cheese

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Page name: cheese [Logged in view] [RSS]

2006-08-14 02:29:34

Last author: Jewl
Owner: BadCat

# of watchers: 21

Fans: 0

D20: 14

Wiki-page rating	Stumble!
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<img:stuff/Cheese.jpg>
...copy this to display on your housepage...

(Logo by the masterful [Gryph])

Nothing to do with cheese! It's just a tax dodge!

The entrance door is low and anyone much taller than a dwarf must stoop to get in. A fire is burning steadily on one wall, and it spreads a warm glow through the rest of the room. In front of the fire a chess set sits on a small table in between a couple of comfortable looking chairs.
There is a raised area that looks like it would be used as a stage (a fine harp is already set upon it welcoming anyone to play), and beside that is a closed door with a sign nailed to it that reads "Bugger Off!"
To the right of the room a half dozen stools are placed in front of a well polished bar. A wide selection of liquors and inebriating brews are visible on the shelved walls behind.
And to the left, tucked away in the shadows of the last corner is a table bordered by heavy wooden bench seats.
All in all it's a rather small room, but cosy and quite inviting. The proprietors, [Stormy] and [BadCat] are terribly proud of their little establishment.

For previous versions of The Cheese Shop, go to Dead_Cheese ....
Blimey, filling up fast here! Dead_Cheese2 for the next drunken episodes.
Dead_Cheese3 to reminisce about Oompa Loompas and Rocky Horror re-enactments, and something about druggy Elmos and eating sharks.
Bloody hell, Dead_Cheese4 for butterflies, "cookeys" (are nice), and bottled brain matter. Next up: Purple mead, cleaning fluid, and way too many "Oh gosh, I just woke up, how did I get here?"s.
Dead_Cheese5 for proof that Rana is evil, homemade tasers and giant thoughtbubbles.

[Arctik] hurls a screwdriver at Willow. "Don't think so loud, ye flamin' adjective! You don't know what you're musing about." The ceiling once again creaks, and a small plume of silvery, sparking dust trickles from an indeterminate location onto the floor. "Oh shit. Does anyone here know anything about fairies?"

"well they're supposed to die if u say u dont believe in them," suggests [dilandau].

"And their little bones get caught in your mouth," BC adds helpfully.

"And you can pick them up by the arms or legs and pull their wings off," Willow puts in with a devilish grin.

"Yes." Jewl answers from her spot on an unusually ugly purple and lime green cushion which she had been slowly tearing apart, thread by thread. "I know a bit. Why, pixie problems? You know it must have been the sparkly Furbies with the orange bald spots that made this cushion. I mean, come on, everyone knows you don't use Mauve thread in a cross-haired stitch. You use Grey-Pink LAVENDER thread."

Willow raises an incredulous eyebrow at Jewl's statement. "What's the world coming to these days?" she wonders, shaking her head. "You can't trust anyone to do anything right anymore. Nobody knows what the hell they're doing. Tsk."

For lack of anything better to do, Willow spontaneously combusts.

BC wakes up after centuries of slumber. "Ooowah. I feel like Sleeping," she muffles a yawn, "Beauty. My feet are numb, and my mouth tastes like moth balls. It itty bitty type." She stumbles over to the bar and scoops up some stale peanuts from the floor, stuffing them into her mouth. "Mmm, chewy. Who's up for a birthday?"

Willow, having decided to celebrate Halloween not only with sweets and, well, more sweets, but also with a trip to Elftown, stretches her cramped and charred limbs. "Eh, I just had one." She goes to brush a bit of burnt flesh off of her shoulder, and her entire arm collapses into a heap of ash. Her brow furrows curiously. "Well that can't be good."

"Here, have some stickytape. Stickytape will make it better," BC mumbles, handing over a small guinea pig. "If you put cheese with it, it will be even better. Kind of like capsicum sultanas." She dances a quick little jig to prove her point.

"i thought you guys didnt sell cheese," says [dilandau].

"We don't sell it, but we sure as hell eat a lot of it." BC jerks up the leg of her pants to reveal a pale oozing substance on her right shin. "Look! Part of me has turned to brie!" She dips a finger into the goop and slurps it off happily. "Absolutely divine. Anyone wanna taste of cat-brie?"

"Cat-brie? No thanks, I think Jewl-Gouda is better, but unfortunately I have none at the moment..." Jewl says, a small sprinkle of dust coming from the ceiling, where she had been tossed after Willow's explosion.

"just.....ew," [dilandau] says before running to the back to throw up.

