After careful scientific experiments, countless research, and a few beers, Dears has discovered the lost secrets of Gackt's movements. And now, I proudly present:How to Dance Like Gackt

Dance #1: The 'I'm in the middle of a desert jerking around like I'm having a seizure' dance
This dance is made famous in the PV for Gackt's song 'Miserable'. Here are 3 easy steps to mastering this strangely hypnotic dance.
¤ Dress in all back, long sleeves and long pants.
¤ Stand in a blazing hot desert for 10 hours
¤ Move around to the dancing orange hippo and bearded giraffe that appear out of the long limo being driven by a skunk.

Dance #2: The 'Nyah nyah behold as I dance with 20 other people in strange cat costumes' dance
This dance is made famous in both the Mars and RR tour for Gackt's song 'U+K'. Here are 5 easy steps to mastering this fun fun dance.
¤ Gather up people willing to dance in large cat costumes
¤ Hop on one foot. A lot. Get used to it.
¤ Knock on random people's doors to get the hand movements down. Make sure to run before they open the door
¤ Buy some nice, strong liquor (if underage, steal some from your parents)...(ok, not really)
¤ After a nice shots game "Take a drink whenever Gackt makes some sort of sexual innuendo", you'll be drunk enough to master the movements you've practiced for so long


Dance #3: The 'OMK, Gackt CAN dance' dance.
I forever beg forgiveness for not thinkin my favorite hot Japanese singer can dance, as I behold him shaking his sweet sweet little tushy during 'Papa Lapped a Pap Lopped'. And here are 4 easy steps to learning the dance that makes me sweat XD
¤ Get back up dancers. Make sure THEY..can dance
¤ Get some baggy orange pants and a red shirt with a black vest sorta attached on.
¤ Watch carefully, for HOURS, Gackt do his thing. Be sure to mop up any drool you may discharge.
¤ Hire a dancer to teach you the steps, seeming as you never *really* paid attention to the *movement* of the dancers, and instead the *movement* of Gackt.


Dance #4: The 'Everyone, free love, hump your band mate!' dance.
This is the most simplest of dances, made very famous in the Mars tour, during 'Vanilla'. Two steps is all you need!
¤ Get someone like Masa to be a guitar player. I'm serious, he's so adorable you wanna hump his leg.
¤ ...Hump his leg...and him for that matter.


Dance #5: The 'I'm the Desert Gymnastics Champ!' dance.
This...dance, of sorts, can be seen during the PV for Gackt's song 'Oasis'. Yeah, the one where he's in a paper bag. Here are 3 steps to mastering this..dance?
¤ Get a nice potato sack or paper back, and make it into your outfit.
¤ Get some weird chick to stand up occasionally during the PV, and a little kid.
¤ RUN AWAY FROM THE CHICK AND KID! THEY'RE ALIENS! REALLY! Trip and do flips, just GET AWAY!!!!!


Dance #6: The 'Seizure-seizure-seizure-seizure-seizure' dance
This movement can be seen for pretty much the entire beginning of the Requiem Concert. One quick step!
¤ Design your lighting to cause seizures in the dark. Watch lights. But don't watch them in the dark at home, you'll get a headache...


Dance #7: The 'I'm The Prince of Fuckin Darkness, I should NOT dance to Mickey Mouse" dance.
Ok, maybe he's not the Prince of Fuckin Darkness (OK, maybe Ozzy is), but still, seeing him dance to the Mickey Mouse theme is pretty funny. And you, too, can look like a goofball by following these simple 4 steps.
¤ Get drunk
¤ Get together with a strange man who always seems too happy for his own good.
¤ Have him pay you a lot of money, and make sure you're very sure of yourself.
¤ Let him show you, along with other people, a strange dance to a techno "Mickey Mouse" theme


Dance #8: The 'Drunken Fist' dance.
So, this is sort of a real dance, not really a dance dance, but...it's still fun to do. And here are the 3 steps to mastering this dance.
¤ Get drunk
¤ Point at the puddle of vomit on your right you just threw up from drinking too much
¤ With cup in hand, swig another drunk of your alcohol, hold your glass up, and say "Mou Ippai!"


