Angor

Ok, like I mention in thee description to this page, here I will try to show you how i work out my problems.
It may sound a little weird, but theat's thee way I am, hehe.

I have a really bad concentration, which can make it hard for me to theink about my problems and remember what triggered theem. But somehow when I daydream, my mind seems to work better because I can focus.
And since I have few to talk to, I started having conversations about my problems in my head(theen I don't have to bother random people with them) , mostly with Angor
And it actually helps, now I remember allot of things I had totally forgotten, and I'm also a little deeper into what my problem actually is...

And I just have to say theat I'm not used to writing stuff(spess not on English), and I found it kinda hard to get down my thoughts so thee first entry is just a short one..


17.04.2011
Manny years I've belived that Angor was just of my own imagination, but in this past year I've started to belive he might be real.
The reasion for this is that when I think of him, and realy feel him, everything just comes to me. And whatever I feel is that way.
There is a possibility that it's more between heaven and earth than we know of.
One thing I know for shure is that he exist in my heart, and that's enough for me.









First entry:
07/05.09






It's summertime, and the sun colours the skies in a quiet peach colour.
We are sitting quitly on a hill, with the wiew of a lake in a smal wally below us.
Like always I feel he's pressence over in my boddy. Oh, how I love this feeling.
And I enjoy this for a wile befour I start to talk.

"Do you think I will forget you someday?" I say quietly, and then with a stronger voice,
"That I one day just wakes up, and you're no longer in the back of my head..."
He looks at me, smiles a smile that always makes me feel like a child, then he says,
"Well, you most likely will. But woulden't it be a good thing?" he looks out over the wiew and cuntinues,
"That would mean that you're happy and safe, then you won't have anny need for me annymore."
It get quiet again, and I think of the first time I met him.

I can't realy remember how old I was, but I must admit that it happend kinda late.
I guess I was around 10, and at that time I was realy sceard of the dark.
One that when I was walking outside in my hometown, I had to walk trougha poorly lighted place.
At once I feel the fear crawling up my spine and breathing heavily in my neck.
Like always.

Then suddenly a feeling of comfort flows over me from behind, and when I turned there was nothing there.
And the feeling didn't let go untuil I was on the doorstep at my home.

When I come back to the present I realize that I'm almost at tears. Angor's comforting voice brakestrough the silence,
"But at this rate you'll have me for manny years" and then he gives out a quiet laugh.
I think about this some more, as I go over to another part of the subject.
"There's always been tought lingering deap in my mind, that I've never really acknowledged."
Now I look up at him, hoping for confirmation that he had heard what I said. He's stearing into nothing,
then he looks towards me and eases my heart with;
"And what is that?"
I am happy, and feel lucky for having him beside me. And think for myself,
"I would not mind being unhappy for life, if that means you will be here when I die."

I continue,"What if the reason that I'm so unhappy, is beause I need a reasion
for someone to feel sorry for me?"
"How can you make yourself mentally ill?"
"Well, I belive that if you think about something enough, you can somehow trick youre brain to belive it.
And you know how sick I am afther attention."
What do I realy want him to answer?
"Do you ask me of this because you realy belive you have caused your own missfortune,
or do you want me to say that it was nothing you could do?"
"Well, I must say I was hoping a little for that last one..."
I feel patethic, yet again the desire for comforting words and pitty took over, and I asked
such a question knowing that he'll see trough it.

Then he answers my question,"I don't belive that you've acually caused your own missfortune,
But your way of thinking isn't doing annything better. You have to forcefully change that
or you'll never be happy with youreself."


I look out on the wiew again. I wish i culd stay here forever. If I had the chose I porbebly would.
But yet again I leave him here, and reapears in my livingroom as if I never wa gone.









23/02.11

New start

Since I wrote here last I've been distaced from him.
I don't know why, but there has been a time now where it has been hard too feel he's energy, like he was on the bottom of the sea.
But a few week's ago I attended at an alternative meeting (In Noway we use the term alternative for practise like healing and simular). At this meeting we learned about a type of sheltering barrier obtained trough guided meditation.
And trough this meditation I felt a renewed conection with angor, and I want to write down the experience both for myself and annyone out there intrested in reading.

We were first told to imagen ourself looking up at a mountain, here I was on the top of a hill with the mountain in the background with Angor there beside mem like he belonged there. Then we was told to make our way up this mountain, I to his hand, and we walked beside eachother up to the top, never saying a word to eachother. That did not hapend at all trough it all.
At the top we were told to imagen a dark cave leading inn, with a light far in the end. And that we enterd this cave.
At this point I tought fo rmyself that this was a place where he could not folow me, so I let go of his hand and cuntinued alone, but he folowed behind me.

In the end of the tunel we were to imagen a great, green and beautiful wally, and a path leading down from the cave, then folow it.
And so I did, and Angor folowed me, I walked trough this beauty, like nothing I've ever seen befour. and ended up at a smal lake at the end of the road.
After I'm there we get the instructions to imagen a lake like I've just seen, and to take a bath in it, wile graseful creatures dances around.
As I do this Angor sits a the shore, ocupied with something I can't remeber what is, maybe a music instrumen.
And it cuntinued like this throug it all untill I was back at the begining where he stoped, and I knew in my heart that he would wait there for me untuil next time I needed him.

I can feel him again, and I've discoverd that it's in my darkest houers I feel distant from him. I hope I will always feel him.


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