"The Diary Of Jane"

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No!

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

I actually dont care if you think Im emo for saying this.. but its how I feel.. so if you have anything negative to say about what I write here... dont bother messaging me.

I guess Im just a complete fuck up in my life..
I tell someone that I love them... It gets thrown in my face...
Nice isnt it...
It actually hurt a lot....
I told her it was nothing...
like I always have done before..
But she knew that what she was saying
Was slowly tearing me apart..
Cause I really did love her...
For all that she stood for..
Her flaws, her talents, her personality..
To sum it up.. I fell in love with her without my knowing..
But I will always be "Just CJ" to her.. and to everyone else...
Never something more...
It seems that I always start like the wrong girls..
I dont know why..
But her..
She was never one of those wrong girls..
To me she was my world...
I would do anything to be able to call her mine..
But well you can never force someone to love you back
You can never change the way someone feels about you...
You cant change anything at all...
I wish I could go back to the night that I told her that I loved her....
And take it all back...
Because in saying that..
I am pretty sure that our friendship was destroyed...
I tried to cover it up...
Tried to say I didnt say anything at all...
But she heard the words spill from my lips...
Words that should never have been spoken...
Unless under the context of Friendship.. and Friendship alone..
I got fucked up and I actually wanted to ask her out...
But Im glad that I was listening to my Ipod the whole night...
It was painful to see her but not be able to hold her...
She started a tidal wave of emotions to come crashing back...
Ones that I though I would never feel again..
But there she was.. Standing there...
And all I could think about was taking away her pain
Making her laugh and smile that beautiful smile of hers...
She thinks Im not actually in love with her..
But she is sadly mistaken because love means different things to different people...
I hate this feeling of lonelness..
Even though I am surrounded by friends..
I have never once felt the touch of someone...(Not in the sexual way)
Who loved me as more then a friend...
And I wish it was she who would be the one to see...
See the person that I am.. the person that I could become with her...
But alas.. as always and forever more...
I will aways be "Just CJ"

Wow, I love today... Just gettin ready to go to see Evanescence. Its going to be such a blast and I think it would awesome if they played Lithium, that is one of my all time favorite songs. But on to another note, schools goin pretty good... Well besides the fact that I have a psychotic chick comin after me... Its creepy... She says shes in love with me and wont leave me or my friends alone... Ive told her countless times to piss off cause I dont like her in any way shape or form.. If anyone has any advice on what to do... can you please tell me or help me with this. Thanks

Well this is the first time writing in this thing, so I thought I would give it a try. Well right now I am single unless she decides to say yes, I hope she does but ya on to the problem at school. Well in school Im doing ok but we have this stupid lock down at our school because of gang afiliations and now we all have to enter threw one door and thats the one right by the office then when we get in we have to take off our hats when before we had that freedom to wear them where ever. Like we cant even wear them in the halls or anything man it pisses me off cuz my hat is like a peice of clothing if I dont have it on I feel naked :( so ya that is my rant for today have a good one might write another one later but ya dont know if I will or not