Dance #9: The 'Ah! I am being attacked by Ninjas' dance.
I consider this a dance, you consider this a dance, and while we all want to do it, we gotta go through the steps. More specifically, these 4 steps.
¤ You gotta jerk around. A lot. Going front and back with your shoulders. Work it.
¤ Put down your microphone. You could hurt someone with that thing, you know.
¤ OH NO! THOSE STATUE NINJAS HAVE COME TO LIFE! FIGHT THEM! DEFEND YOURSELF! Do some high kicks and ducks.
¤ In the end, you'll discover, the ninja's just wanna dance to. So, start again from step one.


Dance #10: The 'Shake-a Shake-a Shake-a' dance
This adorable dance was the substitute for the classic "Nyah Nyah!" dance during Soleil. Three quick steps to mastering this very adorable dance.
¤ First, go to the front of the stage with your best pal and do some weird hand dancey thing that's hard to explain in one step.
¤ Then, as the music dies down, look at eachother while your other pals get up to where you are.
¤ Lastly, SHAKE-A! Stick your ass out as far as you can and shake it like you're buffing a car.

Dance #11: The 'Gackt Sandwich' Vanilla version dance - courtesy of [iggi]
¤ Get a couple of really cute guitarists.
¤ Wear some really tight animal print trousers.
¤ Go to the front of the stage and stand sideways on to the audience.
¤ Make one guitarist to stand in front of you and one to stand behind you.
¤ Making sure your hips are firmly stuck to the butt of the guitarist in front do a jiggy kind of side to side thing at the same time as your two guitarists.

Dance #12: The 'Gackt Sandwich' Malice Mizer version dance - courtesy of [iggi]
¤ Get a transvestite and a weirdo.
¤ Stick the weirdo behind you and make him hug you.
¤ Make the transvestite to kneel in front of you and to stick their face in your crotch.
¤ Now grind.
¤ Listen to the fans scream.

Dance #13: The 'We're all freaky-cool dolls' dance - courtesy of [iggi]
¤ Again take the transvestite and the weirdo.
¤ This time, however, make sure the transvestite looks like a gothic dollfie version of little bo peep.
¤ The weirdo should be dressed like a clown.
¤ You yourself should wear something very debonair and classy like a long black coat with a cloak embroidered with gold.
¤ As the weirdo and the transvestite stiffly stand around gesture to them and wave your arms occassionally... also sticking in the odd spin (Man! That looks so cool with your nice coat!)
¤ When the chorus comes you and the weirdo and the transvestite walk around, wave your arms gracefully to your right then spin around and clap your hands twice.

Dance #14: The 'Damn I wanna skrew the speakers but I'll molest a transvestite instead' dance - courtesy of [iggi]
¤ Have a VERY pervy song... like Illuminati
¤ Wear lots of black PVC and fishnet, preferably showing off your legs.
¤ Sit on the speaker or something that looks like it with your legs apart and swing your head and upper body from side to side.
¤ Go up to the transvestite who is also wearing lots of black PVC and fishnet and showing off their legs and while they conveniently stand with their arms in the air, stroke them and stand behind them lingering down by the hips.
¤ If you can look like you're about to rip the dress off with your teeth that is always a plus.
¤ Giving up with the transvestite, let the other bandmembers play with their bondage girls while you go back to the speakers and repeat step 3.

Dance #15: The 'Mmm... microphone stand... lick' dance - courtesy of [iggi]
¤ Have a microphone stand and crouch behind it.
¤ As the lovely music starts get up veeeeery slowly and sing, waving your arms about exotically a bit.
¤ As you sing into the mic look like you want to snog it.
¤ Trace your hands alonmg the stand sensually.
¤ During the instrumental slide down again as sexually as possible and lick the microphone stand so that people like [iggi] want to BE the microphone stand...

Dance #16: The 'Stage masturbation' dance - courtesy of [iggi]
¤ Play speedmaster.
¤ Kneel on the floor with your legs appart
¤ Gyrate
¤ Thust
¤ Put your hand in a suggestive place
¤ At the end of the song look very seductive and lick your finger
¤ Mmmmmmm....

More to come as I work tirelessly to get you the cool moves of our favorite Japanese Idol.

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