to learn about cocaine, anal sex, and bad words despite your best efforts....unless your best efforts happen to be locking them up in a sound-proof, people-proof bubble for the rest of their childhood. The children are fucked. Get over it.

Fuck you, US Airways for costing one of my only close human contacts 200 extra quid for your mistake.

Fuck weird, clingy, fake people who have nothing better to do with their lives than work extra-special hard to impress people they probably won't know for more than 12 hours. You're the reason I've been staying in...A LOT.

Fuck you, tasha's friend from the burn-out party on Marks. You're a bitch...even MORE so than I am. I wish someone would anally rape you with an aluminum baseball bat. Someone needs to shut you up.. I'm tired of hearing about your "mad" connections, and you're dumbass brother and his "mad" cash. I wish you would fall off a cliff, or become permanently incapacitated. Burdens like you should not be allowed to wander freely in public places. I hope you never reproduce.

Fuck you, spam whores. NO! I don't want to enhance my sexual pleasure by enlarging my penis with your million-dollar wonder pill. I'm penis free, and happy that way. I don't need your disturbing, money-grubbing e-mails. Besides, even the thought of such intercourse makes me want to vomit lately. Stop clogging my inbox.

Fuck popular wannabe-underground websites. I'm sick of goth websites that pretend to be anti-mainstream. You're no more original than Avril Levigne. Rotten dot com (*) was original, all you following mimics aren't. Everything with remote public appeal goes mainstream, therefore you can't be popular and anti-mainstream at the same time. Just kill that trend already!

And finally...

Fuck all "sk8er" chicks and dudes, and anyone else who wears something as silly and disgustingly adolescent as an "anarchy" symbol. What are you people trying to say? Teenaged rebellion is one thing, but being a total moron is something else entirely (trust me, I know from experience). Fuck you harder than everyone else put together.

bah, fuck it...

"Fuck everyone else too."

I think I'll go eat some cookies now...

~Dex*

Well.....it's a million o'clock and I can't get to sleep.

hehe, "The diary is sad and empty" says elftown...Maybe my finally writing in it is a rebellious act. ITS NOT SAD AND EMPTY, I TELL YOU!!!

Ok, enough of that...

In the meantime, I'll search for FWD questionaires and fill them out here...

~Dex*