Don’t Ever Leave Me
Fullmetal Alchemist



The day had started like any other… Edward, feeling antsy from the lack of work to do and had decided to go for a walk, accompanied by Den, a childhood friend in the form of mans best friend. Edward walked quietly, his hands in his pockets, golden orbs raised to stare at the heavens azure tireless gaze. The clouds were absent this day, chased off by the suns enthusiastic rays of sunshine. In the distance he could hear the churning water of the river. It was mostly calm, and tranquil through most of its journey, though for half a mile it was nothing but roaring, foaming waters. Dangerous at this point, a bridge had been constructed over it in case of being inconvenienced by flooding from the lower parts of the river.

They had acquired the stone, Edward and Alphonse had. Somehow… they had come across the real thing… Though whenever Edward touched it, he was always assaulted with memories of the gate… the sickening yellow light, the hostile, accusing glares of all the eyes… The images of wars, of sickness, of plagues forced their way into his thoughts… He couldn’t even hold the stone… The images had started subtle, but with each touch they had, the images hurt more, grabbed at his heart, his mind and his soul…and seemed to take a part of him every time the stone had been forced out his clutching, twisted hands. Alphonse was afraid to use the stone, now… Afraid that somehow Edward and the Gate shared a bond too strong, and in opening the gate together to retrieve his body and Edwards limbs, Ed may lose his sanity.

Ed sighed softly as they made their way to the bridge, and upon reaching it he leaned against the railing, staring down at the thirty foot something drop into the churning water beneath. He sighed softly, dropping his head onto his arm, and staring almost longingly down at the water….

It was weird, really. Edwards’ emotions, that is. He could fluctuate between enthusiastic and temperamental, to quiet, distant and sad in only seconds. The life he led could probably be blamed for his emotional rollercoaster. Though, with a sigh, he realized it was nothing short of what he had expected. His father had left when he was young, and he hated him for that. And his mother… Well, she had died shortly thereafter, far too early for Edward and his little brother Alphonse. As fate would have it, them being blessed with the cursed knowledge of alchemy at such a young age no doubt accented by their fathers’ brilliance with the work. Their familiarity with it however got the best of them…and the two brothers had tried a forbidden practice. To resurrect the dead. To bring back their dead mother.

In the end, Alphonse had lost his body, and Edward had lost a leg and arm. A small price to pay, Edward felt, then what his brother had lost. Soon after he had joined the military… a twelve year old genius among the hardened battle-strong State Alchemist. He had promised to take the bad with the good in joining the State…but he had never imagined all he horrors that would accompany him and haunt him.

He saw Nina, the sweet, fun-loving daughter of the Sewing-life Alchemist, the man they had stayed with during their studying for the State Alchemy Exam… He saw her now only as a chimera. In pain, but as childish antics would have it, accepting her pain and wanting nothing more then to please her father, and…continue to be a little girl. Though… she could never be that young girl again… He could still vividly remember the blood-stained alley… It was dark still, the blood, even against the night sky and the wet concrete wall. The rain had sent it streaking to the ground in a watery mess that had collected around his boots, staining them with his sin.

Edward shook his head, rubbing his eyes. The image still haunted him... as did so many others. He had stared death in the face so many times… He had felt terror, felt overwhelmed with emotions far too advanced for his still young mind… Things that had scarred him and brought nightmares to him even today.

"What would happen..." Ed said softly, suddenly to Den, "do you think if... If I was gone suddenly?" The dogs ears went back and he looked up at him in a confused sort of state due to the Elrics painful tone. "Alphonse has the stone now...and I know he's smart enough to figure out how to get his body back." He leaned forward on the bridges railing, his feet coming off the ground as his upper body teetered dangerously towards the river below. "But... I suppose... I would be breaking my promise to him...to get his body back." He said with a sigh, the tips of his toes touching down to the ground again. He sighed louder, dropping his face into his hand. "I just don't know what to do any more. I've failed as a brother…failed as a human being... So many failures..." he muttered, shaking his head slightly.

He could see their faces… All those terrified faces he had seen… The ones he had killed to save himself… the ones that had killed themselves… to end their suffering. He had watched people die, helpless and powerless to save them… He had started a war, a war that had claimed thousands of lives…

Ed lifted his head, his eyes blank, his lips curving into a soft frown. Quietly he swung one of his legs up onto the railing, flinching as Den barked nervously at him. With a sigh he pulled his other leg over, his legs daggling over the drop towards the water. Shaking he looked down at the water, his knuckles on his hand white from gripping the railing too tightly.

He hadn’t contemplated death too much… He had never put it into much consideration… Sure, the thought was terrifying… But sometimes the thought of I made him numb. Was there any feeling anymore? Was there still suffering? Hurt? Sadness? What about happiness? Love? Would he remember anything?

Ed was surprised to see that he was crying silently and he reached up to touch the tears, blinking widely. He made a soft, sad noise, dropping his hand back to the railing. Slowly he eased his feet down the slight edge of the bridge on the outside, until he was standing, trembling on the edge, his hand clenched around the railing, his back pressed against it.

