[Dark Paladin]'s diary

776976  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-04-13
Written: (6798 days ago)

I dono what to do. the heart is undecided, the mind is split, the body is torn, and the soul is locked. the key is in the hands of the one i love, but that decision is hard to make. she comes in and out of my life, but she never left. she torments me so, but she never picked up a whip. i love her so much, but im so confused. if i give her my heart, will she accept it? if i gave her my life, what would she do with it? she says she loves me, and i believe her, but do i? these are the questions that run through my mind, but will she answer? she has the key, but does she know it? i crossed that line between the battlefields. i changed sides between my own desires and my fantasies. was it the right choice? or did i set my doom? she knows i love her, but does she? if she doesnt, will she tell me? my mind is undecided, and it needs sustanence. will she be that missing piece to the puzzle in my heart? or will she tear the bond apart? have i proven myself to her? or have i shown myself a fool? have i done what was right? did i make the choice that will lead me to salvation? will she be that link that connects the two worlds in my heart? or will she be the hammer that breaks them apart? she could be my life. but will she take that chance? have i shown her too much to send her away? or did i buy more time to play? if this is the game of life, does that mean im winning? or am i so far behind that i cant catch up? what did i do to myself that she can fix? or cant she? i love her. but does she know that? i tell her i love her. does she believe me? will she ever believe me? what will she do? i love her so much i couldnt get rid of her even if i tried. but should i? is she that girl that i have been looking for? or is she just one more heartbreaker on the list? should she know that im curious? or will she think im delerious? what would she do if i gave her my all? take it? drop it? let me fall? or would she love me forever? or only as much as id let her? i couldnt stop her. and i dont want to. but has she even started? i love her. and she might not even know it? will i walk free? never to love again? or will she put me up for ransom? holding me hostage? loving me as long as she can? these questions. my heart. my mind. my soul. my life. she has it all. she is my all. but is she? what will she do with these? my being is in her hands. but does she know? care? want it in the first place? i cant live without her. but will i? could i? should i? will i make the right choice? have i? did i? how can i when i dont know what that is? my heart is torn. moving in three directions. love her. ditch her. go my own way. what should i do? will she help me? love me? give me a peace of mind? i love her. there is nothing else there. sides doubt. not about her. about me. my peace of mind. not to be made easily. but the decision will be made. how and when. i do not know. but i love her. there is nothing more to be said. 

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