"what's this I hear about Cat-Brie?" asks [fungi] curiously as he enters [BadCat]'s and [Stormy]'s fine establishment. I am the famed cheese conosouier, [fungi] (pardon the pun). does anyone want to try my mishcotta?

"I hate cheese," Willow says abruptly, nabbing the guinea pig from BC. She pockets it, just in case she finds a need for it in the future. "I think I'll call him Butter."

[LustForLike] orders pizza - with cheese: and all without making a sound. He gets the impression the person he ordered from was somewhat confused, but puts it down to them not being a pizza delivery company, rather than to his silent ordering; and so he has no reason to suspect his order will not arrive promptly. And with cheese.

Willow, having been resurrected from the dead for the evening for the occasion of possible pizza-eating, wanders around a little bit dazedly and pretends to be a martini.

[Jewl] immediately spots the Willtini, and leaps to the guzzle--- err, I mean, rescue, leaps to the rescue.

2003-03-23 [BadCat]: Hey look! I made the "666"th page version! Devil's a-coming!

2003-03-23 [Stormy]: Git! :)

2003-03-28 [Aristotle]: Hey look! I made the "747"th page version! Airplane's a-coming!

2003-03-29 [Gryph]: watch out for buildings :P

2003-03-29 [SsrVoice]: theres some radio towers in my town you could hit. . . . they make my head hurt :(

2003-03-29 [LustForLike]: stop running into them then ;)

2003-03-29 [SsrVoice]: it gets so complicated with remembering to keep my eyes open and all. .

2003-03-29 [Aristotle]: There's just no way I can keep up with this feverish pace of update. I'm evidently not on Elftown often enough.

2003-03-29 [dilandau]: u need to be on every hour of the day like us. and saji u dont need ur eyes if u learn to be psychic!

2003-03-29 [SsrVoice]: if I learned to be a side kick?? huh?? whaa??

2003-03-29 [dilandau]: no not side kick ,psychic

2003-03-29 [SsrVoice]: oh learn to slide quick. . I suppose that might help me. . . .. somehow. .

2003-03-29 [dilandau]: . . . . .. . . yeah . . . . .. sure

2003-03-29 [SsrVoice]: oh hey dilandau you know what would really help? If I were psychic . .then I would know where the towers all were!. . .yuup

2003-03-29 [dilandau]: yeah u sure are smart saji! man i envy u! ur absolutly brilliant! how did u ever come up with that?

2003-03-29 [SsrVoice]: what can I say .. it's a gift.. ..

2003-03-29 [dilandau]: now all u need is a royal psychic to teach u

2003-03-29 [SsrVoice]: hows a royal side kick going to help me with telepathy?

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: well sidekicks should have powers too shouldnt they?

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: I guess but nothing that out does the main super hero

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: how could anything out do u?

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: I dunno how? :P hehe

2003-03-30 [LustForLike]: *outdoes SsrVoice* that's how ;)

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: and just what are u claiming to outdo her in?

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: lol impossible . . .choose you're words wisely I wouldn't want to have to decapitate you . . . .well I would but . . . I'm sure a few others wouldn't.

2003-03-30 [LustForLike]: sheer brilliance! *beams*

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: I think someones sat to close to the tv for too long . . . .explains the beams . .

2003-03-30 [LustForLike]: not the tv, the microwave... *stares at the food going around and around*

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: ah well that explains it. . . .those little spinny trays are facinating tho. . ..

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: dont make me hungry. im already wanting pizza as it is

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: I had pizza and cheesey bread for dinner. . .it was nummy. . yupyup *smiles coyly at dilandau*

2003-03-30 [LustForLike]: haha! I'm having pizza for dinner tonight! :P

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: u know what saji? i think u like torture a little too much. thats not always a bad thing mind u, but im too hungry for u to talk about pizza.

2003-03-30 [BadCat]: Yup, I'm having pizza too! Marguerita... or however you spell it. As in pizza, not drink. Mmm, cheese....

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: how can you like torture too much????

2003-03-30 [Stormy]: Mmm... pizza!

2003-03-30 [BadCat]: You like torture too much when you let your Loved One inscribe such things as his (or her) name, or "mine" etceteras on your body with knives, hot wax, etceteras. *chuckles darkly*

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: . . . . . . . *looks around the room shyly* . .. . . . . .

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: whats wrong with the hot wax?

2003-03-30 [BadCat]: nothing at all - it was just an example of liking torture too much... I'm all for a bit of hot eax!

