haha.
wow, penguins cant touch their balls,
and i think i need to do something with my life thats not sit here in front of a computer screen and say, "i think i need to do something with my life thats not sit here in front of a computer screen and say "i think i need to do something with my life thats not sit here in front of a computer screen and say...

okay, i'm done.
but seriously.
i gots an idea, and i'm gunna do it.

i was in maryland with my boyfriend, and we were on the boardwalk in ocean city (yes, in the snow) and we came across this guy who looked liek he was enjoying himself, and he was (quite obviously) working, cuz he was in his uniform. so we were talking to him, and it was all like

holy crap i've wanted to do this forever, but i gave up that dream. but not that i met one, and theyre not very common...
i want to do it.



im going to be a mounted cop.






















(people who know me know that i might prolly change my mind soon)
lol

: A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
" Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter " answered the wh ispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME ."

when there's nothing left to burn set yourself on fire!

so... today i went to musical rehearsal...
big woop, right? well, it ended at twelve thirty and i didnt know that... i thought it ended at noon, right?
no big deal... right?
well, my mom was there and i told her it ended at twelve thirty and she couldnt come back, she had a lot of stuff to do.
so i went in and i asked mr.durner if it was okay if i went home early, i knew half of hand jive, i could learn the other half on tuesday...
he said it was okay, no big deal. but when i went back into the auditorium to grab my stuf a girl was standing there, not giving names with her arms crossed, looking at me.
"you know what, you're not committed enough to this, you're useless, you dont know any of the dance moves and you dont even know all the words" at this point i'm thinking, okay, well, "born to hand jive baby" its not that hard...
so i looked up at her and said, "okay, well i have to go, otherwise i'm walking home... thats a freaking two and a hlf mile walk down ice slicked dirt roads where people drive 485miles faster than they should."
she just kinda scoffed, "you've never been to a single rehearsal... you never come to rehearsals, whenever i'm there you're not." (thats bullshit, i've only missed one and that was yesterday when i had a family emergency)
i told her this, "nu uh! you're not committed enough to this at all! the only thing you ever find yourself committed to is slitting your wrists, stealing other peoples boyfriends/friends *(yes, my friends she did say 'slash')* and making other people feel bad. besides that, you dont even deserve to be in this musical, you're overweight... thats another thing you're committed to... you're food intake."
i looked at her, my jaw slightly dropped, i had done nothing to her. "i dont kno-"
she glared hard, "you know what i'm talking about bitch, you cant do anything yourself, you just have to ask people for help, why the hell else would DYFS have come to talk to you, you need help with everythin."
i looked over at my friend jerry standing a few feet away, his jaw had dropped as well.
"you know what, u dont even deserve to stay here, just go, and dont bother coming to anymore rehearsals, as far as i'm concerned your not in this anymore."
i just walked away...
she was a friend... A FRIEND!
and she still said all this to me... i'm not saying her name, she happens to have an account on here, so she'll be pissed. what vever...
this happens to be the only thing i am committed to right now... i spend time going over the dance moves in my head, trying to make them better... trying to get better, learning the words, practicing pitch, everything...




i just dont know what to do anymore...

this is for someone who doesnt realize i exist...

I'm sorry
if my boobs aren't big enough to "satisfy" your needs.
I'm sorry
if I'm not skinny enough for you to see my ribs.
I'm sorry
if I'm not pretty enough to be "your girl".
I'm sorry
if I'm not tan enough for you
I'm sorry
if I'm not a playboy model so I can't act like a porn star for you. I'm sorry
If i don't have a dream body that turns you on.
I'm sorry
if im not tall enough.
I'm sorry
if my hair is not long enough.
But most of all...
I'm sorry
that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are

why do people never listen to me...?
i'm only trying to help, and no one takes me seriously...
she didnt mean anything...
she still doesnt
you know who you are, please
just trust me
you never had a problem with her before
you should know she can be the best friend anyone could ever ask for
ever...
i'm lucky to be her friend
and i'm lucky to be you're friend...
but you never listen.
i dont lie
i dont
and she doesnt either.
she never lied to you...
she's only doing what you told her to...
she has a new friend...
is that so bad?????

losten up, please
maybe you wouldnt be so sad as often if you accepted things more often
please, just listen to me this time...


i'm sick...

