I finally got up the nerve to tell adam about all the probablems I've been having lately but eh hasn't talked to me since last night so I have no idea what is going on. Not knowing is almost scarier than telling him.

  I AM SO LOST!!!!!! I am getting so frustrated with school and work and my parents and my boyfriend well the list goes on and on but those are definantly in the top ten.
  It's like at school I'm barely making it and I don't have the will to try anymore. I use to be an A student you know the type of kid that would have a panic attack if I made less than a B on anything but now it's like I just don't care like none of it really matters anymore. I'll be lucky if I even graduate. I might only have one year left to go but it seems like getting through this year is going to kill me.
   I only get to work on the weekends thanks to my parents and it makes it so much harder to even have anytime just to sit down and rest. I have school all week and then I work all weekend and on top of that I'm getting paid minnimum wage so I have to put in 40 hours in two weekends to make enough money to pay for my gas to get back and forth to school and that leaves me with an aqverage of 50 bucks to myself but i never get to go anywhere to spend it so it all goes to what junk food i can pick up in the morning before I have to head to school.
   My parents are very strange people and I don't care what they say both of them are bi polar. It doesn't matter what I do I will never be able to understand why they act the way they do or even get prepaired to deal with it before I have to tell them something that could be potential upsetting. It's like I'm walking into a minefeild and if I'm lucky i'll miss them but more often than not i hit the thing straight on the head.
   Oh and with my boyfriend I don't know what to say. I know deep down he cares about me and loves me more than words could ever say but he just can't tell me. He isn't one of those guys that likes to cuuddle or anything like that but most guys (even the hard headed emotionaly locked guys)let their feelings for the people they love show through sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if he evn has a heart. It's like no matter what I do or say it has no effect on him. I breaks my heart every time I feel like I just want to be held and loved and I have to remind myself that I can't say anything to him because he acts like I'm weird or crazy for saying I want a hug. I have to go "smoke" and sit out side and cry and then when I think I can handle my emotons and not brake down into tears around him I go back inside and act like every things OK. I just can't do it anymore I can't keep hiding my feelings I need to feel love as much as I give it. I try so hard to make him happy and it seems like I fail everytime. I don't know what to do.