2003-03-30 [BadCat]: nothing at all - it was just an example of liking torture too much... I'm all for a bit of hot wax!

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: instead of writing it twice y didnt u just edit the 1st one?

2003-03-30 [LustForLike]: No, that's liking it just enough... liking it too much is letting someone other than your loved one do that ;)

2003-03-30 [SsrVoice]: I agree. . thats liking it too much

2003-03-30 [BadCat]: I didn't notice it submitted itself twice... oops. And yeah, you've got a good point, Git-Face.

2003-03-30 [Stormy]: Stop calling him gitface! :) And I disagree... wax is harmless fun... it gets too bad when you cancel a night out on the town for sitting in a dark room having someone drill holes into your toes.

2003-03-30 [BadCat]: Yes... I can see how that becomes a problem... Geez, woman, how do you think these things up?

2003-03-30 [Gryph]: crazy isn't she.. i've never met her before in my life :o)

2003-03-30 [Stormy]: I don't make these things up... I've been very bored in the past.

2003-03-30 [Gryph]: when did you ever drill holes in someone's toes or vice versa? actually.. don't answer that

2003-03-30 [Stormy]: I wasn't planning on it *evil grin*

2003-03-30 [dilandau]: whats the big deal? doctors drill holes in pples feet all the time. they dont call them drills though, they call them "shots"

2003-03-30 [Aristotle]: Argh! Too late! I had pizza for dinner yesterday, but I guess nobody cares now. Mmmm, deep dish, Chicago pizza. Probably one of the world's most cheesy (litterally) dishes.

2003-03-31 [SsrVoice]: Hey y'all don't knock it til you try it! . . . . . .. . .n git-face¿¿¿ who what where??

2003-03-31 [BadCat]: Git-Face = LustForLike. It's my quaint little way of showing my affection. Ha.

2003-03-31 [SsrVoice]: awwww how . . . . .sweet?¿

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: isnt git that word brittish pple use a lot?

2003-03-31 [BadCat]: Oh isn't it, though? My relationship with Git-Face is very deep and meaningful... *tries not to collapse into helpless laughter*..... *too late*

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: must be a sugar rush from being so "sweet"

2003-03-31 [BadCat]: Uhh, yeah, 'git' is a fairly british word. What can I say, I watch too much Red Dwarf!

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: that shows awsome. i like the cat man

2003-03-31 [BadCat]: Cat is so bloody sexy!!! Quote: "I may be a shallow guy, but I'm a shallow guy with a great ass!" Man, he rocks... *sigh*

2003-03-31 [SsrVoice]: is lost. . . . ."has anyone seen my mommy?" . . .shut up dilandau. . .

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: y saji, whatever do u mean? *stares up at the sky and whistles*

2003-03-31 [BadCat]: *follows dilandau's gaze* What's that? =SPLAT= (ah, good times)

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: now u should know that when u see a bird above u not to keep looking.

2003-03-31 [BadCat]: Not a bird! Giant meteors! Heh, like the "What's that up in the sky?" "Is it a bird?" "Is it a plane?" "NO! IT'S A FUCKING ASTEROID! AARGH!"

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: since when do meteors go splat? dont they go *swoosh---BAOOOM*?

2003-03-31 [SsrVoice]: nooo. . . . . . .it's KABOOM. . .then the peoples go splat haha people go splat. . . .(wonders human demise is so funny to her)

2003-03-31 [Stormy]: And then you have little bits of intestines and brain splattered all over the road... eew! I hate brain splatter!

2003-03-31 [SsrVoice]: brain splatter bad. . . . .blood splatter gooooood. . . .

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: well brain spatter does have a lot of blood spatter that comes with it.

2003-03-31 [Stormy]: Hmm... that's a good point

2003-03-31 [SsrVoice]: true and with good brain splatter everyone can play the fun family classic "pin the evidence sticker on the pituitary gland"

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: or we can pretend its speghetti. . .. . mmmm . . . speghetti.....

2003-03-31 [Stormy]: Food fight!!!

2003-03-31 [dilandau]: takes a handfull of meatloaf and throws it at stormy. " hehe, u asked for it."

2003-03-31 [Aristotle]: "What's that up in the sky?" "Is it a bird?" "Is it a plane?" "No, it's a SUPER BANANA!" Hmm, I'm probably the only one here who's heard the Electric Banana Band anyway. *Starts singing* The door opens on the rocket... The banana commando comes out..." badly translated from Swedish

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: i think ill stay away from any show that has a bannana commando. . . . sounds worse than barney.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: *grabs the banana commando and throws him at [dilandau]*

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: mmmm. . . . .bannanas are tasty though. thanks cutey. . .er . . .stormy.

