Been a long time since I write in here, to long I guess. Life is life, not much we can do but live it. I have lived in a few different states these pass few years. Have moved around exploring life and meeting new people, which is good. I loved living in Arizona, lived on a hill over looking the City of Kingman. Boy what a sight at night, a city surrounded by mountains on all sides. The sunsets were out of this world and sunrise was like a beautiful dream. One night I sat outside on the back porch just watching the moon, it was so large and so close to the earth that, I felt like I could reach out and touch it. Had a battle with a tarantula, the damn spider would not die, kept coming at me determined to get me, so I finally batted it with the broom when it jump at me. That did not kill it, but it did stop it from coming at me again, it just walked away, climbed over the fence and disappeared into the night. Even with the snakes and scorpions and spiders, I loved living there. One bright day while watching my 3 year old niece play in the back yard, a hummingbird came up to me, it stood in front of me just staring, it was beautiful. I later discovered that it was attracted to my top cause it was red. We hung up a hummingbird feeder, and everyday we would watch them come and feed. I saw a double rainbow over Kingman City, one day after a storm, it was beautiful. I miss the house on the hill, the view of the City, the slow pace of life, the feeling of being home. I hope to return there one day if I am able to. Till then I will dream of the place I long to be, the place where I felt so much at home, where even the heat did not bother me. I will hold on to the dream till the day I pass from this world, for it was truly home to me.

Star Mendoza   

Fathers, we all have them, every single last one of us. Some of us are raised with them. Some of us know who our fathers are, while some of us go through life never having met them. Some of us grow up with them and never know them at all, while others meet them for the first time and bond for a life time. I don't remember my father in the early years of my life, he left my mother when I was around 18 months old. For years I thought of my grandpa as my father, he was the only male figure I knew at the time. My mom left when I was two, she followed him to America and with her she brought her youngest child who was only six months at the time. I, along with my two older sisters where left in the care of our grand folks. My oldest sister left for America a few weeks later, while my other sister and I were left behind. I came to meet my father again when I was five years old, I guess by then it was to late. No real bond was ever formed between us, he was a stranger to me and I wanted my real pa to come and get me. But that never happened and I learned to accept that this was my home now and this was my family. But what happens when trust is lost? What happens when a father violates the trust of his own child? What happens when a father crosses the line that should never be crossed? I'll tell you what happens. hate blossoms and anger turns the world black. Trust that was gained is lost forever and fear that it was your fault and that no one will love you because of it, they take over. You learn to steer away from getting caught alone, afraid that others will see you in a different light. Afraid that fingers will point at you, even though you are only 12, and say it happened cause you let it happen. You are the one to blame for what happened! You are a liar, an evil child for making up those stories!!!! I look back now and I laugh, but I am still sad that it happened at all. We lost a lot when trust was lost. We lost years that can never be taken back, never relived and changed for the better. We live with the sadness of what could have been if not for the lost of trust. My father's birthday is tomorrow, and though he has been gone for almost 14 years now, I still remember his day. I have forgiven him for what he did to me when I was a child, even if there are those that to this day think I am a liar. They never know the father that I did, and I am truly happy that they did not, because they would have hated him too. I have forgiven him and I hope that his soul has moved onto wherever it is that his next journey has taken him. I hope and I pray with all of my heart, that his journey is a good one and that he finds love and happiness and learns true trust. I love you dad, I always have, even when I hated you. I wish you peace and love and all the happiness that the heart can hold.  Maybe one day we will meet again in another life and it will be a better one filled with all the love and happiness we missed out on this one. 

Peace and love dad.
Love always your daughter

Borrowed from [someelf], who borrowed it from [Elisha Kelly], who borrowed it from the lovely [Cia_mar] =3

You have to use ONLY 3 words to answer each question. NO MORE, NO LESS

It's harder than you think

1. Where is your cell phone?: Don't have one.

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse?: Not a clue

3. Your hair?: Up in ponytail

4. Where is your father?: Hopefully in heaven

5. Cheesecake? Strawberry Shortcake, yummmmmmmmmmm

6. Your favorite things to do?: Read Anne McCaffrey

7. Your dream last night?: Running, jumping, flying.

8. Your favorite drink?: Water straight up

9. Your dream car?: Drives itself around

10. The room you're in?: My white bedroom.

11. George Bush?: Don't know him.

12. Your fears?: Sun won't shine

13. Nipple rings? Looks down, Ouch!!!!

14. Who did you hang out with last night? Keith, My bestfriend

15. What you're not good at? Living my life

16. Your best friend? Keith the man

17. One of your wish list items? Laptop, fully loaded.

18. Where did you grow up?: Brooklyn, in New York

19. The last thing you did?: Answer these questions.

20. What are you wearing? Top, Shorts, socks

21. Tattoo on the small of a back?: Not yet, soon.

22. Ketchup? On fries, yummmmmmmmmmm

23. Your computer? My Life Line

24. Your life?: Still living it.

25. Your mood? Murky, dark, tired

26. Missing? Meaning Of Life.

27. What are you thinking about right now? What A Waste!!!

29. Your work? It never ends.

30. Your summer? Stormy clouds ahead

31. Your relationship status? Single, not looking/

32. Your favorite color(s): Blue, red, black.

33. When is the last time you laughed? After reading this.

34. Last time you cried? An hour ago.

35. High school? Glad its over. :))

[Artsieladie] has started a new wiki to help writers in Elftown, with spelling, punctuation, grammar usage & the like. It is open to all the writers whom would like help with editing their work. She is looking for others who would also like to help with the editing. If you are interested in helping out, contact her. For those who would like some help go here, Editing Assistance - Elftown.

