ARRRRRG!!!!!!!!!!!

this is just not fair. he's dead! and i loved him so much!!!!!!

before i freak someone out, i am not crying over a real death, just a fictional death pertaining to Harry Potter and the Order. it's NOT FAIR!!! this just messes up EVERYTHING. not only was i in love with him, so was dezzie, my fanficcie girl, and it all fit together SO WELL. but no, stupid JK had to go KILL him on me!

i don't think my heart will ever mend. and i don't know how my fan fics will. yeah, i guess they could do without him easily, but i don't WANT it to be that way! i am going to go cry again. my literary heart has been broken.

Today I am ok. I'm sad that Pete's leaving tomorrow. There are so few people that are interesting online. And Pete is one of those few neat people that you can talk to daily. but tomorrow he leaves for camp. have fun pete.

i think i will attempt to give up on the internet. well...no, no i don't think i can do that.

but this summer i have a few things planned.

1)For one, I always use the summertime to read. it's the only time i can. This summer, I'm going to read the new Harry Potter book (GLEEEEEEP!), which,for any of you who are living under a rock, comes out on saturday. [quince] and i are going to go dress up and stand in front of the bookstore all night long so we can be the first in line. We're going to hand out harry potter valentines out to utter strangers too. And we;re saving the dumbledore one for the security guard. I'm also going to read the Phillip Pullman series, the golden compass ones.

2)i am going to the Vancouver Island Music Fest, and i am going to Camp out there. [quince] aka Siobhan will be there with me too and we are going to have a blast. Siobhan will find herself a flock of boys with dreads, and I, I suppose i'll find myself an artist, or two,or 3...

3)A job. I swear i'll start looking soon. I need about $400 to get back home (N.S.) on the greyhound. This is planned to be in august...if i have the cash by then. i actually don't intend on getting a job, i'm going to go to the career help center and fid some odd jobs. i think that would be better.

4)apparently i am going to swing by my grandparent's house on the way back, one last time. they are moving out of the orchard. this breaks my heart. it's the orchard i've visited every year for the last 10 of my life. i am going to miss it. and it scares me, because it's what kept them from aging. soon, they're going to live in a senior's community in little houses and they will be gone likely before i ever see them again. They live so far away.

5)The pond. I have to finish it. I have to make the pond before the tadpoles sprout legs. it has to be ready for them to move in. it's coming along, but slowly. and i think i've thrown my back out of shape. But i'll get back to it Monday i think, and i'll start with the gravel...

6)actually, i don't think there is a 6...but 5 is a lot. i'll just try to accomplish those.

funny how people have new years resolutions. i never do those, but i always do summer resolutions. i don't understand why the year starts with January either. It should end with August and start with September. Yes, that screws up the seasons cycle, but it seems more fitting than to start a year in the middle of the coldest time. life cycles start with easy, work through to hard, and then grow back to easy again. it feels like the year should be the same way...warmth and lazyness, followed by the fall, and it gets colder and colder until you think you are going to freeze to death and then before you know it, you have one sunny day out of nowhere followed by growth and you remember the smell of flowers and the feeling of sun on your skin, and you are reassured that you are going to see warm days again. it just makes more sense to me. besides the school year...and at the end of the summer you are starting again. i mean, why the hell does january start a year off?

ok, i am rambling again. TOO much. i think i will stop now and write some useless nonsense that nobody cares to read some other day.

right now, i desperately need to cram for my bio exam tomorrow morning. EEP! This morning! ack! gotta go.

"Poppa i know there's a frog on my toe. maybe i'll call him Jethro"

well, no there isn't one on my toe. not today. but there certainly is a cute little bug on my computer screen. it's late at night, you see, and the room is dark. So he's come over her to join me. he's not much longer than the length of my fingernail and he resembles a lacewig. he's pretty funny, he has long tisklesome antennae and he likes to whoop them around in little bug circles. he gets pretty mad too when i run the mouse behind him on the screen, he gets so confused. now he's making funny little cirles and walking hither and thither. what a riotous little dude.

it's 12:03 am.
must get back to writing up my rat dissection lab (ewww)_

chel, you know damn well it's too late to be up. It's 1:45 am. why the hell are you up? Why are you zipping around on elftown, looking at random profiles when none of your friends are online? Get thee to bed!

that was me...talking to mself. because i am that tired. but tonight, i finally caught on to the pole thing (yeah...i know...it took me long enough) and i made my OWN dumbass pole. now, presently, there's a really dumb pole up there. so go ahead, but i bet in the morning, i'll go look at what i put and think...what the hell? but until then, go ahead, vote.

what exactly is the concept of an online diary? Typing to yourself? There's a reason i didn't join opendiary. not that i want privacy...don't give a shit about privacy, but i can't be bothered to sit here and write about myself. I'd have to be out of my mind to want to sit here and write to myself.

*unrecognized voice* "so she says...mwahahaha"

me:umn...*whimpers* where'd that come from? who's there?

So THIS is where my diary is! silly you chelsea.

so can other people read this diary? i suppose they can. doesn't matter.

feeling ill, i'm at school right now and we just did a rat dissection test. walking around, looking at dead rats with deedles poking out of them spread out on the tables. i feel so sick now, and my nose burns.

but we were let out early and now, i get to sit here and play on the computer. i WOULD chat, but here at my school, there's this bogus red screen proxy server thing that disallows one to look at their OWN ELFWWOD PAGE. i mean, i could understand it if i was drawing elf porn and barely dressed space babes with guns (oh baby oh baby ya), but the thing is, i don't. i draw happy dragons and fae and pink-and-purple-my-little-pony-happy-land stuff. not that that's who i am, but i like colours a lot, so my art tends to look...happy and romantic.

I am, on the other hand, not happy and romantic. i'd like to be romantic and i suppose maybe i am, in a not love way, in a lady-of-shalott-look-how-blue-the-sky-is way.

but i am mostly lonely, sad and depressed. go figure.

at the moment, i am only thinking about the mudhole in the woods and the tadpoles who i am trying to save and set free in a non-polluted zone. because i LIKE frogs. LIVING ones, and i don't care to pull out DEFFENSELESS LITTLE ANIMAL GUTS. my nose still burns. And my newfound allergies don't help.

oh where oh where is siobhan?