She finally got a Myspace last night...I was shaking when I heard that...I'm so happy and yet questioning everything...I posted a blog on Myspace about it though and SHE saw it, and this is what SHE had to say "sandy; wow thats actually pretty amazing, i have never in my fucked up life has that ever happened to me"...What am I supposed to say to THAT?! She's so cute and apparently thinks I act cute or something...I think I found my perfect addiction...

It's been awhile hasn't it? Well, things are goin good for me here. I'm goin to a Crue show in August and I'm probably gonna get 2 more tatts in November before I leave for school. I'm not sure yet, I'll have to see how much money I have by that time. I also wanna get my tounge pierced too before I go off for school. I'll just have to save some money up and I got a good paycheck from VS the other night so that's always a good thing...There's someone who's on my mind all the time, but lately I've been basking in the glory of being single and on the market. I've met some amazing and HOT women so it's all good so far, I'm in no hurry now. Although I am a jealous lover. I know she's out in SF. There are other women there. She knows I like her. But I can't help to think "Is she sleeping alone tonight?" and "Is she going on a date tonight?" I'm so much better than any of those bitches out there in Cali.

I crave black faux hawks

I crave a certain lip ring

I crave touch

I crave tattoo needles

I crave city life

I crave knowledge

I crave a beer

I crave sexual tension

I crave sexual cravings

"Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

Letting go is the hardest thing one can do. When you've held onto something for so long, it becomes your respirator. You depend on it to breathe and live. Once it's gone, it's gone. You can't get it back. At one time, I thought someone I held onto for so long would always be there. I was wrong. I realize now, more so than I ever did before, that they were never there to begin with. Life goes on. It has to. I've got so much planned for my life. I have to take control of the wheel. But hell, I'm afraid to give it a lil gas, what if I go speeding? My life is a little slice of Hell that I've created for myself. I let people in that shouldn't come close and I've passed over some really good ones because I was blind to my feelings and I was so focused on my discontentment to realize that the one I cared about, didn't care about me and wasn't even the right one for me. Now I see what people have been saying for the past year. I'm not a weak person, only in love. I was never in love though. Never have been. I don't know why I choose to lie to myself and not just be honest. Well, I'll be fucking leaving in November. And then I'll be leaving anytime 2 years after that. Cali is my main goal. I feel so pulled, so pushed. But why? For what? For WHOM? I'm not sure just yet. I'm getting restless. Hilton Head is so old to me. I crave something new. SOMEONE new. Anything at all that can make me eternally happy. I want to live in LA or San Francisco. By the water but yet in a city. Goddamn I'll miss Savannah, GA and traveling every August to see my family in CT. Maybe I'll still do that. Getting away from here is becoming a drug. I crave it. Things have been sneaking up on me lately. My dreams are so demented lately that I wonder if something is taking over my mind. Leaving to find happiness is all I want. I wonder if I'll find it in a city or in a person in a new city. I don't know. All I know is, I'm ready to LIVE.