wow it's been ages since i wrote in this shit. but i'm feeling good. refreshed and relieved. that past few years have been a long hard road. a drunken blur of a road at that. i recently decided to quit drinking. i'm only 17 days sober but it's a start. i think maybe i'm gonna turn my life around. i haven't had any motivation in along time to do anything different or make any real effort. i've been miserable and full of anger. but hating everything gets old. i'm tired of feeling sick and tired all the time, i'm tired of hating everything and everyone. i'm trying to give up cigarettes to but that's a pain in the ass. and the booze while it hasn't been as hard as i thought so far has still been hard. i can't even look at alchohal in a store with wanting to drink it all. you spend so long living life under the influence whether it be drugs or alchohal or both, it's hard to live any other way. i've been there done that with the drug thing, i gave those up awhile ago. but really for the firs the time i'm looking forward with sober eyes, and the future looks...well at least a hell of alot brighter then it did. all it really took was something to remind me that life isn't so terrible all the time, that not everyone is a selfish prick. so here's to a new life. i'm still darrell, but just happier and sober...

"Pretty Things"
Pretty little lies, destroyed our pretty little lives,
funny how fragile and weak we really are, though we claim
to be jaded, we bleed more then we've ever bled before, we should be blue, we should be dead, pretty little lies, and pretty little lives, wrapped up in pretty little boes, for each other to tear apart and destroy,pretty little tears down your pretty little face, pretty little fears make me breathe at a faster pace, say goodbye to the lie and to my pretty little life..

if i can't fix this
no one will, an empty void with nothing to fill
rot and decay ,destruction and dissary
is all pounding in my head
i scream so loud i could wake the dead
funny thing is i still sleep
stuck in a dream , guess i never played for the right team
not many realized i was never even alive
not many ever knew what i really meant
thoughts don't matter when your face down on the pavement, if i can't fix this , no one will

i'm happy for you, and all the life you live
minus the the love i never got to give
i'm sure i'll be fine in the end
just wake up and realize i have another "friend"
same old story, it's getting weary, it's getting old
repetition as it all unfolds
i'm happy for you and all the life you live
forget about the past, something that brings me joy,
was never meant to last...it's all the same in the end...
and i'm left...as just a friend

i backed my car into a cop car the other day ,well he just drove off sometimes lifes okay , i ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what did i say?!? , well you just laughed it off, it was all ok,and welll all float on ok, well, a fake Jamaican took every last time with that scam, it was worth it just to learn some slight of hand,bad news comes dont you worry even when it lands. good news will work its way into all them plans ~ Modest Mouse

moved my poetry to here

"Take a Breath" by ME


Take a breath, and take it slow,
the lighting fixtures start to glow,
above your head, highlighting your features,
indeph secrets, revealed in a light so low, bruises and scars, from when they beat you,
now I see, this was never about me,
take a breath and take it slow,
i was too blind to see, you were never mine
to keep, when the world keeps you in pain
and so out of reach, so i take a breath, and i take it slow, the tear under my eyes start to show, and once i again i sit in my thrown, only to realize lonlieness and feel oh so low, now your gone, and things are better, without me it all worked, so i take this breath....and for the last time release it slow, as i fade away with the coming of the snow....


"I Dream of Everything" by ME


i have hopes and dreams
burried in everything i've seen
shattered and tried, you think my hope would
of died,push on even though everything seems
to be gone, in a world so cold, finding
light and warmth in your smile comforts me
to an innocent ease,i wish i could be there
with insite to share, so i hope, and dream
once again, and all the sudden everything isn't so bleak and grey,hoping that you'll
be my new hope today, i'm probably wrong,
but i pray i'm not, that this dream is a
reality, and this lonlieleness will fade and
go away, so listen to this, this bored
cliche', won't you hold my hand today


"Burned Out" by me


there's a star up in the sky, and it calls your name to me,i wished upon once, i even wished upon it twice, but it all seems so pointless now, that star up in the sky, burns and fades like the light of my life, it's slowly burning out


now i stare into the sky, but i see no light, engulfed in what we were, obsessed with this fear, the brightness fades to black, and so does my heart, i forgot where to begin and i have no clue where to start


there was star up in the sky, and i can no longer see, i tried to take this back, i tired so hard, but it became so useless now, that black empty sky, shows no sign of your light


now i stare into the sky, but i see no light, engulfed in what we were, obsessed with this fear, the brightness fades to black, and so does my heart, i forgot where to begin, and i have no clue where to start


now i stare into the night, and wonder if your looking back, can you see me from his window, can feel my shawdow breathing down your neck, does he fill this hole in your heart, can you finish what you start, or will everything burn out into the endless night sky, untill you whither away and die

with this same old game we play, day by day it's all the
same, when you're by my side, and when you're not,
tomorrow comes with another fight, just to wait a whole 5 minuets to reunite, wee see through the rumors, we see through the lies, so why does it feel like my life is passing me by?, another endless night, another time I feel like I could die, but it's alright, in the end it's all the same, so just forget the past, let's see how long it'll last, before our appologies become empty, and the broken promises don't mean a thing, just one more day, just more time, till we both say goodbye

my s/b is almost over and it still blows!

hrm haven't written in here in awhile...got a new job...not much else to say but i'm bored