His breath was catching in his throat, painful sobs raking his chest. His fingers began to loosen, as he leaned forward, away from the bridges edge. He felt his body growing weak, trembling with fear and anticipation. He didn’t know what to think… The river was sure to wash him away without a trace…to perhaps carry him miles, until washing his body up river somewhere…Edward shuddered at the thought, his knees buckling. With a terrified gasp he clutched the railing behind him, easing his heels back onto the tiny ledge.

“Edward?” a soft, trembling voice asked.

Edwards head snapped to one side, as he saw Winry, her blue eyes wide, terrified, her mouth open slightly, lips trembling. With Alphonse, standing next to her, a shadow of horror marring his seemingly stoic armored face.

Edward felt his grip loosening, somewhat from shock, and from the desire to get away from their accusing stares. But before his body could obey to his minds screams of “let go” Alphonse had snatched him around the waist and pulled him back over the railing in one easy motion. He set Edward gently on the ground, turning him around to stare at his brothers face.

Edward could no longer feel his legs and he felt himself falling. “Edward?” He heard Alphonses terrified and worried voice. “Edward?”

Then slowly his vision faded and he willing welcomed the blackness.

~*~

When he woke again, he was laying in a bed, the sheets pulled up to his chin. He was on his side, facing the wall, and the lights were dimmed. Even though he couldn’t see the rest of the room, he sensed that he wasn’t alone. He tried to stay still, tried to keep his breathing at a deep, slow pace, but his mind had shifted into high gear.

What was he going to do? What was he going to say? And Alphonse… What…what would Alphonse say? What would Winry say? What would they do? Would they throw him in some sort of…insanity asylum and hope he got better?

“Brother…?” Al said softly, noticing his brothers trembling under the sheets. Edward went still. “Brother… I want to know why.”

It was a simple request… Said softly, kindly, but sternly… Ed pressed his face into the pillow, his eyes aching with unshed tears. He had no idea what to say… His fingers clenched around the blanket, pulling them tightly to his lips. What could he possibly say to justify his actions?

“Edward… is it really that bad?” Winry was saying quietly, her voice hurt. Her eyes were staring quietly at her lap, filled with tears. Her fingers fidgeted with the end of her black skirt, tirelessly turning the fabric over and over between them.

Edward took a slow deep breath, wishing none of this had happened. Wishing he had just stayed on the other side of the bridge, locked down his sorrow, and thrown on a happy face for the rest of his days… Or at least until Alphonse was back to normal.

“Al?” Winry said softly, sharply, her voice alarmed. Edward turned slightly, hearing the clink of metal as his brother removed the helmet of his armor. “Al, what are you doing?” Winrys’ voice had become more panicked.

Finally Edward turned enough to see his brother and with a startled cry he sat up. Alphonse had his thumb pressed to his blood seal, his other hand resting in his lap. “Alphonse!” Ed screamed, scrambling out of the bed and latching onto the upraised arm. He tugged fiercely at the arm, screaming, “Alphonse, please, no.” Over and over, terrified, tears streaming down his face. “ALPHONSE!” He screamed desperately, wrenching harder.

“This is how I felt, Edward. But I have no physical body, so I can’t cry like you are…” Al said softly, though he made no motion to remove his thumb from his anchoring seal.

“Al…Please…stop.” Ed managed between painful sobs, “Please, don’t. I don’t want to lose you.” He tugged urgently still on his brothers arm. At one particular tug, Alphonses arm slipped away limply, his arms coming to rest at his sides, motionless. Edward, stared, eyes wide, his mouth opened slightly, eyes searching back and forth waiting for motion. “Al?” he whispered horrified, sitting forward, and touching his brothers armored shoulder lightly. “Alphonse?” His voice broke and he screamed again, shaking his brother urgently, “Damn it, Alphonse. Answer me!”

“You see…brother…” Al said after a moment, and Edward sobbed harder with overwhelming relief, clawing at his brothers’ arm to pull it close to his chest and hugging it tightly, pressing his face to it. “I felt just like you do…on the inside… but I can’t cry… I can’t show my emotions… Not anymore.” He reached out to grab his armored helmet and set it back in place with a soft click. He reached over to lift his brothers’ chin up, “Edward, we’re all the family we have left. I can’t lose you, and I know you can’t lose me. Don’t….ever leave me, Ed.” His eyes were glowing with an acute sadness that Edward couldn’t help but notice. “I want my body back, Ed. I want us to be like how we were before that day. Whole… Together…”

“I’m sorry, Al…” Ed whispered, trembling as he reached out to wrap his arms around his brothers’ armored neck. “I’m sorry...” He whispered again, dropping his face against the cold steel and closing his eyes.

Alphonse smiled inwardly, hugging his brother, though not physically feeling it, he felt the love in it all the same. “I know you are, Ed…” He replied quietly. “Don’t leave me…” He said again, softly, sadly. “Please, don’t….”

“I won’t…” Ed promised, nodding slightly. “I promise…”

[Ramirez]



Back to: Ramirez's Art