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: *looks suspiciously at dilandau*

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: well u said she was cute too. besides u have gryph now dont u?

2003-04-01 [Aristotle]: Looks like your love slave is in need of a good decapitation after all, my Queen...

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: well if shes tells me not to flirt i wont, but until then. . . . .

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Hey, you can't decapitate him! I... er... don't want you to!

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: well at least someone likes me :)

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: *laughs histaricly at the confusion* I knew you were the type of guy to go after a girl and when presented with rejection go after her sister . .:P jk. . . Actually I was talking about your comment about bananas lol . .you can flirt with any one you want. . .er. .watch out stormy. . .lol

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Hey, I never said I liked you, you're putting words in my mouth! ;)

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: well ur not sisters until u and gryph get married. and i havent technically went after her yet. and at least i didnt try for both at the same time :P

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: oh yes we are!! we are sisters its one of those back yard alabama things lmao jk. . .went after her?? with a knife?? have you replaced the shrine to me in your closet with one for her?. . .I'm heart broken. ..

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: actually since my roomate moved out i have two closets.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Yet?

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: . . . . .perhaps. . .

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Any skeletons?

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: not at the moment

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: want one of mine?

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: sure. it would help with drawing poses.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: You don't need help with drawing poses, I've seen your bloody artwork!

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: well i always try to do better than b4

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: I hear that!! shut up you modest bastard!!!

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: ur getting better too saji. be proud

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: oh bite me liar. .lol

2003-04-01 [Aristotle]: I have a big, curvy offering dagger sacred to my old math teacher. I really have one. It's really cool, too. My math teacher is a demon from hell, you see.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Umm... yes dear.

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: so what i have a kitana, broadsword, and a turkish knife.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: I could beat that pretty well, but all my weapons are for display. Hit someone with them, they'll probably shatter.

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: well the broadsword is for display, but the kitana and the knife are real. my sis has a dirk.

2003-04-01 [Aristotle]: Kitana? That sounds funny. Is that a baby version of a katana? Anyway, what's important is not what weapons you own, it's what weapons you can wield. I consider myself reasonably skilled in sword, staff and spear. Oh, and unarmed combat, of course.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Oh yeah!?! Well, I consider myself more than reasonable with my teeth, a butter knife and a good pair of nail clippers!

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: haha. . .this is getting interesting

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: u day patato i say potato. and im good with broomsticks without the broom. . . . .i guess thats a staff.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Mmm... I have a craving for chips now, thanks a lot [dilandau]!

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: u and me both

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: mmmmm chips. . .

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: If you haven't tried chips on pizza... I demand that you do!

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: ok i will then.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Ah, good!

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Ah, good! I've converted one person... well, almost. I'll let the taste of pizza and chips finish you off.

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: no sourcream and onion flavor though. i hate those.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: No, the other kind of chips! The hot ones.

2003-04-01 [Aristotle]: I've tried chips on hamburgers, sandwitches and hot dogs, but not yet pizzas. Gotta try that. Are we talking pan pizzas or thin crust ones? Or both?

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Both... chips belong on everything.

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: hot ones? do u mean french fries? if so then i eat them on hamburgers.

2003-04-01 [Stormy]: Yeah, french fries... or whatever the hell you call them there.

2003-04-01 [Aristotle]: Oh, french fries? Sorry, they don't belong on pizzas. Tried it, didn't like it. I still gotta try chips on pizza, though.

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: damn cultural differences. we need one language. . . .or at least a little yellow fish in our ear.

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: nay I say, chips are fries, fries are fries and chips are chips it's the way things are and chips and fries go on everything, theres no doubt about it.

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: not everything. ive never put fries in bannana pudding

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: thats surprising considering your lust for bananas

2003-04-01 [dilandau]: i do not lust after bannanas. . . .. . . i just like the way they feel and taste in my mouth a little is all. . .

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: ooolala . . I feel the same way about _ _ _ _ _[connection terminated]_ _ _ _ _

2003-04-01 [LustForLike]: tease! "User connection terminated does not exist."

2003-04-01 [SsrVoice]: hehehehahahahahahhHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE yes he does. . .in secret he does. . .and he knows who he is. . . . . .no dilandau. . .lol

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: when u say he, do u mean she?

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: yes I mean she. . .

