Q: Dear Mystin,
I'm having problems with my boyfriend. He say's he wants time apart to deal with his feelings and has stopped taking my calls. I fear he's going to breakup with me over a text message again & I don't know what to do at this point. I can't lose him. I don't know how I can go without him.
-alwaystextback
A: Dear alwaystextback,
Thank you for writing into my advice column. Listen, it sounds like your boyfriend is a complete jerk & if he's done this before he will do it again. Heed my words, you can do a lot better than him. If he wants time apart, he's probably not going to stick around. You can do a lot better than a guy that breaks up with you in a text. The best parts of you will be strong enough to go on without him. Good luck!
Q: Dear Mystin,
I just finished my college exams and honestly the first thing that came to my head was 'where can I get a good lay?'. I'm really ashamed of myself because I try not to be a guy, but I was so stressed out this week and yeah, that was what I wanted. Am I a horrible person?
-ashamedtwink
A: Dear ashamedtwink,
I can almost assure you that your not the only guy who's wanting to hookup after all those exams. It's not uncommon to want to do something out of the ordinary for 'relief' so to speak. All I can really tell you is whatever you decide, please be safe. If you are going to find a guy to sleep with, make sure it's someone you know or at least trust because that can be tricky. STD's are no joke. Best of luck on your exams.
Q: Dear Mystin,
So I'm musician and I tried out to be on the X-Factor in Dallas. I was not selected but my best friend was. I of course congratulated her but found myself with my head in my hands when I got home ignoring her phone calls. I mean I love and support her, but I wanted us to do this competition together. Do I deserve the bad friend award?
-jealouspitch
A: Dear jealouspitch,
Listen, jealousy between friends especially in competitions is totally normal. It's hard to watch someone succeed or take your place in a situation like this. Basically what you should do is take her calls and be supportive. I understand what a letdown this has been for you, but sabotaging your friend could leave you friendless. What kind of person are you to want someone to support you and not do the same for them? Think about it.
Q: Dear Mystin,
Frankly, my girlfriend is acting like a slut and I'm sick of it! Were taking summer classes to catch up and she comes to summer school dressing like a twit. Now, I know that it's really hot and everything but she likes the attention the guys give her and it hurts me. I feel like I'm not doing enough to make her feel attractive that she has to do this. How can I get the sweet and innocent girl I fell in love with back?
-annoyedatschool
A: Dear annoyedatschool,
Unfortunately for me I don't know what it's like to be involved with someone really attractive lol. What I can tell you is that you haven't done anything wrong so you can stop blaming yourself. Here's the jest of the story, she's most likely not trying to impress the guys, but the girls. Girls like other girls to notice them and so she's probably just trying to fit in. It may seem like she's acting kind of slutty but often times girls need to feel that way because it's just them. People overtime will change and you just have to deal with those changes. No one stays innocent.
Q: Dear Mystin,
I'm having some financial trouble at home and I've resorted to selling everything I have. In doing so I regret that I can't replace a lot of it. I find myself constantly drifting away from others and always crying. I think about how things could be better without me around and I just feel so empty. I'm not suicidal or anything, I just don't know how to shake this emptiness. What do I do?
-barrowedsoul
A: Dear barrowedsoul,
I'm very sorry to hear about your financial problems. I understand how it can affect your whole life and daily activities. What I suggest would be to find an alternative way to make money without selling items that mean something to you. A sign of depression is related to giving or getting rid of items that once meant something to you. When you mention crying and isolating yourself, I think you may have a clinical anxiety disorder and you may consider seeing a therapist or possibly a psychiatrist if you find yourself randomly crying. I can relate to a feeling of emptiness but you must take life by the horns and not let it get you down. Things will get better and this financial slump will be a thing of the past. Please take care of yourself. You are in my prayers.
Q: Dear Mystin,
Please don't laugh but I feel like I'm addicted to sex. I find myself on the internet all the time surfing pornographic websites and I feel like it's ruining my relationship with my girlfriend. I went to a revival to get help only to be insulted and made and example of. Please help me, I don't know what to do.
-sexuallyscared
A: Dear sexuallyscared,
I would never laugh at someones pain firstly. Secondly, before you think your addicted sex you need to know what that all entails. What I'm hearing sounds more like your addicted to internet pornography which is a different issue unless you do have a lot of sex. With that said, the best thing you can for yourself is get the necessary help to overcome your obsession with internet porn. There are so many more important things in life than sex, better things. What's better for you is to get well before you lose your girlfriend, than your self respect, and eventually your mind. If you are in fact addicted to internet pornography or sex you need to speak with a professional because this is not something I have the credential to help you with. Whatever you do decide to do, please be safe and I wish you the very best!
Q: Dear Mystin,
This might be way too intense for you to answer but I am a watcher on the forgotten and you were always so sweet. Story short, I got pregnant and had an abortion and didn't tell my boyfriend because I talked to him & he said he wasn't ready for kids. We have been together for several years and it was a late abortion so now I have to cover my lump and act like I'm fat or something. I'm so ashamed of myself and I don't know if I can live with the fear of him finding out. Can you offer any words of judge free encouragement?