Kind of blue today, lost someone who I thought was a really good friend of mine. Made me cry cause I really did not expect it. I thought that even though people change, when you are true friends you can work through anything. Guess I was wrong, even friendships that blossom like spring flowers, eventually die. If I had a child, I would have loved my child to be like this friend. This friend held nothing back, told it like it was, gave their opinion even if you did not agree with it. This friend I will miss more then they will ever know. I wish them well from my heart and hope that they have a wonderful life. I want this friend to know that I will never forget them, even if they no longer wish to be my friend. I don't know if they will ever read this, but I had to write down how I felt, its the only way I know how to express myself.

Sad and Confussed Star

Today is a sad day for me, it is the first year that I will spend without my mom, she passed away last New Year's Eve.
I can celebrate the passing of the old year into the new year, but it will never be the same for me.
I will always recall the found memories I have of mom.
Every New Year's Eve she had to have 12 grapes and we all had to have them cause it was tradition.
She use to say, 'One grape, sweet and ripe, picked from the earth, to give you life. One grape for every month of the New Year to fill you with sweetness and full of cheer.'

Her name was Josepha Sanchez, she was the light that held my family together.
Since she has been gone, the family that she so loved has drifted far apart.
For her I shead the tears that I do not normally shead for others when they pass.
She bore nine children into this world.
Married when she was only 13 (a child herself), to a man 10 years her senior.
There marriage lasted a life time, he was the love of her life.
After his death, Mom was never the same.
Though she went on with her life from day to day, she missed him more then life itself
If she could have died when dad did, Mom would have, but she out lived him by 11 years and died at the same age as he did, 71.

Mom I really miss you very much. The long conversations we use to have on the telephone.
The late night calls when you could not sleep and needed just to hear one of your childrens voice
The chinese dinners that you loved so much, even though I did not care for chinese food that much.
The spanish concerts that you use to drag us to, even though we protested that it was not our type of music, we still had a great time
Your laughter and the smile that use to light up your face and make your dark brown eyes glow with life.
The bingo nights that you so loved to go to, even though you hardly ever won.
I miss you Mom, more then I can put into words.
More then I ever thought that I would.

My heart cries for my loss and leaps with joy because I had you in my life.
I look at your picture and smile, remembering the good and the bad times we shared.
I hope to see you again one day Mom, but not to soon cause I still have a lot of living to do.

I hope that you are happy were ever you are.
I love you Mom, now and always, from here to the end of time.
Till we meet again Mom, know that you were loved,
that you are still loved and that you will live forever in my heart.
Hugs and Kisses Mom, and a pinch or two here and there. LOL

Love Always YOur Daughter
Star

I came on yesterday and got the nicest surprise, someone gave me a wonderful Christmas present. They donated funds to Elfpack in my name. I would like to thank whom ever it was that donated funds in my name. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, from the bottom of heart. I wish you the very best in the the new coming year and hope that your Christmas is filled with lots of wonderful stuff.

Stolen from Debbie, who stole it from Lys, who stole it from Ki

A) 4 Names people call you:
1. Shay
2. Tita
3. Shorty
4. Lovie

B) 4 places you have lived:
1. Puerto Rico
2. New York
3. New Jersey
4. Florida

C) 4 jobs you have had in your life:
1. Typist
2. Accounting Clerk
3. Assistant Buyer (Childrens Ware)
4. Nannie

D) 4 movies you could watch over and over:
1. The Fifth Element
2. Resident Evil
3. Ghost
4. Cinderella

E) 4 TV shows you love to watch:
1. Lost
2. Medium
3. CSI
4. Star Gate

F) 4 Places you have been on vacation:
1. Puerto Rico
2. Disney World {Orlando Florida)
3. Finland
4. Fort Lauderdale (Florida)

G) 4 websites you visit daily (or semi-weekly):
1. Elftown
2. Gaia On Line
3. Elfpack
4. The Doll Palace

H) 4 of your favourite foods:
1. Salmon
2. Peanut Butter and Jam
3. French Crepes
4. Chocolate Covered Strawberries

I) 4 things you are allergic to:
1. Cat's (But I love them anyway)
2. Strawberries (Still eat them)
3. Pollen, Dust, Dander
4. Flowers

J) 4 of your siblings names (if you have any):
1. Iris
2. Carlos
3. Jose
4. Rosa Maria

K) 4 places you would love to travel to:
1. England
2. Hawaii
3. Australia
4. Alaska

L) 4 of your pets:
1. Cat (Spooky)
2. Dog (Sky)
3. Love Bird (Bubbles)
4. Hamster (Butter)

M) 4 things you want for Christmas this year:
1. My Own PC
2. My Own Apartment
3. My own Cell
4. Loads Of Games