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: damn u just had to put that picture in my head again didnt u? . . . .not that im complaining. *drools*

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: well you know me. . ..I cannot tell a lie. . . . .bah :P

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: yes u can, but theyre always "interesting" ;)

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: aww shucks.. . .hehe. . ....ya know I try my best. . .

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: and u always excede my wildest expectations hehe

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: lol (25) well, thanks. . .

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: no no no thank you

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: alright then your're welcome

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: thank you for saying im welcome

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: you're welcome and thank you for saying thank you when I said you're welcome

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: thank for saying im welcome for me saying thank you to u saying im wlecome

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: aww well you're welcome for saying thank you after I said you're welcome when you said thank you and after I already said you're welcome for the first thank you and thanks again

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: well then thank you for saying thank you and ur welcome for me sayingthank for saying im welcome for me saying thank you to u saying im wlecome

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: naturally ur welcome for saying thank you after I said your welcome when you said thanks and I had previously said ur welcome because you had said thanks for the other times when I said you're welcome and you had said thank you and thanks for saying your welcome when I said thanks

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: well thank you for saying naturally im welcome for saying thank you after u said im welcome when i said thanks and u had previously said im welcome because i had said thanks for the other times when u said i welcome and i had said thank you and ur welcome for saying thanks for saying your welcome when i said thanks

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: . . .hey. . . .anytime. . . . . . . . . . . .and your welcome for saying thank you when I said that you were welcome when I said thanks, because you're alwayse welcom to say thanks when I say you're welcome so thanks for saying you're welcome and you're welcome

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: hahaha ok i give up well have a whole page saying thank you and ur welcome if we dont stop. haha

2003-04-02 [SsrVoice]: thats true

2003-04-02 [dilandau]: u dont think i would lie to u do u?

2003-04-03 [SsrVoice]: who, you???. ...oh no.. you're so honest we all ought to call you abe.

2003-04-03 [dilandau]: nah i dont like that name.

2003-04-03 [SsrVoice]: it so 5 centuries ago. . :P . . . . . .but I'm going to popularize it again. . .oh god am I bored. . . .argh back to school. . .

2003-04-03 [dilandau]: 5 centuries? nah maybe 2, but not 5.

2003-04-03 [BadCat]: more like 2 thousand years ago, not 2 hundred.... ha! I prove you ALL wrong!

2003-04-03 [dilandau]: 2 thousand years ago? so abe was popular in the year 3? ok that makes sense.

2003-04-03 [SsrVoice]: hehe 3. . . .if I weren't to lazy to find out the answer then I would, but honestly I really don't give a damn. . .unless Abe had a collection of victorian stuffed penguins. . ..

2003-04-03 [BadCat]: Well, it all stems from the biblical crap, right? Abraham whatsisface? Some religious guy who.. um.. did stuff? Not very up to date on my bible stories! Actually... what the hell DID Abraham do? Oh wait! Maybe he was the guy who had to sacrifice his son to prove his love for god..? Or was that some other weird old guy in a desert?

2003-04-03 [BadCat]: Wankaland..??? Hahah!!! Hey, I love it! That is so funny!

2003-04-03 [dilandau]: for someone that lives in the bible belt i dont know too much about it. i used to, but i havent read that book in a loooooong time. and when i did it was revelations. revelations is cool.

2003-04-03 [SsrVoice]: the bibles too big with too many tiny words for me to read it. . plus theres not enough talking dogs in it for me. .. . . and you're invited when I have my wonkaland badcat!

2003-04-03 [BadCat]: Nah, the Song of Solomon is cool! That is so dirty!! *giggles immaturely*

2003-04-03 [BadCat]: "Wonkaland" isn't nearly as interesting-sounding as "wAnkaland"...

2003-04-03 [dilandau]: there is a talking bush in it *thinks of a dirty joke and gets hit by lightning* and am i invited too?

2003-04-03 [SsrVoice]: lol yes, I know. . . thanks alot jamesy. . :P

2003-04-03 [dilandau]: your welcome. . . .even though i dont know what ur thanking me 4

2003-04-03 [SsrVoice]: well thanks for saying I'm welcome when I said thank you. .. (psst. . mr. wankaland)

2003-04-03 [BadCat]: No! Not again! You two stop it right now! No more thanking you for welcomes for the thank-yous to the original your-welcomes in the second place or anything!!

2003-04-03 [dilandau]: i am not going to start that again. and i fixed the spelling. i didnt mean to write it like that. haha

2003-04-03 [BadCat]: *chuckles* I don't know, I think Wankaland would be a lot better - mind, the target market would be a bunch of creeps... hmmm...