-guiltysoul
A: Dear guiltysoul,
Thank you for trusting me with an issue of this severity. I honestly appreciate it! I read this e-mail over and over and from my understanding even up until the point that you had your abortion you were unsure. Considering the fact that a late abortion can be tricky, you must have had emotions flying throughout you before doing so. I think your very sad, I think your sad because you feel like you gave up your child for a man. Here's the part your not going to want to hear though, in situations this major eventually the truth will come out. You might be thinking, 'No, cause I didn't tell anyone'. If you love him as much as you say you do to give up your baby so he can have his freedom, it must be true love. With that said, at some point in your relationship the guilt from this will cause you to be the one to tell him. It was wrong of you to not tell him and my only judge free encouragement I can give you is to do the right thing. You will have to be ready for the fallout when the truth comes out but holding it in will only hurt your relationship. Keeping secrets this massive and being ok with it means you don't want to be in an honest relationship and frankly if that's the case, you have no right to be with anyone if you like to scheme. Please update me on this in a few months when things settle.
Q: Dear Mystin,
My boyfriend broke up with me and I'm having a hard time getting over him, but that's not the issue. My problem is that my oldest & best guy friend is trying to move in on me just days after this break up. I only see him as a friend and I don't want to hurt him but he has comforted me well during this time. I'm so confused about what to do and I'm afraid if I tell him how I feel he will stop talking to me. What should I do?
-brokenhearted
A: Dear brokenhearted,
I read this like seriously five times. I read it because one part of it stands out to me. You say 'he has comforted me well' and that is the problem. Your in a vulnerable place right now and I honestly do not think he's trying to move in on you. I think that he's supporting you and because you just got out of a relationship your sort of paranoid about any guy. Sometimes if a guy is close to you or hugs you or even wipes your tears, it doesn't make him a creep. It means that he loves you, he cares about, & wants to support you. You specifically say he's your oldest and best guy friend which means he should know better. However, if you really feel that he is trying to force himself on you as a new love interest you should kindly explain to him that your not ready for that and you love him like a brother. If he truly cares about you, he will not hurt but honored by such a compliment. Good luck!
Q: Dear Mystin,
I'm a lesbian and my grandmother is my only family because my parents died in a car accident some years ago. I want to come out to her but I fear being disowned by her. She is from an older conservative time and was raised in a conservative family. I've always been able to talk to her about everything but this just seems like it would be too much. I get sick of constantly being asked why I don't have a boyfriend and told about guys she thinks would be good for me from church. I'm just sick of crying all day and I want everything out in the open but without losing her. Do you have any advice for coming out?
-rainbowtears
A: Dear rainbowtears,
Pull yourself together ok, gosh I just want to grab you and hug you. This is so very personal for me to answer for many reasons. First of all, I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your parents. I am happy though that you have someone in your life that you can share things with. Now onto your question, coming out is different for everyone, it just is. There is no right way to do it and there might be tears, shouts, regret, anger, or even a relief of joy. Every situation is different but I will give you what I feel are the best tips for a situation like this. When you approach your grandmother, remember who she is to you and that she is your family. Your family will never turn their backs on you if they love you unconditionally. Talk to her when you have a lot of time to explain your feelings and for her to ask questions. Often times, family worry that because of this life choice that life will be harder for you but they usually don't hate you. In the event that she does react in a negative way I want you to pick up the phone and call me. I have attached it to your e-mail. I have your back and will do absolutely anything I can to help in this situation because I can relate to it so much. I don't want you to have to go to a mental facility like I did because you were in so much fear of doing it. I want you to flourish and feel better and be proud of who you are so hope for the best, stay positive and remember that adults are not blind to today's society. Your grandmother may know people who are GLBT so be open and honest. Good luck and I love you and please stop crying. Your a beautiful person!
Q: Dear Mystin,
I've been having a lot of relationship issues with my boyfriend and I told him I'm ready for a clean break. In response he told me he was going to kill himself. I told him to do it and told him to quit acting like a little kid. I'm frankly sick of his emo sh** and I just want the guy back I fell in love with, but it's too late for us. He called me last night and told me that he's serious because he can't live without me and I just laughed and hung up on him. His sister texted me that she's very concerned and I am now because he's acting strange. He stopped going to the mall and ignores all his text from friends. I don't know what to do but I am worried, any advice?
-worriedwailer
A: Dear worriedwailer,
Wow, I kinda did a deep sigh when I first read this cause I hate situations like this. Two things though, if someone threatens suicide, don't tell them to do it. Secondly, why are you treating him like dirt when he's clearly in pain? No offense but I'm wondering who's really acting like a little kid. To answer your concerns, you need to report him to the suicide hotline or contact his family, like his sister you mentioned to get involved. I know, sometimes people say things like this just to get a reaction. The difference is that the way in which he's acting, stopping what he once loved and ignoring his friends are a big red flag. I don't know the guy but I can see that he may have been going through a rough patch and you telling him your ready to break up just made it worst. However, I totally understand where your coming from as well and if your not happy, your not happy. You wouldn't have wrote me if you didn't care about him though and mention that you wish things could go back to the way they were. By helping him find someone to talk to, you may be able to fix this relationship. People aren't always being 'emo' when they are sad. I hate that word. Sometimes people are just being human and it was an inconsiderate thing of you to hang up on someone threatening to take his own life. Again, I understand your frustration but look at the big picture from his perspective. Be supportive and less aggressive and he will respect you for it. I can't promise things will get better over night, but you have to take action in a situation like this. A person threatening suicide is not always just being dramatic, he may have a plan and you must get involved. God will shine his light upon him in the darkest days. It's you though who have the power to be understanding and loving. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the very best of luck with this situation.
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