http://www.crushcalculator.com/content/love/387115624
go to it
its fun to see what will happen ^-^

hahahaha
i just made a username on one of those dating sites
just for the hell of it
and i'm actually meeting some pretty cool people
lol
theres this one guy who lives about 15 minutes away from me and he has wings tatooed on his back
his comment thing says red bull can bite me, lol
its a whole lot of fun
even if you're not single
lol

he would always tap this rhythm on the wall. once, i asked him what it was, and he told me : "its a rhythm that i'll never make into a song." sometimes, i catch myself tapping that same rythm on the desk in class. i'll never do it the same way he did it. he was so passionate about his music, always got so into it. when i sing, i try to find that same passion inside me. but it never shows. he was my passion, he was the hope i founf in my music. but, now that rhythm is all that remains of his unwritten song, that hopeful dream is gone, like it was never here to begin with. his crooked picture hanging on my dutifuly on my wall is what helps give me stranchth, that shadowed image of pain and loss makes me realize, i'm still alive. i'm still here. and if i cant live for myself, i'll live for him.tapping that rhythm on desk in class may help remind him i'm still here, and as long as that remains true, so are his memories. in my heart, he never left, his blood never spilled, his mother never cried, he's been here, leading me. i let him die, i let him leave, but i'll never let him go, not so long as i'm here. he'll never dissapear.

IN MEMORY (FOREVER LOVING YOU)
OF KIR
A LOVER, AND A HATER
EVERYONE'S HUMAN.

i dont want to feel alone anymore... no one knows how fucking tired i am of people lying to me and telling my it's alright, and that it's going to be okay without him. know one knew him like i did, and no one thinks that i miss him... and no one knows that it hurt to even talk about him... STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME!

i am so confused right now, my lifes going complete hell, my brains truning to mush inside my very brain... *sigh* im a mess... i like four guys... FOUR!!! now if thats not enough to mess with someones brain then i dont know what is... one of the guys hates me totally and completely, another one is liked by one of my friends, another one has a girlfriend, and the last one likes me... a lot, but his parents wont let me near him... they think im on drugs and, therefore, a bad influence to their little Robby...

*screams* any one who has experience with this sort of thing... HEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEE!!!!!

it hurts too much to say, but i cant keep it in anymore... and i know that im going to regret saying this, but, my best friend killed himself and i dont know if i can tell anyone... i mean, his name that is. its just that... if anyone knew who he was, then they'd be all like, "omg, i'm so sorry" or "is there anything i can do?"

THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS GET MY FUCKING FRIEND BACK!!!
thats all i want... thats what was on the christmas list i never gave to anyone...
but i know... i know that i cant get him back, and i know that hes now just a fleeting memory...

but i dont want that to be true anymore.

life sux

accually... love sux
i know that so many people have said this and emphasized it... but i just don't get why it has to be so true...
the truth hurts...
a lot of people say that too accualy...
but it's also really weird that the truth can be a blessing and seem like a trip to heaven and back to make all of the bad things seem to dissapear right before your very eyes... and come back to only seem like a talk away from being solved.

but then there also is this... lies may come in a really crappy wrapper that seems to be truth

and by the way...

I KNOW I AM NOT A SLUT!!! THAT IS YOUR FREAKIN LIE IN A CANDY WRAPPED TRUTH!!!

i wrote a poem dedicated to someone... i'm embarassed to say who...

the first light of the moon?
i think of you.
the last until daylight?
i'm thinking of you.
while under starlight?
still thinking of you.
wonderous twilight?
i fell in love with you.
why am i so rejected?
especially by you.
i'v been hated by so many
over and over again
but never by you
never by your gental words
your gental voice,
until now.
i try...
maybe not hard enough
i try to better lives
but i shorten them it seems
why do you hate me so
when i cant leave your side?
i'm governed by your words
you were different from everyone else
not black of heart
nor sour of soul
you were there for me
you werent embarrased to talk with me
butnow
you say
never speak to me again
why?
maye
i was never
worth it
not even from the begining
but now
in the end
i'm begging you
just answer this...
why am i nto good enough
no matter how hard i try
maybe
just maybe
you were to good for me
maybe
you'd be happier
if i were dead
maybe
the world would be happier...

-[scars of winter rain]

today is fethers day T.T my dad's far far far far far far far far away... *~cries~*

I wish i could see him, just to tell him
and maybe
for the first time
call him "dad" to his face

because even though he wasn't there for my whole life
he's there now